Predjudism Between Deaf and Hearing People

How much of this is biased or a type of prejudice vs just plain ignorance? For years now, I have been reading here on AD about how the hearing community treats Deaf.

Now that I'm involved in a serious relationship with someone who is Deaf, I am being asked many of the same questions that I heard Deaf complain about. For example, I've had people at work ask me "Is Glo able to drive?" or "How do you guys have sex?" I think a lot of this comes from just plain ignorance on their part, and not anyone being biased against her.

With all of that said, I am NOT saying there is not a bias or a prejudice. I know it exists in all facets of life. But I think many hearing people just aren't sure what to do when coming in contact with someone who is Deaf. Its ignorance and stupidity and not them being malicious. When I see it, I try to correct it and educate people a little bit.

My favorite question is the sex one...I usually reply with a "Well, we usually fool around for a bit then head to the bedroom and start with her on top. At some point, we'll switch around with me on top and usually end up in the living room exhausted three hours later...perhaps one day you would like to join us and watch?"

I know thats an inappropriate answer, but they will chuckle and then realize just how silly their question was.
 
Taylor said:
How much of this is biased or a type of prejudice vs just plain ignorance? For years now, I have been reading here on AD about how the hearing community treats Deaf.

Now that I'm involved in a serious relationship with someone who is Deaf, I am being asked many of the same questions that I heard Deaf complain about. For example, I've had people at work ask me "Is Glo able to drive?" or "How do you guys have sex?" I think a lot of this comes from just plain ignorance on their part, and not anyone being biased against her.

With all of that said, I am NOT saying there is not a bias or a prejudice. I know it exists in all facets of life. But I think many hearing people just aren't sure what to do when coming in contact with someone who is Deaf. Its ignorance and stupidity and not them being malicious. When I see it, I try to correct it and educate people a little bit.

My favorite question is the sex one...I usually reply with a "Well, we usually fool around for a bit then head to the bedroom and start with her on top. At some point, we'll switch around with me on top and usually end up in the living room exhausted three hours later...perhaps one day you would like to join us and watch?"

I know thats an inappropriate answer, but they will chuckle and then realize just how silly their question was.
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I love your response to the sex question..I have responded with a sarcastic remark...a few times, I respond by saying that deaf people come equipped with penises and vaginas so I think sex is a possibility. LOL/.
 
shel90 said:
I love your response to the sex question..I have responded with a sarcastic remark...a few times, I respond by saying that deaf people come equipped with penises and vaginas so I think sex is a possibility. LOL/.
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:laugh2:
 
i agree there is a lack of education about the Deaf community in hearing schools. I went to a public school and was never taught anything about Deaf people or the community. I feel like I was cheated in a way now because I should have been made aware of the things going on.
 
heidi:) said:
i agree there is a lack of education about the Deaf community in hearing schools. I went to a public school and was never taught anything about Deaf people or the community. I feel like I was cheated in a way now because I should have been made aware of the things going on.
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We learned that there was such a thing as Deaf culture, but that was almost always where the discussion stopped. It was usually presented in a pretty patronizing sense, too; there would be discussions of Latino culture or African-American culture, and then Deaf culture would be mentioned in passing. It was almost as if to say, "Oh look, they have a culture too, isn't it cute." Certainly it was never treated as if we'd ever actually interact with a Deaf individual.
 
aglaeca said:
We learned that there was such a thing as Deaf culture, but that was almost always where the discussion stopped. It was usually presented in a pretty patronizing sense, too; there would be discussions of Latino culture or African-American culture, and then Deaf culture would be mentioned in passing. It was almost as if to say, "Oh look, they have a culture too, isn't it cute." Certainly it was never treated as if we'd ever actually interact with a Deaf individual.
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That's why I have a strong dislike for certain hearing people. I wont waste my time with them. That's my prejudice against some hearing people. :lol:
 
I am hearing and it saddens me to see how the Deaf community has been treated by the "hearing" world. As I have been learning more and more I can completely understand the frustration. Here in America we have changed many things in our Culture to cater to those from other countries. So instead of learning English they can easily slide in and have there language everywhere. They are able to learn English and speak where as the Deaf community can not. I feel this is a huge injustice and that we ought to be more driven to learn to communicate with our very own citizens that because they were born with a slight difference can not communicate with their hearing counterparts. Schools should be teaching their hearing students more on the issues of the Deaf community, the Blind community and others so we are not confuse, ignorant or just acting like plain idiots when we come across others who may not function in the same way.

I have to say as a hearing person, I Have never thought a Deaf person could not do all the things I can do. I KNOW they can do that and more! BUT I have been shy or afraid to try to sign what little I know for fear of not understanding when they sign back to me. I am trying to become fluent but I am intimidated. I just mention this so maybe you can see a tad side from a hearing person. I know there are many many ignorant people out there that do not think like me.....

I am trying to not be as shy and acclimate myself to the Deaf world , its just I'm afraid I'm gonna get it wrong :(

I also have to say now knowing more that some want to read lips others refuse and are offended , some refuse to sign others only sign, has added to my timidness. I really do not want to offend anyone I just want to be able to communicate and help ( I work in the public where people from all cultures approach me for assistance so this is what I am referring too).

I am glad this forum is here.... its awesome to dig in and hear what you have to say :)
 
IWant2Learn said:
I am hearing and it saddens me to see how the Deaf community has been treated by the "hearing" world. As I have been learning more and more I can completely understand the frustration. Here in America we have changed many things in our Culture to cater to those from other countries. So instead of learning English they can easily slide in and have there language everywhere. They are able to learn English and speak where as the Deaf community can not. I feel this is a huge injustice and that we ought to be more driven to learn to communicate with our very own citizens that because they were born with a slight difference can not communicate with their hearing counterparts. Schools should be teaching their hearing students more on the issues of the Deaf community, the Blind community and others so we are not confuse, ignorant or just acting like plain idiots when we come across others who may not function in the same way.

I have to say as a hearing person, I Have never thought a Deaf person could not do all the things I can do. I KNOW they can do that and more! BUT I have been shy or afraid to try to sign what little I know for fear of not understanding when they sign back to me. I am trying to become fluent but I am intimidated. I just mention this so maybe you can see a tad side from a hearing person. I know there are many many ignorant people out there that do not think like me.....

I am trying to not be as shy and acclimate myself to the Deaf world , its just I'm afraid I'm gonna get it wrong :(

I also have to say now knowing more that some want to read lips others refuse and are offended , some refuse to sign others only sign, has added to my timidness. I really do not want to offend anyone I just want to be able to communicate and help ( I work in the public where people from all cultures approach me for assistance so this is what I am referring too).

I am glad this forum is here.... its awesome to dig in and hear what you have to say :)
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:gpost: I am glad that you understand our situations with the hearing people who want us to try to change us to be like the hearing people which is impossible. I don't understand why the hearing people have to be so stubborn because they think they know more about deafness than we are. Ugh! They are still wrong. We are the ones who have hearing losses and going deaf, not them. They have no idea what is like to be deaf and firmly there is no cure. We know because we have experienced going through struggle being a Deaf person who want to rely on ASL more than hearing to listen and lipreading. It is very hard to get across to the hearing parents and hearing professionals. That is why we call them "Audists" which mean they want us to hear with listening and want us to lipread and not allow us to sign the ASL. They are AG Bell supporters. :(
 
IWant2Learn said:
I am hearing and it saddens me to see how the Deaf community has been treated by the "hearing" world. As I have been learning more and more I can completely understand the frustration. Here in America we have changed many things in our Culture to cater to those from other countries. So instead of learning English they can easily slide in and have there language everywhere. They are able to learn English and speak where as the Deaf community can not. I feel this is a huge injustice and that we ought to be more driven to learn to communicate with our very own citizens that because they were born with a slight difference can not communicate with their hearing counterparts. Schools should be teaching their hearing students more on the issues of the Deaf community, the Blind community and others so we are not confuse, ignorant or just acting like plain idiots when we come across others who may not function in the same way.

I have to say as a hearing person, I Have never thought a Deaf person could not do all the things I can do. I KNOW they can do that and more! BUT I have been shy or afraid to try to sign what little I know for fear of not understanding when they sign back to me. I am trying to become fluent but I am intimidated. I just mention this so maybe you can see a tad side from a hearing person. I know there are many many ignorant people out there that do not think like me.....

I am trying to not be as shy and acclimate myself to the Deaf world , its just I'm afraid I'm gonna get it wrong :(

I also have to say now knowing more that some want to read lips others refuse and are offended , some refuse to sign others only sign, has added to my timidness. I really do not want to offend anyone I just want to be able to communicate and help ( I work in the public where people from all cultures approach me for assistance so this is what I am referring too).

I am glad this forum is here.... its awesome to dig in and hear what you have to say :)
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I encourage you to make the effort. The Deaf I have met have all understood that I was learning a second language and they have been more than willing to work with me. Back when I knew only the alphabet and a few signs, I met a couple in a waiting room who were more than willing to take the time to help me figure out what they were trying to say. I think that everyone wants to communicate and so long as both parties are making an effort, there is patience and understanding. Would you get mad at an immigrant who was just beginning to learn English but was making the effort to talk to you? Of course not. In the same way, most Deaf people are willing to work with you while you are learning to sign. Although each person has a preference regarding ASL, signed english, lip-reading, etc... there is no "wrong" way to do it. It all is personal preference. They may tell you their preference or you can ask the best way for you to communicate.

The only time I personally have had problems with communication is when I am talking to Deaf who get upset with me for not wanting to use ASL only. I'm hard-of-hearing but I identify with the hearing world. I would like to participate in the Deaf community but that is not my identification. I think some Deaf people have a hard time with my choice and may feel like I am judging them so they get upset with me for not being as fluent in ASL as they think I should be.
 
Thank you for the encouragment. I am passionate and driven to learn so hopefully soon my intimidation will pass ......

Thanks again.. glad everyone understands too....
 
i agree

Cooter said:
I see.

I have experienced prejudism in my life, but I can't imagine feeling the way some of you have expressed in other threads. I hate to see a group or community labeled badly for a few people's intolerance. I don't want to personally be associated with prejudism because many hearing people are. I can assure you, there are good people in the world that will accept a person for who they are, not based on color, race, religion, or disability.

I live in a small town in Oregon, there isn't many deaf people around here. Until I recently started looking into deaf culture on the internet, I had no idea that there was such a separation between the deaf and the hearing. I am really saddened to see this.

I am not racist, but I can understand why there is racial tension. Differences between an American and, say, a Chinese person could be difficult to overcome for a weak minded person. But why is it such a big deal for a person to not be able to hear? I see that as a minor difference here. I wouldn't shun someone for missing an arm, or being in a wheel chair.
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My husband (in picture with me) is a "disabled" retired Army vet and Filipino... no prejudices with me. It ticks me off when people exclude others and won't even try to get along.
 
:)

NEWIDME said:
I haven't had very good experience w/ hearies cuz they seem to always make fun of me and shun me for not being like them.
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If you knew me, I would not make fun of you--swear it. Just don't give up.

My hubby is "learning disabled" and "disabled" retired Army vet... we've been married since 2004. It's all about accepting differences and finding common ground.
 
i understand...

Bebonang said:
:gpost: I am glad that you understand our situations with the hearing people who want us to try to change us to be like the hearing people which is impossible. I don't understand why the hearing people have to be so stubborn because they think they know more about deafness than we are. Ugh! They are still wrong. We are the ones who have hearing losses and going deaf, not them. They have no idea what is like to be deaf and firmly there is no cure. We know because we have experienced going through struggle being a Deaf person who want to rely on ASL more than hearing to listen and lipreading. It is very hard to get across to the hearing parents and hearing professionals. That is why we call them "Audists" which mean they want us to hear with listening and want us to lipread and not allow us to sign the ASL. They are AG Bell supporters. :(
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... your frustration, but NOT EVERYONE thinks that way. I am hearing and I don't. I wouldn't bother trying to learn ASL despite all the obstacles for me to understand others signing back to me FAST (I am not the best signer) if I did.

Stereotypes are what keeps misunderstandings in place... time to beat them down with a big, wooden stick!
 
too bad

shel90 said:
That's why I have a strong dislike for certain hearing people. I wont waste my time with them. That's my prejudice against some hearing people. :lol:
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I'm sorry you feel that way. Honestly, not everyone who is hearing is a total jerk... But it's your choice if you want to ignore them. You lose out on finding some good friends who don't care what language you speak... but that is just my opinion, and ASL is the 3rd one I'm learning.

I am sorry you had a lot of bad experiences with some hearing people. Holding it against all of us is not really fair, but I can't do anything about it except try to tell the truth and hope you give me a chance to prove I'm not a jerk.
 
JMackay said:
I'm sorry you feel that way. Honestly, not everyone who is hearing is a total jerk... But it's your choice if you want to ignore them. You lose out on finding some good friends who don't care what language you speak... but that is just my opinion, and ASL is the 3rd one I'm learning.

I am sorry you had a lot of bad experiences with some hearing people. Holding it against all of us is not really fair, but I can't do anything about it except try to tell the truth and hope you give me a chance to prove I'm not a jerk.
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If you really want to be friends it would be a better move to jump in general conversations instead of arguing these points.

The hearies who make it here are just good at social interaction.
 
hmmm...

Bottesini said:
If you really want to be friends it would be a better move to jump in general conversations instead of arguing these points.

The hearies who make it here are just good at social interaction.
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Yeah I did ask a question. I believe I got slapped in the face for it instead of got a real answer so sorry if I am a little frustrated... but yes, you have a good point... I have been over to the movies thread and had a good time talking about that.
 
I definitely agree with those who think signing is not a crutch but indeed is good. I am hearing but rely on sign to talk to my deaf friends. It is hard for one particular deaf friend who cannot sign because he was raised oral, he really doesnt belong in either world. My other friend who does have a ci still uses sign to communicate so she doesnt always have to use either. I am happy i finally learned sign and wish i could have learned it a lot younger, but i plan on teaching my children, hearing or deaf.
 
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