It bothers me when a deaf person ask me

goodonya said:
All of this sounds like some of the first dates I have had. Not quite as bad as some I think the the worst I figured it out later was the one who put her hand down the front of my pants during the surprise end of date kiss.
I figured out later she was measuring my length. I must have failed she did not return my call.
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A hand down there? SCORE! That's good enough to call her a notch on my bedpost!
 
goodonya said:
All of this sounds like some of the first dates I have had. Not quite as bad as some I think the the worst I figured it out later was the one who put her hand down the front of my pants during the surprise end of date kiss.
I figured out later she was measuring my length. I must have failed she did not return my call.
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At least you seem good-natured about that brazen incident. :)
 
Yah I thought I was doing good until I did not hear back. Then around that same time I noticed one of those internet things about how a woman can get the whole interview done all in one evening. Dating in Fairbanks, Alaska... whoa...

Still I did like that kiss!

I guess a smiley with a frown and a smile and head back and forth and a head nodding yes all at the same time would say it best.
 
Jane B. said:
If she was a close enough friend to be asked to your home, did you then take her aside and tell her more about it being considered rude here?
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No...Cambodians live in a closed society and it would have been unintentionally hurtful to point it out...her intent was not to be disrespectful. As it was she always greeted my parents as "Auntie" and "Uncle" and used the Cambodian greeting of palms closed. I was an ESL teacher so I'm tolerant. She, as with most will immigrants, will find out in their own way.
 
Lau2046 said:
No...Cambodians live in a closed society and it would have been unintentionally hurtful to point it out...her intent was not to be disrespectful. As it was she always greeted my parents as "Auntie" and "Uncle" and used the Cambodian greeting of palms closed. I was an ESL teacher so I'm tolerant. She, as with most will immigrants, will find out in their own way.
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But. . . you knowing both cultures means that you could explain it in a gentler way than she may well get from others.
 
Jane B. said:
But. . . you knowing both cultures means that you could explain it in a gentler way than she may well get from others.
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We were friends...and when you're friends, not every moment has to be a teaching moment. Sometimes setting an example by behavior teaches them more. I was very formal with her mother and greeted her always (and the elders) in traditional Cambodian fashion, much to her delight, and my friend's amusement....On the flip side, her mother used to complain to her that she needed to find more friends that were respectful like me.....:D
 
I left this quote below on as much as a place keeper so people where know at what point in the thread I am writing as anything.

In different places over the years I have repeatedly seen things about us doing things their way when meeting those from the Far East. But feel that should be a two way street with them getting to understand how things are done here when they are here and not in their home country. It can be done in a considerate way; but not always expecting us to change to their way when in our country (our country = the US for example). I hope I have said this in a clear but considerate way.

Lau2046 said:
We were friends...and when you're friends, not every moment has to be a teaching moment. Sometimes setting an example by behavior teaches them more. I was very formal with her mother and greeted her always (and the elders) in traditional Cambodian fashion, much to her delight, and my friend's amusement....On the flip side, her mother used to complain to her that she needed to find more friends that were respectful like me.....:D
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Jane B. said:
I left this quote below on as much as a place keeper so people where know at what point in the thread I am writing as anything.

In different places over the years I have repeatedly seen things about us doing things their way when meeting those from the Far East. But feel that should be a two way street with them getting to understand how things are done here when they are here and not in their home country. It can be done in a considerate way; but not always expecting us to change to their way when in our country (our country = the US for example). I hope I have said this in a clear but considerate way.
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Sometimes being friends with someone is just accepting them regardless of any cultural differences. Streets have nothing to do with it, either your friends or you're not...I choose the friendship.
 
rockin'robin said:
There is no problem with it...it's just how you go about it (asking)...and you just don't drive up or walk up to someone (a stranger) and ask where they work....(as was the OP case)....hope I've explained it clearly...
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Timing is everything. If I see someone drive up in an expensive car, and I am very curious what that person does for a living, I would wait until later and ask what his/her occupation is. I would not immediately look at the car and ask "where do you work", which is also construed as "Yo, where did you get the money for this thing?"

I asked that question once about 20 years ago. I was camping with a few other deaf friends, and one guy showed up in a brand-new expensive SUV, and everything he had was top dollar stuff. After a couple days, I asked him politely how he is able to afford all that on his measly social-worker salary. Turns out he inherited some money from a relative's death. I never forgave myself for asking such a personal question.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
When a person ask me a personal question I ask the person the same question back . What is good for the goose is good for the gander!
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I made that my standard practice when people in the UK asked about my accent. I often knew more about the UK than they thought (when they said they were from a little town near such and such)
 
To OP's question, no, I don't feel that way. I can answer it or change the subject, either way, it works for me. :)
 
LuciaDisturbed said:
I've never been asked whether I have a job or not and what I do for a living. Everybody knows that I'm on SSI and SS anyways and no one cares.
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yea, and if you're travelling alot, and living a high life, doesnt matter if the car isnt a lamborghini, its that lifestyle, well yeah people will care, and gonna ask question, directly or indirectly ofc.

im on the borderline people knows im on benefit but when they see my place done up, they still dont care because it was all my own work, my own labour i did it all on the cheap...but it would be a diff story if it was all done in 2 weeks..yep they gonna ask, and especially if im skiing alot or pursue lots of thrill stuff that arent cheap to do then yeah people can't help but wonder if you're hding something
 
Easy to answer: "I work for the FBI"

They'll shut up and move on.
 
I'm really confused....it's taboo to ask someone about their occupation? And are we talking about a deaf person asking or a hearing person asking? In which culture is this considered rude?
 
LadyAbigail said:
I'm really confused....it's taboo to ask someone about their occupation? And are we talking about a deaf person asking or a hearing person asking? In which culture is this considered rude?
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Judging from the number of people who ask, I'm going to say it's not taboo. But it should be. In either culture.

In a perfect world, that question could just be about a person's interests and inclinations. But in the world where we actually live, what a person does for a living is a really loaded subject. It's interwoven with status, and asking about it can be way too personal. If the person has an occupation that people commonly look down on, then the question puts them in an awkward situation. What if the person isn't able to work? Or isn't able to find work? You may not be judgmental about that, but there's enough social stigma surrounding the subject that the question can be an assault on a person's dignity.

I think this is confusing to some people because they feel like "well, it's a natural question to ask, because what a person does for a living is a big part of their life, so if I'm curious about the person, that's a major thing to learn about." And that's true. But that's a problem that creates its own solution. If you just talk to a person long enough, they'll tell you about experiences they have, and in the process any information about occupation will naturally emerge. Basically, if they want to tell you, they just will. There's no real need to ask, and lots of good reasons not to.
 
LadyAbigail said:
I'm really confused....it's taboo to ask someone about their occupation? And are we talking about a deaf person asking or a hearing person asking? In which culture is this considered rude?
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Generally speaking, asking what someone does for a living isn't considered rude in the US. It comes from an assumption that what a person does is in some way related to their interests and therefore can spur conversation. That said, Amy Lynne is 100% correct that in certain circles there's often status and cultural judgements made.

Now, from what I learned in my German class, using occupation for small talk is frowned on in Germany and many other European countries. What you do isn't as important what you like and who you are.
 
LadyAbigail said:
I'm really confused....it's taboo to ask someone about their occupation? And are we talking about a deaf person asking or a hearing person asking? In which culture is this considered rude?
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That question is answered in the title itself. And expanded upon in the thread.
 
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