My view on deaf/hearing relationships and what should I do?

I just have one CI on my right ear, I do pretty good with it. I talk on the phone and all that kind of stuff.

Actually, some girls don't know I have a CI, I always wear a hat... and I MEAN ALWAYS. But anyways, I don't know. It's just weird!
 
bumpsy said:
What's a better way to get to know people than a deaf forum :)

I'm in a Deaf/Hearing relationship. I'm profoundly deaf and my fiance is hearing, our children are hearing. We've been together 4 years now. I've dated deaf people in the past and I don't actually think it's much different, but then that's me. Everyone has a different opinion and all are valid.
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Well said. :)
 
Seibo21 said:
I just have one CI on my right ear, I do pretty good with it. I talk on the phone and all that kind of stuff.
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That's good! You're lucky and can speak on phone. I never use my voice. I had a lack of voice. That's long story. I am wonder why you're join to AllDeaf? You want to learn about Deaf, Hard of Hearing and Hearing? I have a deaf friend live in same your town.

Seibo21 said:
Actually, some girls don't know I have a CI, I always wear a hat... and I MEAN ALWAYS. But anyways, I don't know. It's just weird!
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Does your friends know sign language or speak with you? I have all friends with deaf, hard of hearing and hearing. I like to communicate with them and use sign language but I never use my voice to speak. I always write and communicate with hearing friends. My fiance is hearing and know sign language to communicate with me.
 
Hi there,

I am too familiar with the town - Jasper, Indiana that is. You see, I was born and raised nearby Evansville, Indiana which is not far from Jasper. Have you considered going to see if you could attend a local deaf event either in Evansville or Indianapolis? Perhaps it'd be a start for you to broaden your horizons and you never know, You could get lucky! :)
 
Pinky678 said:
That's good! You're lucky and can speak on phone. I never use my voice. I had a lack of voice. That's long story. I am wonder why you're join to AllDeaf? You want to learn about Deaf, Hard of Hearing and Hearing? I have a deaf friend live in same your town.



Does your friends know sign language or speak with you? I have all friends with deaf, hard of hearing and hearing. I like to communicate with them and use sign language but I never use my voice to speak. I always write and communicate with hearing friends. My fiance is hearing and know sign language to communicate with me.
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You know a deaf person in Jasper, INdiana? Who is that?
 
Jolie_77 said:
Hi there,

I am too familiar with the town - Jasper, Indiana that is. You see, I was born and raised nearby Evansville, Indiana which is not far from Jasper. Have you considered going to see if you could attend a local deaf event either in Evansville or Indianapolis? Perhaps it'd be a start for you to broaden your horizons and you never know, You could get lucky! :)
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I'd be too shy to just meet strangers at a deaf event probably, thats not really my thing, I don't know.
 
Seibo21 said:
I'd be too shy to just meet strangers at a deaf event probably, thats not really my thing, I don't know.
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I understand. I, too, am shy in a particular way but you know, you've got to break the ice one way or other because otherwise, if you don't, How will you know if you're going to be able to find something that you want for yourself?
 
Seibo21 said:
You know a deaf person in Jasper, INdiana? Who is that?
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Her name is Katie. She is a taller. She is at college now. Her hometown is Jasper. She have a boyfriend now. She is 21 years old now. Do you know her?
 
Nope, I'm pretty well known around here, so maybe she knows me, I don't know. How do you know her anyways
 
Seibo21 said:
Thanks for the kind words gemma! My biggest pet peeve with hearing women is that they don't graspt the concept that just because they increase the volume on the TV or Movie or whatever it is, or they talk louder, does not increase my chances of understanding it by much.

It is more or less the clarity of the speech that allows me to understand it. If there's background noise, then there is no chance. I also always feel uncomfortable with Closed Captioning/Subtitles when I'm around girls I don't know as well. I'm shy about it I guess.
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Seibo - for now, girl issue should not be your priority. Your priority is to be comfortable with yourself. THEN the next step gets so much easier and you'll have a great confidence to meet just about anything you want to meet. I was invited to birthday party back in high school (I was the only non-hearing person) and a big group gathered around to watch a movie. As he started to play dvd, I asked him to turn on subtitle. Yes there was this girl at party that I liked but I wasn't shy about my hearing disability. I wanted to enjoy the movie with everybody else as well - laugh with them too! Girls like guy with confidence! right girls???? :afro:

So it would be kinda silly for a wheelchair person to try to open door himself to get thru but would not use the button to open it just because he's being self-conscious or feeling embarrassed about himself. You see what I'm saying? I know it feels weird or something when somebody's looking at you that you have CI on your head and it's easy to be self-conscious about it but you gota try hard to ignore it. Like I said - girl loves guy with confidence! and of course a great sense of humor. RIGHT GIRLS? :thumb:

Your shyness and self-consciousness are what's holding you back from truly enjoying life. You said you're having problems when dating with these women, they don't know what it's like for you. Well - the reason why I don't have problem with dating hearing women is because we talk about my disability and obviously they don't know how to do it with deaf/HOH people. So I simply explain everything to her and everything's trial and error from there. As long as she's patient and understanding, she won't even notice if you're deaf. :giggle:
 
Hi there

I'm hearing and English speaking, my husband is Belgian and Flemish speaking, my step-sons are Afrikaans speaking and our friends are Deaf and sign SASL....we all make a plan to communicate! But sometimes the "cultural differences" between me and my husband are bigger than those between me and our Deaf friends :)
 
Jilro, awesome reply man. You're probably right, I am a pretty confident guy as I know I've dated women way out of my league, but somehow pull it off. I guess I just don't like being treated differently, but I don't know. I am not totally uncomfortable with it, but I am not fully comfortable with it, I guess I'm kind of in between on issues with my hearing and CI and whatever.

But, thanks for the serious post.
 
hey man. sounds like pinky's attempting to hook you up with someone. better try it out! :cool:
 
:roll: yeah right! I am taken it! I am getting marry with hearing man. This man is same my state. I don't know who is him! nodding @ you!

jiro123 said:
hey man. sounds like pinky's attempting to hook you up with someone. better try it out! :cool:
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no no pinky. You misunderstood me - I meant to hook him up with your friend. and also - congratulation on your engagement!
 
Hey seibo,

I have an almost similar profile to you, I've been profoundly HoH since I was 2 years old and I've been using Hearing Aids since then, even though some doctors recommended CI for me.

've suffered from lack of social relationships almost all through elementary and high school, and when things started to change in my junior and senior years in High School, I went to college (here in the USA) in a different country with a different language, and I had to start all over again.

I found that the key to deal with your hearing loss problems in social relationships (be it with your friends or in romantic affairs) is never to be ashamed about it. Just put it out and show your cards at the beginning of the relationship, tell them directly what works with you and what doesn't work (i.e. that they should enunciate and speak clearer rather than speaking louder, etc.), and you'll be surprised how much people are willing to accommodate your needs. The secret is to be confident about it, yet not too serious or pushy. For example, when I face a female who I'm interested in, yet she speaks too softly, or too unclearly for me, I just politely ask her to repeat what she said while pointing my fingers at my hearing aids (amazing how many people don't even notice you're wearing those aids). If I still can't hear her, I tell her to speak slower while getting closer to her. I might even change seats to sit closer to her (its the perfect excuse ;) ).

Now some girls would get intimidated by this behavior or lose interest. That's unfair, but get over it, and quickly. Consider that you've saved yourself a lot of trouble having to deal with your hearing loss with an unfriendly person.

Once you put your hearing issues on the table, and once you find a person willing to work with you to overcome them, you can easily develop a framework to communicate with each other comfortably. But first things first, you have to recognize that your hearing issues are not obvious to everyone, what seems rather obvious to you is not at all obvious to a normal hearing person who never had any trouble conducting a normal conversation. Second, there are lots of people willing to help, you only gotta find them. Third, most girls love to feel like they're helping a person through his troubles, so use that to your advantage ;) (but don't be pitiful or seem helpless).

Hope this helps, Good luck.
Samer
 
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