Just Venting ~ Getting it off my chest

Y said:
How do you feel WHAT IF your mother dies/passes away today ???

This can be frustrating.
Please do accept and love her no matter what.

I would NEVER tell my mother "you owe me some $$ back"
because she already raised me for many years.

Hope you will learn to accept the way she is.
Do you agree that your Mother deserves to be
treated like a Queen with honor ?
Click to expand...

So are you saying that my kids should go without because I need to support my mother?? I was living with her at one point and giving her almost 1,000 per month plus she was having me pay her visa, and everything else. Meanwhile I couldn't afford things that I needed?
I don't owe her anything, just like when my girls grow up..they DONT owe me nothing it's their JOB to raise you if you don't want to then they shouldn't have had kids. We never asked to be born, their choice was theirs. Besides, I thought we were suppose to be raised to be independent. She is very co-dependent on me. Expects me to take care of her all the time. She needs to learn to manage money and deal with her situations. I can't change them for her. I help in any way I can, but finanically I can't. I have 3 girls, my hubby and myself.
 
Oh, thats a difficult situation. IF that's co-dependency,
I am NOT sure how to resolve this hmmm I need more
time to think about this. Geez, I'm Sorry.

Do you think your mother is capable to learn how
to be more independent ?

It looks like that you can NOT do it on your own,
you need another third party (professional) to
resolve and help your Mom to be more independent
somehow.

That is very drained emotionally and financially
with that kind of situation.

You are right that parents should teach kids
how to be independent.
 
shush Y...

I understand RainGurl's point of view which her mother kept asking her finanicy almost several times.. Why can't she handle herself budget ? and also kept complain about her daughter's having good time vacation goes to Toronto.. Why can't she have to learn accept it ?

What do you expecting RainGurl give mother happy?? Do you want that way ?

She have 3 kids and focus her family come first what her expecting prior list things do... w/her husband and children...

I do agree w/her 100%

I certinally agrees other AD'ers made the point of view comment!
 
There is another option but its a tough and painful one but its up to you to decide. You said that your mom keeps asking for $$ and you only have so much $$ per paycheck to support your own family--mom not included in your budget. Then you may have to cut ties to your mom to keep your sanity and have enough $$ for your own family. You may just not invite your mom to family events, stop contacting her by email or whatever you used to communicate with her, just let her know that you have no choice but stop all contact with her. There are different ways to do this and its up to you if that is the best decision. You can discuss this option with yur husband too for his opinion.

Im sorry that your relationship with your mom is lousy due to her $$ demands. Give you a :hug:
 
sillycat said:
There is another option but its a tough and painful one but its up to you to decide. You said that your mom keeps asking for $$ and you only have so much $$ per paycheck to support your own family--mom not included in your budget. Then you may have to cut ties to your mom to keep your sanity and have enough $$ for your own family. You may just not invite your mom to family events, stop contacting her by email or whatever you used to communicate with her, just let her know that you have no choice but stop all contact with her. There are different ways to do this and its up to you if that is the best decision. You can discuss this option with yur husband too for his opinion.

Im sorry that your relationship with your mom is lousy due to her $$ demands. Give you a :hug:
Click to expand...

I know I have often thought about it. I am so much happier when she isn't around, I know that awful for me to say. But I am being dead honest, she drains me emotionally and in every way. Today she called, and was so angry because I didn't say thank you for the birthday gift in the car MEANWHILE my little one was having an asthma attack and we had to give her a treatment in the van. I was finally told her, that she is always complaining, she isn't happy and inless it's her way she is never going to be happy. She told me that she wants the kids once a week from NOW on, how can she dare make demands of me like that? Like I said I am tired of all the BS! Sometimes I wish I could move far away. Then I wouldn't be near the problem!
 
RainGurl said:
I am pretty upset right now, my mom tells me all the time how much money she is making and now it would be nice if we took her away. I asked do you have money to pay for your meals, she says no you should be paying for them. She tells me to rearrange my plans and my life around her constantly. Today we are celebrating with her, our lil one's birthday which is actually tomorrow. So we got a cake, and making yummy tacos! She almost CANCELLED on me!

I can't take the self-pity and games anymore. I asked her what she wanted me to do about her financial situation? Support you? She goes, oh not like that would ever happen...! She was like Oh I need to borrow 5 bucks, I just spent all of my money on your daughter.

WHAT?! I mean, if she didn't have the money she shouldn't have spent it. She never "borrows" she takes and doesn't return it.

I am so frustrated. I can see this a being a bad night a million miles away!

Hug me plz?
Click to expand...

Hugs Hugs...
 
First of all, you have my :hug:, RainGurl.

I can see from your description that your mother has a problem with her co-dependency. She need real help!

I would suggest you to sit and have a good talk with her and tell her how you feeling and then suggest her to visit evening class to find out herself what she really likes, then she will be surprise how nice people around there.

If your mother agree with your suggestion, then tell her that you like to go with her to evening class. It will be few times until your mother don´t need you anymore since she makes friends there.

As you said that she can´t cope the responsible with her money, then I would suggest for her to go to see counsellor or Social Department.

Yes, your family come first, you focus to. They needs you.
 
CyberRed said:
:hug: RainGurl ~

I am so sorry to hear about all this. I do know how you feel. Wonderin' how many children does your mom have includin' you ?

If, she has more than one children, why don't she ask her own children to split their share to help her with money in every month ? Well, that's if her budget is tight.

I used to support my ex-mother inlaws and I supported her with her electric bill durin' winter time that she couldn't afford to pay. I helped payin' her from $ 50.00 to 100.00 per month until she felt somethin' was not right, so she decided to call all her 6 children to come over and discussed about her situation. All of her 6 children helped her by payin' 1/6th of each in every month. Each of them pay $ 20.00. That's over $ 100.00 per month. After they agreed to do that to help their mother, I stepped down. I focused on my 4 small children at that time after they agreed to take care of their own mother.

Soo, wonderin' if there's a possible that you and your other siblings ( that's if you have more than one siblin' ) can help her with somethin' like this ? That will help to keep the mother's mouth shut and quit whinin'. Just suggestion. :)
Click to expand...

Why can´t anyone go to Social Department when they have money problem? Anyone can´t depend their children for support since they have their own family, they care of.
 
Y said:
How do you feel WHAT IF your mother dies/passes away today ???

This can be frustrating.
Please do accept and love her no matter what.

I would NEVER tell my mother "you owe me some $$ back"
because she already raised me for many years.

Hope you will learn to accept the way she is.
Do you agree that your Mother deserves to be
treated like a Queen with honor ?
Click to expand...


:shock:

I would not do that like what you did.

I would not accept my parents if they abuse me physical or whatever.
I would not accept if my parents show no respect on me.

You said that you would never tell your mother "you owe me some $$ back". your mother will take advantage of you more and more if you carry on do like this.

I disagree to treat my parents as King and Queen because they born and raised me. I would not do that to my children. I don´t beleive to expect anything from my children in return because I born and raised them... :roll: because they are my WISH children and want to see them happy and want love and respect them as the same they love and respect me.
 
RainGurl
Well she works, and she shouldn't be depending on her child for financial support. I have 3 kids to raise and how is that fair that they would have to go without because I need to support her when she is capable of working? She just chooses not to be responsible about her money?
Click to expand...

RainGurl said:
So are you saying that my kids should go without because I need to support my mother?? I was living with her at one point and giving her almost 1,000 per month plus she was having me pay her visa, and everything else. Meanwhile I couldn't afford things that I needed?
I don't owe her anything, just like when my girls grow up..they DONT owe me nothing it's their JOB to raise you if you don't want to then they shouldn't have had kids. We never asked to be born, their choice was theirs. Besides, I thought we were suppose to be raised to be independent. She is very co-dependent on me. Expects me to take care of her all the time. She needs to learn to manage money and deal with her situations. I can't change them for her. I help in any way I can, but finanically I can't. I have 3 girls, my hubby and myself.
Click to expand...


Right! I can tell that you have a good self-esteem! You and I have same opinion on this.
 
well when i work though from 1998 until 2002 i had to pay my parents bills and etc..
it was HARD on me i told my sister and my brother about it they didn't do anything until in end of 1999 and they finally help me out damn

GRR
they didn't pay me back but my dad did some not all oh well

i undy about it raingurl i have been there HUGS ya more
 
Back
Top