Kids after 18 years old at home / empty nests in parenting

[naisho]

Just curious of your opinion. I am not a parent.

Are you ok with your kids staying home after the age of 18?
Why not?

I've created a poll that I think it fits most answers.

Discuss.

The way I was raised do not adhere to "native" white american cultures (I do not mean this in a racist way), but I am curious of other's perspectives.

 

[Bottesini]

My children made their own choices when to leave. They left when attending college and shared an apartment until marriage.

They have managed well and no one has asked to come back.

 

[Frisky Feline]

I do not mind having kids to live with me for a long long long time. BUt i do want them to have a good life and do not depend on me for anything. Nothing more.

I left from my parents when i was 19 by my own decision. i regretted of leaving my parents too early! I still miss my daddy and mommy to the day! i do not mind going back to living with my parents all over agian. But I am married. oh well. lol.

 

[Reba]

My daughter lived at home with us until she was 19 years old. Then, she married, so she moved out.

I was 19 when I left home to join the Navy.

I don't think there should be an arbitrary age limit. It depends on whether or not the "child" is attending college, working and contributing to the family, etc. There are many variables involved.

If grown children don't want to live with the parents' rules then they'll move out regardless of their age.

When I left home it wasn't because I hated living at home. I felt that it was time for me to become independent and get a career; that is, become an adult. I had a full-time job while I lived at home but that wasn't the same thing as a "grown-up" career.

Hubby also joined the Navy after he graduated from high school.

Our family doesn't have any experience with anyone staying in the parents' home past age 19 years.

 

[naisho]

Hmm. Interesting sharings, I appreciate your inputs and eagerly await more.

One of the reasons why I wanted to create this topic is because as some of us know, the social security trust fund will likely be depleted anywhere from ~30-50 years from now. Parents may or may not have to rely on their children in the future depending on their financial stability.

In the past I've noticed that with many WASP homes, the children are gone or have left before ~18 years old. It seems to be more of an unwritten rule and mindset that the child "goes out" rather than them staying and supporting or vice versa.

I also noticed the post-18 trend that it is mostly prevalent with minorities - can be easily noticed when one studies the ethics & cultures of other nations.

The clash comes to me as minorities residing in the USA. IE: American-born Iranians, Koreans, Italians, French, who retain some of their culture but live their lives as an American.
Now when they marry with fully americanized folks, it must be a difficult choice.

 

[Reba]

Not everyone leaves their parents' home because they want to leave but because the education or career they want isn't available "at home." Also, married people want to establish their own homes.

People shouldn't put all their trust in Social Security but diversify their retirement plan.

Not all elderly parents want to leave their own homes to live with their adult children.

It is part of the American culture ever since the days of the early settlers. If people weren't willing to leave "home" there would be no exploration of or expansion to new places. Pioneers need to be willing to leave their families behind.

 

[BLeGal2]

As long as they have a job, help out around the house, and are not a deadbeat loser they can stay as long as they want.

 

[rockin'robin]

My son came back home a few months ago....he will be 19 next month. Lost his job and roommates....no where else to go.
He's working now and pays me weekly and finally follows my rules.

I can see and undy why many adults, 18 and over, move back home due to this lousy economy, high prices and finding a good job...

However, I have 2 more teenagers at home. It's more work, and of course, more arguing about the "rules."...But as long as he is working or going back to school at night (which he has been talking of)...then I'd rather he be home w/me...than to consider moving in with his girlfriend!...She wants "to get married".....NO WAY!...I've told my son the best time to settle down is age 30 or so...and so far, he's listening! And putting $$ away into that savings account.

 

[A]

I rather move in with the kids.

 

[rockin'robin]

I rather move in with the kids.

 

[shel90]

As long as they have a job, help out around the house, and are not a deadbeat loser they can stay as long as they want.

Same here...also they can help out with paying for rent and help me pay off my bills!

I moved out when I was 21 years old then at 23, my ex hubby and I lived with my mom for 6 months to get financially stable so I could quit my job and return to school.

 

[jazzy]

My oldest son moved out at 19 and refused to move back home but lived with his in laws for year and half with his wife to save money to buy a house. It worked out for them. My youngest son moved out when he turned 21 because that is when we will charge him room rent. No more freeloader. Worked out just fine and I am hopefully he and his soon to be wife will not move back home with us in near future because he needs to find a better job than where he is now. We enjoy being us alone for last 3 years now and hope to stay this way for many more years to go. My parents in law take care of mother for 30 years and I feel for them because they never live alone long enough after their last child moved out then mother moved in and stay with them. Now she is 99 years old and still strong. Lucky her.

 

[Juli-terp-to-be]

I moved out when I was 21, had a horrible marriage , then moved back in at 33 just after my divorce was final. Been trying to get back on my feet and out ever since. I am 37 now.
When it comes down to my son moving out, he will always have a place with me, no matter what age he is. And he knows it. He lives with is father right now and can't wait til he comes of age to choose which home to live in.

 

[BLeGal2]

Same here...also they can help out with paying for rent and help me pay off my bills!

I moved out when I was 21 years old then at 23, my ex hubby and I lived with my mom for 6 months to get financially stable so I could quit my job and return to school.

Yeah that is acceptable. Help with the bills is a huge plus! I will be moving back in with my mom in the Spring, cause I will be graduating college. She is nice enough to let me stay with her till I get a job, enough money for grad school, and then an apt. Parents are the best for helping their kids have a grace period to raise some money.

If I had a filthy kid that couldn't hold a job, or keep their college grades up, then they would be kicked out so they would be forced to get their crap together, but as long as they help out then they can stay

 

[sara1981]

im live with my mom till i get married somedays

 

[inmate23]

i was in foster care and the custody order run out at 17. and mum comes stays with me and my bf more than i would like

 

[Lissa]

I'm 20 and my sister and I still live at home, my mother does not mind. We will eventually move out one day when we're ready. My brother moved out at 21 to go to Uni

 

[PowerON]

My opinion that kids should move out right after high school, so that way they would gain their experience to understand what's real world to deal with. As long as you, parents taught something that kids need to know. If not, sometime, some parents would feel they're failure that children cannot handle on their own. when they're not disability or not.

 

[overthepond]

I didn't leave home until i was 27! (i was at boarding school then college then travelled round the world so hardly at home!) My parents have bedrooms set up at their place in austria and it's my bedroom as well another bedroom for my brother... they say the door is always open for us if we ever want to come "home".

Whilst i lived at home, i always paid my respect to their house for example help out with cooking, washing my own clothes, clearing up after myself etc, they refuse to let me pay them rent as I am still their child!!! They had kicked my brother out once when he was too lazy, we didn't have chores but used common sense to help out, my brother were being a typical boy he came back after few weeks and promised to pull his socks up.... he stayed for another few years until the family home were sold and my parents moved to Austria and it was when we had to find homes of our own!

I would do same to my own kids depending on circumstances.

 

[A]

I left home at the age 18 and only went back three years later... then our house burn down and my parents basically became homeless (no insurance). THEY moved back home... kinda. they moved in to my grandma's property and the house they stayed in is like shack. Then my mother had breast cancer (and passed away) and she moved in with me while my dad stayed behind. They never got back on their feet since the fire. My dad worked in our childhood home and 90% rebuilt, just need to put in flooring, but now he is having health problems.

I don't really have a home to move back in really if things go wrong. I have to keep moving forward.