R
rockdrummer
Guest
Should I start at page one of the phone book. Eaisest place? The phone book? I dont believe it's overwhelming, just difficult.In my quest to expose my own son to fluent signers, I sought out the deaf community. Was it easy? Not really. I had no idea where to find them, as until my son was diagnosed, I wasn't even aware that a deaf community existed. The easiest place to start is a phone book. Open it and look for an agency that serves deaf needs. They are located all over the U.S. and all major cities have numerous agencies. Smaller towns,as well, usually have at least one organization that serves deaf needs, and can be used as a reference for finding individuals within the deaf community. It's not as overwhelming an undertaking as you seem to think it is.
You can put the responsibility on them all you want but the reality is that they are medical professionals and as such they view things pathalogicaly. It's their nature. I would not expect anything from them to include deaf culture other than a minimal glossing over the topic. Perhaps a better solution is to mandate by law that they (the doctors) inform an deaf culture organization the names and contact information of all children diagnosed with deafness. Then the deaf culture organization can then reach out to the parents and give them the cultural perspective. At least then the parent is getting the pathalogical and cultural views along with options.I put the first responsibility on the medical community that has first contact with the parents during the diagnostic process. They, above all, should be informing parents of ALL OPTIONS, and not just those treatments deemed medically appropriate for remediating what they consider to be pathology.
Yes, unless the parent chooses an oral route or CI or views deafness as pathalogical. Then I don't believe you would agree with how they are attending to their childs needs even though they believe they are doing what is in the best interest of their child.The second responsibility lies with the parent, and I' sorry if you think I am being too hard on parents. I live by the philosophy that a parent has the responsibility to do whatever it takes to attend to their child's needs, be that child hearing, deaf, autistic, blind, developmentally delayed or any combination thereof.
I agree that once parents are provided with accurate information they can make informed decisions. But remember that a major part of the problem is that they are NOT being provided with accurate information regarding ALL OPTIONS. But yes in a perfect world where this is occuring I would agree with your comment. In reality, it's not happening.Once the parents have been provided with accurate information regarding ALL OPTIONS, it is the parent's responsibility to reach out. No one else is responsible for doing it for them. The deaf community can't approach the hearing parent...therefore, it is up to the hearing parent to approach the deaf community.
Yeah, I get all of that and would only say that each situation has to be looked into before casting judgment. Hell, I am not in a position to judge anyone regardless. I see both sides taking the easy way out at times. I think it's human nature to try to take the easy way out.I'm sorry, but I don't buy all of the excuses that parents give...no deaf community close, no place to learn sign language, no time to devote to pursuing social interaction with other deaf, etc. If a deaf communioty is available an hours drive away,then once a week you put your butt in the car and drive to where they are with your child. Once a week contact can do wonders. Sign language courses are offered everywhere. If you can't find one within a reasonable distance, there are online courses. If you don't think you have time for interaction, then cut out another activity in order to find the time. I did it for my son, and there is nothing special about me. I did it while a widowed single parent, which means I had no one to take up my slack at home, while working a full time job to support myself and my son. Was it easy? Hell, no. Was my son's future worth it? Hell, yes. He is my child, and it was my responsibility as his parent to do whatever I had to do to insure that his needs...physical, social, psychological, educational, and linguistic...were met.
The very reason that I returned to school to work on my Ph.D. was that, in the course of raising my own son, I saw far too many parents with far too many excuses and far too many children suffering as a result. It is not just the deaf child that suffers from lowered expectations. Hearing parents get away with too many excuses just because they are not held to the standards of responsibility that they should be.
From what you say, you did well for your son and good for you. Just keep in mind that what worked for you is not going to work for everyone else. Each child has different needs and each parent and family is surrounded by different circumstances. That said I do agree that some parents don't put forth what I would consider to be "enough effort" I try my best to not be one of them.
I also try my best to balance my life, my marrige, my children and my career in such a way that we can all remain sane and happy. While my son's deafness has become a large part of that balancing act, it's not the only consideration. I can't quit my job, make my wife quit her job, yank my teenage daughter out of school, sell my house, all to move to podunk just because they have a deaf school in their town. If I were alone with just my son, it would be a completely different story. For me the reality is that I carry a heavy load and many depend on me. I don't want to let any of them down.