Living Under a Rock Called "The Hearing World."

THExistential

THExistential

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I've been hard of hearing since birth. Early in life, my parents thought I had severe ADHD, autism, or possibly some congenital disorder previously unknown causing a mental-developmental disorder. (the previous statement here was removed due to being worded wrong, and apparently bad enough so to encourage ignoring the rest of the post.)

But that was all only until around 4 or 5, when we finally learned that I was all right- I was just "hearing impaired." Bam- hearing aid. Move on as usual right?

Well, for me, not right. I'm sure some of you may have had the same problem, perhaps, with hearing parents trying to integrate us as much as possible into the hearing world as if nothing is wrong at all. And essentially, nothing IS wrong, however; the problem lies in that we are never given the chance to be in a world where we aren't playing ketchup all the time. (I hate ketchup.)

So, fast forwarding, I was raised and taught that I was a hearing person, that nothing was disabled, that my life would carry on like all the kids around me. The hearing kids. The ones that made me feel different, no matter how hard my parents tried to show me that I wasn't. The ones that laughed at me and stereotyped me in with the kids that need special education, too slow, and not worth their time.

Now, after having met just a few people around my age-- one deaf, one hard of hearing-- I recognize that I am different, yes, but rather than try to hide the fact or make it less of a problem, rather than ignoring the possibilty that my hearing will degenerate into nothing (and it has, truly, gotten progressively worse.)-- rather than all that, embrace it. Recognize it. cherish the person I am because of the challenges that I alone faced, that I have become a more open-minded and intellectual, strong minded person that I am.

I'm so glad that I no longer hate myself for not being a part of the hearing world around me, but regret that I wasn't able to grow also a huge part of the world that I really am a part of. I wish my parents would have allowed me to learn ASL as a secondary language-- JUST IN CASE. When I was out swimming, at home, whatever without them in. Just in case... you know what... really did happen.

And the hearing world isn't worth pining over. Just like back-in-junior-high heartthrobs-- what are they really, to me? what are they to who I become in life? The hearing world is a place of ignorant inconsiderate assholes that make me hate what I am, but sometimes empathetic, eager and patient people that make me feel like a zoo exhibit that can answer questions.

So, I just want to hear (ha) what all of YOU have been through with being a deaf/HoH person in the hearing world, if you may have grown up "under the rock" like me, and how your being part of the deaf community/hearing community has affected your outlook on the two ,and yourself.

Sorry I rant. My thoughts train out and I type as fast as I think, so... yeah :shock:
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EDIT: moderators can just come and delete this thread.

I came onto this website finally so HAPPY to be able to confide in people that I felt could probably understand so much of where I come from. I've never had people that knew what it was like for me struggling with my HoH and progressive future deafness.

I was trying to connect with people like me, trying to seek some sort of solace in a place where my differences didn't make life harder for me after a day dealing with people that make me feel like a piece of crap for being hearing impaired.

But it's the internet and even if the internet is the only place I can connect with people that might understand me, it'll never work after all.

Thanks for showing me that I don't have any right to hope for a place in the deaf/HoH world I've always been deprived of after a life of knowing nothing but being beat down and shut out. But I guess the members of alldeaf don't think I belong here either because they agree with the hearies that I'm just a "retard." I'll leave you all to carry on.

if anyone is interested in what I was trying to say, it'll be in the blog part of my profile.
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EDIT 2: all I wanted was to start a discussion where maybe I could identify my story with those of others who may have been in similar situations, different situations (to learn the difference between the way i grew up, and the way i could have grown up), and maybe gain insight to some things I have yet to learn about the culture I should have been a proud part of my whole life and wasnt given the chance to have been.

Please try to criticize me constructively. I have feelings too, even though this is the internet. I leave the first edit to show that my feelings are a part of what I choose to reveal, and that I do hope for respect. I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone, or undermine anyone's intelligence, it was sarcasm. I apologize.
 
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Well i'm from the hearing world, i just started my first ASL class tonight, and for once, i wished i was HoH, because i wish i could have spoken, signed, to my teacher. it was awesome. anywho, just adding to your rant, i suppose. :)
 
THExistential said:
I've been hard of hearing since birth. Early in life, my parents thought I had severe ADHD, autism, or possibly some congenital disorder previously unknown causing a mental-developmental disorder. (you'll have to excuse me if I use medical terminology beyond your learning, I'm almost done with my CMA :cool2:)
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Is that a joke?? :/
 
There are a ton of folks who grew up just like you here. And stories like yours are exactly why I am anti Auditory Verbal. Those of us who are HOH may never have had auditory verbal therapy but we have been encouraged to assimlaite totally into the hearing world.....and that is just SO WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Ex....are you interested in pursuing further education? Maybe you could transfer to RIT for an advanced degree and learn ASL and meet other dhh students!
 
deafdyke said:
There are a ton of folks who grew up just like you here. And stories like yours are exactly why I am anti Auditory Verbal. Those of us who are HOH may never have had auditory verbal therapy but we have been encouraged to assimlaite totally into the hearing world.....and that is just SO WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Ex....are you interested in pursuing further education? Maybe you could transfer to RIT for an advanced degree and learn ASL and meet other dhh students!
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pick one auditory verbal or asl, what about you, what degree do you actually have
 
Bottesini said:
Is that a joke?? :/
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Dude. Seriously? was there any real medical terminology in that sentence whatsoever? Nice job responding to the heart and soul of the post instead of just picking out some side comment I made just being silly, like an asshole would :/
 
THExistential said:
Dude. Seriously? was there any real medical terminology in that sentence whatsoever? Nice job responding to the heart and soul of the post instead of just picking out some side comment I made just being silly, like an asshole would :/
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You may be surprised how offended people can be by off the cuff remarks.
 
"I've been hard of hearing since birth. Early in life, my parents thought I had severe ADHD, autism, or possibly some congenital disorder previously unknown causing a mental-developmental disorder. (you'll have to excuse me if I use medical terminology beyond your learning, I'm almost done with my CMA )"

Just who do think you're talking too? you'll have to excuse me if I call you full of it! Get over yourself!
 
GretchenHaug said:
Well i'm from the hearing world, i just started my first ASL class tonight, and for once, i wished i was HoH, because i wish i could have spoken, signed, to my teacher. it was awesome. anywho, just adding to your rant, i suppose. :)
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I think you misrepresented yourself just now by telling a forum full of deaf/HoH people that you, a hearing person, "wishes they were HoH so that they could sign to their teacher."

I can only speak for myself, but as someone who has struggled and faced many challenges throughout my life being Hard of Hearing, it's almost insulting to have someone say they wish they could be HoH when they can only barely imagine what I've had to deal with. Other girls in preteen years tortured me and ridiculed me to the point of attempted suicide. I attended and missed entire funerals for a best friend and a past boyfriend, I attended and missed a wedding. I miss the punchlines of jokes, I miss compliments, I come off as a bitch when I can't hear someone behind me asking me something, I come off as listless and disrespectful in school for not knowing the topics of a discussion. I'm not even worth getting to know to some people because of this thing that sets me apart, no matter how much I embrace it.

So it seems naive to say you wish you were hard of hearing because it would be "super totally rad" to have been able to talk to your teacher. You'll learn. You're hearing, though, and be thankful you didn't have to go through everything I went through. And you know, being Hard of Hearing doesn't mean you're built in with sign language. Not even I could have talked to your teacher in sign language.

Be careful with your words. I know you're excited, and curious, but it came off as ignorant to what my post was truly expressing-- something meaningful and deep to me.
 
I know it's stupid to cry over stupid shit people say on the internet, but really, all I wanted was to finally be able to express the parts of me that are the most influential in my life and get understanding and acceptance by the people who understand what it's like not to fit into the hearing world.

I thought I'd found that here, since I don't have any other way to connect to the deaf community. I don't have many friends anymore because of how bad my hearing has got, and I thought maybe here I could make a few.

But, from me getting "brave" and wanting to start a thread with a piece of my heart and soul exposed, after seeing how understanding and supportive some people were in other threads, I learned that I'm obviously not someone that alldeaf is willing to get to know.

So I'll just go back to being the fucked up disabled loser the world I live in knows me as, and you guys can be proud to know that you accomplished what every other person I've met in my life by continuing to do, what you did up there.

I'll think twice before posting anything on here again. thanks for enlightening me.
 
The problem here is that you let the society define your life for you. You are only disabled because you allow yourself to think that way. The "woe is me" act is something we often see here. So don't be surprised to see a lack of empathy toward your self-pitying thoughts.

There is more to life than being unable to hear. You should allow yourself to thrive in life as much as possible. Don't let the society disable you.
 
THExistential said:
I think you misrepresented yourself just now by telling a forum full of deaf/HoH people that you, a hearing person, "wishes they were HoH so that they could sign to their teacher."

I can only speak for myself, but as someone who has struggled and faced many challenges throughout my life being Hard of Hearing, it's almost insulting to have someone say they wish they could be HoH when they can only barely imagine what I've had to deal with. Other girls in preteen years tortured me and ridiculed me to the point of attempted suicide. I attended and missed entire funerals for a best friend and a past boyfriend, I attended and missed a wedding. I miss the punchlines of jokes, I miss compliments, I come off as a bitch when I can't hear someone behind me asking me something, I come off as listless and disrespectful in school for not knowing the topics of a discussion. I'm not even worth getting to know to some people because of this thing that sets me apart, no matter how much I embrace it.

So it seems naive to say you wish you were hard of hearing because it would be "super totally rad" to have been able to talk to your teacher. You'll learn. You're hearing, though, and be thankful you didn't have to go through everything I went through. And you know, being Hard of Hearing doesn't mean you're built in with sign language. Not even I could have talked to your teacher in sign language.

Be careful with your words. I know you're excited, and curious, but it came off as ignorant to what my post was truly expressing-- something meaningful and deep to me.
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*nods* And yet the problem isn't that you're HOH.......it's the fact that you were encouraged to assimulate into the hearing world under the thinking that there was no value to ASL and the Deaf-World. Seriously, I fucking HATE the auditory-verbal attitude that " dhh kids have the "right" to grow up in typical listening and learning situtions." Don't we have the right to become bilingal and attend deaf schools too?
 
Banjo said:
The problem here is that you let the society define your life for you. You are only disabled because you allow yourself to think that way. The "woe is me" act is something we often see here. So don't be surprised to see a lack of empathy toward your self-pitying thoughts.

There is more to life than being unable to hear. You should allow yourself to thrive in life as much as possible. Don't let the society disable you.
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Oh, no, no. I don't pity myself at all. I've accomplished a lot even compared to hearing people my age. My whole point is that I'm very proud of the person that I've become because of the way I've made my choices and dealt with the challenges I've faced. I embrace the way my differences have changed me into a better person than most.

I was just putting a piece of my story out there, wondering if anyone here had a similar experience, and then all I got was dissed for some sarcastic remark I made in parenthesis. I have an awkward sense of humor.

If you missed the original post, see my blog i guess. I'm no self-pitying person. The EDIT is because I felt hurt that finally being confident enough to try to identify with a few people turned into my stupid unrelated comment, in my own post, and a way to insult me. I just want this thing deleted.

I seriously am beginning to feel that I'm not wanted on this website, and that I should just stop trying to reach out. Maybe I'm just weird, or I word things wrong because I'm not used to talking about this stuff with anyone yet.
 
Bottesini said:
You may be surprised how offended people can be by off the cuff remarks.
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I didn't mean to offend anyone by making it look as if I was undermining anyone's intelligence. If you would have read beyond my stupid sarcasm, you would have seen that it's the LAST thing I would want to do to anyone.

But, thanks for making me feel stupid. Although I'm used to it, it never fails to make me feel discouraged in the rare event that I might actually TRY to connect with people.
 
THExistential said:
I didn't mean to offend anyone by making it look as if I was undermining anyone's intelligence. If you would have read beyond my stupid sarcasm, you would have seen that it's the LAST thing I would want to do to anyone.

But, thanks for making me feel stupid. Although I'm used to it, it never fails to make me feel discouraged in the rare event that I might actually TRY to connect with people.
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No one can made you feel stupid unless you allow them to! I once had a woman try to tell me that was embarrassing myself in front of other people and I told that woman "No, I am not embarrassed at all !"
Don't blame Bottesini for you not believing in yourself. She has a rights to express how she felt about your remark. I hope you will hang around a little longer as we really are very harmless but we speak our minds here .
 
THExistential said:
Oh, no, no. I don't pity myself at all. I've accomplished a lot even compared to hearing people my age. My whole point is that I'm very proud of the person that I've become because of the way I've made my choices and dealt with the challenges I've faced. I embrace the way my differences have changed me into a better person than most.

I was just putting a piece of my story out there, wondering if anyone here had a similar experience, and then all I got was dissed for some sarcastic remark I made in parenthesis. I have an awkward sense of humor.

If you missed the original post, see my blog i guess. I'm no self-pitying person. The EDIT is because I felt hurt that finally being confident enough to try to identify with a few people turned into my stupid unrelated comment, in my own post, and a way to insult me. I just want this thing deleted.

I seriously am beginning to feel that I'm not wanted on this website, and that I should just stop trying to reach out. Maybe I'm just weird, or I word things wrong because I'm not used to talking about this stuff with anyone yet.
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Nah, stick around. We're honest, blunt, have low tolerance for bullshit, and we're full of tough love but we're essentially good caring people. Many many many of us have been in your shoes and we do understand.
 
The name of this thread says a lot. Time to climb over that rock instead of living under it. And don't be afraid to face people who may not agree/like what you say. They might just be the ones who will teach you the most.
 
THExistential said:
EDIT 2: all I wanted was to start a discussion where maybe I could identify my story with those of others who may have been in similar situations, different situations (to learn the difference between the way i grew up, and the way i could have grown up), and maybe gain insight to some things I have yet to learn about the culture I should have been a proud part of my whole life and wasnt given the chance to have been.

Please try to criticize me constructively. I have feelings too, even though this is the internet. I leave the first edit to show that my feelings are a part of what I choose to reveal, and that I do hope for respect. I certainly didn't mean to offend anyone, or undermine anyone's intelligence, it was sarcasm. I apologize.
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I disagree. Hearing people don't make us hate who we are we do. And, you're not alone in what you go through, I went through the same thing.

We all hate our childhood, that's what we do, but it's what we do an adult that is important.
 
GretchenHaug said:
Well i'm from the hearing world, i just started my first ASL class tonight, and for once, i wished i was HoH, because i wish i could have spoken, signed, to my teacher. it was awesome. anywho, just adding to your rant, i suppose. :)
Click to expand...

:roll:
 
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