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DD/Torie,
CONGRATS on the documentary! I loved your BLOG and the presentation at that conference where you spoke of your jewelry too! One of the first things I noticed actually about that conference before it came to your part was how many people were smiling and joking and looking happy. I agree that many so-called "normal" people are masking stuff, including a lot of fear. Fear causes a lot of behaviors. I gave up on that label...."normal" has an opposite which is technically "abnormal". True LOVE has no opposite and therefore has no fear.
My learning disability went un-diagnosed college, when I took myself to Disabled Student Services after continually failing remedial college math.
I was always considered "weird" too and because I went to a segregated school building for resource room in the lower grades, I was physically bullied for many years and called names <"r"> and so on. Due to several months premature birth, I've always been a small person and one of my LD symptoms is spatial issues, awkward-ness, un-coordination - which was much more prominent during my school years especially with the other kids as obvious comparison models. Yes, I did compare and so did many others, enough to make it hell...
I remember being forced to play sports like kickball, dodgeball, volleyball and due to what I mentioned above, I did poorly... kids tried to hurl the ball at me beyond what was considered "the game"; also have hard time with sequence so it was assumed that I understood how to play those games either because I'd seen any number of them informally on the playground or because the teacher showed us - with visual-spatial issues, showing me a motor activity once may or or may not be helpful.
So when I was forced to play the combination of the above and my actual fear of being assaulted led to a very very poor performance, which of course, incurred more wrath by the other players.
In what is "middle school" where I am - around 7th/8th grade - it was very bad and I was actually quite scared all the time. I learned to keep out of the way, don't make eye contact, just tried to be invisible.
Then I went to an arts high school where most kids wanted to be "professionals" in their art someday and THAT was what everybody focused on. It was a small school where everyone was "different" and very mixed in myriad ways; some of the teachers were out.
The first day at that school I was really terrified because I expected at any moment some kinda assault AND I had new glasses, which I had put off getting all through 8th grade because I knew what would happen if I got them at that time. I had spent much of 8th grade history copying notes and work off the blackboard in a hidden, frantic fashion with the help of one student who sat next to me. I would wait til she was done and then she hand off her notes to me to copy- because I couldn't see the board and no way was I gonna tell anyone.
So the first day at my high school, If someone had just casually touched/brushed me as they walked by or introduced themselves I probably would have jumped or back up. But - WOW- NOTHING happened and after a while it got better and I learned so much about both myself and other people.
I came out to my homeroom teacher as bi the year after I graduated.
years go by and I know my experiences and how I see things may be somewhat to very "different" depending one's perspective, but time can change things. I just have to be "me" and value who and what I am, and find others who do also.
DD, you are beautiful and have a great strength and lots to share and I am glad to "know" you on the forum.
Beach Girl...