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Hello everyone...my dad flew out from AZ for a 4 day visit starting on January 1st. Right now, he is working on fixing my basement so I am taking the opportunity to create this thread.
In the past, I have always said my dad was another story when it came to meeting my deaf needs. I thought he was in denial and didnt want to face it. I was wrong...big time wrong. I hadnt seen him for 2 years and the last few times, I saw him was when I was visiting in AZ so we were always around people which didnt give us a chance to really sit down and catch up. Well, he came here alone so we caught up a lot!
Ok, on Tuesday night, my dad, my hubby and I were just relaxing at the dining room table chatting away. My husband loves to ask people about the past so of course, he brought up topics of how he met my mom and blah blah. Well, my hubby did ask him the question of how he felt when he found out I was diagnosed with a profound hearing loss. Here is what my dad said and what I had no idea about.
My dad said that when he and my mom first found out that I was deaf, immediately, he wanted to put me in a signing program cuz he always thought deaf people can only communicate through ASL. He said he didnt think badly of ASL and said was willing to learn for me (and later for my brother). However, he said once the doctors fed my mom all the bullshit about making my brother and I normal as possible things became ugly. They told her that we need to be put in an intensive oral-only program to develop speech skills and to forbid to teach us sign language. My dad said when my mom told him that, he was shocked and said that didnt make sense. I asked him why he thought that. He said "How the hell can you learn to speak and expect to understand others when you cant hear? It is like asking a blind person to read a book without brialle." He was against it. When he told me that, I was like :jaw: I said "WHAT??? Why didnt u put me in a signing program?" He said that my mom kept pushing him and kept telling him that the doctors and audis are the experts not him. They fought and fought a lot about that and he finally gave up cuz he wasnt confident with his opinions and figured that the "experts" knew best. I almost cried when he told me that. I was like "OMG" . I am about to get all teary-eye as I am typing this.
My dad said when my brother was born, immediately he had a hearing test done on him. Deaf ..my dad said he wasnt too upset. He told my hubby that he thought..."ok, we will adapt and do what we can. Not the end of the world" However, he said that my mom didnt help at all cuz she went into a deep depression and became obsessed that God was punishing her. My mom used to go to church and believe in God. After my brother's diagnosis, she stopped going and stopped believing in God. My dad told stories of my mom's personality changing and she went into rages of breaking things in the house and asking "WHY??" Also, she became obsessed that God had something against her cuz he made her suffer by having 2 deaf kids when her sisters had hearing and normal kids.That drove my dad to work longer hours and to stay out at bars with his buds cuz at home, it was too stressful.
My dad said he could never understand forcing deaf children to speak and not teach them sign language. He wanted to learn it but my mom refused to let him cuz she was afraid that it would make both of us abnormal. He said that when it was apparent that my brother was struggling to pick up on spoken language, my mom was constantly told by the experts to give it time and he will learn it. My dad said he did try to tell my mom that my brother was struggling but she wouldnt hear of it. He said that my mom used to obsess about my brother not being able to develop speech skills and used to blame it on herself for not trying hard enough. When it was finally apparent that my brother would be better off going to the Deaf school at the age of 5, my dad said he felt a sense of relief. He admitted that he was surprised by how well I did in an oral-only environment. He always asked my mom if I was ok and my mom would tell him to stop worrying about it and that I am fine. My dad admitted that he really didnt have a good feeling about putting me in an environment where I was forced to use my "broken" ears (his words, not mine...lol).
I told him the truth about how I felt and he was like "Goddammmit! I should have been more assertive but your mom's need for you and your brother was too overwhelming for me to handle and like a coward, I ran away instead of facing her." Wow! He has a lot of regrets but the good news is, he is trying to learn sign language.
My hubby told him that my brother expressed to him how he feels about being left out at our family gatherings. My dad said he tried to get my brother involved but he is not sure how to do it. I will have to talk to my brother. My dad had been aware of how left out my brother has been at family gatherings. That is good at least.
Then, my dad brought up cochlear implants and guess what? He and my hubby went on a tongue lashing about them. My dad is against them...he calls them "barbaric". He said children who are born deaf shouldnt be forced to be like their parents and just accept their deafness and learn sign language. Let the children decide for themselves if they want a CI later or not. My hubby said he agreeed....they both went on and on making mean CI jokes (not going to post here cuz some of them are offensive). I was shocked that my dad felt that way about CIs. I asked him if he lost his hearing completely, what would he do. He said, he will learn ASL and force his wife and hearing kids to learn ASL for him. LOL! THAT I didnt expect from my dad!!! I totally thought he was against ASL and in denial about our deafness. Wow!
Damn these fucking "experts"...damn them. Now, I hate oralists and AGBell even more. I almost was put in a signing program. Damn...
My mom already told me about 5 years ago that she regrets for listening to the doctors and wished she had learned ASL so that had been solved but I am glad to learn that my dad tried.
He did take 2 ASL classes with his 2nd wife when I was a teenager. I didnt know that!!! Damn...
So many lost opportunities so I hope parents of young deaf children dont do the same.
In the past, I have always said my dad was another story when it came to meeting my deaf needs. I thought he was in denial and didnt want to face it. I was wrong...big time wrong. I hadnt seen him for 2 years and the last few times, I saw him was when I was visiting in AZ so we were always around people which didnt give us a chance to really sit down and catch up. Well, he came here alone so we caught up a lot!
Ok, on Tuesday night, my dad, my hubby and I were just relaxing at the dining room table chatting away. My husband loves to ask people about the past so of course, he brought up topics of how he met my mom and blah blah. Well, my hubby did ask him the question of how he felt when he found out I was diagnosed with a profound hearing loss. Here is what my dad said and what I had no idea about.
My dad said that when he and my mom first found out that I was deaf, immediately, he wanted to put me in a signing program cuz he always thought deaf people can only communicate through ASL. He said he didnt think badly of ASL and said was willing to learn for me (and later for my brother). However, he said once the doctors fed my mom all the bullshit about making my brother and I normal as possible things became ugly. They told her that we need to be put in an intensive oral-only program to develop speech skills and to forbid to teach us sign language. My dad said when my mom told him that, he was shocked and said that didnt make sense. I asked him why he thought that. He said "How the hell can you learn to speak and expect to understand others when you cant hear? It is like asking a blind person to read a book without brialle." He was against it. When he told me that, I was like :jaw: I said "WHAT??? Why didnt u put me in a signing program?" He said that my mom kept pushing him and kept telling him that the doctors and audis are the experts not him. They fought and fought a lot about that and he finally gave up cuz he wasnt confident with his opinions and figured that the "experts" knew best. I almost cried when he told me that. I was like "OMG" . I am about to get all teary-eye as I am typing this.
My dad said when my brother was born, immediately he had a hearing test done on him. Deaf ..my dad said he wasnt too upset. He told my hubby that he thought..."ok, we will adapt and do what we can. Not the end of the world" However, he said that my mom didnt help at all cuz she went into a deep depression and became obsessed that God was punishing her. My mom used to go to church and believe in God. After my brother's diagnosis, she stopped going and stopped believing in God. My dad told stories of my mom's personality changing and she went into rages of breaking things in the house and asking "WHY??" Also, she became obsessed that God had something against her cuz he made her suffer by having 2 deaf kids when her sisters had hearing and normal kids.That drove my dad to work longer hours and to stay out at bars with his buds cuz at home, it was too stressful.
My dad said he could never understand forcing deaf children to speak and not teach them sign language. He wanted to learn it but my mom refused to let him cuz she was afraid that it would make both of us abnormal. He said that when it was apparent that my brother was struggling to pick up on spoken language, my mom was constantly told by the experts to give it time and he will learn it. My dad said he did try to tell my mom that my brother was struggling but she wouldnt hear of it. He said that my mom used to obsess about my brother not being able to develop speech skills and used to blame it on herself for not trying hard enough. When it was finally apparent that my brother would be better off going to the Deaf school at the age of 5, my dad said he felt a sense of relief. He admitted that he was surprised by how well I did in an oral-only environment. He always asked my mom if I was ok and my mom would tell him to stop worrying about it and that I am fine. My dad admitted that he really didnt have a good feeling about putting me in an environment where I was forced to use my "broken" ears (his words, not mine...lol).
I told him the truth about how I felt and he was like "Goddammmit! I should have been more assertive but your mom's need for you and your brother was too overwhelming for me to handle and like a coward, I ran away instead of facing her." Wow! He has a lot of regrets but the good news is, he is trying to learn sign language.
My hubby told him that my brother expressed to him how he feels about being left out at our family gatherings. My dad said he tried to get my brother involved but he is not sure how to do it. I will have to talk to my brother. My dad had been aware of how left out my brother has been at family gatherings. That is good at least.
Then, my dad brought up cochlear implants and guess what? He and my hubby went on a tongue lashing about them. My dad is against them...he calls them "barbaric". He said children who are born deaf shouldnt be forced to be like their parents and just accept their deafness and learn sign language. Let the children decide for themselves if they want a CI later or not. My hubby said he agreeed....they both went on and on making mean CI jokes (not going to post here cuz some of them are offensive). I was shocked that my dad felt that way about CIs. I asked him if he lost his hearing completely, what would he do. He said, he will learn ASL and force his wife and hearing kids to learn ASL for him. LOL! THAT I didnt expect from my dad!!! I totally thought he was against ASL and in denial about our deafness. Wow!
Damn these fucking "experts"...damn them. Now, I hate oralists and AGBell even more. I almost was put in a signing program. Damn...
My mom already told me about 5 years ago that she regrets for listening to the doctors and wished she had learned ASL so that had been solved but I am glad to learn that my dad tried.
He did take 2 ASL classes with his 2nd wife when I was a teenager. I didnt know that!!! Damn...
So many lost opportunities so I hope parents of young deaf children dont do the same.
I am sorry to read that you had to learn the hard way 
It's true though, people should have common sense, if a person cannot hear, why would you force a person to speak when they can't hear themselves speak? That's why we need to educate them, That's the only way to change society's views.
