Making small talk with hearing strangers

[somedeafdudefromPNW]

Wirelessly posted

PFH has an interesting point. I naturally go into a signing-only mode with signers, naturally combine signing with speaking when conversing with SimCom users, yet I am oral-only with hearing people. The weird thing is that I sign while being on the phone, there's only two or three people I can understand on the phone, and I sign while typing or texting one-handed. You would think I would be more animated with the hearing, rather than being oral-only.

 

[somedeafdudefromPNW]

Wirelessly posted

Nod and pretend to understand when it's a 5 second interaction. Would you seriously go into a long explanation about your deafness or hearing loss for every minor interaction? Who has time for that?

I am sure after a month of this, FJ would get tired of it rather quickly.

"Sorry English speak none!"



Someone said that to me once while I am making short talks with a cabbie. I wonder if FJ would get tired of explaining her language barrier over and over.

 

[BecLak]

[/QUOTE] Just remember that quote I shared here that my friend made...

"Living life as a hearing person limited me but when I lived as a Deaf person, it freed me."
I dont think it can get more simple than that. [/QUOTE]


Good on you Shel! You could not have said it any better than that. That's truly sums it up in a nutshell. Way to Go!!!

 

[jillio]

Wirelessly posted



where do i say that any deaf person is wrong? People constantly say that parents are wrong or lazy who choose ci's but i have never said a deaf person was wrong.

You say it in every post you make. All you do is question anything a deaf person shares about their experience. You act as if you don't believe or give validity to anything a deaf individual says regarding the experiences they have had. You constantly attempt to correct the deaf when they make statements regarding what works best for the deaf. You do nothing but leave the impression that you have somehow been appointed some kind of savior that is here to set the poor deaf people straight. These people have been dealing with deafness all of their lives, and from a first person perspective. You have been dealing second hand with deafness for maybe a total of 5 years, and in that time you have gone from making statements regarding the beauty and neccessity of sign language to a complete turn around as a supporter of oral only education and bilateral CIs as being the optimal solution. If you can't see the pattern, it is only because you refuse to see it in yourself. Others pick up in it very easily. But nothing is ever going to change until you take a good hard look at yourself and understand that is the way you address others and the attitude you present that creates all the problems you claim to have.

 

[jillio]

Did I say you were not welcome? I am stating the purpose of this thread and it turned out to be a thread with us justifying our way of living which is NOT what I wanted. I wanted this thread for many of us to share our experiences about a particular issue. Sometimes we, deaf people, need that. Need to connect by sharing our experiences because out there many of us dont have others to relate to.

Exactly. And FJ does not understand that she puts the deaf in the position of having to defend their experience and justify their beliefs.:roll:

The very reason I did not post in this thread when it was first opened was because I am not deaf, and it was clearly a thread for deaf people to share their experiences and support each other. I can't do that because I am not deaf.

But then, as I am reading it, I find that I have the need to jump in and defend the opinions and the experiences of the deaf posters contributing to this thread because, once again, a hearie with no experience on the topic is turning the thread into a "Let me tell you the way it really is; you don't know how it is" kind of patronizing thread. Geeze! There are some threads here that I can share experience, and there are some threads I can't. Anything that has to do with first person experience of deafness, I can't share, because I am hearing. It is about time that the other hearies learned that, as well. There are places that what you have to say is completely irrelevant. Shut up and let people share their experience and support each other.

Okay, done ranting now.

 

[jillio]

Wirelessly posted



Yes.

And that is just a damned shame. Looks like AD is no longer a safe haven for the deaf to share their experiences and support each other in their troubles and their happiness. All because a hearie wants to turn it into another audist, "Listen to me! I know better than you because I am hearing!" forum.

That is just sad.

 

[posts from hell]

You say it in every post you make. All you do is question anything a deaf person shares about their experience. You act as if you don't believe or give validity to anything a deaf individual says regarding the experiences they have had. You constantly attempt to correct the deaf when they make statements regarding what works best for the deaf. You do nothing but leave the impression that you have somehow been appointed some kind of savior that is here to set the poor deaf people straight. These people have been dealing with deafness all of their lives, and from a first person perspective. You have been dealing second hand with deafness for maybe a total of 5 years, and in that time you have gone from making statements regarding the beauty and neccessity of sign language to a complete turn around as a supporter of oral only education and bilateral CIs as being the optimal solution. If you can't see the pattern, it is only because you refuse to see it in yourself. Others pick up in it very easily. But nothing is ever going to change until you take a good hard look at yourself and understand that is the way you address others and the attitude you present that creates all the problems you claim to have.

lol, i have so many problems with this post.

First of all: Faire Jour provides intellectual simulation in the way of out the box thinking. I see her point clearly - Why pretend you're hearing while you're Deaf? As a Deaf individual I strongly agree becuz I sign to everyone. She's trying to provoke thought.

Second of all: This is putting her down for her thought process, and therefore "normalizing" society which is the core of many problems from deafness to mosques on ground zero.

 

[jillio]

I think some hearing people here will never understand that. They are too stuck in their little box of hearing views.

However, there are others like Jillio who truly understand.

Thank you. I honestly try. And that is why it pisses me off so when I see others that won't even make the effort to understand.

 

[jillio]

lol, i have so many problems with this post.

First of all: Faire Jour provides intellectual simulation in the way of out the box thinking. I see her point clearly - Why pretend you're hearing while you're Deaf? As a Deaf individual I strongly agree becuz I sign to everyone. She's trying to provoke thought.

Second of all: This is putting her down for her thought process, and therefore "normalizing" society which is the core of many problems from deafness to mosques on ground zero.

FJ's purpose is not to provide intellectual stimulation. Nor was my post putting down her thought process. It is correction of her attitude and they way she presents herself as being extremely audist and closed minded to the perspective of the deaf individual. Nor does it "normalize" society. FJ's attitude normalizes society in that it validates and is reflective of the attitude and belief system of the vast majority of hearing individuals.

Sorry that you have a problem with my post, but I will not apologize for anything I said.

 

[posts from hell]

FJ's purpose is not to provide intellectual stimulation. Nor was my post putting down her thought process. It is correction of her attitude and they way she presents herself as being extremely audist and closed minded to the perspective of the deaf individual. Nor does it "normalize" society. FJ's attitude normalizes society in that it validates and is reflective of the attitude and belief system of the vast majority of hearing individuals.

Sorry that you have a problem with my post, but I will not apologize for anything I said.

I don't think shes an audist at all. Most people take things literal and carry around bias.

Your second paragraph, No need to tell me that - I never would ever expect an apology from you. (oh, and a link to a source or two).

 

[jillio]

And I have when I am those examples I mentioned before. Very few have been able to adapt to meet my needs while most dont.

I will start signing to them instead. Maybe it would be better for me in the long run.

I think the whole point of the thread has been missed. Deaf people have a right to do their errands and go out in public without every single encounter being turned into an opportunity to educate the hearing world about deafness. Hearing people do the same thing all the danged time. Just nod politely and go on about their way. They have situations where they are busy and don't want to make small talk with a stranger. The difference is, the hearing person is allowed to feel that way because they are not being made personally responsible for educating a whole ignorant society. Why should the deaf be given that responsiblity. The point is, the deaf and the hearing both have the right not to be bothered with small talk with a stranger.

 

[Beowulf]

I don't think shes an audist at all. Most people take things literal and carry around bias.

Your second paragraph, No need to tell me that - I never would ever expect an apology from you. (oh, and a link to a source or two).

Oh please. Jillio does indeed make apologies where needed.
I agree most people have bias. I do, and most assuredly you do. I do not think links to sources are needed when you speak from the heart and experience.

 

[jillio]

I don't think shes an audist at all. Most people take things literal and carry around bias.

Your second paragraph, No need to tell me that - I never would ever expect an apology from you. (oh, and a link to a source or two).

I'm glad that you won't be expecting one; you won't be disappointed.

I apologize when I have a reason to do so. I don't feel that I have a reason to apologize in this case.

Beating a dead horse.

 

[posts from hell]

Oh please. Jillio does indeed make apologies where needed.
I agree most people have bias. I do, and most assuredly you do. I do not think links to sources are needed when you speak from the heart and experience.

Lets not argue about your friend here.

This thread is about experience, and do you have something to post here

 

[jillio]

Oh please. Jillio does indeed make apologies where needed.
I agree most people have bias. I do, and most assuredly you do. I do not think links to sources are needed when you speak from the heart and experience.

Thank you. I simply don't feel that there is a need to apologize for making a statement regarding my feelings and my reactions. If anyone is offended, it is theirs to deal with.

 

[posts from hell]

I'm glad that you won't be expecting one; you won't be disappointed.

I apologize when I have a reason to do so. I don't feel that I have a reason to apologize in this case.

Beating a dead horse.

no need to defend yourself either.

 

[jillio]

no need to defend yourself either.

I am not defending myself, either. I said what I said. Needs no apology or defense.

Now, how about getting back to the topic?

 

[Reba]

I tried explaining to a library worker this morning that I was deaf and would not benefit from a book on tape. (That's the only copy they have of a book I was looking for). He said there was no way that I was deaf, since I could speak and that even if I was deaf, that I wasn't deaf enough to benefit from a book on tape.

Now, I had explained that I was only 4 years total deaf and that I don't hear a thing, he says, "That's no excuse! You can't call yourself deaf if you can talk."

This was a man who sees me every week in the library and has seen my kids do basic sign with me. He has seen other people I know in the library do basic sign with me. He should know and understand.

You can tell him, "You can't call yourself a librarian if you have a brain and don't use it."

 

[Beowulf]

Lets not argue about your friend here.

This thread is about experience, and do you have something to post here

You are as much my friend as she is.
I made a post earlier, and I will make another if I feel the need to. This is a good thread because of everyone involved.

 

[CJB]

I think the whole point of the thread has been missed. Deaf people have a right to do their errands and go out in public without every single encounter being turned into an opportunity to educate the hearing world about deafness. Hearing people do the same thing all the danged time. Just nod politely and go on about their way. They have situations where they are busy and don't want to make small talk with a stranger. The difference is, the hearing person is allowed to feel that way because they are not being made personally responsible for educating a whole ignorant society. Why should the deaf be given that responsiblity. The point is, the deaf and the hearing both have the right not to be bothered with small talk with a stranger.

You nailed it! Thank you, jillio.

Minorities in general get put in this position where they have two options:

1) Play the educator role. Educate people in everything you do. Say upfront that your opinions are your own, your likes and dislikes are your own. Other deaf/HH people have their own opinions and likes and dislikes.

2) Be yourself and let people assume that everything about you is true of all deaf people as a whole. If you don't like to use speech, deaf people don't like to use speech. If you're oral, then all deaf people can and should be oral. If you know sign language, then all deaf people sign. If you had a bad day and get annoyed with the clerk at the grocery store, then all deaf people are pissy people. If you're a kind-natured person, then all deaf people are saintly and wonderful people.

Every interaction that a minority enters into with strangers gives them one of these two options. The first one is better for the group as a whole, but also extremely draining. No one wants to live "on stage" 24/7. The second is being true to yourself but also letting people make assumptions that may not always be true about you, and aren't true about the group as a whole.

This incident is a prime example. Kindly explain to the person that you are deaf and can't understand them? Or nod and smile and go on about your day? If you have good speech, do you risk using your voice and having the people around you assume you can hear? Or do you turn off your voice, and along with it the easier option for communicating in that direction? If you have a "deaf voice," do you risk using your voice and having people think you're stupid? Do you sign to them even though they probably won't have any idea what you signed? If you don't know sign language, do you gesture to give the idea you are signing? All of those involve navigating between 1 and 2. It's a constant decision the Deaf/HH, along with any other minority, has to make. 1 or 2? 1 or 2? Quick! 1 or 2?