My view on deaf/hearing relationships and what should I do?

Seibo21

Seibo21

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So, I'm new to this forum although I browse occassionally. I'm a fairly intelligent 25 year old from Indiana. I have been deaf all of my life, however I used hearing aids when I was younger, and now I have a cochlear implant since 2001. I have never ever had a deaf person for a friend. I went to public normal schools, went to a regular university and got my bachelors degree and I've always dated hearing women.

Now, it drives me crazy when I'm dating these women because they have no idea what it is like for me. I'm not sure if it's something to do w/ me or them but it just doesn't work. I'm from a small town in Indiana so there's really no deaf girls around here that I know of.

I really want to consider try dating a deaf/ HoH girl for once because I think it is something I need to do considering my troubles dating hearing women. I got pretty serious with a girl until one day she broke down and just said she couldn't do it anymore because she has no idea what it's like to be in the world that I live in.

I've checked out some deaf singles sites and most of them seem like scam jobs to me, but I don't know.

Anyone else have this problem? I am really clueless, I know I'm new here, but I hope you all treat me well. I look forward to posting more.
 
Firstly, Welcome to AD.com!

Secondly, do not join these onli9ne dating sites, they're rubbish. Just broaden your options locally, and the states next to yours. Good luck!
 
Being a business owner, I can't travel much :(

I just figured online would be a much more convenient way to at least chat with someone and get to know some deaf girls. But apparently its not. Thanks for the welcome by the way.


I just put a picture of me up in the Picture thread of one of the other forums, I can't remember which one right now.
 
What's a better way to get to know people than a deaf forum :)

I'm in a Deaf/Hearing relationship. I'm profoundly deaf and my fiance is hearing, our children are hearing. We've been together 4 years now. I've dated deaf people in the past and I don't actually think it's much different, but then that's me. Everyone has a different opinion and all are valid.
 
I met my husband online and talked to him from Jan. 1st 2000 to May 23rd, then I landed in Manchester England on May 24th @8:00a.m. his time. We lived together from that moment on in England till we got on a plane and came back to my hometown here in Alabama on Sep. 2nd of that same year. We got married on September 7th 2000 and are still together and still happy. I don't really think it is a problem of hearing verses deaf but rather the emotions and the give and take involved in a relationship. My husband is very much a hearie and I am 70% deaf without my hearing aids in. I do get on his nerves at times when I have my hearing aids out and don't notice all the noises I make or have the tv or radio on too loud he fusses a little but not too bad. If we go out to a friends house or something to watch a movie he always gets their remote and turns the captions on for me and turns them off when we leave. He is ok with my loss and we try to meet in the middle and compromise when needed. He doesn't understand the world I live in but he doesnt have to he just has to love me and be my friend and we work things out together, we send emails to each other and we can lipread each other very well.
 
Seib man, I can understand how you are feeling. There arent many single deaf men my age in my hometown and Im not interested in pursuing another long distance relationship. While it has worked for many, it never worked out for me because I refuse to leave my homestate.

I have a few friends who met their beloved ones through these sites you mentioned. Granted there are scammers there but there are scammers everywhere you are at - whether it be at a local resturant, bar, coffeeshop, through your friends or family, etc.

I always follow this motto - Just keep your options wide open and have all avenues out there so you will have higher odds of finding that special lady who would really appreciate you for who you are, Seib.

Best of luck :)
 
steph9700 said:
I met my husband online and talked to him from Jan. 1st 2000 to May 23rd, then I landed in Manchester England on May 24th @8:00a.m. his time. We lived together from that moment on in England till we got on a plane and came back to my hometown here in Alabama on Sep. 2nd of that same year. We got married on September 7th 2000 and are still together and still happy. I don't really think it is a problem of hearing verses deaf but rather the emotions and the give and take involved in a relationship. My husband is very much a hearie and I am 70% deaf without my hearing aids in. I do get on his nerves at times when I have my hearing aids out and don't notice all the noises I make or have the tv or radio on too loud he fusses a little but not too bad. If we go out to a friends house or something to watch a movie he always gets their remote and turns the captions on for me and turns them off when we leave. He is ok with my loss and we try to meet in the middle and compromise when needed. He doesn't understand the world I live in but he doesnt have to he just has to love me and be my friend and we work things out together, we send emails to each other and we can lipread each other very well.
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Stephanie, you are very very blessed to have this rich relationship! You certainly found the diamond in the haystack! :)
 
Gemma, where's your home state at? I believe long distance relationships can work to a point. Basically, I'd be satisfied with talking to a single deaf girl in my age group online just on a friend basis. I'd feel uncomfortable talking to a deaf dude probably. It would just be nice to have someone to relate to, I guess, but forums are too impersonal for me.
 
Seibo21 said:
Gemma, where's your home state at? I believe long distance relationships can work to a point. Basically, I'd be satisfied with talking to a single deaf girl in my age group online just on a friend basis. I'd feel uncomfortable talking to a deaf dude probably. It would just be nice to have someone to relate to, I guess, but forums are too impersonal for me.
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I hear you Seibo loudly and clearly but I live way too far away from your state and also out of your age group too but I know you WILL find that lady eventually :) Count your blessings, man :)
 
wondering

Seibo21 said:
Now, it drives me crazy when I'm dating these women because they have no idea what it is like for me. I'm not sure if it's something to do w/ me or them but it just doesn't work. I'm from a small town in Indiana so there's really no deaf girls around here that I know of.
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hi seibo. i'm hearing and newly attracted to Deaf men. i want to be conscious about differences between the Deaf world and hearing world particularly around the topic of 'dating.' :hmm:

i wonder if you would share what it is that you would like a hearing woman to understand better about what it is like for you?

if you don't feel comfortable sharing on the forum please feel welcome to click on my link and write to my yahoo email.

thank you!
 
hey seibo

i do know that they have indiana school for the deaf, but i dont know how close is tht to you...u could check into starbucks deaf chat or something like that....MD and a few other states do have get togethers with deaf people meeting at starbucks just for a chat and coffee....maybe u can check it out online....deafchat starbucks or the other way around...hope this helps...
 
yes it is me...hi there wokamuka!!! lol.....do we get around or what?? LOL
 
I feel you, Seibo. I have similar profile as you - 26 years old in NJ with BA degree (but not a small town lol). I've been HOH all my life and I was on mainstream all my life as well - public schools, university, etc. I don't have any single deaf/HOH friend and I've never date one either. I'm also curious to date one too! I've dated all hearing girls and I've never had any issue with them relating to hearing problem except my current one. But we worked it out and everything's peachy. We've been together for about 3 years.

Elaborate a bit more about your problem, Seibo. What frustration are you having with them?
 
Hello, I am from in Northern Indiana too. I am deaf and have a hearing husband. I have no problem with hearing. I know many deaf people. I used to attend to mainstream school when I was in Elementary School. I transfered to deaf school. I didn't like it. That's very long story for me. I like to be in hearing world. I am getting a cochlear implant in the future. If you want to know about the relationship with hearing and deaf between. Do you attend to college? I have a friends with cochlear implants. I have no problem with them. If you want to get know about me. Just send me a private message. :) Nice to meet you!

Seibo21 said:
So, I'm new to this forum although I browse occassionally. I'm a fairly intelligent 25 year old from Indiana. I have been deaf all of my life, however I used hearing aids when I was younger, and now I have a cochlear implant since 2001. I have never ever had a deaf person for a friend. I went to public normal schools, went to a regular university and got my bachelors degree and I've always dated hearing women.

Now, it drives me crazy when I'm dating these women because they have no idea what it is like for me. I'm not sure if it's something to do w/ me or them but it just doesn't work. I'm from a small town in Indiana so there's really no deaf girls around here that I know of.

I really want to consider try dating a deaf/ HoH girl for once because I think it is something I need to do considering my troubles dating hearing women. I got pretty serious with a girl until one day she broke down and just said she couldn't do it anymore because she has no idea what it's like to be in the world that I live in.

I've checked out some deaf singles sites and most of them seem like scam jobs to me, but I don't know.

Anyone else have this problem? I am really clueless, I know I'm new here, but I hope you all treat me well. I look forward to posting more.
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jiro123 said:
I feel you, Seibo. I have similar profile as you - 26 years old in NJ with BA degree (but not a small town lol). I've been HOH all my life and I was on mainstream all my life as well - public schools, university, etc. I don't have any single deaf/HOH friend and I've never date one either. I'm also curious to date one too! I've dated all hearing girls and I've never had any issue with them relating to hearing problem except my current one. But we worked it out and everything's peachy. We've been together for about 3 years.

Elaborate a bit more about your problem, Seibo. What frustration are you having with them?
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Well, I'm not even really looking for a deaf girl to date, more or less just one to befriend. Not sure I'd be comfortable talking to dudes about the same things I would talk with a woman. It really sucks because there were a couple of girls I absolutely love/adore but for some reason I couldn't understand them very well on the phone and it drove them nuts. But other girls I hear/sound/understand easily, it just sucks some things are like that. I really have no one to vent to about problems that arise from my hearing or anything else, and well, I could vent to my friends, but they can't relate or quite understand or empathize with what I'm going through.

I've also found a lot of deaf people can't understand/relate with what I'm going through either because I know a lot of them have problems with speech, even typing, or talking and as bad as it sounds, that drives me crazy too because I've been pretty smart most of my life so I don't know. Not sure what I'm looking for, I just hope to become more active on alldeaf.com and share my insight and whatnot because I've lived it all. Hearing Aids to completely deaf, to a cochlear implant now.

It's been a rough ride that's for sure.
 
Seibo21 said:
Well, I'm not even really looking for a deaf girl to date, more or less just one to befriend. Not sure I'd be comfortable talking to dudes about the same things I would talk with a woman. It really sucks because there were a couple of girls I absolutely love/adore but for some reason I couldn't understand them very well on the phone and it drove them nuts. But other girls I hear/sound/understand easily, it just sucks some things are like that. I really have no one to vent to about problems that arise from my hearing or anything else, and well, I could vent to my friends, but they can't relate or quite understand or empathize with what I'm going through.

I've also found a lot of deaf people can't understand/relate with what I'm going through either because I know a lot of them have problems with speech, even typing, or talking and as bad as it sounds, that drives me crazy too because I've been pretty smart most of my life so I don't know. Not sure what I'm looking for, I just hope to become more active on alldeaf.com and share my insight and whatnot because I've lived it all. Hearing Aids to completely deaf, to a cochlear implant now.

It's been a rough ride that's for sure.
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:)

Relax - you are only 25 afterall - I can reassure you that you WILL find that lady but it may not be your timing. Once you find her, you will look back and realize why you had to wait for this particular special lady :) If a girl really adores you, it would not drive her nutty if you cannot understand her on the phone. That seems trivial - there are much more significant things to pick on, than the ability to hear or not on the phone. So these girls forementioned arent worth it anyway.

:)
 
Thanks for the kind words gemma! My biggest pet peeve with hearing women is that they don't graspt the concept that just because they increase the volume on the TV or Movie or whatever it is, or they talk louder, does not increase my chances of understanding it by much.

It is more or less the clarity of the speech that allows me to understand it. If there's background noise, then there is no chance. I also always feel uncomfortable with Closed Captioning/Subtitles when I'm around girls I don't know as well. I'm shy about it I guess.
 
Hi there..I grew up oral and mainstreamed too despite having a severe-profound hearing loss in both ears.

I had always dated hearing men, even marrying one. However, at the age of 25 years old, I started learning ASL and discovered the Deaf community so I went through a lot of changes within myself and my idenitity. My marriage ended and I always thought I would never date another hearing guy again cuz I wanted to be with a deaf man due to understanding and being able to relate to each other.

I dated different deaf men for 4 years but even dating some deaf guys, I couldnt relate to them for whatever reasons. Also, it drove me nuts when some of the guys I dated had poor English skills cuz I relied on English to communicate as well as ASL. Too many misunderstandings would occur and made me lose motivation with dating them.

I know how you feel about hearing people not really understanding some of the issues we go through.

Good luck with everything and I am sure you will find the right lady for you. :)
 
Seibo21 said:
Thanks for the kind words gemma! My biggest pet peeve with hearing women is that they don't graspt the concept that just because they increase the volume on the TV or Movie or whatever it is, or they talk louder, does not increase my chances of understanding it by much.
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I am wonder does cochlear implant help you to hear better? Do you have 1 or 2 cochlear implant?


Seibo21 said:
It is more or less the clarity of the speech that allows me to understand it. If there's background noise, then there is no chance. I also always feel uncomfortable with Closed Captioning/Subtitles when I'm around girls I don't know as well. I'm shy about it I guess.
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I do understand how do you feeling. You never experience with deaf people in big city. I don't blame on you. Why you're shy with Closed Captioning? That's nothing wrong. All girls who you know them. They know you're deaf with CI. I do watch Closed Captioning my whole life since I was 7 years old. I have no problem. I can't hear the word. My hearing aids are not 100% perfect like CI.

I hope you will find a right woman who adore you. The best is god find a right woman for you in the future. Just take your time to get know about deaf or hard of hearing women. If you like to be with hearing woman. It up to you. Wish you have a good luck! :)
 
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