My stepson's big problem Laundry and stink

I am familiar this situation. My mother's friend's son has the exact problem. He wears same clothes for 30 years. We know that he has a psychology problem. I walked away from him because I was so embarrassed that he wore same old junky clothes. He is a librarian in Chicago, and I have no idea how they deal with him at work. He is not interested to drive a car or not even try something different or never spending some money for his pleasure. It is so difficult for you to deal with your son. I would probably say that he needs some help - like a presciption. I don't like the idea to get the presciption because of side effects. You could look up a book about some herbs instead because of no side effects.

It is not a good idea to send him to a mental hospital because some medicines can erase his mind such as Hal or other medicines - in fact, some nurses do not give a damn about it. ...The system is not perfect. That's the reality.
 
I know what you mean.. ghsh.... My son was in same boat... I kicked him out..putting his clothes in trash bag...... he did not have a place to stay.... finally went to his friend...stayed there for while... ..then he enlisted into Army... got discharged because he was HOHand flat foot....Hee only stayed in the Army boot camp three weeks..then he came back to me... i forced him to work and paid me room and board every week.. and kept himself very clean.. he did....
 
When Hubby was in boot camp, if one of the sailors wasn't keeping clean the other recruits would "take care" of him. The guys would grab the offender, and drag him into the showers. Some of them would hold him down, and the rest would grab bars of soap and scrub brushes, and scrub him down until his skin was raw. Hopefully, he wouldn't need it done twice.

On board ship, sometimes the guys in engineering needed a "reminder."

Usually just the threat was enough to straighten out the guy.

It sounds harsh, but people living together in close quarters need to keep clean for health reasons, and for consideration of others.
 
it sounds like yur stepson had suffered from depression and get him to see a specialist doctor asap before too late because without treatments he will have mental problems that can lead him to suicide.
 
ghsh1996 said:
Well I rather teach my son to do his laundry when he will be 10 years old. my husband and I learned how do our own laundry when we were very young. If we dont learn to wash our clothes until 18 years old then we will be very freak out and not know how do it. I think teach children to do laundry and chores on 7 age to up. My son know how clean his room, He know how put dirty clothes in basket and do chores. I still tell him to take shower.

But my stepson, No excuse, He is 20 years old. He never do his laundry that his mom did his laundry plus his girlfriend do his laundry. he dont live with his girlfriend!Huh? He don't want do laundry because he expect someone do it for him. He is so wrong because he is his own and he is old enough.
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This is your opinion.

I never do with my laundry during my teenage time ... until I moviate myself without get the force from my family and Grandparents. The teenagers would not moviate themselves if they keep force to do something what they don´t want... then they will lose their moviatation.

I rented one room appartment and moviate myself to learn how to do something... is ask the lady to show me how to do with laundry. No problem, I learn real fast after that. I learn how to cook or bake at school but not much... I didn´t know how to make homemade jams, cream cakes, etc. when I first married. I learn from read the directions how to bake or cook the foods and cakes... I let my mother-in-law taught me how to make homemade jams, cream cakes, etc. Its about moviation and learning everyday... Oh yes, everyone including you, me and children STILL learning everyday.... when something new come... like new receipes, new techology, etc.

The children will lost their moviation if anyone forces them to do something... do etc.. I would never do that to my boys... all what I want them to consider their education, enjoy sports and moviate their knowledge... Only their rooms is their responsible, that´s all.

I never force my children to do... Surprisely, they set the breakfast for me on the Mother´s Day... wow.... Surprisely, they wash the dishes when we come home from shopping wow... We let them movitate themselves... We often surprised them on their birthdays, Easter, Xmas and anything.... that´s how they learn our roles to surprise us back...

I don´t mind to wash the clothes for my children as long as they still live with us but I would ask them to support us with garden work... Example, we order woods to deliver our house for our fire-places. I asked my boys to help us to carry the woods from our yard into garage.... or I asked my boys to help us to carry shopping foods and drink stuff from our car to our house... They have no problem for that. Its about support each other, not force.

I was surprised after learn the any threads that the children should learn to do with laundry themselves at early age which Europeans don´t. I disagree to burde the children with that because I want them to consider to focus their life, sports, education, social, etc. to enjoy their expierment before they settling down with their life.
 
BIGQUEEN64 said:
it sounds like yur stepson had suffered from depression and get him to see a specialist doctor asap before too late because without treatments he will have mental problems that can lead him to suicide.
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*nodding agreement* that´s what I said to her to check with Psychotherapy before it´s too late. He is only 20 years old which is too young... He needs the help before it´s too late.
 
Pacman said:
Oh well, Just wait until he's turn in 30's or 40's then his health will getting more worse due poor hygiene at most time, that's not good but most important is taking care of body, such as hygiene then he can change his way, even bigger change for him. I know that some people are real pain ass and just take more time until they will be affected.
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*nodding agreement*
Why doesn't you make send him to mental hospital? I think it can be helpful for him.
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I don´t agree to send him to mental hospital because it´s easy for the doctor to give him medicals.... it could lead him to addict pills... I would suggest him to see Psychotherapy to find out himself and positive his life....
 
ghsh1996 said:
I believe that he have something problem himself. He said he dont care about himself. ????
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Yes the problem is he is 20 years old... and don´t know about himself...

If you and your hubby want to help him then sit to have a good talk with him... and suggest him to find out himself why he act like this... let him know that you both care about him and want to help him if he let you.. .Its about his future... I know it´s very hard thru your decription that he is unhappy and unsatisfy himself.... He felt that nobody cares about him... That´s how make him feel worthless.
 
ghsh1996 said:
Well I rather teach my son to do his laundry when he will be 10 years old. my husband and I learned how do our own laundry when we were very young. If we dont learn to wash our clothes until 18 years old then we will be very freak out and not know how do it. I think teach children to do laundry and chores on 7 age to up. My son know how clean his room, He know how put dirty clothes in basket and do chores. I still tell him to take shower. .
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I agree, because I learned how to do laundry, chores when I was living with my parents, even learned how to cook, Even my 12 years old knows how to cook now, and even gave my boys allowance for chores too, I want them to be able to learn how to take good care of themselves so when they're out living in the real world, when they turn 18, they can learn from that experience and take good care of themselves. ;)

If they don't learn now, they'll never learn. I'm with you on this one. ;)
 
I haven't learn to do laundry until when I was 12 years old but not so much often until around 15 years old after moved in deaf school.
 
i learn how to take care of myself since i was 12 years old
since i am suffering depression right now and i STILL take care of myself no matter if i am up and down with my moods i even go to therapy to help myself to deal with

i think your stepson is suffering depression don't know how to take care of himself
it is healthwise to keep ourselves CLEAN have clean bed clean clothes and clean ourselves with shower/bath
 
Pacman said:
Oh well, Just wait until he's turn in 30's or 40's then his health will getting more worse due poor hygiene at most time, that's not good but most important is taking care of body, such as hygiene then he can change his way, even bigger change for him. I know that some people are real pain ass and just take more time until they will be affected.

Why doesn't you make send him to mental hospital? I think it can be helpful for him.
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Nodding, It is not my resonbility to care of him. I cannot send him to mental hositpal. Mental Hositpal wont help.
 
BIGQUEEN64 said:
it sounds like yur stepson had suffered from depression and get him to see a specialist doctor asap before too late because without treatments he will have mental problems that can lead him to suicide.
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My husband took him to psyhology because court ordered. His son got trouble from break the law. Psychology said he have odd problem and mood swing. We found out that he believe in Devil. I dont know if he still believe or not. His pyschlogy said we cannot help him because he don't want our love at all. He don't want anyone help him. he want anyone do what he want. He dont like what we tell him to do. His pyshcology and We figured out that he raised by his mother. His mother and he have total same personal. They really hate each other so they cannot stand their way but their way are total same. We cannot change his son unless he want to change.
 
Liebling:-))) said:
This is your opinion.

I never do with my laundry during my teenage time ... until I moviate myself without get the force from my family and Grandparents. The teenagers would not moviate themselves if they keep force to do something what they don´t want... then they will lose their moviatation.

I rented one room appartment and moviate myself to learn how to do something... is ask the lady to show me how to do with laundry. No problem, I learn real fast after that. I learn how to cook or bake at school but not much... I didn´t know how to make homemade jams, cream cakes, etc. when I first married. I learn from read the directions how to bake or cook the foods and cakes... I let my mother-in-law taught me how to make homemade jams, cream cakes, etc. Its about moviation and learning everyday... Oh yes, everyone including you, me and children STILL learning everyday.... when something new come... like new receipes, new techology, etc.

The children will lost their moviation if anyone forces them to do something... do etc.. I would never do that to my boys... all what I want them to consider their education, enjoy sports and moviate their knowledge... Only their rooms is their responsible, that´s all.

I never force my children to do... Surprisely, they set the breakfast for me on the Mother´s Day... wow.... Surprisely, they wash the dishes when we come home from shopping wow... We let them movitate themselves... We often surprised them on their birthdays, Easter, Xmas and anything.... that´s how they learn our roles to surprise us back...

I don´t mind to wash the clothes for my children as long as they still live with us but I would ask them to support us with garden work... Example, we order woods to deliver our house for our fire-places. I asked my boys to help us to carry the woods from our yard into garage.... or I asked my boys to help us to carry shopping foods and drink stuff from our car to our house... They have no problem for that. Its about support each other, not force.

I was surprised after learn the any threads that the children should learn to do with laundry themselves at early age which Europeans don´t. I disagree to burde the children with that because I want them to consider to focus their life, sports, education, social, etc. to enjoy their expierment before they settling down with their life.
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I respect your opinion. I don't force my son or stepson to do anything. We always offer pay allowance. We never make them do work for free. We never give them money for free. We teach them that we dont get money for free and We work and get money. That are part of life.
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Yes the problem is he is 20 years old... and don´t know about himself...

If you and your hubby want to help him then sit to have a good talk with him... and suggest him to find out himself why he act like this... let him know that you both care about him and want to help him if he let you.. .Its about his future... I know it´s very hard thru your decription that he is unhappy and unsatisfy himself.... He felt that nobody cares about him... That´s how make him feel worthless.
Click to expand...

We did that with him many time. We gave him lot of love. He didn't want our love at all. He become very mean at us. We kept to being nice at him but we realize that he ruin our family retionship. We had to stop him. We kicked him out. We told him that we still care and love him but he laughed at our face. Whoa. That was so mean. He laughed like manic.

You said that how's how make him feel worthless. HE DON'T WANT OUR LOVE AND CARE. HE WANT RUIN OUR FAMILY RETIONSHIP FOR NO REASON.
 
Cheri said:
I agree, because I learned how to do laundry, chores when I was living with my parents, even learned how to cook, Even my 12 years old knows how to cook now, and even gave my boys allowance for chores too, I want them to be able to learn how to take good care of themselves so when they're out living in the real world, when they turn 18, they can learn from that experience and take good care of themselves. ;)

If they don't learn now, they'll never learn. I'm with you on this one. ;)
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thank you for support my side about teach kids how do laundry and chores on young ages.
 
ghsh1996 said:
We did that with him many time. We gave him lot of love. He didn't want our love at all. He become very mean at us. We kept to being nice at him but we realize that he ruin our family retionship. We had to stop him. We kicked him out. We told him that we still care and love him but he laughed at our face. Whoa. That was so mean. He laughed like manic.

You said that how's how make him feel worthless. HE DON'T WANT OUR LOVE AND CARE. HE WANT RUIN OUR FAMILY RETIONSHIP FOR NO REASON.
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It's sounds that he looks like totally spolied person.
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Yes I wash my family´s clothes, too.

I support my famliy as the same as they support us with things as well which is great than force them to wash their own clothes. Each person entitle their opinion. :dunno:
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No hon, she not forcing him to wash his clothes, he is 20, she is only trying to teach him to do things on his own, I would have done the same thing if I were in her shoes, and I taught all my boys cooking, cleaning , how to fold and put away their clothes etc, my 7 years old LOVES to help me cook and clean, my oldest enjoy learning how to cook also and wanted to work with me at the cook-offs, he start working with me since last summer and he enjoy making his own money and he loves buying things that I am unable to afford etc, it's all about learning how to do things and making money etc and when they start living on their own, they will be able to know how to do things and take care of themselves withtout depending on their parents to do it for them...of course I wouldn't mind helping them out and , they know they can count on me for anything, but I prefer them to learn how to do things on their own first..ya know I won't be around forever, so its a good timing to teach them early than later on, otherwise anything could happen, I don't want them to suffer and not knowing what to do or who they could turn to for help...
 
Maybe you stepson have a depression problem and he's hiding it. It looks like your doing the right thing helping him and showing him how to do laundry.

Or this can be another reason maybe he's used to having his mom do EVERYTHING for him. Maybe, he depends on the woman to take care of him like do his laundry etc.. I am only thinking of the possible reason he's this way.
 
Oceanblue7 said:
Maybe you stepson have a depression problem and he's hiding it. It looks like your doing the right thing helping him and showing him how to do laundry.

Or this can be another reason maybe he's used to having his mom do EVERYTHING for him. Maybe, he depends on the woman to take care of him like do his laundry etc.. I am only thinking of the possible reason he's this way.
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Well, I hate to tell you or anyone about His mother. His mother don't clean the house. I saw her house was total dirty and mess. Her bathroom gave me nightmare!!!! I will never want go her bathroom again. I rather hold number 1 or number , no matter what!! I don't know what she doing with laundry. I believe that Nick grow up in her house that why he live with dirty, etc and don't care himself or anyone. I told my husband that why cannot he take kids away from her. He said He had no choice because he had to take care of his mother that she had major surgery (heart). His ex wife was not patient at all so He decide to divorce her suddenly.
 
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