Lost it after waking up from a heart attack in the hospital.
SOB, that's crazy glad you are still here.
I'm only posting due to pure coincidence, I was watching an episode of Scrubs which had a Cochlear Implant as part of the story line (S6 E16) I haven't logged onto this site in years but figured I'd check it out after watching the episode and saw your post.
I get being scared, and I get being angry, I still am at times. Feel it, work through it. You have suffered a loss, your life has been forever changed. You need to grieve, and have every right to the feelings that you are experiences. it ******* sucks, every thing about it. I started to lose my hearing at age 33, age 38 completely deaf. Over the years I've had hearing aids, then a single CI then finally in 2016 bilateral. It's been 10 years since I got hit with this, Autoimmune Hearing Loss they say is the reason.
I assume you had normal hearing prior, which means you should respond well to Cochlear Implants (assuming your hearing loss doesn't impact your hearing nerve). They aren't perfect, but I can hear, function, communicate, socialize and I've advanced my career beyond what I could have imagined when I first got hit with it. I also lost all my vestibular function, so double-whammy for me. It's been a bitch. But I can say my balance loss is what I struggle with mentally/physically more so than my hearing loss, but I still have bad days with my hearing loss because as good as CIs can be, there are still situations where they just fall short. Bad acoustics in rooms, inconsiderate people on conference calls, large airports with bad announcements...etc.
CIs take work, but will allow you to have your 'hearing' identity and allow you to still function in the world you know.