New relationship w/ deafie, pet peeve

Is that a burmese python you have?

You guys can always just get your own dog if the relationship turns into a longterm thing.
 
When my voice becomes too painful for my hearing hubby, he always askes me if I am not wearing my HAs...he was always right..whenever I dont wear my HAs, my voice becomes so loud hurting his ears.

Just saying that you arent the only one who has to deal with this issue.
 
IMO yelling at an animal in that fashion is abuse. No animal should have to endure being yelled at...if it hurts your ears, imagine the dog's...his/her ears are much more sensitive than humans.
 
shel90 said:
When my voice becomes too painful for my hearing hubby, he always askes me if I am not wearing my HAs...he was always right..whenever I dont wear my HAs, my voice becomes so loud hurting his ears.

Just saying that you arent the only one who has to deal with this issue.
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thanks, that makes me feel better
 
sugaree663 said:
Hi everyone,
I'm new to this site and came here because I'm a hearing woman in a new relationship with a deaf man (he asked me to be his girlfriend on Valentine's day after we were dating a couple of months). He is the first deaf person I have ever known. I met him at the bowling alley where I work as a waitress. At first, communication was daunting to me, I really was unsure of how we would accomplish it. Now, it doesn't seem like a big deal anymore We use paper to write notes, I learned to finger-spell right away and am beginning to learn AS. He wears a hearing aid and can lip-read and speak words. I love him a lot and am enjoying learning about deaf culture. He has been deaf since birth and doesn't speak all that much and he's not easy to understand when he does, and honestly, I enjoy the silence immensely and can't wait to learn to sign better so we don't have to rely on voices.

So here is my 'pet' peeve: His roomate has a dog, and when I go to his house, he is constantly talking/yelling at the dog. Since he doesn't speak all that much at other times, it's very grating on my ears to hear him scolding the dog the entire time I'm at his place. I think it wouldn't be so hard on me if that wasn't just about the only time I hear his voice. It's just weird that for the most part, when I hear his voice, it's in a tone of anger and irritation. I really dislike it and the dog doesn't listen to him/understand him anyway. I want to be sensitive and not be a bitch, so I haven't really said anything to him about it. Last night though, it was driving me crazy because the dog kept jumping on the bed and then he'd yell at the dog, all while we are trying to cuddle. So I got up and put the dog on the floor a couple of times and used the hand signal for 'stay'. I told my bf (with paper/pen) that I used to work at a dog kennel and learned how to train dogs and that dogs respond better to hand signals a lot of the times.
anyone have any input, suggestions, ideas, comments for me about any of this?
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First of all, I want to say that it's great you two found each other. You obviously love him! It's great that you are willing to work at a relationship that will take a little extra effort. It shows that you are a great person (in my humble opinion). Secondly, I'd like to say that I completely understand why you don't want to say anything, but would it really hurt him all that much if you write something like 'Hey, it bothers me a little that the only time I hear your voice is when you are yelling at the dog. Is there a way we can change that a little?'? I mean, I wouldn't say anything about the quality of his voice or anything like that, really....but I would be honest about how you are feeling, especially since you seem serious about him. I also think you did right to suggest trying to train the dog. Your bf doesn't realize what's like to hear and to only hear angry voices( I am severly hoh and used to be completely hearing)..so you are going to have to teach him about that, like he is teaching you about being deaf. I hope I helped a little! Good luck!
 
I've been married for 18 years and I've found that honesty is not always the best policy. Sometimes you just have to overlook things and consider the feelings of the other person. Yes, certain things are going to irritate you. How can you be with a person and not get irritated sometimes? A lot of times my hubby and I just joke about it. We've learned to accept each other as we are. Give it a couple of decades, and you'll laugh about it, too.
 
I'm profoundly Deaf since birth and is married to a hearing wife. At times, I tend to talk or scream out with a loud/booming voice without realizing it. As you see, I was brought up without being informed about my own 'Deaf' voice that can annoy or irritable others. It is hard to tell difference in voice intensity used in between hearing and Deaf worlds. My wife had taught me how voice is being used in hearing people while they speak in quiet environment or loud

Everytime, I speak out with a strong voice, she asks me to lower down until she gets what she wants and it is pretty tough for me to take. Sometimes, she often shows her tolerance and with understanding.

In your situation, your bf is not at fault for screaming out loud without realizing how painful your ears can get. My suggestion to you is to 'educate' and 'discuss' your concerns how painful your ears can get. Relationship is a two way street, not one. Show your a little bit of tolerance, yet remind him if he screams or loud from time to time. Your bf will have to adjust a little bit, say less screaming the better, with understanding that he got a hearing GF as well.

A little bit of work between you both will succeed

Hope this helps.
 
A lot of good advice here.

I think just talking it out, as others have said, will go a long ways. I know I've been guilty (I'm deaf) of doing things such as talking too loud, etc. and need to be told of this. I would rather be told things than be embarassed or let others be uncomfortable.
 
I think two different parts here - one is relationship itself and other is about the dog handling. In regards to relationship, take time to learn about each other, no matter if hearing/Deaf/hoh, ask each other what works, what persons think, why do this or that? Try to communicate without judgment and with desire to find and share the other's strengths.

About dog - dogs do communicate and understand much much more quickly through /facial expression/body language, inflection and other non-verbal markers. Dogs also have not a clue what "stay" and the like mean <regardless of how many times you say it> until they learn to associate the behavior with the cue. Reward what you WANT the dog to do and she will be more likely to DO that over a course of time; ignore/prevent what you DON'T want the dog to do. Not supposed to be on bed - prevent access to bedroom and give her something ELSE to do instead of trying to get into the bedroom - toy stuffed with food, for example.
 
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