manya-hoh
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2016
- Messages
- 9
- Reaction score
- 5
hey
i'm completely deaf in one ear, +100db in the other. however, i only started losing hearing around 10-15 years ago (43yo now), so i was born and raised hearing & oral. i have no problem continuing being oral, at least for the time being, when i have to. but the issue is that hearing people perceive it as a mixed signal somehow. it seems like it would be easier for them if i were completely deaf (or completely hearing).
i carry around a notepad, for them to write on whatever they want/need to say to me. i mean, with friends i just chat on phone, but strangers ferociously refuse to use phones. they are freaked out by speech-to-text deaf apps, fearing that their words are being recorded somehow, they literally run away lol. and they won't type on memo pad either, i'm not sure why. but handwriting on paper they are more or less willing to do. grudgingly, but yeah.
however, i am able to guess some of what they are saying. idk, "hi," "bye," "have a nice day," "take a seat, a nurse will call you," "your total is $xxx" - i can guess these things, because they are predictable. i'm not very good at lip reading, and i don't hear enough sounds to actually carry out a conversation, but between non-verbal cues, and muffled sounds, and general context of the conversation - yeah, sometimes i'm able to guess what the person is saying. and other times i can't. so sometimes i answer them, and other times i tell them i can't hear and ask them to use my notepad.
and it's this inconsistency that angers them. they seem to think i'm faking deafness for attention or something.
example 1:
went to a doctors office today. walked up to the receptionist, said "hi, im hearing impaired, my name is manya-hoh, here's my id, i have an appointment today at 10am with dr so-and-so." if the receptionist said the usual "take a seat, the nurse will call you" - i woulda guessed it, thanked her, and the conversation would be over. but she said something i couldn't decipher. she was wearing a mask too. i told her i can't hear, handed her my notepad, she pushed it away and repeated one word a couple of times. based on her jaw movement (under the mask) it seemed like she was saying "actor?", and for the life of me i couldn't guess what could this mean in the context of a doctors appointment. i smiled, shook my head, said i couldn't hear her, offered my notepad again. after a few repeats she finally used it, and it turned out she needed my address. but she also unloaded a whole tirade on me, about how we've had a whole conversation no problem, and now all of a sudden i can't hear, pahleeease, with eye-rolls and "ugh" and all that. i mean, we did not have a conversation. i was the only one talking. the first time she said something - i asked her to use my notepad. should i have given her my notepad before saying anything? i mean, 90% of the time there's no need to, they just tell me to take a seat, there's nothing to say, that's why i didn't pull it out in the very beginning.
example 2:
same doctors office. at first i was talking with a new doctor that i never met before. she spoke at high frequencies, i didn't hear any sounds at all from her, and she wore a mask. so i told her i couldn't hear her, and had her write in my notepad. and then another doctor joined in. this one i interacted with before, was familiar with his speech patterns, and he speaks at low frequencies, and he took off his mask for me. so i was able to guess what he was saying. and that sent the first doc into a full-blown tantrum, throwing my notepad at me (literally threw it, hit my chest). the second doc told her i was reading his lips, and couldn't read hers cuz she was wearing a mask - that calmed her down a little, but she was still fuming and throwing things around.
example 3:
my case manager keeps trying to "catch" me at hearing, and shaking her finger at me with a mischievous smile whenever she "succeeds" at it. i mean, she has my medical records on file, she knows i'm hearing impaired, but somehow doesn't believe it i guess? for example, she'd say "hi," i'd respond, and she'd laugh and shake her finger, saying that see, you can hear no problem. i didn't hear her say "hi," i saw her say "hi," it's not the same. if she says "hi" facing away from me - i won't know it and won't be able to respond. but these nuances go over her head i guess.
honestly, for me it would be easiest if people just typed up whatever they have to say, on a tablet. but they insist on talking, and when it's short predictable interactions - i cave in, and try to accommodate, and it just always results in the above type of conflicts.
what am i doing wrong? should i just flat out refuse to "hear" whatever they are saying? but it's hard for me to pretend to not understand something that i do understand, like "have a nice day." hard for me to shrug my shoulders and give them my notepad, instead of responding "thanks, you too."
how do you guys do it? i figure people who are completely deaf are also able to guess basics like "have a nice day" or "take a seat" or such. do hearing people get angry at you too, for understanding some of what they say but not all of it?
thanks!
ps: for clarity, i never use the word "deaf" to describe myself, i say "hearing impaired." i'm not pretending to be something i'm not, i'm not exaggerating my hearing loss, i just really cannot hear what people are saying...
i'm completely deaf in one ear, +100db in the other. however, i only started losing hearing around 10-15 years ago (43yo now), so i was born and raised hearing & oral. i have no problem continuing being oral, at least for the time being, when i have to. but the issue is that hearing people perceive it as a mixed signal somehow. it seems like it would be easier for them if i were completely deaf (or completely hearing).
i carry around a notepad, for them to write on whatever they want/need to say to me. i mean, with friends i just chat on phone, but strangers ferociously refuse to use phones. they are freaked out by speech-to-text deaf apps, fearing that their words are being recorded somehow, they literally run away lol. and they won't type on memo pad either, i'm not sure why. but handwriting on paper they are more or less willing to do. grudgingly, but yeah.
however, i am able to guess some of what they are saying. idk, "hi," "bye," "have a nice day," "take a seat, a nurse will call you," "your total is $xxx" - i can guess these things, because they are predictable. i'm not very good at lip reading, and i don't hear enough sounds to actually carry out a conversation, but between non-verbal cues, and muffled sounds, and general context of the conversation - yeah, sometimes i'm able to guess what the person is saying. and other times i can't. so sometimes i answer them, and other times i tell them i can't hear and ask them to use my notepad.
and it's this inconsistency that angers them. they seem to think i'm faking deafness for attention or something.
example 1:
went to a doctors office today. walked up to the receptionist, said "hi, im hearing impaired, my name is manya-hoh, here's my id, i have an appointment today at 10am with dr so-and-so." if the receptionist said the usual "take a seat, the nurse will call you" - i woulda guessed it, thanked her, and the conversation would be over. but she said something i couldn't decipher. she was wearing a mask too. i told her i can't hear, handed her my notepad, she pushed it away and repeated one word a couple of times. based on her jaw movement (under the mask) it seemed like she was saying "actor?", and for the life of me i couldn't guess what could this mean in the context of a doctors appointment. i smiled, shook my head, said i couldn't hear her, offered my notepad again. after a few repeats she finally used it, and it turned out she needed my address. but she also unloaded a whole tirade on me, about how we've had a whole conversation no problem, and now all of a sudden i can't hear, pahleeease, with eye-rolls and "ugh" and all that. i mean, we did not have a conversation. i was the only one talking. the first time she said something - i asked her to use my notepad. should i have given her my notepad before saying anything? i mean, 90% of the time there's no need to, they just tell me to take a seat, there's nothing to say, that's why i didn't pull it out in the very beginning.
example 2:
same doctors office. at first i was talking with a new doctor that i never met before. she spoke at high frequencies, i didn't hear any sounds at all from her, and she wore a mask. so i told her i couldn't hear her, and had her write in my notepad. and then another doctor joined in. this one i interacted with before, was familiar with his speech patterns, and he speaks at low frequencies, and he took off his mask for me. so i was able to guess what he was saying. and that sent the first doc into a full-blown tantrum, throwing my notepad at me (literally threw it, hit my chest). the second doc told her i was reading his lips, and couldn't read hers cuz she was wearing a mask - that calmed her down a little, but she was still fuming and throwing things around.
example 3:
my case manager keeps trying to "catch" me at hearing, and shaking her finger at me with a mischievous smile whenever she "succeeds" at it. i mean, she has my medical records on file, she knows i'm hearing impaired, but somehow doesn't believe it i guess? for example, she'd say "hi," i'd respond, and she'd laugh and shake her finger, saying that see, you can hear no problem. i didn't hear her say "hi," i saw her say "hi," it's not the same. if she says "hi" facing away from me - i won't know it and won't be able to respond. but these nuances go over her head i guess.
honestly, for me it would be easiest if people just typed up whatever they have to say, on a tablet. but they insist on talking, and when it's short predictable interactions - i cave in, and try to accommodate, and it just always results in the above type of conflicts.
what am i doing wrong? should i just flat out refuse to "hear" whatever they are saying? but it's hard for me to pretend to not understand something that i do understand, like "have a nice day." hard for me to shrug my shoulders and give them my notepad, instead of responding "thanks, you too."
how do you guys do it? i figure people who are completely deaf are also able to guess basics like "have a nice day" or "take a seat" or such. do hearing people get angry at you too, for understanding some of what they say but not all of it?
thanks!
ps: for clarity, i never use the word "deaf" to describe myself, i say "hearing impaired." i'm not pretending to be something i'm not, i'm not exaggerating my hearing loss, i just really cannot hear what people are saying...