Problems with manager at work

[TheIronQueen]

The other day at work (i work at a grocery store), I was having a technical issue with a coupon at my terminal that needed a manager's approval before I could continue with the order. I paged the manager on duty to my terminal, and she took a very long time in getting there. She was in the back of the building smoking and taking her sweet time to get up to the front. When she finally got up there 10 minutes after I originally paged her, the customer was very irritated. The manager knew the issue was simply that I needed her to approve of the coupon. She started rubbing my back and patting me, telling me it would be okay. She started telling the customer that the issue was that I am deaf... and that is why the service took so long to be rendered.
What?!
Besides this, this manager treats me like a child. One time she grabbed me by the waist and led me away from a job I was assigned to do because she didn't like me working with my best friend. She touches me on the head, on the back, on the arm. She is extremely condescending and leaves some of my coworkers in a bit of shock by the way she treats me.

How can I handle this?

 

[Jiro]

address this issue to your manager that it is against the law for employer to touch you.

 

[RedheadGrrl]

Thats sexual harrassment. Ya better tell the manager to not touch you or ull file sexual harrassment against her.. OR you should talk to the supervisor of the store.

 

[shel90]

Go to the person above her because that is illegal and by making a statement about why the problem took so long due to your deafness is discriminating and could be grounds for a lawsuit. It is almost like sexual harrassment only your deafness is being used.

 

[Jiro]

Thats sexual harrassment. Ya better tell the manager to not touch you or ull file sexual harrassment against her.. OR you should talk to the supervisor of the store.

but.... it's a female manager... she's just touching her in condescending way, not in a sexual harassment manner. The manager is the supervisor of the store so firstly - just address this issue to her and if she's being combatant/threatening about it.... then step it up to her supervisor. I think it's called regional manager? or district manager?

Filing sexual harassment against employer/manager is not easy and it's difficult. It has to be substantiated with evidence. If there is no record of complaints or no pattern of complaints or no corroborating witnesses, then she's not going to win this. IronQueen will simply lose her job.

It sucks big time but that's how it works in USA. It's understandable to be this difficult because think about how many people would go to jail or fired if it's that easy to file a sexual harassment. In most cases - it's usually very trivial or overly sensitive like I touch you on the shoulder and you conceived it as sexual harassment. Or maybe I look at you from distance like a dirty old man because you're wearing a skirt and you may or may not have an imagination that I actually winked at you like a pervert.

 

[AlleyCat]

but.... it's a female manager... she's just touching her in condescending way, not in a sexual harassment manner. The manager is the supervisor of the store so firstly - just address this issue to her and if she's being combatant/threatening about it.... then step it up to her supervisor. I think it's called regional manager? or district manager?

Filing sexual harassment against employer/manager is not easy and it's difficult. It has to be substantiated with evidence. If there is no record of complaints or no pattern of complaints or no corroborating witnesses, then she's not going to win this. IronQueen will simply lose her job.

It doesn't matter whether it was in a condescending manner or in a sexual manner, the manager doesn't have a right to touch an employee in any way that makes the employee uncomfortable.

I disagree that IronQueen would simply lose her job because of filing a complaint. More and more companies nowadays are being far more proactive about sexual harrassment complaints. IronQueen should not have to feel afraid to step up and say something. And if she does lose her job because of filing a complaint, then she's got grounds for a lawsuit. And most employers know that.

 

[Jiro]

It doesn't matter whether it was in a condescending manner or in a sexual manner, the manager doesn't have a right to touch an employee in any way that makes the employee uncomfortable.

I disagree that IronQueen would simply lose her job because of filing a complaint. More and more companies nowadays are being far more proactive about sexual harrassment complaints. IronQueen should not have to feel afraid to step up and say something. And if she does lose her job because of filing a complaint, then she's got grounds for a lawsuit. And most employers know that.

which is what I said in the beginning. It is AGAINST the law for employer to touch employee in any way. I was just correcting a couple of people as they thought it's sexual harassment because it's usually between opposite sex or in inappropriate sexual behavior by both parties (regardless of gender).

IronQueen should step up and address this issue to her manager that the law prohibits employer from touching the employee. If the manager laughed at her or ignored her.... then IronQueen should file a complaint or notify the manager's supervisor. It's best to have a witness around to verify IronQueen's complaint/notification to her manager because that way - filing the complaint with corroborating witness against manager would be lot easier for her and the action will be taken immediately.

 

[AlleyCat]

.....The manager knew the issue was simply that I needed her to approve of the coupon. She started rubbing my back and patting me, telling me it would be okay. She started telling the customer that the issue was that I am deaf... and that is why the service took so long to be rendered. Besides this, this manager treats me like a child. One time she grabbed me by the waist and led me away from a job I was assigned to do because she didn't like me working with my best friend. She touches me on the head, on the back, on the arm. She is extremely condescending and leaves some of my coworkers in a bit of shock by the way she treats me.

How can I handle this?

IronQueen, if you're worried about any ramifications if you try to talk to your manager about this, consider contacting your closest ADA office. Sometimes a simple phone call there can help take care of matters. They may be able to contact your employer and find out what's going on and straighten out matters. An advantage to this is that once the ADA office contacts your employer, your employer will take steps to make sure nothing happens to your job because they're well aware that outside forces are looking into this. I get the feeling you may live in a smaller town or work in a smaller grocery store hence why you're getting this behavior from your manager, and it's entirely inappropriate of her to treat you in this manner.

(I'm speaking from experience -- my ex-husband was refused a TTY at work years ago. He contacted the ADA offices (in St. Paul, MN) and they made some phone calls to his employer to find out what the situation was, and they all got it resolved. It was quite quick and handled professionally.)

 

[ClearSky]

I would bend that person's hand if I could.

If I were you, I'd tell her straight in front of others that you do not like being touched at all whether rubbed, patted or whatever. Next time she touches you and you feel uncomfortable, tell her that you will appreciate it if she stopped touching you in ANY way.

Also, you need to bring up that incident to someone. That is not right for her to use your deafness as an excuse. I'd have said something on that spot in front of the customer like, "what does my deafness have anything to do with this? I paged you so you could approve the coupons!" She sounds disgusting!

IronQueen DOES have evidence. She states that other co-workers see her treating her like a child including touching her waist? What?!

Please IronQueen, plan to talk to someone above her and have your best friend help you out if at all possible. Mention this nasty behavior of her taking 10 minutes for the coupon.

She needs to be fired. I don't think she likes her job.

Please let us know how it goes. I hope this matter is addressed and that you will be able to work comfortable like everyone else deserves.

 

[AlleyCat]

If you need help finding your closest ADA office, check out DBTAC National Network of ADA Centers. Of course, if you think you can get this resolved yourself at work, and are comfortable doing so, then try. Otherwise if you want to take it outside work, the link above will help you.

 

[Jiro]

If you need help finding your closest ADA office, check out DBTAC National Network of ADA Centers. Of course, if you think you can get this resolved yourself at work, and are comfortable doing so, then try. Otherwise if you want to take it outside work, the link above will help you.

lol it's not going to help her anyway. it costs unnecessary time and money. it'll take months to get it processed. it's not worth a trouble to do this with ADA for some $8/hr job and ADA is not going to help you much either if this is an isolated case unless that manager has history of this violations/complaints.

You're getting way too far ahead. let's just calm down and deal with it step by step. First - talk to manager... if no good, talk to her supervisor... if no good, then file a complaint... if no good, threaten a lawsuit... if no good, then just quit the fuck outta there and get a new job.

 

[AlleyCat]

lol it's not going to help her anyway. it costs unnecessary time and money. it'll take months to get it processed. it's not worth a trouble to do this with ADA for some $8/hr job and ADA is not going to help you much either if this is an isolated case unless that manager has history of this violations/complaints.

You're getting way too far ahead. let's just calm down and deal with it step by step. First - talk to manager... if no good, talk to her supervisor... if no good, then file a complaint... if no good, threaten a lawsuit... if no good, then just quit the fuck outta there and get a new job.

Interesting. I could see that someone like you could be a part of the problem in today's society in regards to helping those who need it. Even if contacting her local ADA office ends up not helping her, I offered it as a potential solution. (It doesn't have to cost a single penny, by the way. It didn't, for us. Just some simple phone calls resolved this entirely. If you haven't contacted your local ADA office and been through a process like this yourself, then you don't know what you're talking about. I spoke from personal experience.)

And, I specificially said "Of course, if you think you can get this resolved yourself at work, and are comfortable doing so, then try." She asked for advice/help and we're trying to give her potential solutions. If talking to her managers, supervisors don't help, then she is entitled to know what other options she has. Just "quit the fuck outta there and get a new job" as you said may NOT be an option for her. Geez.

 

[Jiro]

Interesting. I could see that someone like you could be a part of the problem in today's society in regards to helping those who need it. Even if contacting her local ADA office ends up not helping her, I offered it as a potential solution. (It doesn't have to cost a single penny, by the way. It didn't, for us. Just some simple phone calls resolved this entirely. If you haven't contacted your local ADA office and been through a process like this yourself, then you don't know what you're talking about. I spoke from personal experience.)

And, I specificially said "Of course, if you think you can get this resolved yourself at work, and are comfortable doing so, then try." She asked for advice/help and we're trying to give her potential solutions. If talking to her managers, supervisors don't help, then she is entitled to know what other options she has. Just "quit the fuck outta there and get a new job" as you said may NOT be an option for her. Geez.

The reason why I haven't contacted my local ADA yet is because I resolve it with my supervisor amicably. No problems so far. I don't come to forum and ask for advice like this because I can deal with it myself and confront them. Just look at my avatar and you'll understand. I say it aloud if I don't like something. If my boss touched me like that, simple - "excuse me ma'am. please do not touch me. thank you."

and please... you want to go thru the whole trouble for an $8/hr job? :roll: but hey - ain't nobody stopping you from doing it.

she asked for advice... I gave her a simple and realistic advice... what you told her is troublesome and unnecessary. but hey... if she wanna do it, go ahead.

 

[ClearSky]

jiro, it's wonderful that you have such confidence, but not everyone is like you. While I agree that it is a good idea to address the matter by starting with her manager, I still think that IronQueen deserves to know all of her other options.

You failed to read that IronQueen definitely has witnesses. She's got co-workers and a best friend who has seen what this nasty manager does. Nothing wrong with trying to get other people to help. Hey, and if there is a camera taping her register, this is an evidence she can use if the manager tries to lie.

I think it's worth trying to address this nasty manager's behavior before throwing in the towel. It is likely that this could easily resolve itself, but IronQueen deserves to know her other options to take.

 

[Chase]

Just look at my avatar and you'll understand.

Your reference to the cartoon of the thick-neck wearing the military campaign hat is cryptic.

Are you claiming to be an ex-marine drill sergeant . . . or an ex-member of an army rifle or pistol team? I'm the latter, which gave me the right to wear the military campaign hat. Which claim is yours?

Even so, bully tactics may not work the best for everyone on all occasions.

 

[Jiro]

jiro, it's wonderful that you have such confidence, but not everyone is like you. While I agree that it is a good idea to address the matter by starting with her manager, I still think that IronQueen deserves to know all of her other options.

You failed to read that IronQueen definitely has witnesses. She's got co-workers and a best friend who has seen what this nasty manager does. Nothing wrong with trying to get other people to help. Hey, and if there is a camera taping her register, this is an evidence she can use if the manager tries to lie.

I think it's worth trying to address this nasty manager's behavior before throwing in the towel. It is likely that this could easily resolve itself, but IronQueen deserves to know her other options to take.

I merely gave her an advice to start. rest of you did not - you went too far by saying - file a sexual harassment suit! sue her! call ADA!

Your reference to the cartoon of the thick-neck wearing the military campaign hat is cryptic.

Are you claiming to be an ex-marine drill sergeant . . . or an ex-member of an army rifle or pistol team? I'm the latter, which gave me the right to wear the military campaign hat. Which claim is yours?

Even so, bully tactics may not work the best for everyone on all occasions.

lol I'm neither. Not a bully tactic but to handle the matter yourself with confidence first, not cry to someone to fix it for you.

 

[Chase]

Not a bully tactic but to handle the matter yourself with confidence first, not cry to someone to fix it for you.

Not everyone is a loud-mouth with muscles to intimidate. In many jobs, that tactic is counterproductive. Going through proper chanels is far from "crying"; often it's the only way to get things done.

I agree you should speak first to whomever wrongs you on-the-job, but if that tactic fails to get results, then going up the chain of command isn't "crying." It's proper grievance.

 

[ClearSky]

I merely gave her an advice to start. rest of you did not - you went too far by saying - file a sexual harassment suit! sue her! call ADA!

I never suggested filing for sexual harassment or calling the ADA, but I do know there are steps you can take and protect yourself at work.

 

[Jiro]

Not everyone is a loud-mouth with muscles to intimidate. In many jobs, that tactic is counterproductive. Going through proper chanels is far from "crying"; often it's the only way to get things done.

I agree you should speak first to whomever wrongs you on-the-job, but if that tactic fails to get results, then going up the chain of command isn't "crying." It's proper grievance.

You don't need to be muscular loud-mouth to deal with it but with confidence. Just a skinny guy with mentality of bulldog Since you mentioned going thru proper channels... that is what I was trying to explain. Rest was giving advices that goes from Point A to Point C without going thru Point B first.

and btw - I think this is ridiculous to call this a sexual harassment when it's 2 females unless the manager is lesbian and/or is interested in her sexually.

 

[Matilda]

That would have been a humiliating experience for you, IronQueen with this manageress' condescending attitude towards you, especially in front of the public and staff.

Yes, as Chase said, going up the chain of command in your workplace to air your grievance is the best thing to do.