SilentKnight84
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- Dec 23, 2012
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When I was younger, I always loved the idea of being emotionally involve with someone. My grandparents were a prefect example of what I wanted exactly. They were together strong for over 20 years (if I remembered right), till we lost him in '91. I always wanted what they had, it was admireable, it was real.
As I got older (during my teen years), I had a few relationships but they all fell through. Though I had hope, that one day I find that one who would like/love me for me. Being hard of hearing had its toll on some relationship. Communication became difficult and they would lose interest. Sometimes it would hit me pretty hard, cause it was me, I'm the problem. Granted, not me in general but at that time my mind was in a different place.Looking back on it now, I should've expected this. Who wanted to date someone who lack the hearing to carry a conversation as needed? Eventually, I learned sign language and became a part of the deaf community. I made lots of friends and it had been a amazing experience. Then it wasn't long till I met her...
There was a church for the deaf that I was attending at the time. Few of my friends from my class went there. They had a lock in, which was all of us spending the night in this gym that was next to the church. We were playing around before it was "lights out". I was shooting some hoops with some friends and a few other people played along, I didn't really noticed. Then out of no where another basketball literally hit me on the side of the face. I was kinda groggy but when I came to, it was her who was the first person I saw. She was laughing at my pain of course lol. I walked it off and from that moment I was fixated on her. Now I'm no stalker, mind you lol. I was just bitten, as one would say. It wasn't long till I introduced myself and we started talking. She wasn't deaf but she was learning sign language at the time and she was pretty good at.
Overtime, friendship turned to crush, then a crush turned into a relationship. It wasn't before long we were married and at a young age too. We had our first born on the way as well. I was 18 at the time. So, I felt that feeling of reality and life hitting me pretty hard. Nevertheless, I was happy and was ready for this new chapter in my life.
As anyone will tell you, "marriage is one big rollercoaster ride" or "no marriage is perfect." That was definitely the case with us, that's for sure. We had many faults and we argued on things but besides all that bad stuff, I loved her and wanted to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I lost all of my hearing a little after my third child was born. That was the most depressing experience of my life. I had to accept the fact that ill never know what my youngest child will sound like. As time progressed, I noticed certain changes here and there with my wife. She would stay out later on the weekends with her friend's and during the weekdays with me she was very distance. She would stop kissing me "goodbye" and lost interest in talking to me. I had tried everything to make our marriage work but she wasn't even willing to meet me half way. It wasn't before long I found out she was seein someone else, an old flame. Of course I was crushed and shattered but deep down I felt it was my fault. Started asking myself questions like, what did I do wrong? Wasn't I good enough? Did I not try hard enough? She kicked me out, leaving most of my things there. Though I let her have the car and among other stuff. I didn't want to fight for anything, nor did I even wanted to. I was just emotionally destroyed.
We were married for nearly 10 years and 6 of those years were when we were together. We never had gotten around to file for a divorce cause there was always this huge "what if" between us. Though, eventually our feelings changed and we became officially divorced earlier this year. We remain good friend and nothing more.
So, present day,I'm 28 and I'm struggling with this problem. The fear of getting hurt again. Fortunately, it didn't made me paranoid but it made me very cautious. Also, I'm at a "stand by" mode as if I expect it to happen. Now, I know I'm not the most handsome man or loaded but I'm loyal and know what my priorities are. As I look back on my grandparents marriage, I now say that of course they had rough patches and arguments as well. But they tough it out and worked together to get through it, cause they loved each other more than anyone could imagine. That's why, despite my personal problem, I still believe that I can still have something as real as what my grandparents had. I know that it takes effort to make it work but it takes both individuals, who truely love each other dearly, to make it last and special.
As I got older (during my teen years), I had a few relationships but they all fell through. Though I had hope, that one day I find that one who would like/love me for me. Being hard of hearing had its toll on some relationship. Communication became difficult and they would lose interest. Sometimes it would hit me pretty hard, cause it was me, I'm the problem. Granted, not me in general but at that time my mind was in a different place.Looking back on it now, I should've expected this. Who wanted to date someone who lack the hearing to carry a conversation as needed? Eventually, I learned sign language and became a part of the deaf community. I made lots of friends and it had been a amazing experience. Then it wasn't long till I met her...
There was a church for the deaf that I was attending at the time. Few of my friends from my class went there. They had a lock in, which was all of us spending the night in this gym that was next to the church. We were playing around before it was "lights out". I was shooting some hoops with some friends and a few other people played along, I didn't really noticed. Then out of no where another basketball literally hit me on the side of the face. I was kinda groggy but when I came to, it was her who was the first person I saw. She was laughing at my pain of course lol. I walked it off and from that moment I was fixated on her. Now I'm no stalker, mind you lol. I was just bitten, as one would say. It wasn't long till I introduced myself and we started talking. She wasn't deaf but she was learning sign language at the time and she was pretty good at.
Overtime, friendship turned to crush, then a crush turned into a relationship. It wasn't before long we were married and at a young age too. We had our first born on the way as well. I was 18 at the time. So, I felt that feeling of reality and life hitting me pretty hard. Nevertheless, I was happy and was ready for this new chapter in my life.
As anyone will tell you, "marriage is one big rollercoaster ride" or "no marriage is perfect." That was definitely the case with us, that's for sure. We had many faults and we argued on things but besides all that bad stuff, I loved her and wanted to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I lost all of my hearing a little after my third child was born. That was the most depressing experience of my life. I had to accept the fact that ill never know what my youngest child will sound like. As time progressed, I noticed certain changes here and there with my wife. She would stay out later on the weekends with her friend's and during the weekdays with me she was very distance. She would stop kissing me "goodbye" and lost interest in talking to me. I had tried everything to make our marriage work but she wasn't even willing to meet me half way. It wasn't before long I found out she was seein someone else, an old flame. Of course I was crushed and shattered but deep down I felt it was my fault. Started asking myself questions like, what did I do wrong? Wasn't I good enough? Did I not try hard enough? She kicked me out, leaving most of my things there. Though I let her have the car and among other stuff. I didn't want to fight for anything, nor did I even wanted to. I was just emotionally destroyed.
We were married for nearly 10 years and 6 of those years were when we were together. We never had gotten around to file for a divorce cause there was always this huge "what if" between us. Though, eventually our feelings changed and we became officially divorced earlier this year. We remain good friend and nothing more.
So, present day,I'm 28 and I'm struggling with this problem. The fear of getting hurt again. Fortunately, it didn't made me paranoid but it made me very cautious. Also, I'm at a "stand by" mode as if I expect it to happen. Now, I know I'm not the most handsome man or loaded but I'm loyal and know what my priorities are. As I look back on my grandparents marriage, I now say that of course they had rough patches and arguments as well. But they tough it out and worked together to get through it, cause they loved each other more than anyone could imagine. That's why, despite my personal problem, I still believe that I can still have something as real as what my grandparents had. I know that it takes effort to make it work but it takes both individuals, who truely love each other dearly, to make it last and special.
Seems like you have a good perspective on the whole thing, though! I would say just be cautious when getting in a new relationship but if you do find someone great don't sit there waiting for the other shoe to drop. 