Late Deafened....When did you Come out of the Closet

I woke up one morning with sudden hearing loss, about 50-60 dB. It was such a huge change for me it was obvious to everyone that I couldn't hear. I had the "deer in headlights" expression for weeks while I tried to figure out how to function. Within 3 months my hearing loss was 110-115 dB. By that point I was already studying ASL and was labelling myself "deaf". The first day I said the "d" word was in front of my audiologist, who gave me great support and didn't try to "re-label" me or anything. That all happened in my late 40s.

I truly believe it was easier for me. In my mid-20s I became quadriplegic. Having already experienced such a huge life changing event, I knew that life goes on after "disability". If I hadn't had that experience, I'm sure I would still be struggling with my hearing loss.
 
shel90 said:
I wish my dad would come out of the closet with his hearing issues. I think he would benefit from a HA but he refuses to go get one.
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My uncle is the same.

It's always hard as heck to get some men to attend Dr for checkup or treatment.
 
It me a long time we lost our business because of it, but my hearing is so bad now I could not hide. I just wish the last bit would go as I can only hear deep sounds and it is more annoying than helpful. :(
 
I don't know if I was actually hiding it or not even knowing I was HOH...until I was in the 6th or 7th grade and my grades took a nose dive!...One of my math teachers sensed something was wrong, and he sat me in front of the class near his desk, and my grades went back up, A's & B's....he also scheduled a hearing test for me....My hearing was 60/40....

Had a rare ear drum disease, surgery...then I was totally deaf due to the damage to my nerves, doctor's fault.
 
ptcallaghan said:
AliciaM - I am a dude...I suppose in hindsight I should have picked a more gender based nickname...but I was lacking in originality the day I signed up..

My name is Patrick....feel free to use that instead if so desired

Others - It is really interesting to hear different takes on the matter...for those who have had some degree of hearing difficulty since they were born (or young) you grew up in that world and are probably much more comfortable explaining it to people.

For the late deafened/late hoh peeps....after living 27 years in the hearing world...it is a real adjustment....I still like to believe I am getting everything that goes on in the world...lol...unfortunately I am sadly mistaken...I am constantly asking "what did he/she say" to the people I am with....some are good about it...others laugh(not people I tend to associate with)

I think there are alot of people still in the closet...some may be lurking here and hopefully this discussion helps...many others are off in their own silent world not willing to admit there is a problem
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Many of us were born deaf but raised in mainstream schools and oral only. It was to a general public trend to 'hide' our deafness and 'pretend' to be 'hearing'. It was like that for me all my life until recently, when I was finally introduced to the Deaf community via AllDeaf. (BTW, :ty: AD!) It still takes some adjustment to finally come out in the open about it. I'm not ashamed, I don't want to hide it anymore, but there is still adjustments with hearing family and others who have known you all your life.
 
I'm, I guess, late HOH. I'm 39, is that 'late' LOL! Anyhow, some people in my life do know-I told my supervisor at work, who responded by saying, I thought you were ignoring me! I don't want her to think that, nor my co-workers, so most of them know. But just my more immediate co-workers. This has helped people to get my attention before talking to me, because if they are moving around and facing away, I usually won't realize I'm being spoken to. I watch lips too, that helps. My hearing loss did not start till years after I started this job.

I usually only tell folks on a need-to-know basis, like if I'm speaking with them regularly or in an activity with them. Many people don't know, my HA is hard to see with my hair. I fake it a lot too, if I'm not wearing my HA for some reason. I also had normal hearing up until the last few years so this is still new to me. It's progressive so I'm trying to treat it as something normal-it's not going to stop.
 
I remember a line somewhere "Wearing hearing aids is not nearly as notible as when you need everyone to repeat themselves."

I was dealing with early onset of Meniere's and never noticed all the people in my life getting red in the face hollering at me. Then I got a phone call and could not understand any of it. That was it for me. Went to audi and the rest is history.

BTW, my mother never came out of the closet, even though her TV was cranked up to volume levels similar to The Who in concert.
 
From prior Cdn Hearing Society-Hearing Help classes-the "closet is just denial". How long does one want to "bluff"?One's personal choice-unfortunately.

Implanted Advanced Bionis-Harmony activated Aug/07
 
Well I dont know about you but I dont need a class to tell me I am in denial....I just dont see how telling the gas station attendant my life story is going to get me anything in life...

I, however, do find it really hard to understand how "one's personal choice" is "unfortunate"...

If it is the way I choose to cope with the whole deal, then so be it...I personally don't see anything unfortunate about that. Nor do I plan on letting anyone pressure me into something I am not comfortable with yet...

As others have mentioned, being late HOH/deafened means you no longer fit in with your Hearing buddies nor do you fit in with the deaf crowd....kinda puts you in between both worlds.

Personal choice....Unfortunate....I dont think so..
 
ptcallaghan said:
Well I dont know about you but I dont need a class to tell me I am in denial....I just dont see how telling the gas station attendant my life story is going to get me anything in life...

I, however, do find it really hard to understand how "one's personal choice" is "unfortunate"...

If it is the way I choose to cope with the whole deal, then so be it...I personally don't see anything unfortunate about that. Nor do I plan on letting anyone pressure me into something I am not comfortable with yet...

As others have mentioned, being late HOH/deafened means you no longer fit in with your Hearing buddies nor do you fit in with the deaf crowd....kinda puts you in between both worlds.

Personal choice....Unfortunate....I dont think so..
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:gpost:
 
ptcallaghan said:
Lol...if its those Zebra print ones in your profile pic...yah they would be hard to miss...

See I have a hearing aid (for my better ear) but I still was not getting any really useful material from it...still very poor speech recog...

So I look normal, speak normal and am pretty darn good at lip reading along with the little i get from hearing I can fake a conversation with the best of them....of course when i get it wrong I end up with people giving me some mighty confused looks...

If it wasnt for your visible hearing aids would you come out and tell everyone you meet....I am HOH please talk to me directly??

There is no doubt that I have become alot more introverted and just avoid people as much as I can...that helps....or does it make it worse...hmmmm
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I am the same exact way. 10 years ago my dB loss was at 70/75. Now, it is at 87/87. I have progressive inner ear nerve damage. I began losing my hearing when I was 4, and I *think* my hearing loss was in the 40's. I have been wearing hearing aids since I was 5 years old. When they would break, or chewed up by a dog as a chew toy, I would be completely deaf for a while until they were replaced.

There was no way I could hide it. I would get picked on, bullied and often had violent confrontations growing up. It is a way of life for the mainstreamed deaf/hoh. So, I know exactly what you mean by wanting to "hide" your disability.

My speech recognition is only as good as my ability to see the person talking. If I can't see them, I get confused as to what they are saying.
 
ptcallaghan said:
Well I dont know about you but I dont need a class to tell me I am in denial....I just dont see how telling the gas station attendant my life story is going to get me anything in life...

I, however, do find it really hard to understand how "one's personal choice" is "unfortunate"...

If it is the way I choose to cope with the whole deal, then so be it...I personally don't see anything unfortunate about that. Nor do I plan on letting anyone pressure me into something I am not comfortable with yet...

As others have mentioned, being late HOH/deafened means you no longer fit in with your Hearing buddies nor do you fit in with the deaf crowd....kinda puts you in between both worlds.

Personal choice....Unfortunate....I dont think so..
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I became hoh @ 15. That is just before i started high school in 2001. I lived in denial until 2009 (the year i left College). I never tell people about my hoh but i now realise that i should have done so long ago. My interpersonal skills are poor and i avoid group discussions/situations. i wish i had found this forum long ago. i no longer find it difficult telling people that i dont hear well but strangely, i still dont do it.
i know it means my interaction with hearies will continue to suffer (am speaking Ghana english here, sorry) as they cant help me much without knowing my situation
 
How one acts in any situation is your choice based on your perception/personality. Where does one's thinking come from? Your experiences? How one interacts "hearing wise" is really your choice. The question becomes: WHY?

My user name has an "interesting book" on this subject called Self Matters. Phillip C McGraw PhD Simon & Schuster New York, 2001. Check your public library.

Implanted Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07
 
BecLak said:
Many of us were born deaf but raised in mainstream schools and oral only. It was to a general public trend to 'hide' our deafness and 'pretend' to be 'hearing'. It was like that for me all my life until recently, when I was finally introduced to the Deaf community via AllDeaf. (BTW, :ty: AD!) It still takes some adjustment to finally come out in the open about it. I'm not ashamed, I don't want to hide it anymore, but there is still adjustments with hearing family and others who have known you all your life.
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Yep, this suits me perfectly as well. I grew up HOH, mainstreamed, and oral. Lost a bunch of my hearing when I was 18, and now I'm severe-profoundly deaf. I felt like I had to hide my hearing aids and act like a hearing person too. Like you, when I stumbled upon AllDeaf, I learned about ASL, Deaf culture, and everything else I needed to know. Now I feel really comfortable with my identity as a Deaf individual and I'm proud of it! COMPLETELY understand what you mean about adjustments with everyone, too. I rarely hang out with my hearing friends anymore. It's just easier to socialize with signers.
 
natty_4ever said:
Yep, this suits me perfectly as well. I grew up HOH, mainstreamed, and oral. Lost a bunch of my hearing when I was 18, and now I'm severe-profoundly deaf. I felt like I had to hide my hearing aids and act like a hearing person too. Like you, when I stumbled upon AllDeaf, I learned about ASL, Deaf culture, and everything else I needed to know. Now I feel really comfortable with my identity as a Deaf individual and I'm proud of it! COMPLETELY understand what you mean about adjustments with everyone, too. I rarely hang out with my hearing friends anymore. It's just easier to socialize with signers.
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Yes, since most of whom I 'hang out' with are my hearing family and everyone I know around me is hearing, except one deaf person whom I don't see often, was late-deafened and speaks most of the time, and doesn't know sign though uses hand gestures a lot.

The deaf friends I can sign with are all in Australia, thousand of kms/miles away, there is no VP or IPrelay or IM with video on mobile/cellphones here. TTY is not catered for either, so it is just sms or online chat; and then there are all my friends here on AD.

Finding fellow signers is rare where I am. Yet, despite the hurdles, I am using every which way I can to minimise using my voice until I can finally get the message across to my hearing family and friends. I have requested text calls only, and have begun refusing to answer voicecalls (why endure a struggle when I can avoid it), signing as much as I can, also starting writing in a notebook as another means of silent/visual communication. I talk less and less, and only if I absolutely have to. Perhaps over time, it will become apparent that speaking is not necessary. I am just hoping it is sooner than later. :deaf:
 
BecLak said:
Many of us were born deaf but raised in mainstream schools and oral only. It was to a general public trend to 'hide' our deafness and 'pretend' to be 'hearing'. It was like that for me all my life until recently, when I was finally introduced to the Deaf community via AllDeaf. (BTW, :ty: AD!) It still takes some adjustment to finally come out in the open about it. I'm not ashamed, I don't want to hide it anymore, but there is still adjustments with hearing family and others who have known you all your life.
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natty_4ever said:
Yep, this suits me perfectly as well. I grew up HOH, mainstreamed, and oral. Lost a bunch of my hearing when I was 18, and now I'm severe-profoundly deaf. I felt like I had to hide my hearing aids and act like a hearing person too. Like you, when I stumbled upon AllDeaf, I learned about ASL, Deaf culture, and everything else I needed to know. Now I feel really comfortable with my identity as a Deaf individual and I'm proud of it! COMPLETELY understand what you mean about adjustments with everyone, too. I rarely hang out with my hearing friends anymore. It's just easier to socialize with signers.
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Me too! I was born with severe-profound hearing loss, but grew up oral and mainstreamed, pretending to be hearing and hiding my HAs under long hair (until I went bald!). All my friends and family are hearing, including my wife and children. But in the last six months or so, my hearing has got worse and now I cannot follow what my hearing friends are saying unless it's a one-to-one conversation. I feel very isolated. Also I don't know any deaf people so have never signed or been part of that community. A couple of weeks ago I came across AllDeaf.com and it looks like I should be able to find people in a similiar position to me. The problem is that it's big and has SOOOO many threads, that I don't know how to find the ones that are relevant to my situation. This is the nearest one I found so far so I'm finally chipping in even if it's a bit late...
 
AJWSmith said:
A couple of weeks ago I came across AllDeaf.com and it looks like I should be able to find people in a similiar position to me. The problem is that it's big and has SOOOO many threads, that I don't know how to find the ones that are relevant to my situation. This is the nearest one I found so far so I'm finally chipping in even if it's a bit late...
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AllDeaf is very big and there is a wealth of information here. My suggestion would be to first create an introduction post if you haven't yet, then just scan and read and join in. We will be happy to help you learn all about this and to help you along the way. Just keep an open mind because we have some who believe one way and others who believe another way. There is no right or wrong answer in the grand scheme of things here, just an open mind and civil "tongue" (typing).
 
AJWSmith said:
Me too! I was born with severe-profound hearing loss, but grew up oral and mainstreamed, pretending to be hearing and hiding my HAs under long hair (until I went bald!). All my friends and family are hearing, including my wife and children. But in the last six months or so, my hearing has got worse and now I cannot follow what my hearing friends are saying unless it's a one-to-one conversation. I feel very isolated. Also I don't know any deaf people so have never signed or been part of that community. A couple of weeks ago I came across AllDeaf.com and it looks like I should be able to find people in a similiar position to me. The problem is that it's big and has SOOOO many threads, that I don't know how to find the ones that are relevant to my situation. This is the nearest one I found so far so I'm finally chipping in even if it's a bit late...
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Hi, welcome to the forum! One way to make a good use of the forum, is that each time you login is to click on the "New Posts" link on the topbar in the top of the forum and then scroll down. It's a good way to keep track of the posts.
 
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