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lynndelaga

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Hi guys...

Need some advice here. My husband and I have been bickering a lot...almost since we started dating 5-6 years ago! hahaha Communcation with him has always been a problem. I'm not trying to point fingers here, but a lot of times, I find myself apologizing to him for not hearing him (I'm hard of hearing, with a 20% loss in each ear). Sometimes, I get caught off guard coz he's so frustrated with me and yelling at me out of anger. Sadly, I've found this to be a constant problem. I get upset because he says that I am "clueless" sometimes. He says I don't pay attention, that I'm "disconnected" and unwilling to respond at times. I feel his threshold has lowered, and I'd like to know what I can do to help us out and communicate better with him. Any suggestions?
 
You should 'prove' him you have hearing loss ,i.e, getting an official report from an ENT doctor. Perhaps this will work :dunno:

If he loves you he should respect your world.
 
As I mentioned in your other thread, I had the exact same problems with my first husband. I learned why he was like that...he never accepted my deafness and always saw me as a hearing person. Looking back, I cant believe I made so many apologies to him for something I couldnt help. He owes me a lot of apologies for putting me down and making me feel like everything was my fault.

I really hope your husband changes his attitudes and accepts the fact you have a hearing loss. This is not your fault. *sighs* I see so many other relationships or marriages my friends are in with the same problem. I wish I can do more but it really takes both persons in the relationship to really change this problem.
 
Why is he putting the burden of communicating on you? If he's not willing to make the effort to communicate with you then you guys need to have a heart to heart talk. If that doesn't work, then you're wasting your time with him. Life is too short to spend apologizing for not being able to hear. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

By the way, my wife is hearing and I am hearing impaired but we have no problem communicating. Love conquers all barriers if both parties put in the time and effort.
 
Defmusicman said:
Why is he putting the burden of communicating on you? If he's not willing to make the effort to communicate with you then you guys need to have a heart to heart talk. If that doesn't work, then you're wasting your time with him. Life is too short to spend apologizing for not being able to hear. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

By the way, my wife is hearing and I am hearing impaired but we have no problem communicating. Love conquers all barriers if both parties put in the time and effort.
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Thanks for that advice. It's not that he's unwilling to try...don't let any of you get me wrong here. I guess it's that he's frustrated with all the attempts. He constantly finds himself repeating himself, and after several times, it just gets difficult. My family is used to it; they've lived with me longer than my husband has. But my husband I guess has a hard time with it. He's willing to try, that's why I'm here. :)
 
I understand and I sympathize with you. Do you wear hearing aids or CI ? Do either of you know sign language? Does your family? There's always an avenue of communication that will work for both of you. Hope you can find it. Good luck.
 
lynndelaga said:
Thanks for that advice. It's not that he's unwilling to try...don't let any of you get me wrong here. I guess it's that he's frustrated with all the attempts. He constantly finds himself repeating himself, and after several times, it just gets difficult. My family is used to it; they've lived with me longer than my husband has. But my husband I guess has a hard time with it. He's willing to try, that's why I'm here. :)
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Is there a "deaf resoruces center" somewhere near you? I'm wondering if the way to go is to get in touch with a counselor who has dealt with deaf issues and could refer you to proper persons for help? I guess I have the feeling that this kind of situation that has progressed to this point might not be solved through a forum..

I sincerely hope you guys work this out for the best.
 
Thanks, cathartes...for your suggestion. I actually spoke with my husband about taking ASL together to help communicate better. He agreed (in fact, he even suggested the idea when we first met!) and we'll be looking into it soon. So far, I'm really enjoying this forum; even if all my concerns may not be met, it's nice to be in a forum and9r group knowing one's not alone. :)
 
Defmusicman said:
Why is he putting the burden of communicating on you? If he's not willing to make the effort to communicate with you then you guys need to have a heart to heart talk. If that doesn't work, then you're wasting your time with him. Life is too short to spend apologizing for not being able to hear. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

By the way, my wife is hearing and I am hearing impaired but we have no problem communicating. Love conquers all barriers if both parties put in the time and effort.
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:gpost: !! You nailed that one perfectly!
 
lynndelaga said:
Thanks, cathartes...for your suggestion. I actually spoke with my husband about taking ASL together to help communicate better. He agreed (in fact, he even suggested the idea when we first met!) and we'll be looking into it soon. So far, I'm really enjoying this forum; even if all my concerns may not be met, it's nice to be in a forum and9r group knowing one's not alone. :)
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Ohhhh that is GREAT news! So he recognizes the communication problem and has shown willingness to learn ASL. Very good signs!(heh!)
 
Did he suggest 5-6 years ago and haven't try yet?

lynndelaga said:
Thanks, cathartes...for your suggestion. I actually spoke with my husband about taking ASL together to help communicate better. He agreed (in fact, he even suggested the idea when we first met!) and we'll be looking into it soon. So far, I'm really enjoying this forum; even if all my concerns may not be met, it's nice to be in a forum and9r group knowing one's not alone. :)
Click to expand...
 
Sunshine1 said:
Did he suggest 5-6 years ago and haven't try yet?
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Well, just about. I know he made the suggestion before we got married, while we were still dating. In any case, I'm just glad that he's on board with me in learning ASL. I took a course many years ago and loved it. :)
 
Hows it going so far???? I know i have some problems here and there, but I always make it known that i didnt hear him.. I married a hearing guy too.. He always talks when he is moving or turning around.. which really pisses me off.. so what i do is turn around and start talking to him and mumble my words around to piss him off. Then again i said no what?? he always gets it... lol.. I know Im mean, but if he is gonna do that to me then I will do it to him too.. same thing when he is not looking at me, Ill be sarcastic and go right up to his face wherever he is looking... he hates it when i do that... Dont even apologize for something you didnt get or understand.. its not your fault..... I hope everything is going well with you and your hubby!!
 
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