Just starting to date a deaf man...

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hearingfriend

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Hi, I am new to this site. I've been searching for an internet site to help with my questions...I think I've found it!

I am hearing, I have a 9-year-old niece who is deaf and her mom (my sister-in-law) is hoh. I've wanted to learn sign language all my life and finally in September started taking classes. I also take a lab for practice and attend the deaf community's silent dinners.

On April 6 I met a deaf man who is interested in me. We email and text. Went on a date April 14 then to church together the next day and saw each other Tuesday and Thursday.

Thursday I was very frustrated and upset because I have difficult understanding his text messages because he writes in ASL format and I'm not well-versed in ASL format. Plus he seems to want to move fast...asking if I want children, mentioning moving if we get married, etc. I wanted to know is moving fast normal in the deaf community? Perhaps it's more a sign of our ages; we are 41 & 42 so we can't act like we're 21 & 22 and have our whole lives ahead of us!

Any and all help/advice/insight you can provide on ASL format and dating in the deaf community will be greatly appreciated!
 
Moving fast is not really normal with most deaf, but there are people who do think that if they don't move fast, they will lose the person they want. I've seen it happen so many times, it's crazy.

Most deaf take it slow, wait a few years before getting married and all that, making sure he/she is the right person for them. ect.

My advice, don't let him rush you into anything. Tell him you want to take it slow.
 
Another thing you have to remember-- it is part of many Deaf people's culture to ask prviate questions-- and it is not offensive.

We will ask how many you earn even if we just meet you-- that is our bluntness and lack of privacy that enables us to be trustworthy and close to each other.

So for him, it might be normal to ask about your future plans. I often got asked if I want children/married/etc by men that I was not EVEN dating-- Deaf strangers meeting for first time.

So just a note to put in back of your mind-- we are accustomed to share ANYTHING, and there is no taboo to not talk about-- nothing is "shushed" about...even when it comes to discuss the deeds in the bathroom.
 
I can understand that you are having difficult understanding in ASL language except in sign language. Yea I understand them cuz I am used to it. Let put it this way. You can act as an english teacher and to read his text and try to correct that sentence that he was trying to say. like add is, are, the, a and etc. It will take a while to get used to it. I know it is frustrated. I had ppl asked me what they were saying and I had to explain to them. They were so shocked that I understood them. Of course. :D

As for moving too fast is no no. Just explain that you wanted to get to know him better and go slow. Just like me and my bf who is hearing. We are taking our time cuz we are doing the things that we wanted to do before we get into serious.

Best of luck to you.

Maybe you can have him to read the post here. dunno if you want to do that.
 
Congratulate!!

I wanted to know is moving fast normal in the deaf community?

No

Perhaps it's more a sign of our ages; we are 41 & 42 so we can't act like we're 21 & 22 and have our whole lives ahead of us!

Probably

Just truth telling him that you want slow down :):):)
 
yeah I know a bunch of deaf people that moved pretty fast... my husband and I were one of them but we're doing fine. :) I just believe that if you've got what it takes to make it and not break it, I think you'll do just fine.
 
I believe he was asking some simple questions. So he decided to either keep relationship with you or end the relationship to save a lot of time. You can ask him why he wants to know. Be honest and be yourself.
 
I agree with many of u here. I honestly dont think being culturally deaf has anything to do with moving fast. It depends on the individual. I have dated different deaf guys in the 4 years I was single after my split from my ex hubby, and there were some who moved so fast that it overwhelmed me and others that moved so slow that I felt like lighting a fire under them to get them moving. Ha! I am sure it is the same in the hearing culture..some move slow and others move fast?

As for the grammar thing...I answered that in your other thread.

Good luck! Important u listen and follow your own heart, not his. If it is meant to be, it will work out. :)
 
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