Polite behavior to the Deaf?

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whitestages

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Hi everybody! I've recently become extremely interested in ASL and Deaf culture (I love languages, my previous obsession was with Morse Code) and am trying to learn as much as possible about this community. It's my personal belief that ignorance is what causes a lack of respect/compassion, which are qualities that nobody wants to lack, so I'm doing my best to educate myself on the rules of Hearing/Deaf communication.

However, it seems that most of the threads here focus on what Hearies do incorrectly (which is quite useful in itself as a guide on what to avoid!). But I'd love to hear - for a person who has never met anyone Deaf - what you PREFER during interactions, and how somebody who doesn't understand what it's like to be HOH/Deaf can be more respectful.

There's one question that's been bothering me - how can I politely get your attention? Is tapping on the shoulder all right, or should we swivel around so you can see us? I'm assuming that if I'm far away and can't run over for a reason, I can just wave my arms like crazy. :)
 
oh and also - I see that a lot of Deaf/HOH people get really offended when people talk slowly and over-enunciate loudly, but they also get annoyed when people talk quickly. What's a good balance? I imagine that some of those hearies are just trying to make it easier for you to lipread them (or if you're somewhat HOH, hear), but it may come off as offensive especially if you must deal with this all the time.

...I'm guessing the right response is to simply ask if you should kick your vocals up a notch, haha.
 
Morse Code isn't a languge. ASL is a language. Start with that.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Treat deaf people like you'd like to be treated. Do you like being shouted at? No. It's a misconception that turning up the volume will help. Learn ASL and use it w/o voice.
Do you like people to invade your personal space and touch you? No. Use your hand to make vibrations on a table. The appropriate way to get a the attention of a group of people is to flicker the lights. Also works when you enter a room with a deaf person and is greatly appreciated.
 
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sallylou said:
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Treat deaf people like you'd like to be treated. Do you like being shouted at? No. It's a misconception that turning up the volume will help. Learn ASL and use it w/o voice.
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This. Completely agree.

I don't necessarily mind being tapped on the shoulder but I prefer eye contact if possible. It can be startling to be touched when you're not expecting it (and obviously can't hear the person coming).
 
sunny_signs said:
This. Completely agree.

I don't necessarily mind being tapped on the shoulder but I prefer eye contact if possible. It can be startling to be touched when you're not expecting it (and obviously can't hear the person coming).
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Generally, I will move into the deaf person's line of sight and sign, "excuse me" to get their attention.
 
whitestages said:
oh and also - I see that a lot of Deaf/HOH people get really offended when people talk slowly and over-enunciate loudly, but they also get annoyed when people talk quickly. What's a good balance? I imagine that some of those hearies are just trying to make it easier for you to lipread them (or if you're somewhat HOH, hear), but it may come off as offensive especially if you must deal with this all the time.

...I'm guessing the right response is to simply ask if you should kick your vocals up a notch, haha.
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All I ask is to just talk normally. If you are speaking too fast, I'll let you know and ask you to slow down a little. Pretty simple huh? :)
 
Getting my attention would be to get in line with my visual view...tapping on my shoulder at times scares the hell out of me...never, ever throw something at me to get my attention!...it would be thrown right back at you, aiming for ur head...
 
Sorry, when I said "kick the vocals up" I meant every aspect of speaking, and not just the volume (which I always thought was rude and silly, honestly). I tend to speak with my mouth somewhat closed and unmoving and was wondering how much of a hindrance that would be, and that I could physically enunciate more. I didn't mean to offend anybody with that.

@jillio: I just looked it up and realized that you're right; it's a method of communicating latin letters. It seems like I've offended you, and if so, I apologize if you found my words insensitive and it was not my intention to compare ASL with code - just wanted to provide a little context for my love of linguistic sciences :) see, I'm learning!

@Sallylou: The thing is, I don't know what it feels like for a deaf person and it's very difficult to put myself in their shoes because we all have different perspectives on what is appropriate. I wouldn't want to be pretentious and go about with an attitude of, "well this is what *I* would want if I were deaf/HOH." And that's why I posted this, so I could have a little input from people who legitimately understand :) but thank you, I didn't think of the flickering lights thing!

@rockin'robin: Did somebody actually throw something at you before?! That's horrible!
 
whitestages said:
oh and also - I see that a lot of Deaf/HOH people get really offended when people talk slowly and over-enunciate loudly, but they also get annoyed when people talk quickly. What's a good balance? I imagine that some of those hearies are just trying to make it easier for you to lipread them (or if you're somewhat HOH, hear), but it may come off as offensive especially if you must deal with this all the time.

...I'm guessing the right response is to simply ask if you should kick your vocals up a notch, haha.
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How about this for a thought, how do you like people to talk to you?? Then take it from there!
 
Here's some advice-don't baby talk a Deaf person. It's insulting to their intelligence. I once had a co-worker years ago that did this to me. I had asked what he was looking at under the microscope and he said microscopic blood cells and then said loudly tiny! As if I were stupid. It'll piss off the other person you can rest assured of that :).

we all have different needs of communicating but for me I prefer to be lightly tapped on the shoulder if you're behind. Do NOT tap the person on the right shoulder when you're standing to their left-it will scare them ( at least it did me when no one was on my right side ) or they will think you're playing a prank on them. Considering how well they know you they make take it as offensive as in my case I was slighly offended when a co-worker did this to me a week and a half ago and tried to act like it wasn't him but was nice enough to not let him know it.
also, shadows tend to get attention. If you cannot flick a light stand in light that will cast a shadow and the person will see the difference and turn around. I do this all the time this is how I know there is someone near me or how I know if someone has opened a door either at work or home if it's bright outside.

always, treat the other person as you would like to be treated.
if you do play a prank be sure that the other person knows you well enough not to take it as an insult from yet another " hearie" :) and good luck meeting a deaf person glad you came here to get advice on this issue! welcome.
 
I agree with others say. Don't tap deaf person esp from behind cos scare us if we do not expect them. Usually person know deaf person well do tap.
 
thanks everybody! I really do appreciate your insights on the matter. I also detect a bit of hostility in a few of these posts - honestly it was no intention of mine to be rude and I do acknowledge that as a hearing person I cannot have a genuine idea of what it's like to be deaf. That's why I created this thread - so I could be more polite and gain more understanding. Also, there might have been a bit of miscommunication on two parts:

1. Where I said "language" I should have said "linguistics" - I didn't realize until after posting that it sounded as if I insinuated that ASL was a sort of code. That's totally on me.
2. I'm a speech teacher to little children and when I tell them to "kick up their vocals," I actually mean for them to enunciate better and use stronger lip movements (children tend to mumble :) it's a friendly reminder). I guess that got misconstrued for shouting. I would never shout at somebody who's deaf and I find it incredibly appalling that people actually do that.

It kind of hurts that some of the posters seemed to think I was being aggravating but really I'm very new to this community and I'm trying to do what I can. I also understand that not every deaf person is the same so I wanted to see how people personally preferred some things as a gauge for what to expect (and as we can see, tapping on the shoulder isn't as rude to some people as it is to others). It would have been foolish for me to adopt one standard as if the Deaf community consisted of one mindset so I really wanted to hear what people had to say rather than some antiquated guidebook. This goes for the "what would you want" issue - personally I like it when people tap me on the shoulder actually but I also realize that my feelings do not belong with everybody else and it would be foolish of me to extrapolate that.

So once again thank you to the people who did reply with useful, precise tips - I'll remember it! :) and I hope any hearies that are new to learning about deaf culture find this thread too and post their own questions on this issue. I find that creating a helpful environment where people within the community help people outside understand what to do out of kindness is infinitely more useful than listing everything we do wrong.
 
whitestages said:
I hope any hearies that are new to learning about deaf culture find this thread too and post their own questions on this issue. I find that creating a helpful environment where people within the community help people outside understand what to do out of kindness is infinitely more useful than listing everything we do wrong.
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Thanks for letting us know how to best help you! :wave:
 
Wirelessly posted

whitestages said:
thanks everybody! I really do appreciate your insights on the matter. I also detect a bit of hostility in a few of these posts - honestly it was no intention of mine to be rude and I do acknowledge that as a hearing person I cannot have a genuine idea of what it's like to be deaf. That's why I created this thread - so I could be more polite and gain more understanding. Also, there might have been a bit of miscommunication on two parts:

1. Where I said "language" I should have said "linguistics" - I didn't realize until after posting that it sounded as if I insinuated that ASL was a sort of code. That's totally on me.
2. I'm a speech teacher to little children and when I tell them to "kick up their vocals," I actually mean for them to enunciate better and use stronger lip movements (children tend to mumble :) it's a friendly reminder). I guess that got misconstrued for shouting. I would never shout at somebody who's deaf and I find it incredibly appalling that people actually do that.

It kind of hurts that some of the posters seemed to think I was being aggravating but really I'm very new to this community and I'm trying to do what I can. I also understand that not every deaf person is the same so I wanted to see how people personally preferred some things as a gauge for what to expect (and as we can see, tapping on the shoulder isn't as rude to some people as it is to others). It would have been foolish for me to adopt one standard as if the Deaf community consisted of one mindset so I really wanted to hear what people had to say rather than some antiquated guidebook. This goes for the "what would you want" issue - personally I like it when people tap me on the shoulder actually but I also realize that my feelings do not belong with everybody else and it would be foolish of me to extrapolate that.

So once again thank you to the people who did reply with useful, precise tips - I'll remember it! :) and I hope any hearies that are new to learning about deaf culture find this thread too and post their own questions on this issue. I find that creating a helpful environment where people within the community help people outside understand what to do out of kindness is infinitely more useful than listing everything we do wrong.
Click to expand...

It appears that what originated as 'Polite behaviour to the Deaf' thread has turned into a 'Polite behaviour to the Hearing' thread?
 
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