Male opinion/Did he cheat?

Taylor said:
Excellent point. Nobody can really say for sure except for him and her. It is possible for a man to sleep at a single womans house and nothing happen. Some of you may remember K-9 cop that posted here when I was in the hospital. I've spent many nights at her house (and her here) and we have never been intimate in any way...not even a hug (except for the one time I was in the hospital). With that said, Gemtum mentions a lot of red flags and I see the same ones.
Click to expand...

Was she single? If she was single and you are too then that shouldn't be a problem to stay at each other's house. if she's married, that might've been a different story. :dunno:
 
Well the thing that scared me most is that he has been very distant lately. Today was much better. I'm still not sure, but I know I'm paranoid. I also know that his training was very rigorous. The SORT team is the SWAT of prison. They sent him thru a boot camp and sprayed him with pepper spray & OC gas all week. Thanks for your support and opinions.

Taylor, do you think it's just a cop thing? He just thinks of her as a partner?
 
zookeeper4321 said:
Well the thing that scared me most is that he has been very distant lately. Today was much better. I'm still not sure, but I know I'm paranoid. I also know that his training was very rigorous. The SORT team is the SWAT of prison. They sent him thru a boot camp and sprayed him with pepper spray & OC gas all week. Thanks for your support and opinions.

Taylor, do you think it's just a cop thing? He just thinks of her as a partner?
Click to expand...


Did your husband call you and tell you he was going to stay the night with the woman? or did you have to wait all night long til the next morning to find out where he was?
 
Maybe, he's telling the truth and nothing happened. I've been away from my girlfriend a few times and I didn't cheat.
 
Well, Yes he is guilty because it similar what my last ex hubby had responsed to me angry when i asked him what doing to go there . And he did had an affair with lady and few weeks after that he left me . Oh well men are :sure:
 
zookeeper4321 said:
Well the thing that scared me most is that he has been very distant lately. Today was much better. I'm still not sure, but I know I'm paranoid. I also know that his training was very rigorous. The SORT team is the SWAT of prison. They sent him thru a boot camp and sprayed him with pepper spray & OC gas all week. Thanks for your support and opinions.

Taylor, do you think it's just a cop thing? He just thinks of her as a partner?
Click to expand...

Well, thats the thing. I would love to be able to say its a 'cop thing', and oftentimes it is, however, the rumor mill is that cops have a higher cheating rate and divorce rate. I've know officers that have cheated on their wives, but I've also known mechanics, accountants, etc that have done the same. It could be that cops just talk about it more. I do know the divorce rate is higher though.

On the other end of the spectrum, it could just be a cop thing. Cops tend to have a strong connection with partners and co-workers with no intimacy whatsoever. There are officers that I work with that I would talk to about personal problems before I spoke to a family member about it. Its a relationship that is difficult to describe....I guess it can be best described as siblings vs a loving relationship. There are female officers that I work with that I love like a sister but have never had the thought of jumping into the sack with them. It very well could be your husband is telling the truth.
 
VamPyroX said:
Maybe, he's telling the truth and nothing happened. I've been away from my girlfriend a few times and I didn't cheat.
Click to expand...

Let's imagine this scenario:

Your girlfriend has the tendency to lie.
Your sexual relationship with your girlfriend is dead.
Your girlfriend sleeps over a guy's house and claims no sexual encounter.
When you asked her on what she did over there and she got angry about it.


What does that logic tell you?
 
Taylor said:
Well, thats the thing. I would love to be able to say its a 'cop thing', and oftentimes it is, however, the rumor mill is that cops have a higher cheating rate and divorce rate. I've know officers that have cheated on their wives, but I've also known mechanics, accountants, etc that have done the same. It could be that cops just talk about it more. I do know the divorce rate is higher though.

On the other end of the spectrum, it could just be a cop thing. Cops tend to have a strong connection with partners and co-workers with no intimacy whatsoever. There are officers that I work with that I would talk to about personal problems before I spoke to a family member about it. Its a relationship that is difficult to describe....I guess it can be best described as siblings vs a loving relationship. There are female officers that I work with that I love like a sister but have never had the thought of jumping into the sack with them. It very well could be your husband is telling the truth.
Click to expand...

And what's more, policemen has mobility. Mobility=flexibility. Flexibility=places to cheat without the need for alibi.
 
Taylor said:
Well, thats the thing. I would love to be able to say its a 'cop thing', and oftentimes it is, however, the rumor mill is that cops have a higher cheating rate and divorce rate.
Click to expand...


That is true!, Because both of my ex boyfriends were cops and they both did cheated on me. :(
 
Cheri said:
That is true!, Because both of my ex boyfriends were cops and they both did cheated on me. :(
Click to expand...
Not everyone are like such cops :giggle:
 
OK, I can talk more tonight because he just had eye surgery and can't see a damn thing I type- hee hee. Brief run down of past I got really bitchy with the last pregnancy and we fought a lot. At that time he was a PI and he was a partner in a Karate school. Every time he wanted to get away from me (read almost always) he would claim to be one place or the other. I found out he was usually hanging out w/friends. Only one was female young daughter of boss who's retired Navy Seal. He can't be that stupid. They had to be friends. But, I felt like he should have spent more time w/me than friends. I was very emotional and needed him. He wasn't very understanding. Well, things have gotten much better since then. We get along and our sex life is fine. He just was distant during last couple of weeks. The anger was the only thing that really scared me, but I constantly accuse him of stuff like that. He waves at a girl in the mall... Who's that? Have you slept with her? Sure she's your sister's friend. The problem is that I know he does lie so I think what if he lies about that too. I also have very little self esteem. He's 29 buff, I'm 36 fat. Yes he did tell me he was going to find someone to stay with. Yes he did answer the phone. I ask him to come home because I was upset about a fight w/the 18 year old and he refused- to tired. He said if he tried to drive he would wreck. He has stayed up there with co-workers before when he pulled a double shift. Most of the guards are female. I just think he should choose a women with a man in the house or a guy. He says if I trust him it shouldn't matter. Re: Angel hitting him with plastic bat- would you? If nothing else he's very inconsiderate.
 
LinuxGold said:
Let's imagine this scenario:

Your girlfriend has the tendency to lie.
Your sexual relationship with your girlfriend is dead.
Your girlfriend sleeps over a guy's house and claims no sexual encounter.
When you asked her on what she did over there and she got angry about it.


What does that logic tell you?
Click to expand...
Actually, I was in that situation before.

She had a tendency to lie, but I didn't know much about it except for a thing here and there. I found out that she had lied a lot more after we broke up. The lies were mostly related to her not being able to do anything with her friends because they never asked her out. Truth? Her friends had been emailing her, calling her, and stopping by her apartment in person to ask her out... she just turned them down.

My sexual relationship was not really dead, just a bit "comatose" in a way. We fought too much. Some people have sex after they fight. Well, our fights were over accusations. How can you want sex after that? "Are you sleeping with this whore?" Can I suddenly get a boner and want to screw her after that kind of comment? No way.

My ex-girlfriend has been at other guys house once or twice. Group project thing or whatever. Nothing happened, of course.

She didn't get angry when I asked her because the questions I asked didn't sound threatening. If I asked what she was doing there with a facial expression like I suspected something, she may get defensive. If I asked if she was sleeping with him, she may get defensive. If I simply asked what she was doing there, she would honestly answer me.

With my ex-girlfriend, it was always in a suspectful manner. No matter what answer I gave her, she just didn't believe me. For instance, "Why were you at that girl's room? You having an affair with her!?" Whoa... chill!
 
VamPyroX said:
Actually, I was in that situation before.

She had a tendency to lie, but I didn't know much about it except for a thing here and there. I found out that she had lied a lot more after we broke up. The lies were mostly related to her not being able to do anything with her friends because they never asked her out. Truth? Her friends had been emailing her, calling her, and stopping by her apartment in person to ask her out... she just turned them down.

My sexual relationship was not really dead, just a bit "comatose" in a way. We fought too much. Some people have sex after they fight. Well, our fights were over accusations. How can you want sex after that? "Are you sleeping with this whore?" Can I suddenly get a boner and want to screw her after that kind of comment? No way.

My ex-girlfriend has been at other guys house once or twice. Group project thing or whatever. Nothing happened, of course.

She didn't get angry when I asked her because the questions I asked didn't sound threatening. If I asked what she was doing there with a facial expression like I suspected something, she may get defensive. If I asked if she was sleeping with him, she may get defensive. If I simply asked what she was doing there, she would honestly answer me.

With my ex-girlfriend, it was always in a suspectful manner. No matter what answer I gave her, she just didn't believe me. For instance, "Why were you at that girl's room? You having an affair with her!?" Whoa... chill!
Click to expand...

Ouch! I pull my heart out and hand it over to you man, sorry about that. :(
 
dang she has surely parniod issue, and need to learn to control her jealousy. Also she need to start to faithful or trust into you. Sorry to hear Vamp
 
Trust is a 2 way street. If he wants you to trust him he should be more open about what he's up to. I'm sorry but a husband who doesn't even bother to call his wife and let him know where he is is at least irresponsible and disrespectful. How can you expect to trust him if he doesn't even have the curtesy to call and let you know what he's up to? I'm sure if he were to call you and tell you he was crashing on a single female friend's couch you wouldn't be too happy about that, but being open is a LOT better than being sneaky about it just because you don't want to upset your spouse.

Part of a marriage or any committed relationship is giving your partner a reason to trust you. You just don't do questionable things like spending the night with a single friend of the opposite sex. Even tho it may be innocent it's still questionable and therefore should be avoided. It's not a luxury afforded someone who is in a relationship.

I can't say for sure he is cheating on you, but I would say you have reason to suspect it. He definately needs to change his habbits at the very least.
 
Zookeeper,
I've been thinking more and more about your post and completely forgot to tell you something. If you don't have them already, Take a look at the following books:

Cops Don't Cry

I Love a Cop: What Police Families Need to Know

I HIGHLY recommend both of them. I have included Amazon Links because they seem to be the least expensive and most of our local bookstores do not carry them. Amazon does have a thing also where if you buy these together, there is a larger discount (and free shipping)...

I have found that being a cop and being in a relationship is a somewhat difficult task. There are trust issues that come about as it seems many cops (including me) have trouble trusting a lot of people...Trust builds with time. There is also scheduling. Our shifts rotate with 4 days on, 3 days off going from Days to Evenings to Midnights. If I work no overtime, I'm technically only working 4 days a week (very long days it seems LOL), but when it comes to relationships, there is the complaint that I'm never around...mainly because of the Evening and Midnight shifts. There are also A LOT of other issues that come up, including the situation you are having with your husband. I recommend picking them up and giving them a looksee.
 
Well, Taylor I already kicked him out yesterday. I was dying to talk to you guys, but it was down. I found Sweetmind on another chat and she talked to me. Anyway, Sunday I was going to my mom's w/the kids and he was suppposed to stay home and rest. He just couldn't wait for me to leave the house. When I got home I checked his cell and he called her the minute I left. After much confronting he still wouldn't admit he had slept w/her. However, he did say he thought he was interested in her and didn't know how he felt about me anymore. At that point I said "Pack your bags"! We've been together 4 years and been thru alot if he doesn't know by now- that's his answer. He spent the night at her house last night and I have an attorney appointment today. Don't feel sorry for me though it's a relief. Just feel sorry for the toddlers. My 18 yo is happy. He never liked him anyway. His dad called me up and said we could hang out, but I don't think that's a good idea. We have alot of water under that bridge. Maybe when I ready I'll find a nice Deafie to teach us sign. Thanks everyone for your imput and support. It's always nice to have friends when you go thru something like this.
 
Zookeeper...I just read the post in the singles thread. I'm sorry that it ended that way and that he put you through all of that...hang in there....I don't say it often but it sounds like it was for the better from what you are saying.
 
zookeeper4321 said:
He has lied to me in the past about where he was and what he was doing.
Click to expand...

That comment is a red flag for me. Not all men cheat but many of the ones that do usually can't stop without some kind of intervention. I hope this is not the case for you and wish you all the best.
 
Back
Top