Pregnant at 13, mum at 14, GCSEs at 15

sara1981

sara1981

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As calls are made for sex education to be compulsory in all schools Kizzy Neal, 15, is one teenager with a lot on her plate - exams, boyfriends and looking after her seven-month-old son.
She was in her best friend's bedroom when she found out she was pregnant, in the summer of 2006. She was 13.

"I didn't stop crying for three weeks and I was really, really scared," says Kizzy, who is now 15. "I knew I'd done something wrong. Thirteen is not the ideal age to have a baby."

She had been fearful after having sex for the first time, unprotected, with Louie.

"Since I got pregnant, I've learnt so much about contraception, abortions and sex but at school I think I had so few sex education lessons."

While the father of her child rejected being a dad and moved away from Torbay in Devon, Kizzy never considered having her pregnancy terminated.

As it went on, she became the target of abuse from people. She was spat at and her brothers were attacked because, her father Kevin believes, she chose not to have an abortion.

She lost friends because of her pregnancy, but the girls who had abused her changed their behaviour after she had baby Kaylib in May.

"When I was pregnant it was like 'You little so-and-so' but when I had the baby they were round the pram saying: 'Isn't he beautiful?'

"It was a bit two-faced. Without a baby I didn't want to go out of the house and I was scared, but as soon as I had the baby, the people I was scared of were coming up, being really nice to me."

The birth itself, in May, was the best moment of her life, she says.

"When they put him on my chest, I was so overwhelmed, you don't know whether to smile or cry or laugh or scream, you don't know what to do. It gives you a warm feeling in your tummy."

Sacrifices

From that moment on, says Kizzy's mother Kerry, who is in her 40s, the atmosphere changed. "There was so much negativity about Kizzy having the baby in the first place, then when he was born there was so much joy and excitement and everyone loves him."

Kizzy returned to college in September, leaving her mother to look after Kaylib while she studies for six GCSEs. She wants to be a member of Parliament but if that doesn't happen, to be an occupational therapist.

But although Kizzy may look like any other student in the classroom, she is constantly reminded of her responsibilities as a parent because of the sacrifices she has to make and what she describes as her lost childhood.

"I miss being able to get up and go out when I want to and doing teenage things. I can't do these things as much anymore but I do get help from mum and dad so I get the chance to be a child as well as a mum."

She has made a programme with BBC Three about her experience to show other teenage girls that motherhood is "not all about cute babies, it's hard work.

"It's hard to let go of your childhood, you have to break away from that, you have grow up really fast, you have to mature quickly. It's hard getting to grips with being a mum and how to look after your child the best you can."

It's even harder without a father, and earlier this year Kizzy took Kaylib to Southend to meet his dad. On her way home, it struck Kizzy that the two probably wouldn't meet again.

"I was thinking about the baby growing up without a dad and thought I'd let him down. It's ideal to have a mum and a dad and to have a proper environment but it's very different for me. He's got as much love as he needs, even without a dad."

Giving out condoms

Kizzy's story is not uncommon in the UK, which has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in western Europe.

There are 80,000 girls under 19 getting pregnant each year, according to Brook sexual health charity, and on average four out of 10 have the baby. But the rate is falling and sexual education is working, says chief executive Simon Blake.

"It is reducing. We've got a teenage pregnancy strategy that is working. Good quality sexual education and access to services is a real part of the solution."

Last week, campaigners called for sex and relationships education to be made compulsory in all schools. The Terrence Higgins Trust, the NSPCC and the National Union of Teachers said no schools should be able to "opt out of delivering good sex and relationships education to their pupils".

Kizzy believes her school takes the wrong approach by too readily giving out condoms and "promoting sex".

It is claimed 11 other girls at the school also became pregnant, which the school strongly denies.

The school says it devotes considerable resources to sex education and says part of its message is to teach youngsters to delay having sex until in a stable, loving relationship. It also has a confidential drop-in centre called Tic Tac that offers advice on sexual health, abortion and contraception.

Tic Tac has been held up by the government as a model of good practice but Kizzy's father Kevin believes its work undermines a parent's efforts to instil abstinence in a child. His daughter accepts it was her mistake but her fears that having Kaylib meant the "end of fun" have not been realised.

"Every day that goes by," she says, "there's something he does that makes me laugh."
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Pregnant at 13, mum at 14, GCSEs at 15
BBC NEWS | UK | Magazine | Pregnant at 13, mum at 14, GCSEs at 15
 
This girl did have to grow up pretty fast and learn a lot of tough lessons. However, she seems to have a good head on her shoulders by being realistic about her situation.

I remember when my former best friend got pregnant at 15 and even after having the baby, she still wanted to do all the normal teenaged stuff so there were some situations that she neglected her baby just to do the things she wanted to do. I was always questioning her judgement about the baby even though I was a teenager myself but she kept telling me that I worry too much. Looking back, turns out that I was right...she could have lost her son a few times to CPS for some of the decisions she made regarding her son's care. I wish I had been more confident in myself back then and told her she needs to put her baby's needs first.

It seems like this girl knows that her baby comes first and that is rare to see in a teenager.
 
here in Texas, the highest rating teenage pregnant are hispanic. It tell me that these kids don't know how to control the sex.
 
Wow, What an interesting story I didn't think she would have made it through being a mother this young, but I'm impressed that she's been able to turn her life around and raise the child from such a young age, yet I'm not so happy about the father of her baby, he should have taken the responsibilities instead of walking away from it all. The school shouldn't have passed out condoms cause it make these young kids to think it's ok to have sex, I don't agree with that at all.
 
PowerON said:
oh? you're shot me? Here is source...

Texas teens lead nation in birth rate | Dallas Morning News
Click to expand...

Thanks for the link, but the story you provided explained that the problem was in the abstinence only policy and the refusal to provide condoms without parental permission for all of Texas teens, not just the Hispanic ones. Texas has the highest rates of teen pregnancy over all, not just the highest rate of Hispanic teen preganancy. Your comment implied that being unable to control sexual urges had something to do with the fact that the teens were Hispanic.
 
To be fair, the article did state:

"...Hispanics by far have the highest teen birth rates of any ethnic group...

In 2004, Hispanic girls ages 15 to 19 accounted for 61 percent of teen births even though only 39 percent of Texas adolescents were Hispanic, according to the federal National Center for Health Statistics."


Also, even when the girls have access to clinic birth control, this happens:

"...After the unmarried couple's daughter was born in July 2006, Erandy had a DepoProvera injection, a long-lasting contraceptive.

"I didn't want to have any more" babies, she said. "I was OK until I had a well-paying job and Emily was at least 5."

But the shot caused irregular bleeding, she said. Then clinic nurses gave her low-dose estrogen pills. They were for anemia, but Erandy thought they were birth control pills – and soon was pregnant again."

Would she be pregnant if she used abstinence instead of trusting clinic nurses?
 
Reba said:
To be fair, the article did state:

"...Hispanics by far have the highest teen birth rates of any ethnic group...

In 2004, Hispanic girls ages 15 to 19 accounted for 61 percent of teen births even though only 39 percent of Texas adolescents were Hispanic, according to the federal National Center for Health Statistics."


Also, even when the girls have access to clinic birth control, this happens:

"...After the unmarried couple's daughter was born in July 2006, Erandy had a DepoProvera injection, a long-lasting contraceptive.

"I didn't want to have any more" babies, she said. "I was OK until I had a well-paying job and Emily was at least 5."

But the shot caused irregular bleeding, she said. Then clinic nurses gave her low-dose estrogen pills. They were for anemia, but Erandy thought they were birth control pills – and soon was pregnant again."

Would she be pregnant if she used abstinence instead of trusting clinic nurses?
Click to expand...

And that could also be because a high percentage of Hispanics are Catholic. I am not disputing anything in the article. What I was disputing was the implication in the statement that Hispanics have a more difficult time controlling their sexual urges than other races.

I personally believe that abstinence is an unrealistic expectation. Throughout history, premarital sexual realations have existed. We just used to call them "early babies" when the couple got married after conception, and "illegitimate" when the couple did not marry.
 
jillio said:
... What I was disputing was the implication in the statement that Hispanics have a more difficult time controlling their sexual urges than other races.
Click to expand...
I agree with you about that.

The "anchor baby" could be another influence.

I personally believe that abstinence is an unrealistic expectation.
Click to expand...
Well, clinic-provided birth control certainly didn't work in that article.

Throughout history, premarital sexual realations have existed. We just used to call them "early babies" when the couple got married after conception, and "illegitimate" when the couple did not marry.
Click to expand...
At least more of them married in the past, and took responsibility for their actions. Now the taxpayer is supposed to be "daddy".
 
Reba said:
I agree with you about that.

The "anchor baby" could be another influence.


Well, clinic-provided birth control certainly didn't work in that article.


At least more of them married in the past, and took responsibility for their actions. Now the taxpayer is supposed to be "daddy".
Click to expand...

Can't argue with you on that one. Perhaps we need to be teaching personal responsibility rather than insisting on abstinence?
 
This reminds me of all the pregnant girls they had at my high school. They actually had a special classroom for these girls. There was one deaf girl who had 2 or 3 kids while in high school and 2 or 3 more afterwards. There was another girl who got pregnant when she was 14 years old. Eek!
 
VamPyroX said:
This reminds me of all the pregnant girls they had at my high school. They actually had a special classroom for these girls. There was one deaf girl who had 2 or 3 kids while in high school and 2 or 3 more afterwards. There was another girl who got pregnant when she was 14 years old. Eek!
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That is so sad. :(
 
My little sister who is 15 is 5 months pregnant with a baby boy it's really unfortunate that she has to go through this so young when she didn't want to but she is doing an open adoption so i'm very proud of her for being that mature to be that responsible for her baby's best intrest
 
Lil_country_gal said:
My little sister who is 15 is 5 months pregnant with a baby boy it's really unfortunate that she has to go through this so young when she didn't want to but she is doing an open adoption so i'm very proud of her for being that mature to be that responsible for her baby's best intrest
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I agree....this is an unfortunate situation for your whole family. But I do admire your sister's sense of responsibility and maturity.
 
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