AmputeeOT
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I’m asking for feedback or advice from **Deafies** for this post.
Background: I became Deaf as an adult.
I recently went to have my hearing tested again at the audiologist and was told I am a candidate for a cochlear implant (CI).
My S.O. Adrian and I have discussed CI’s in the past many times. He and I were both born in 1982 when the technology was only just beginning to be available. He doesn’t have a CI. He was born Deaf and went to a Deaf school. I was born hearing and went to a mainstream school
Adrian’s opinion on the subject was that he does not have any interest in a CI, nor would he want a CI for his future children should they be born deaf. He would be willing to let them make that choice for themselves when they were old enough to choose. I'm 100% okay with this perspective.
Upon finding out that I am considering getting a CI, Adrian has told me that he does *not* want me to get one. However he is totally fine with my use of hearing aids. Here are his reasons:
1. I would not be Deaf anymore and he likes me Deaf.
2. Getting a CI means I am embracing Hearing culture.
He did not articulate the idea of CI as a *symbol* but I think this is why he is bothered by the CI an not hearing aids:
To lots of Deaf a CI is a symbol of oppression, rejection of Deaf culture, of kids being forced into a hearing identity, of adults neglecting to give children the advantages of a bilingual ASL/English upbringing, a “fix” for people who don’t need “fixing”, of children being forced to communicate in a language they can’t fully access to the detriment of language(s) they *can* fully access, of Hearing culture, etc.
That symbol I would have implanted into my skull and wear outwardly on my head, a daily reminder that I am rejecting deafness, and by rejecting deafness I am in a way rejecting him, since he is Deaf and Deafness is such a big part of his identity.
My perspective is different, however. To me, CI is just a tool. Gettig one does not mean I am rejecting Deafness! It no more makes me un-deaf than my prosthetic leg makes me an un-amputee. I’ll still be deaf/Deaf with or without a CI and I will still be an amputee with or without a prosthesis.
Being Deaf isn’t about exactly how much you can hear. It is about embracing Deaf culture. It’s more about your heart than exactly how much sound you can perceive. So if a CI allows me to perceive more sound, it doesn’t make me a notch less Deaf.
I consider myself bicultural. I grew up hearing, in mainstream schools, with no real meaningful exposure to Deaf culture. My exposure to Deaf culture came later and as I learned ASL.
At this point, I’m deaf enough that using the phone is only possible in very specific situations; 100% quiet room, on speakerphone with the phone up to my ear, and the person on the other end of the line has to speak very clearly and have a great connection. I use Hamilton Captel to catch anything I miss. I hated using the phone before I was deaf. Now I *really* *extra* hate it, but I also don’t have Deaf-eyes for ASL, so while I could use VRS, my eyes miss a lot of the signs I see on video - my brain just straight up doesn’t have the visual capacity a native fluent Deaf person has and I can’t train my brain to work that way. For most things VRS would actually be fine but for complicated phone conversations, I would be at a huge disadvantage because ASL is my second language.
So I’m kind of stuck. I don’t expect or really even want a CI to “cure” me or “fix” me but if it would make using the phone and other things easier then that would be enough.
I know I don’t *need* his acceptance because it’s my body, but I want his support and for him to understand that a CI doesn’t mean I’m rejecting my Deafness, or rejecting him, or that anything will change other than I will maybe not have to have people repeat themselves on the phone so much, and I will probably listen to more podcasts on my drive to work - I miss podcasts! But a CI won’t make me hearing! He also would never actually *stop* me from getting a CI, so I guess what I really want from him is acceptance and assurance that I will not reject my Deafhood and embrace the Hearing world just because I have a CI.
Advice?
Background: I became Deaf as an adult.
I recently went to have my hearing tested again at the audiologist and was told I am a candidate for a cochlear implant (CI).
My S.O. Adrian and I have discussed CI’s in the past many times. He and I were both born in 1982 when the technology was only just beginning to be available. He doesn’t have a CI. He was born Deaf and went to a Deaf school. I was born hearing and went to a mainstream school
Adrian’s opinion on the subject was that he does not have any interest in a CI, nor would he want a CI for his future children should they be born deaf. He would be willing to let them make that choice for themselves when they were old enough to choose. I'm 100% okay with this perspective.
Upon finding out that I am considering getting a CI, Adrian has told me that he does *not* want me to get one. However he is totally fine with my use of hearing aids. Here are his reasons:
1. I would not be Deaf anymore and he likes me Deaf.
2. Getting a CI means I am embracing Hearing culture.
He did not articulate the idea of CI as a *symbol* but I think this is why he is bothered by the CI an not hearing aids:
To lots of Deaf a CI is a symbol of oppression, rejection of Deaf culture, of kids being forced into a hearing identity, of adults neglecting to give children the advantages of a bilingual ASL/English upbringing, a “fix” for people who don’t need “fixing”, of children being forced to communicate in a language they can’t fully access to the detriment of language(s) they *can* fully access, of Hearing culture, etc.
That symbol I would have implanted into my skull and wear outwardly on my head, a daily reminder that I am rejecting deafness, and by rejecting deafness I am in a way rejecting him, since he is Deaf and Deafness is such a big part of his identity.
My perspective is different, however. To me, CI is just a tool. Gettig one does not mean I am rejecting Deafness! It no more makes me un-deaf than my prosthetic leg makes me an un-amputee. I’ll still be deaf/Deaf with or without a CI and I will still be an amputee with or without a prosthesis.
Being Deaf isn’t about exactly how much you can hear. It is about embracing Deaf culture. It’s more about your heart than exactly how much sound you can perceive. So if a CI allows me to perceive more sound, it doesn’t make me a notch less Deaf.
I consider myself bicultural. I grew up hearing, in mainstream schools, with no real meaningful exposure to Deaf culture. My exposure to Deaf culture came later and as I learned ASL.
At this point, I’m deaf enough that using the phone is only possible in very specific situations; 100% quiet room, on speakerphone with the phone up to my ear, and the person on the other end of the line has to speak very clearly and have a great connection. I use Hamilton Captel to catch anything I miss. I hated using the phone before I was deaf. Now I *really* *extra* hate it, but I also don’t have Deaf-eyes for ASL, so while I could use VRS, my eyes miss a lot of the signs I see on video - my brain just straight up doesn’t have the visual capacity a native fluent Deaf person has and I can’t train my brain to work that way. For most things VRS would actually be fine but for complicated phone conversations, I would be at a huge disadvantage because ASL is my second language.
So I’m kind of stuck. I don’t expect or really even want a CI to “cure” me or “fix” me but if it would make using the phone and other things easier then that would be enough.
I know I don’t *need* his acceptance because it’s my body, but I want his support and for him to understand that a CI doesn’t mean I’m rejecting my Deafness, or rejecting him, or that anything will change other than I will maybe not have to have people repeat themselves on the phone so much, and I will probably listen to more podcasts on my drive to work - I miss podcasts! But a CI won’t make me hearing! He also would never actually *stop* me from getting a CI, so I guess what I really want from him is acceptance and assurance that I will not reject my Deafhood and embrace the Hearing world just because I have a CI.
Advice?
