My daughter wants to come home.

I would have suffered away from home as a kid so my schoolwork wouldn't have been good. My older sister (hearing) would have loved being away from our family. She loves us, but is independent and hated the busyness and energy (7 people, dogs, cats, and from me: rabbits, hamsters, birds, snake! :P). Every kid is different. For some, being away is cruel, not helpful.

Have you met with her teachers and school counselors about her problem? They have the experience and maybe can tell you if she is better at home or at school.

Poor girl. And poor mom for a tough spot! :)
 
Keanusmom said:
All that to say, give it some time and BOTH of you will become more comfortable knowing its what's best for her (is it?).

In today's time, with things like email, MySpace, video and VRS, you can still stay connected (talk every day).

I would let her stay in the school for the school year unless I was unhappy with the curriculum or how she was being treated. Usually, by the end of the school year kids have a buddy that they will miss during the summer. :)
And will want to return to be with their friend. If not, then at LEAST she tried it and gave it a real chance.
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As a hearing mom I'd say bring her home if at all possible. a year is a long time for a 6 or 7 yo. One can always try again when she is older and possibly more prepared to leave home for a week at a time. All kids are not alike. And it seems that since she had been attending as a day student it isn't the fact that she doesn't know anyone. Bring her home and work with the school district to get her decent supports. then when she is older let her try again. then it may not be quite so tramatic.
 
I think that the Deaf Institution might have change a lot plus having to learn to speak and lipread along with the ASL for her education. Everthing in the Deaf Institution It might have change over the years from long time ago. I think Kimbrly818 need to talk with her daughter's teacher on why she want to come home. I guess to my thinking that every Deaf School is different when it come to deaf education. Like she said she may not be ready as she is homesick for her own environment at home. There is something that you both of you can solve the problem of getting a good education and hopefully that she will still try to adjust her environment at Deaf Institution and still come home during the weekend. As for me I have never gone to Deaf Institution like Minnesota School for the Deaf in Faribault, Minnesota years ago when I was young. I had a hard time in the mainstream elementary and high school with speech and lipreading which is like hell to me, but I had made it through until graduation. I still had a little bit problem with colleges and my grades are okay as long as I have interpreters and notetakers. I hope you both find the solution to your problem with your daughter. Good Luck and Welcome to Alldeaf forum.
 
Actually, kimber18, what I'd do is talk to the Deaf School, and see if there are any of those "self contained classroom" or regional programs (the kind where a mainstream school serves as a "magnet school" for dhh kids. That could avoid the problems you faced at the mainstream school.
I'd also see if there's any way that your daughter could still be involved at the Deaf school so that, if she wants to return later, she can.
 
I'm working on it


I am working on it, she's still not very happy about being there, she is still complaining about riding the bus. Last weekend she refused to get in the car to meet the bus that brings them home and takes them back on homegoing weekends and almost made us late. And she forgot her jacket and cell phone that she uses to text me so she can talk to me, which isn't much because it's locked up in the office when she is there so she has to remember to ASK for her phone b4 it's too late. She cannot hear on the phone when I call her and it's just a fustration for her when I call. I have two sisters and my mom live closeby to the school's town, so I called my sister that was the closest to get her a jacket there to use for the week. She asked if she would like to stay with her for awhile, and I told her she could ask her but I had doubted she say yes because she has only been to my other sister's house twice since school started and she's very close to her cousin that lives there. She actually told my other sister yes, and so I was like wow, ok cool! So I contacted the school, called them up told them she wants to go to my sisters house and she'll pick her up after school. You would not believe the drama that unfolded after that. I spent all day emailing them, because they had just emailed me back, because they wanted to talk to her to see what was going on. Which kinda pissed me off because it made me feel like they were trying to control her. They emailed me back and said she said she wanted to stay there this week and would go to her Aunt's NEXT week.! This is just 2 hours after my sister talked to my daughter! I really just don't know what to think about all that. They were going on that she was adjusting well to life on the campus and blah blah blah, and I was like you guys really don't know my daughter at all. She feels she has no CHOICE in the matter, I can read her well because she acts very much the way I did when I was a kid only I was literally all alone and seriously had no CHOICE. When I left her at the school after she wanted to stay home, she just looked defeated which borke my heart.
She's having fun staying with my sister for now though. I will talk to her this weekend and see how she REALLY likes it and I'm still waiting to hear from the school people that will arrange everything here. If I don't hear anything by tomorrow I will just go up to the building and talk to them face to face.
Thanks for all the replies. Sorry I haven't checked back more.
Will keep you posted.
 
The school is about 3 hours away. And she started out differently. She was excited and happy to go back there. Then after like four weeks she started wanting to just stay home. We are very close and she's very unhappy with the amount of time she has to be with her family. So I don't think she's going to change much in wanting to stay home.
 
It's not the school she has a problem with it's just staying on the campus all week. I never went to a deaf school either, and lipreading was and still is actually very easy for me. I just picked it up on my own. However my senior year was hell for me because I didn't have enough teachers that would actually take the time to help me when I didn't understand something. She on the otherhand does not read lips well at all. The reason she was sent to the deaf school was because she was missing too much in the mainstream school and didn't really know sign that well. But she picked up on it and is doing well with signning now.
 
Oh no , it's not that she doesn't know anyone, she actually know EVERYONE in her building and gets along with them all too. There are 54 students in her building. She boast that she has 16 friends that she talks with everyday and plays with. So like I said it's not just going to the school, it's staying there all week.
 
Ah many many years ago like 20 years ago I was sent away to private school, and only get to come home once a month for a short time. I was home sick all the time. But then I starting to get used to be away from home because it was great to have a little freedom away from my folks. But of cause, my folks don't know me that well for being away from home so many years in private school. It took a while to get to know each other all over again. But we don't always get along. But I do love my family even if we are thousand miles apart.
 
LOL! You're older sister sounds like my oldest. I did have a meeting with the school that Monday after she told me. And they felt I needed to not call her so much and let her call me, and that her brother and I were putting these feelings in her head. Which really felt kinda like an insult. I would never do that to my daughter. It bothered me greatly the first few weeks, I'll admit, and it was HARD! But she still wanted to go and still wanted to stay. So I don't agree one bit that her feeling has anything to do with what I may or may not be feeling. I'd learn to deal with her being away and just making the most of when she was home, so I don't feel I really handed off anything to MAKE HER feel the way she does.
 
deafdyke said:
Oh really? Did not think about that. However, I'd say that 99% of res kids do go home on the weekends.
Wait..............you said that you have family near the deaf school right? Maybe a good alternaitve would be having your daughter live with your family, and you could come down and be a "mom" every few days.
I can understand and I totally feel for you. It does seem like some of the mainstreamer advocates can be VERY out of touch about how hard it can be to get good accomondations for kids with classic disabilites at mainstream schools.
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Sorry I'm just figuring this posting thing out just found the right way to reply to each one.
My family has offered more than once before all of this to keep her during the week, as they do run a regular bus that would pick her up like last year when I was living nearby. But she just stopped with no reason whatsoever. Which wasn't like her at all. She has a cousin there that she is VERY VERY close to and LOVES to spend as much time with as she can. But she just stopped, she'd only been there twice since school started. Eventhough one week I had it scheduled for her to stay there for 3 days!
When I pushed her to tell me WHY she had changed her mind about staying with my sister this week, she said that they said she NEEDED to stay there at the dorm THIS week, and she could go see her aunt NEXT week! I have no idea what is going on with that and I'm not happy that that sort of thing is being pushed on her like that.
 
deafdyke said:
Oh really? Did not think about that. However, I'd say that 99% of res kids do go home on the weekends.
Wait..............you said that you have family near the deaf school right? Maybe a good alternaitve would be having your daughter live with your family, and you could come down and be a "mom" every few days.
I can understand and I totally feel for you. It does seem like some of the mainstreamer advocates can be VERY out of touch about how hard it can be to get good accomondations for kids with classic disabilites at mainstream schools.
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jillio said:
Yeah, I was wondering, kimberly, how old your daughter is? You have said that you didn't discuss your negative feelings about her attending the deaf school, or your feelings about abandoning her. Even young children are able to understand things of this nature if you keep it in line with their age. I certainly would not say that you should have an adult level of discussion with your daughter, but to let her know that you also have mixed feelings, and are not happy with the situation in all ways, but also explain to her why, in spite of the fact that you, too would rather have her at home every day after school, you feel that this is best for her education at this point in time, and that is why you have made your decision. Often times, if we admit to our children that we are confused and conflicted, they are able to relate and see our point of view a little easier. To let them know that sometimes you have to do something that also causes you discomfort also shows them that parents don't just make decisions for no reason, and that we understand the feelings and concerns that the children have, because we feel the same way. But that adults must sometimes do what is best, not just what is most comfortable. In that way, you will not only give her a new understanding or you, a a parent, but help her to develop her hown mature attitudes. It really is okay for our kids to know that we are vunerable and human, and sometimes confused just as they are.

I wish you good things for both you and your daughter.
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She is 10 and we have had talks on her level and I've told her how I feel too and it really is hard for me too. We've always been able to talk eye to eye. Another thing that is bothering me is that she is not really active with her hearing family members really at all. She ONLY WANTS to talk to me really, she kinda shuts off her brother and sister and her dad now. Her brother has to plea with her for a long time and even comes to me for help to get her to do something with him that she would normally do. Just feeling like the gap is widening and it's not just because she's gone during the weekdays. :confused:
 
jag said:
My daughter rode the bus daily for the first year, it's an hr ride each way. The home school district DOES have to pay for transportation to an from school. So if your home is close enough to the school for a commute bring her home. Of course it will take in IEP to set it all up but it can be done. Perhaps in a few years she might want to stay on campus, but until then the school does have to pay to transport her. If you are the one who ends up driving you are to be reimbursed on a per mile basis and the home district (or contracted transportation provider) must pay it. I always throught they should have paid me for my time to. LOL but no such luck.

I would like to add that my daughter began staying in the dorm one night a week, Wed. I believe from teh beginning. It was toward the end of the year that we added another day. The 2nd year she stayed mon-fri. and still does, while most kids go up on Sunday night whe leaves monday morning.
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She went to the school the whole year last year. We live about 3 hours, depends on the traffic, from the school one way. She went from just going there in the daytime to living there. She was very excited about it at first but she just doesn't like being away from her family this much. I'm not sure what else is feeding this feeling if there is anything more. I was very close to my mom to, and really didn't want to be away from her. To me I feel my daughter and I are closer because we're the only ones in our family that has the hearing loss! Even my grandparents never had hearing aides yet!!! YIKES! LOL! I'm trying her out with staying with my sister for now, see how that tides over with her and if it'll change her mind on how she feels about wanting to still leave the school.
 
Liza said:
Has your daughter tried to become involved with after school activities like sport or clubs? That can be important for her future, and if she is *busy* or feel needed there she might not think about missing home so much. Is she home in the weekends from the dorm?
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She is very much involved with activities after school, all of which she isn't really enjoying either. She signed up for basketball with the YMCA there with the other girls at the dorm, and isn't into that. Her favorite sport is Soccer, and they don't have a program for that yet I guess. She is kept busy and doesn't actually go to the dorm most days until 6 and they go to bed at 8 so it does keep her mind off of it for awhile, but she doesn't sleep well, and lies awake wishing to be home :( .
She is home most weekends now. But this weekend isn't a homegoing weekend, but I pick her up on the non-homegoing weekends. When winter gets here it will be less on the trips due to the danger of it I'm sure.
 
kimbrly818 said:
Oh no , it's not that she doesn't know anyone, she actually know EVERYONE in her building and gets along with them all too. There are 54 students in her building. She boast that she has 16 friends that she talks with everyday and plays with. So like I said it's not just going to the school, it's staying there all week.
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I'm not trying to minimize your daughter's feelings at all, and I'm sure that this has been an adjustment for her. It is entirely possible that the school is seeing a differnt picture than the one your daughter is showing you. If she is telling you that she has 16 friends that she talks to everyday, and she decided to stay at school the week that she was going to go to your sister's house, it sounds to me like there might have been something fun arranged for the dorm students that she had forgotten about and she didn't want to miss it.

My son would sometimes come home from school and tell me he had a horrible day, and he hated school only to find out later that he had not had any problems that day at all. That doesn't mean that a kid is being dishonest, just that they sometimes tell us what will get the reaction they want from us. Your daughter has all of your focus when she is complaining about school, and she knows you will sympathize with her feelings. And that's okay. Its just the way parent child relationships are, and its normal. But, while you are giving her the reasurrance and the sympathy she needs, just keep in mind that it probably isn't quite as bad as she is telling you it is. You don't have to tell her that, just keep it in the back of your mind.
 
I just had an idea. I think she might actually eating up this staying at the school because the communications, social playing field is level and much to her satisfaction but, at her age, too much of a complicated issue to clearly explain this to Mom. What do y'all think?
 
Well hopefully the arrangement with your sister will work out well. It's really too bad you're three hours one way.........But, if she got to see you regularly maybe it might work out well for this school year at least. Is there ANY way at all that circumstances could change? Like maybe you could stay with your sister for part of the week (and get a job or something in the area) and then return back to home for the rest of the week?
It's really hard and there's no easy answers. So she likes it at the Deaf school? That's awesome! What an awesome oppertunty for her! especially as she's only hoh. Just gotta figure out how to handle missing Mom and family right?
Its too bad that there isn't a way that she could do a "week at res school and then week at school at home" sort of set up.
 
Oh you know............a wicked good resource is the Parent Deaf-hh listserv.
Archives of PARENTDEAF-HH@LISTSERV.KENT.EDU
There are some res school parents on the list, as well as other parents who could give you advice and ideas. You're getting good advice here, but you might get some ideas and things from parents who are very experianced with the res school experiance. I remember a few years ago, people discussing about options for parents who wanted to send their kids to a Deaf school, but didn't want them to be res students.
What state are you in? Maybe someone can direct you to a school with a decent Deaf program, so that your daughter can stay at home, but also get the benifits of teachers who are familiar with dhh kids. She might change her mind about staying at school when she's older. I would definitly do some brainstorming to come up with a good workable solution for your daughter.
I would also join the American Society for Deaf Children. It's an AWESOME organization.
American Society for Deaf Children
 
kimbrly818 said:
She is very much involved with activities after school, all of which she isn't really enjoying either. She signed up for basketball with the YMCA there with the other girls at the dorm, and isn't into that. Her favorite sport is Soccer, and they don't have a program for that yet I guess. She is kept busy and doesn't actually go to the dorm most days until 6 and they go to bed at 8 so it does keep her mind off of it for awhile, but she doesn't sleep well, and lies awake wishing to be home :( .
She is home most weekends now. But this weekend isn't a homegoing weekend, but I pick her up on the non-homegoing weekends. When winter gets here it will be less on the trips due to the danger of it I'm sure.
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My daughters school sends the kids home every weekend. I thought that was pretty much the norm now a days. Guess I was wrong. :)

Oh to add, if you want your daughter home every weekend your home school district should be transporting her to and from school so they could bring her home even on 'non homegoing' weekends.
 
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