Need to Vent:

nicely said :)

now lets smoke those doobies LOL
 
:applause: Bear -- Good post to tell it all.
( Pssst... this is me " Scarlett " - I used to chat in DeafChat in the past and do hope that you remember me. LOL It's good to see you back. :hug: )
 
Bear,

Welcome to the Wild West of the deaf blogs. Hang in here and let ur skin grow thick and then you'll make this your lovely home sweet home.

Richard
 
CyberRed said:
:applause: Bear -- Good post to tell it all.
( Pssst... this is me " Scarlett " - I used to chat in DeafChat in the past and do hope that you remember me. LOL It's good to see you back. :hug: )
Click to expand...


Lol CyberRed I do remember you and thanks for posting in reply to mine lol. Wish to see you back in deafchat sometime. Ok enough about deafchat this here is alldeaf lol.

Lol Bawky good to see ya and hubby is still pestering me on when we are going to see ya again. Mwah.

As for back on topic now. It was just bothering me and it wouldn't go away till I put it all out there in a post. It was going round and around in my head all day on how to post this and how to word it without it sounding like another bashing thread. Gee, one of the hardest topics I have ever posted on. Usually, when I post it is out of anger at something someone said. That isn't good and I do so need to learn to back off and calm down then come back and post and possibly ask for clarification. Like I said, I am guilty at this too.

I truly believe that we are letting our disagreements get in the way of truly trying to understand each other. If I do or dont believe in a CI, or if I do or don't think that a hearing aid is a waste of money, if I do or dont think that children should be implanted, if I do or dont comment on someone wanting a renewal wedding, does this make me a bad person? No! Does it mean I am someone you wouldn't want to know personally? Not necessarily!

Our opinions are just that opinions, but it doesnt really make us the kind of people we are. I have met some people that don't like me in real life, but then again I have met countless of others that do.

I have met many of the people from another site that I go to and generally love them all. There have been only a few so far that I have met that I don't like. Does that mean they don't deserve respect? No, it just means that our personalities don't mix.

Cloggy, believes in implanting children, I don't. Does this mean I should automatically *hate* him and bash him every chance I get? Nope!! In fact I would love to meet Cloggy someday if the chance presented itself. It just means we don't agree. Fine, that is normal!

Same thing goes for everyone. Sweetmind,Gnu,CyberRed,SexyPorkie and I and quite a few other believe children should not be implanted. Does this make us a *clique*? Nope! That just makes us individuals who share the same opinion.

FelixKat believes she should have a renewal wedding and asking for opinions. Do I believe she should have one? Maybe or maybe not. Would I attend her wedding if asked? Hell yeah, if I could afford to go and would even buy her a present for the renewal vows! Regardless, on how I feel about her decision.

My point is we should all *love* each other no matter what and show them respect we ALL so totally deserve to have in our posts.

I rarely post my opinions simply because I know when and if I ever do I will be bashed for them.

Is this what you really want? No! I am sure it isnt.

A new parent comes here for support in trying to decide if they should implant their child. All they are getting is bashing from one side and the other side bashing the side bashing the parents in the first place. Where is the support?

That's all i am trying to say.

Thanks,

Bear
 
Yeah, I see ( heard ) ya. But, the only problem is that I was banned last weekend ( 2nd ban ), just because someone thought I was bein' rude and disrespectful to someone's thread. It was them who were bein' rude to me after I made a comment about myself and they weren't banned for bein' rude to me -- THAT surely confused me. And, what's more -- I don't trust one of MODS anymore what MOD have done to me.

Like for example in CI threads, they debate over their difference/opinions/point of views about how they want to implant on children or not.... some of them name-callin' others to downright them without acceptin' them. They were not banned for name callin' or whatsoever. I stopped postin' more in there.
 
hiya Cybered,

I do understand and sympathise with how you feel. I too have seen some favortism going on in ALL sites at one time or another.

However, if you take a look at your post. It would be considered bashing as well. Cause of the tone set. You stated you don't trust a certain mod. All of us knowing you, also know who that mod is. So you finger-pointed without outright doing so.

This is my point exactly, and part of the reason I did post this.

Another major peeve oF mine is other people answering other people's posts. I TOO am very guilty of doing this. How can we truly assume to know what another person actually meant in their posts?

I too have *clarified* things posted by a certain poster, especially. I felt capapble of doing so, because I know her. But, what if I had been wrong and she did in fact mean something entirely different? This adds to the confusion, name-calling and flame wars. I too need to learn to let the OP *original poster* clarify their own statements.

I have really been thinking about things, and the way I have been acting. And I have been thinking about the deaf communtity as a WHOLE. Not just CI users, hearing aid users, or culturely *sp?* forgive me its late lol, deaf *whatever that may be?*

I just feel that we are all truly here just to find acceptance. If your anything like me and live in an area where there is almost no deaf at all unless you wanna drive and hour to hour and a half to Toledo or Cleveland, your also here looking for companionship, among others like yourself. In the end CI, hearing aid, oral,asl users,cuturally deaf, and whatnot, we all deserve to be treated with respect and hopefully offered friendhip and a *home*

Bashing each other, name-calling and flame wars is not getting any messages out there! If anything it turns people away from this site and from the deaf.

And that is why I feel we should all be a little more aware. People come here searching for a lot more than just to post. They come here searching for compassion, understanding, information, and others like them who understand what it is they are going through.

Thanks,

Bear
 
Yeah, I totally understand. I don't need to explain more here. :)

The only way I could do is just don't post to some certain members who don't give a flyin' colors about others' opinions/point of views. I mean without acceptin' others for their difference.
 
Cybered,

Totally agree on that opinion! You're right about it. If they won't or can't respect your opinion, then you're better off just removing yourself from the discussion. At least, then it won't escalate into worse.

Very good idea you have there for us!

Thank you,

Bear
 
:applause: Bear :applause:

I ignored most of threads when I disagree or dislike something instead of jump to tell them that they are wrong etc.

I have no problem to respect parents for implant their children with CI because it's their decision, not our. They have no problem to understand why I disagree to implant babies to toddler with CI but it would be different story if they judge and tell me wrong instead of agree to disagree each other.

I see that I have problem with some of threads. Example: A person created his/her thread to ask us for feedback/opinion and then being offend because she/he don't like our "negative" feedback/opinion and accuss ADers for "disrespect" their thread. I was like :ugh: because I thought a creator deserve our honest opinion/feedback instead of accuss us for disrespect their thread. I only make posts on any thread where creators are open mind about feedback/opinion and appreciate our honest opinion/feedback. I would appreicate anyone to give me honest feedback/opinion because I need to know about this. What is a forum for? Of course collect our experiences...

Bear's post
My point is we should all *love* each other no matter what and show them respect we ALL so totally deserve to have in our posts.
Click to expand...

Yes I'm agree to this but the problem is the people think we "disrespect" their feedback/opinion threads because we thought they deserve our honest opinion/feedback.

Example: A person bashed me for add the link of my information/experience from other threads because it relate on the same thread where the creator created. A person refused to accept the fact that Moderator and Creator told a person off and allow me to share my POV with them because a creator is happy with my post. I consider what a person did is disrespectful.

 
I do certinally agreed w/Bear's comment quite so huge postive help everyone understand as long everyone expecting respect anyone.. Hopefully it will come works as well..
*smile*

If anyone dislike their thread then don't post as pure simple respect their thread what their prefer comment..
I've seen some thread, whoever likes to jump bandwagon and bash'em up.. Is that okay for their pov. I do certinally disagree their bash to person who made their post.. as long anyone whoever must respect their POV peroid rest of time.

Some of AD'ers who want asking anyone feedback but turn it out uglier bash or negivate remarks totally.. not giving opnion as pro vs con.. SAD!
Hopefully this time have to change somewhat and best interest everyone pleasant giving postive vs negivate no need bash.. Would be great benefits for everyone.

Way to go... Excellence your vent quite postive advise!
 
GalaxyAngel said:
Some of AD'ers who want asking anyone feedback but turn it out uglier bash or negivate remarks totally.. not giving opnion as pro vs con.. SAD!
Hopefully this time have to change somewhat and best interest everyone pleasant giving postive vs negivate no need bash.. Would be great benefits for everyone.

Way to go... Excellence your vent quite postive advise!
Click to expand...

I thought the same as you... I notice when ADers gave creator the honest feedback/opinion but the creator are being offend and felt that we "bashed" or "disrespect" them which we do not mean to bash them but give our honest feedback/opinon because the creator ask for feedback/opinion... I'm agree that it goes ugly because creators or ADers misunderstand each other. That's why I avoid any creators who are offend easily and make post where the creator are open mind about feedback/opinon etc.
 
Bear said:
Just today, I decided to read in alldeaf as someone who was new to our communitity and wanted to get to know the deaf world.

I was needless to say very very shocked at what I was seeing. With renewed eyes, I saw so many things happening in here that would turn me off the deaf communitity as a whole.

It also helped to reinforce my reasons for not being involved as much as I would like.

I go into the Hearing Aid and CI threads, and boy what do I see? I'll tell ya what I see and what anyone new to this communitity would see.

1. No respect for each other and their individual opinions.

2. Name-calling and bashing each other like little kids would.

3. No compassion for each other as individuals.

4. The inability to actually debate an issue with respect.

I will say that alldeaf is not the only place I see this going on. But, being as I am in alldeaf it is the only site I can talk about per se.

I am guilty of doing some of this too people. But, come on really is this the way we want to present ourselves to the community at large?

Is this the way we want our children to see us behaving?

I have seen people worried more about what a person has said before rather than showing compassion at the current situation here in all deaf.

I see in posts all the time, instead of respecting the opposing position and saying something like, I respect your opinion, but here let me state my reasons for such and such. Heck no, I dont see that at all instead I see each side saying *You're wrong, You're opinions the wrong one* I see each side of the discussion tryin to *hammer* home that they are the only persons with the RIGHT opinion to have.

Then when they still refuse to see *your side* then you resort to name-calling and bashing. I haven't done this yet as far as I know but if I had please *slap me* and give me a wake up call!!!

One person complains about wanting a CI taken out. Do I see others showing compassion to this person and saying gee I sympathize with you and support your decision no matter what? NO, I see them questioning if their reasons were truly the right reasons for removal? Gee, I would hate for my kids to act like this. But, it is what we are showing them to do.

I could quote post after post of this going on. Will spare us all the embarrassment though. We all know we are all guilty of this at one time or another.

Question I have is what are we going to do about it?

I know what I am going to do. When I post next time, I will make sure I read the words, and think before I speak or type.

Our communitity is small in the big picture. Do we really wanna rip each other apart like this? Sure, we won't always agree, we won't always be happy with one anothers decisions, we won't even always like each other. But does that also mean we cannot respect each other?

I am not pointing the finger at any one individual and I am not naming any names. To do that It would take at least 3 pages of post with mine on top as number 1.

I just want you all to hopefully do me a favor and read your posts as an outsider would. And then ask yourself, was I respectful? Did I respect the other person's position or did I try to *hammer* home that my opinion and position was the only correct one?

Did I show compassion to another person, regardless on whether if I believe their story or not?

Did I resort to name calling or bashing?

Then picture your kids say 10-20 years from now reading what you posted. Is that what you want your children to see?

I don't know what happened to me today. But, I decided to take a long hard look at myself and the posts I made and the posts others made, and didn't like what I saw from us.

What we are truly showing the world is a bunch of immature deafies who cannot respect other's and even sometimes themselves. Name-calling that is something a child would do.

I know the truth hurts and it has me as well today, But, hopefully this will be a wake up call to us all.

We can't expect others to support us and our causes when we refuse to support our own and our own causes.

I truly do not believe we are this immature. So, why are we ALL including myself at times acting it?

I say from this moment on let bygones be bygones and stop trying to aggravate each other and start showing the world what we are truly made of.


Bear
Click to expand...
:h5:
 
Excellent posting!

My two girls do read AD and have asked me about some of the threads - they wonder about negativity and immaturity amongst adults :ugh3: They even saw the part where someone insulted me with a curse word. :ugh2:
 
Very good posting Bear, good venting and i agree... that why most of the topic threads I wouldn't post in.
 
Yeah, I realize there are topics and threads most won't post in and that is good. It keeps you out of the topics where the flame-wars are going on.

But what if you were new and needed information? What if you were new and wanted to know what both sides thought? Your not getting that here through all the name-calling and bashing and both sides saying *I'm right, you're wrong.*

Like one poster stated above. Someone posting asking for feedback on a topic or question. If you happen to state feedback that- that person doesnt like or agree with then all of a sudden it turns into bashing or being rude.

That is not the intention I believe we all have here at Alldeaf and wanting to show.

But, those good intentions seem to be getting lost. LOL

My advice is to post in any topic you wish and show them how it should be done!



Thanks,
Bear
 
Hey Bear, Good thread you started which I missed. whoops! I do wish to see the return of normalcy without using snide remarks and etc.. that we have been seeing since lately..

I am really sorry that you all had to see this in HA/CI section somehow... folks like me do not want to be run out of here like we have been on other forums due to certain members. *shrug*

I know I have CI and I do want to share information and provide supports without being trolled in any of our thread in HA/CI. Trolls likes to incite flamewars and in turns may cause one of us to be banned because of the trolls but admin/mods are not stupid and they are doing excellent job! I commend the admin/mods for their job well done!. Of course, we don't like Trolls! If you do see one, Please reports to moderators and they will take care of trolls! Do not sit back and watch the Trolls litter the threads!

That's all I want to say.. **stepping of soapbox** :wave:
 
Thats a good thread in the time of discontent, which some have actually jacked up the gangshow.

I am really dissappointed theres to what I have witnessed massive impartially in the HA/CI section, folks like me do not want to be run out of here like we have been on other forums due to certain members.

I know I DONT have CI and I wish to enlighten with information that are neutral to provide the morale support to make an informed decision.

Trolls that supports CI likes to incite flamewars and in turns set up some of the grassroots deaf to be banned

Reacting on 'incorrect posts' isn't even an excuse to exploit their literature-elitism, that showed disrespect, and it is dangerously close to bigotry.

Moreso I knew something's wrong when a 'gang' of strong CI supporters tries to oust me, they dont like the boat rocked.

yours
 
Good post on the first page, Bear

I agree with you about what been happening in the CI / HA sections lately. I have seen it all the attacking going on and it's sad that it went that way. That's why I don't go in there anymore after I have been attacked by the CIers and their supporters awhile ago.

One member have call me Kodak for no apparent reason at all and post an image belonging to Kodak. I was quick to alert Alex as it is a copyright law to use Kodak image as I do not want Alex to get into trouble because of that member sheer stupidity. That person had been doing it 3 times calling me Kodak and I reported it to the moderator and Alex. The mods and Alex was quick to response and remove the posts. I am thankful for their quick action.

I don't post very much anyway cos I fear of getting attacks. I just post in some area where I would not likely be attack. I am a very sensitive person as you know me from deafchat and I can easily get hurt.

Soon, I will be taking a break from my computer as I will be going away to UK. Hopefully when I come back, I would like to see alldeaf come back to be a happy forum. That is my wish that everyone gets along with everyone and not resort to personal attacks.

Thanks for your time to read this.
Koala
 
Bear,
I understand your venting, and I mostly agree with you. I realize that part of your accusation is directed towards me, and for a good reason. I have been very involved in the “discussion”.
I am hear from the viewpoint of a hearing parent with a deaf child that we choose to have CI. THAT is my point of view.

Thinking what I could have done different… I came up with plenty of posts where passion got the overhand. But nowhere do I feel that I have stepped outside the arena that was created. Harsh posts are easily replied with another harsh post, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

You say you notice that there is no respect for individual opinions. From my point of view, I do not agree with you. Overall people respect their opinions, and in general people agree to disagree.
There are a lot of threads with excellent information regarding deafness, HA’s and CI. People that come here will have no problems finding the correct information.
But topics do tend to go off-track with personal issues.

With me, my biggest problem is when someone is broadcasting misinformation. I am not talking about opinions. The opinion that “Toddlers should not be operated upon” is a good one. The opinion that “Toddlers should be operated upon as soon as possible” is fine. But broadcasts like “CI is the same as HA” when people that actually having used both have explained again and again that they are completely different; THAT is what I react against.
Members have explained patiently how the facts are. Created separate threads showing their experiences. Acknowledging that there are differences in experience.
I have see threads created regarding own – first-hand- experiences, regarding experience of other their children, about which books to read, about technical issues. But also threads showing misconception and plain predjudice.

The guest browsing through AllDeaf will see a lot of topics and will find information he/she needs. Especially in the first part of the topics, where the topic is still on track. All topics derail in time. One of the topics kept on going for 1400 posts, being off-topic for about 1350 of them.

Regarding your example below:
Bear said:
One person complains about wanting a CI taken out. Do I see others showing compassion to this person and saying gee I sympathize with you and support your decision no matter what? NO, I see them questioning if their reasons were truly the right reasons for removal? ……...
Click to expand...
There was compassion, but people that know about CI found it a strange story. To someone that does not like CI, it could have looked as if there was no compassion, but the fact is; the story didn’t make sense. When information came in, it did not become clearer. In the end, due to reappearance at another time, more information became available that was not shared earlier.
So, to you there might be lack of compassion, to another there was a doubtful story where more information was requested.

But I agree that discussion should be done in a mature way. Also, people should perhaps react quicker when they see deviation from the topic, name-calling or other deviations from normal discussion rules. (That said.. I don’t mind sometimes a picture that sais more that 100 words.)
In that sense, I wouldn’t mind if non-related thing were removed when requested to the moderator.

I want to add to this that I feel that the moderators are doing a good job. In another messageboard I allway’s felt that any opinion opposite of that of the moderator/messageboard would be a cause of a malfunction of my posting-abilities. This would happen without warning, without explanation.
I never felt that way with AllDeaf. At all times I felt that I could state my opinion and confront people when I felt it was appropriate.
I comment AllDeaf for that.
 
Bear, Good vent. Now let see do I go there to look at the threat, think not. I wouldnt want to get into the mess unless it clean up the act.

Take an easy girl. :hug:
 
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