new here deaf son

SxyPorkie said:
I take it back... Now I remembered you from Deafchat... you kept telling everyone in there you would not change your deaf son.,.. you liked the way he was... You lied... you DID changed him by having him getting CI... you should wait until he is old enough to make his own decision..

SxyPorkie
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Sxy was this to Samantha or Zoo? Little G doesn't have CI

Zoo
 
My biggest concern with hearing parents implanting deaf kids is that the professionals are telling them that CI will give children hearing. The parents think that means that heir kids will hear the same as hearing person hears and that is wrong. Just being able to pick up sound doesn't make the kid hearing. It's not a magical "cure" for being deaf.

As a hearie mom, the professionals also told me 20 years ago that hearing aids would help my son develop speech and hearing skills and that I should not use sign with him because he would not try to use his aids and his voice if I did. I tried to do what they said, and my son ended up being a VERY frustrated little boy. I told the professionals that to me, it didn't matter how my son communicated, but that he was able to communicate. So I went tothe Deaf community for help. Here I will tell you a story.

When my son was 2, I learned a few signs and I bought some flash cards like are used to teach reading with pictures on them. One morning, he got up for breakfast, and after he ate, I showed him a picture of a pair of pants, and I made the sign for "pants". He ran to his room, picked a pair of pants from his dresser, came back, dropped them on the floor in front of me, and grinning from ear to ear, signed "pants". I knew then that this was his language. He understood for the first time. I hugged him and cried, and laughed. After that he would walk around everywhere pointing at things and then speading his hands out with the palm up as if asking me for the sign for that thing. It is a moment I will remember for all my life.

Another story. When he was about 5 or 6, we were in a store, and a woman saw us signing. She came over and asked if he was deaf. Then she said to tell him if he "prayed hard enough God would heal him". I signed for him what she said, and he signed back, "I'm not sick!"

I have never regretted that I allowed my son to make his own choice about whether he wanted to wear aids, whether he wanted to use his voice, and how he wanted to communicate. He is the one who has to live with his deafness, it should be his decision how he wants to deal with it. As his mother, I am here to support and love him no matter what he decides, or what language he speaks. It is not my job to make him more like me(hearing), but to teach him that he is great no matter. My son has taught me so much about what it is to be courageous, and proud. And how to be forgiving of sometimes ignorant people.

I have learned that Deaf means so much more than not hearing. I have learned that communication and connection with other people is the imporant thing, not what language is spoken. I have learned that music is as beautiful seen as it is heard, by watching his Deaf choir perform. I have learned that the way I do things isn't always the right way for all people. I have learned that verbal doesn't mean better. I don't wish that my son was hearing. If anything, I sometimes wish that I was deaf so I could understand even more.

I have met so many wonderful deaf people who have been so kind and understanding and willing to help me despite the pain the hearing world has often put them through for their differences in language. Courageous and proud people. Intelligent and caring people. People who speak a language that says even more than verbal language can say at times.

I only say to hearing parents: Please take time to learn what deafness is before you make a decision to do something as drastic as CI. Please, talk to Deaf people and not just the hearing professionals who try to tell you what is best for deaf children and adults. Get the information from the people who know--Deaf people. Accept that there is nothing wrong with you child; they don't have a disease that needs to be cured. They are only deaf, and that is no tradgedy. For me, having a deaf child has been a huge blessing. It has made me a better person because of the experiences I have had. I truly feel sorry for any hearing parent that would try to raise a deaf child without the help of the deaf community.

If you decide, after all of that, that CI is the best option, then that is your decision. Perhaps you simply don't see things the way I do. I only know that my son is perfect just as he is. He is a perfect Deaf man, not an imperfect man with defective hearing. He is healthy, he is well adjusted, he is confidant, he accepts who he is and is comfortable with it, he is pursuing his education, and he is a loving and caring person. That's all that matters to me.
 
jillo, this is introduction thread in introduction section.. wrong place to post your lengthy rant. :zzz:

by the way welcome to AD, Samantha!
 
Boult said:
jillo, this is introduction thread in introduction section.. wrong place to post your lengthy rant. :zzz:
Click to expand...
jillo is new here so give her some time to learn her ways around in here.
BTW, I don't see her post as a ranting but her opinion.
 
Welcome to AllDeaf. I'm sure you will learn a lot of things about deaf culture here. All of us have different opinions about CI and some of us are EXTREME. I am one of super moderators here, if you experience any attacks concerning CI, please report it to moderators and we will moderate them accordingly.

Enjoy your stay here and let us know how things go and we will be more than glad to help you wherever you need!
 
jillio said:
My biggest concern with hearing parents implanting deaf kids is that the professionals are telling them that CI will give children hearing. The parents think that means that heir kids will hear the same as hearing person hears and that is wrong. Just being able to pick up sound doesn't make the kid hearing. It's not a magical "cure" for being deaf.

As a hearie mom, the professionals also told me 20 years ago that hearing aids would help my son develop speech and hearing skills and that I should not use sign with him because he would not try to use his aids and his voice if I did. I tried to do what they said, and my son ended up being a VERY frustrated little boy. I told the professionals that to me, it didn't matter how my son communicated, but that he was able to communicate. So I went tothe Deaf community for help. Here I will tell you a story.

When my son was 2, I learned a few signs and I bought some flash cards like are used to teach reading with pictures on them. One morning, he got up for breakfast, and after he ate, I showed him a picture of a pair of pants, and I made the sign for "pants". He ran to his room, picked a pair of pants from his dresser, came back, dropped them on the floor in front of me, and grinning from ear to ear, signed "pants". I knew then that this was his language. He understood for the first time. I hugged him and cried, and laughed. After that he would walk around everywhere pointing at things and then speading his hands out with the palm up as if asking me for the sign for that thing. It is a moment I will remember for all my life.

Another story. When he was about 5 or 6, we were in a store, and a woman saw us signing. She came over and asked if he was deaf. Then she said to tell him if he "prayed hard enough God would heal him". I signed for him what she said, and he signed back, "I'm not sick!"

I have never regretted that I allowed my son to make his own choice about whether he wanted to wear aids, whether he wanted to use his voice, and how he wanted to communicate. He is the one who has to live with his deafness, it should be his decision how he wants to deal with it. As his mother, I am here to support and love him no matter what he decides, or what language he speaks. It is not my job to make him more like me(hearing), but to teach him that he is great no matter. My son has taught me so much about what it is to be courageous, and proud. And how to be forgiving of sometimes ignorant people.

I have learned that Deaf means so much more than not hearing. I have learned that communication and connection with other people is the imporant thing, not what language is spoken. I have learned that music is as beautiful seen as it is heard, by watching his Deaf choir perform. I have learned that the way I do things isn't always the right way for all people. I have learned that verbal doesn't mean better. I don't wish that my son was hearing. If anything, I sometimes wish that I was deaf so I could understand even more.

I have met so many wonderful deaf people who have been so kind and understanding and willing to help me despite the pain the hearing world has often put them through for their differences in language. Courageous and proud people. Intelligent and caring people. People who speak a language that says even more than verbal language can say at times.

I only say to hearing parents: Please take time to learn what deafness is before you make a decision to do something as drastic as CI. Please, talk to Deaf people and not just the hearing professionals who try to tell you what is best for deaf children and adults. Get the information from the people who know--Deaf people. Accept that there is nothing wrong with you child; they don't have a disease that needs to be cured. They are only deaf, and that is no tradgedy. For me, having a deaf child has been a huge blessing. It has made me a better person because of the experiences I have had. I truly feel sorry for any hearing parent that would try to raise a deaf child without the help of the deaf community.

If you decide, after all of that, that CI is the best option, then that is your decision. Perhaps you simply don't see things the way I do. I only know that my son is perfect just as he is. He is a perfect Deaf man, not an imperfect man with defective hearing. He is healthy, he is well adjusted, he is confidant, he accepts who he is and is comfortable with it, he is pursuing his education, and he is a loving and caring person. That's all that matters to me.
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WHOO HOO...I agree with you completely... I was born hearing but became HOH ..but my parents were deaf... Deafness is not a disease.... every parents should accept deaf children as they are... just love them as they are instead of trying to make them into hearing...

Thanks!!
SxyPorkie
 
Please take time to learn what deafness is before you make a decision to do something as drastic as CI.
Click to expand...
Also, understand that probaly very few kids who don't get a lot of benifit from hearing aids will get the best benifit from CI. I've noticed that many of the "superstars" are those who had some benifit from hearing aids.....for them getting CI was just "turning up the volumne" (ie expanding the percentage of words that they could understand) Kids who got absolutly no benifit from hearing aids (except for those who had some listening experiance) tend to have to start from scratch as far as listening experiance.
 
Boult said:
jillo, this is introduction thread in introduction section.. wrong place to post your lengthy rant. :zzz:

by the way welcome to AD, Samantha!
Click to expand...
Boult, you whine about ANY post against CI's. This isn't the place for you to be whining about other people.
 
ButterflyGirl said:
jillo is new here so give her some time to learn her ways around in here.
BTW, I don't see her post as a ranting but her opinion.
Click to expand...
I agree. It isn't a rant. It's the truth.
 
Boult said:
jillo, this is introduction thread in introduction section.. wrong place to post your lengthy rant. :zzz:

by the way welcome to AD, Samantha!
Click to expand...

Sorry if offended you. Post too long for you, don't read it. Very simple solution.
 
ButterflyGirl said:
jillo is new here so give her some time to learn her ways around in here.
BTW, I don't see her post as a ranting but her opinion.
Click to expand...

Thank you, ButterflyGirl. Will try to be more careful in future.
 
Welcome Jillo and thanks for your intro. You sound a very loving mum! I am always happy to see any parent who clearly cares for their child, whatever the path they choose.

Just one point, just because a child has a hearing aid or a CI, it doesn't mean that they do not sign. According to a presentation I read online from Gallaudet about 40% of children with CIs are in total communication programs and still more continue to use sign and interpreters since they were older when implanted. So having a CI and the use of sign doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. A CI only gives representative hearing and is not a cure.

Also many of us with CIs or hearing aids (I'm born deaf also) do not perceive our parents' choices as an attempt to cure us or fix us, but rather an attempt to increase our options in life. I was happy for my mother's choice and never saw her as not accepting me for what I was.

I do appreciate that there are parents out there though who are very focussed on their child being "normal" (I've seen them!) but there are many that aren't but who do realise that we are in an overwhelmingly hearing world and believe that having the ability to speak can be a useful tool for their child to have in life.

I don't think that any parent can lose as long as they always remain intuitive and in touch with their child's needs and feelings, always. I have a sister who chose the same path as you about 16 years ago and she was happy with the choice she made and I totally respect her.
 
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