Problem with a co-worker

[Steinhauer]

As I am writing this, none of my supervisors have been told of this situation. I work with someone that shall remain unnamed. This person is from Queens, NY and speaks very fast. I am severely hearing impaired and often cannot understand what he is saying. I have, in the past, explained to him that I cannot understand what he is saying unless I am looking at him.

He finds this amusing.

When no one is around, he will intentionally mess with me because he thinks it is hilarious. He does not do this all the time, and other times, he is friendly.

By "messing with me" what I mean is, he will intentionally lower his voice and speak very fast and giggle when I ask him to repeat himself. He apparently does not understand that I cannot really hear him (I speak very clearly and I think that confuses him).

He has asked me why I wear hearing aids if they don't really help me understand speech. I have explained to him that I have problems understanding speech, that my speech discrimination is not good. I also explained to him that while I may understand another person quite clearly, and not him specifically, is because the other person is looking at me and speaking in pace and volume where I can understand them.

So, anyways, the other day, he was wearing a bandana over his face due to the pollen. He was with a spanish speaking employee and I was with another hearing employee and he waved us over. He began talking to the other hearing employee then started talking to me.

I told him in a very friendly manner that I could not understand what he was saying because he had his mouth covered. He refused to remove the bandana and started saying something that I could only assume was insulting (I made the word "cock" out of everything he said). The hearing employee I was with laughed but said "dude ... don't do that ..."

I asked him again to remove his bandana and repeat what he said and he again refused and continued say stuff then laugh.

That was when I let him know I wasn't going to tolerate this. What I told him verbatim was this ... "Either remove the bandana so I can understand you, or this conversation is over. While you might think this is hilarious you should see it from my end. I can't hear you, just because I have a hearing aid on does not automatically mean I can understand what is coming out of your mouth."

He continued laughing and saying stuff that I assume was insulting. The co-worker I was with said "Come on man, we're all friends here".

That was when I stared the bandana wearing employee down and dropped the F bomb. Yes, I almost lost it and was about to teach him the human body could bounce on concrete.

He used the F bomb right back. The co-worker I was with intervened and said "Come on man, stop messing with him. Shake and make up". I put my hand out and he said "I ain't shaking your [effing] hand mother[effer]". (he had made sure to say that loud and clear enough that I could understand him - but nothing he said before was clear ... hmmm).

I only offer to shake hands once. Since he did not meet halfway, I am washing my hands of him.

I shouldn't have to endure being treated this way at work. In fact, what this person has done was harrassment. I have no proof other than the two other employees that were there. I doubt they will come forward and be honest since they are all buddies. The superintendent will not do anything about this (why I haven't gone to report it).

So, this is what I plan on doing. Georgia is a one party state - meaning, only one person in a conversation needs to be aware it is being recorded. I am going to use the voice recorder on my phone and record any and all interactions I have with this other employee. Then, I will present the recordings to the HR department where I work.

That way, this person cannot claim they were saying something else that I misunderstood.

Anyone else have to deal with this type of stuff?

 

[Jiro]

As I am writing this, none of my supervisors have been told of this situation. I work with someone that shall remain unnamed. This person is from Queens, NY and speaks very fast. I am severely hearing impaired and often cannot understand what he is saying. I have, in the past, explained to him that I cannot understand what he is saying unless I am looking at him.

He finds this amusing.

When no one is around, he will intentionally mess with me because he thinks it is hilarious. He does not do this all the time, and other times, he is friendly.

By "messing with me" what I mean is, he will intentionally lower his voice and speak very fast and giggle when I ask him to repeat himself. He apparently does not understand that I cannot really hear him (I speak very clearly and I think that confuses him).

He has asked me why I wear hearing aids if they don't really help me understand speech. I have explained to him that I have problems understanding speech, that my speech discrimination is not good. I also explained to him that while I may understand another person quite clearly, and not him specifically, is because the other person is looking at me and speaking in pace and volume where I can understand them.

So, anyways, the other day, he was wearing a bandana over his face due to the pollen. He was with a spanish speaking employee and I was with another hearing employee and he waved us over. He began talking to the other hearing employee then started talking to me.

I told him in a very friendly manner that I could not understand what he was saying because he had his mouth covered. He refused to remove the bandana and started saying something that I could only assume was insulting (I made the word "cock" out of everything he said). The hearing employee I was with laughed but said "dude ... don't do that ..."

I asked him again to remove his bandana and repeat what he said and he again refused and continued say stuff then laugh.

That was when I let him know I wasn't going to tolerate this. What I told him verbatim was this ... "Either remove the bandana so I can understand you, or this conversation is over. While you might think this is hilarious you should see it from my end. I can't hear you, just because I have a hearing aid on does not automatically mean I can understand what is coming out of your mouth."

He continued laughing and saying stuff that I assume was insulting. The co-worker I was with said "Come on man, we're all friends here".

That was when I stared the bandana wearing employee down and dropped the F bomb. Yes, I almost lost it and was about to teach him the human body could bounce on concrete.

He used the F bomb right back. The co-worker I was with intervened and said "Come on man, stop messing with him. Shake and make up". I put my hand out and he said "I ain't shaking your [effing] hand mother[effer]". (he had made sure to say that loud and clear enough that I could understand him - but nothing he said before was clear ... hmmm).

I only offer to shake hands once. Since he did not meet halfway, I am washing my hands of him.

I shouldn't have to endure being treated this way at work. In fact, what this person has done was harrassment. I have no proof other than the two other employees that were there. I doubt they will come forward and be honest since they are all buddies. The superintendent will not do anything about this (why I haven't gone to report it).

So, this is what I plan on doing. Georgia is a one party state - meaning, only one person in a conversation needs to be aware it is being recorded. I am going to use the voice recorder on my phone and record any and all interactions I have with this other employee. Then, I will present the recordings to the HR department where I work.

I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up with you no longer being employed there.

That way, this person cannot claim they were saying something else that I misunderstood.

Anyone else have to deal with this type of stuff?

first course of action is always this - bring it up to your boss.

 

[Steinhauer]

I bring it up to my boss and they change the story and I look like the problem. That is the reason for the recording.

While Georgia is a right to hire and fire state, I cannot be fired based on discrimination. Another reason for the recording.

Recording a conversation is not illegal, I am breaking no laws.

edit to add: each employee is given a handbook they need to sign. There is no policy preventing a recording. However, there is a policy about no tolerance of harrassing fellow employees.

 

[Jiro]

I bring it up to my boss and they change the story and I look like the problem. That is the reason for the recording.

While Georgia is a right to hire and fire state, I cannot be fired based on discrimination. Another reason for the recording.

Recording a conversation is not illegal, I am breaking no laws.

edit to add: each employee is given a handbook they need to sign. There is no policy preventing a recording. However, there is a policy about no tolerance of harrassing fellow employees.

then it's simply best if you quit since it sounds like a lose-lose situation.

this is not about whether or not if recording a convo is legal. this is about company. do you really want to create a very uncomfortable atmosphere for all? what do you hope to achieve after all this debacle?

 

[Steinhauer]

then it's simply best if you quit since it sounds like a lose-lose situation.

this is not about whether or not if recording a convo is legal. this is about company. do you really want to create a very uncomfortable atmosphere for all? what do you hope to achieve after all this debacle?

What I hope to achieve is work in an environment that is harrassment free. I have never tucked tail and run - not in me to do things that way.

Why should I quit?

edit to add: I don't completely understand how you see it as me who is making anyone uncomfortable in this situation - or even - uncomfortable for all. I was the one made to feel "uncomfortable" by a fellow employee even after having asked them repeatedly to stop.

 

[Jiro]

What I hope to achieve is work in an environment that is harrassment free. I have never tucked tail and run - not in me to do things that way.

Why should I quit?

because you would not achieve much by doing what you plan to do. how would people think of you after you "rat him out" to HR with a tape recorder?

I'm going to assume you're doing labor-related job. If people don't like you because of what you did, don't you think maybe there might be a retaliation such as "work accident"?

edit to add: I don't completely understand how you see it as me who is making anyone uncomfortable in this situation - or even - uncomfortable for all. I was the one made to feel "uncomfortable" by a fellow employee even after having asked them repeatedly to stop.

you have a superintendent that you don't trust to resolve this situation. you have a coworker who is a jerk. and you have other coworkers who would not side with you. I don't know how can you work in such unfriendly environment like that. or is it just you that are unapproachable?

it's work politic. it can get ugly and it's not always about who is right or wrong. it's always about fitting in and if you're not in, you're out.

 

[Steinhauer]

because you would not achieve much by doing what you plan to do. how would people think of you after you "rat him out" to HR with a tape recorder?

I'm going to assume you're doing labor-related job. If people don't like you because of what you did, don't you think maybe there might be a retaliation such as "work accident"?


you have a superintendent that you don't trust to resolve this situation. you have a coworker who is a jerk. and you have other coworkers who would not side with you. I don't know how can you work in such unfriendly environment like that. or is it just you that are unapproachable?

it's work politic. it can get ugly and it's not always about who is right or wrong. it's always about fitting in and if you're not in, you're out.

I understand what you are saying - but I disagree.

I am not worried about any other co-workers trying to retaliate because I would not tolerate harrassment.

I also was not the only person made to feel uncomfortable by this specific employee. That person will simply not speak up.

I have no problem "fitting in" with any of my other co-workers. None of my other co-workers intentionally make it difficult for me to communicate with them .. yes, even the spanish speaking employees make an effort to communicate clearly with me.

So, what exactly is wrong with reporting abuse? I mean, you are pretty much saying I should tuck tail and run and not report it. I am not wired to function that way. I simply will not tolerate that form of harrassment from anyone - no one should.

 

[Jiro]

I understand what you are saying - but I disagree.

I am not worried about any other co-workers trying to retaliate because I would not tolerate harrassment.

I also was not the only person made to feel uncomfortable by this specific employee. That person will simply not speak up.

I have no problem "fitting in" with any of my other co-workers. None of my other co-workers intentionally make it difficult for me to communicate with them .. yes, even the spanish speaking employees make an effort to communicate clearly with me.

So, what exactly is wrong with reporting abuse? I mean, you are pretty much saying I should tuck tail and run and not report it. I am not wired to function that way.

ok then go ahead and report it because to others - it makes you look like "MOMMY! MOMMY! HE HIT ME!".

this can be settled between you guys with or without your supervisor and all it takes is a right attitude. somebody's just gotta take a high road to resolve it and then everybody's happy. if he's being a jerk and you're being a hardass self-righteous person... well things are not going to end quite pretty and that will create uncomfortable atmosphere. and because of that - boss will have to step in and fire someone which could be you. why? does it matter? 2 words - work politic.

going behind a boss's back is just a big no-no in any book (unless he's willfully engaging in wrongdoings).

but hey - that's how I deal with it. I guess we'll wait and see what other ADers say about their experiences with this similar incident.

 

[Steinhauer]

ok then go ahead and report it because to others - it makes you look like "MOMMY! MOMMY! HE HIT ME!".

this can be settled between you guys with or without your supervisor and all it takes is a right attitude. somebody's just gotta take a high road to resolve it and then everybody's happy. if he's being a jerk and you're being a hardass self-righteous person... well things are not going to end quite pretty and that will create uncomfortable atmosphere. and because of that - boss will have to step in and fire someone which could be you. why? does it matter? 2 words - work politic.

going behind a boss's back is just a big no-no in any book (unless he's willfully engaging in wrongdoings).

but hey - that's how I deal with it. I guess we'll wait and see what other ADers say about their experiences with this similar incident.

First of all. This is not the first time it has happened (as I stated in the OP). I did take the high road and had the right attitude the first three times. The fourth time, I came across more strongly. I do not plan on "crying to mommy" but I do plan putting an end to the harrassment effectively.

I am not going "behind the boss' back" if he tolerates this (yes, other incidents have been reported and even a fistfight broke out and he did nothing - long story and happened before my time).

 

[diehardbiker]

Based on my experience, it's best report to supervisor, supervisor is responsible report to HR. Do it though e mail, because it leaves paper trial in event supervisor refused to resolve and you had to report to HR. HR is required by law to investigate and once they find your e mail communication with supervisor, then that supervisor will have to sit on hot seat.
Why it's best to report is because problem will grow no matter how one shut up. I have been though sexual harassment, I had to deal until the point I no longer tolerate. As soon as I reported, the result was awesome and I felt relieved that I don't have to deal with anymore.
Silence isn't always best solution.

It isn't about work politics, it's downright illegal harassing based on race, sex, disability, and what you know is. It's law in the book, period.

 

[rockin'robin]

The way I see it....is that this man is not ur boss/supervisor, he's just another worker, right?....Why even "listen" or even try to understand what the jerk is saying? It's obvious he's trying to make you angry & frustrated....so why let him?...Surely, all your other co-workers know what he is doing. And of course, so do you!....I would not even waste a minute with this man. Ignore him....Just shrug and laugh whenever he does it again and walk off. Sooner or later he's gonna tire of his stupid game.

If whatever the man was saying is work-related...just ask another employee, explaining that you have a hard time understanding what was said, and if it's important enough, then ur boss should be the one to tell you.

I would not even waste time to record what the man is saying or even report it to my boss or the higher-ups....Everyone has to deal with people who act like this, even I did...

I found it best to ignore it, don't dwell on it. If it were ur boss or supervisor, then that's another story....and if the man was making threats against you, then of course, it needs to be reported.

Just maybe the man is looking for a fight, or just knows you are sensitive and is playing that against you.....If you value your job, just ignore what the man is saying to you....but if you feel the atmosphere working with this man is too much for you, then perhaps give your notice to quit. But, if it were me, and I liked my job, I would not let just one man make me miserable on the job....ignore the SOB....Good Luck, Steine!

 

[Steinhauer]

Just an update. I arrived at work this morning and he was waiting outside for me. He apologized and extended his hand.

I learned later that the employee that had been with me had a talk with him about it. So ... All is better ...not stellar, but better

I was very surprised and caught off guard. The employee that saw it manned up which is something I didn't expect. I am not used to situations like this turning out this way.

But it was cool.

 

[VacationGuy234]

As I am writing this, none of my supervisors have been told of this situation. I work with someone that shall remain unnamed. This person is from Queens, NY and speaks very fast. I am severely hearing impaired and often cannot understand what he is saying. I have, in the past, explained to him that I cannot understand what he is saying unless I am looking at him.

He finds this amusing.

When no one is around, he will intentionally mess with me because he thinks it is hilarious. He does not do this all the time, and other times, he is friendly.

By "messing with me" what I mean is, he will intentionally lower his voice and speak very fast and giggle when I ask him to repeat himself. He apparently does not understand that I cannot really hear him (I speak very clearly and I think that confuses him).

He has asked me why I wear hearing aids if they don't really help me understand speech. I have explained to him that I have problems understanding speech, that my speech discrimination is not good. I also explained to him that while I may understand another person quite clearly, and not him specifically, is because the other person is looking at me and speaking in pace and volume where I can understand them.

So, anyways, the other day, he was wearing a bandana over his face due to the pollen. He was with a spanish speaking employee and I was with another hearing employee and he waved us over. He began talking to the other hearing employee then started talking to me.

I told him in a very friendly manner that I could not understand what he was saying because he had his mouth covered. He refused to remove the bandana and started saying something that I could only assume was insulting (I made the word "cock" out of everything he said). The hearing employee I was with laughed but said "dude ... don't do that ..."

I asked him again to remove his bandana and repeat what he said and he again refused and continued say stuff then laugh.

That was when I let him know I wasn't going to tolerate this. What I told him verbatim was this ... "Either remove the bandana so I can understand you, or this conversation is over. While you might think this is hilarious you should see it from my end. I can't hear you, just because I have a hearing aid on does not automatically mean I can understand what is coming out of your mouth."

He continued laughing and saying stuff that I assume was insulting. The co-worker I was with said "Come on man, we're all friends here".

That was when I stared the bandana wearing employee down and dropped the F bomb. Yes, I almost lost it and was about to teach him the human body could bounce on concrete.

He used the F bomb right back. The co-worker I was with intervened and said "Come on man, stop messing with him. Shake and make up". I put my hand out and he said "I ain't shaking your [effing] hand mother[effer]". (he had made sure to say that loud and clear enough that I could understand him - but nothing he said before was clear ... hmmm).

I only offer to shake hands once. Since he did not meet halfway, I am washing my hands of him.

I shouldn't have to endure being treated this way at work. In fact, what this person has done was harrassment. I have no proof other than the two other employees that were there. I doubt they will come forward and be honest since they are all buddies. The superintendent will not do anything about this (why I haven't gone to report it).

So, this is what I plan on doing. Georgia is a one party state - meaning, only one person in a conversation needs to be aware it is being recorded. I am going to use the voice recorder on my phone and record any and all interactions I have with this other employee. Then, I will present the recordings to the HR department where I work.

That way, this person cannot claim they were saying something else that I misunderstood.

Anyone else have to deal with this type of stuff?

Write down every interaction including names, times and witnesses names times and titles, etc. You might need this for a lawyer who may represent you.

I would then look very carefully into whether you can record someone without them knowing. This is a very critical area. Personally, I like the idea, but you may not be on firm ground, legally.

And, before you hand any recording over to your boss or anyone have people you trust (two people, separately) interpret the recording without telling them what it is.

Go to your boss first then take it to HR.

 

[VacationGuy234]

Recently, at work, my company purchased a pool/table tennis table which is available to everyone. Informally, the employees setup a table tennis tournament. I absolutely love both pool and table tennis (I used to play tournaments for both). I quickly got back into it and was practicing everyday including weekends, but never on work time. I made it to the last few rounds of the tournament when a department head took me aside and told be to stop playing so much. He told me he knew it was not on company time, but was worried about what other people thought. I asked if it was OK if I played when nobody was around and he didn't think that was a good idea. He had not spoken to my supervisors about it. I withdrew from the tournament(I need the job more than the table tennis). Still, it all adds up to not equal use of the facilities as everyone else.

So, I understand the need for being treated equally. I hope you don't have to deal with this again, but I would still be cautious. Write down and keep to yourself(outside of work) any incidents that bother you.

Good luck.

 

[C.C.Sinned]

Based on my experience, it's best report to supervisor, supervisor is responsible report to HR. Do it though e mail, because it leaves paper trial in event supervisor refused to resolve and you had to report to HR. HR is required by law to investigate and once they find your e mail communication with supervisor, then that supervisor will have to sit on hot seat.
Why it's best to report is because problem will grow no matter how one shut up. {*snip*}
Silence isn't always best solution.

It isn't about work politics, it's downright illegal harassing based on race, sex, disability, and what you know is. It's law in the book, period.

agree. Steinhauer, DHB is correct.

Write down every interaction including names, times and witnesses names times and titles, etc. You might need this for a lawyer who may represent you. .

keep a little journal, not necessarily for a lawyer, but to ensure you have facts straight. also witnesses will deny to avoid getting involed. so the last thing you want to happen steinhauer, is to make an error with place and dates.

I would then look very carefully into whether you can record someone without them knowing. This is a very critical area. Personally, I like the idea, but you may not be on firm ground, legally.

And, before you hand any recording over to your boss or anyone have people you trust (two people, separately) interpret the recording without telling them what it is.

Go to your boss first then take it to HR.

look very carefully, in may states you can be locked up for recording conversations. if you go though the proper channels, while making a paper trail, recording isn't necessary. having copies of the paperwork is very important, have a lot of extra copies ready.

 

[rolling7]

Just an update. I arrived at work this morning and he was waiting outside for me. He apologized and extended his hand.

I learned later that the employee that had been with me had a talk with him about it. So ... All is better ...not stellar, but better

I was very surprised and caught off guard. The employee that saw it manned up which is something I didn't expect. I am not used to situations like this turning out this way.
W
But it was cool.

To me this means that the employee who saw it also watched "What Would You Do?". I've been in this situation during my years at USPS and it is never easy being a lone deaf person in a hearing environment. There were jerks like your's and there are defenders like your's also. Great for you, you handled this in a way that will impress others you work with and know what happened. I see those as having a profound respect for you from here on out.

 

[C.C.Sinned]

steinhauer, I had deal with the same type of 'tard at my last job. talking it out man to man did not mean anything to him, as he wasn't much of a man. so I spoke to a manager, the 'tard didn't listen to the manager, the I went to the senior manager, the 'tard didn't listen to him. the BS continued. so I bagan making my grievances in paper to all managers and the senior maager. the 'tard continued harassment and the managers tried to keep it "in house". dispite mangers telling the 'tard to stop he continued. So my grievances went to the district manager level. the mahagers asked me if they had all my copies of the grievances to "ensure a timely resolution". meaning their butts were in a sling from the district manager and they wanted to ensure their butts were safe. i lied, told them they had all my paperwork. managers tried to clean up the mess. yet the 'tard continued. I requested to district manager come to our location and deal with my being harassed in person to resolve the issue, once and for all. The district manager came down on manager like a wrecking ball. yet my manager were trying to act like they were unaware of how bad the situation had became. so i handed in many copies of all my grievance letters show just how long it went on. the problems ended.

 

[LoveBlue]

I would then look very carefully into whether you can record someone without them knowing. This is a very critical area. Personally, I like the idea, but you may not be on firm ground, legally.

He already said that it's legal in his state.

 

[Reba]

...first course of action is always this - bring it up to your boss.

I agree. Even if he doesn't do anything, you can get your complaints documented that way. As for that, keep a written record of everything.

 

[Reba]

I bring it up to my boss and they change the story and I look like the problem. That is the reason for the recording.

While Georgia is a right to hire and fire state, I cannot be fired based on discrimination. Another reason for the recording.

Recording a conversation is not illegal, I am breaking no laws.

edit to add: each employee is given a handbook they need to sign. There is no policy preventing a recording. However, there is a policy about no tolerance of harrassing fellow employees.

I wouldn't do a secret recording. I would let them know, up front, "Hey, I'm recording this conversation. Now, what do say?"

In your meetings with the supervisor, either ask to record the meeting, or ask to have a witness present during the meeting. I've interpreted supervisor-employee meetings where it was mandatory to have a witness present, and each person signed a document for each meeting. You might have to get more "formal" about your meetings.