is it okay to be selfish in relationship?

Freaky Cat said:
SSI is for those who dont have job but is ABLE to work.
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Sorry to correct you, but this not exactly correct, and is misleading.

Directly from ssa.gov site:
SSI makes monthly payments to people who have low income and few resources and are:

* Age 65 or older;
* Blind; or
* Disabled.

If you are applying for SSI, you also should ask for What You Need To Know When You Get Supplemental Security Income (SSI) (Publication No. 05-11011).

Disabled or blind children also can receive SSI. You can get more information in Benefits For Children With Disabilities (Publication No. 05-10026).

The basic SSI amount is the same nationwide. However, many states add money to the basic benefit. You can call us to find out the amounts for your state.
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Supplemental Security Income (SSI)

Edit:
And the main difference between SSI and SSDI is that you have to have worked a certain amount to get SSDI. It is also possible to get both SSDI and SSI.
 
there are two kinds of selfishness... healthy and unhealthy. the healthy selfishness enables you to focus on yourself and make sure you are not too drained, and create reasonable boundaries. ofc you'd find a way to help others without it being dangerous or exhausting for you. nothing wrong with this.
 
My husband and I are sometime good selfish because any man or any woman tried take one of us away. It is okay to be little good selfish. We married for 12 years and still trust each other. of course there have bad and good time.
 
Liebling:-))) said:
WHAT!!!! It´s not true what someone consider it as selfish when you ask others to take care of your kids for one day break. I see why not, because every parents deserve their break!!!!
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I agree with u and Oceanblue7...I dont listen nor care what they think but I just cant believe that some people think that way. Not my problem.
 
I get really annoyed when I go out with some friends and the first thing someone say is "Where are your kids?" as if they are saying l'm not supposed to be out without them or something. Then I start feeling even more guilty than I already am. I stayed at home with my first daughter and was NEVER separated from her for more than a year...ever. It was very unhealthy for me. We Mommies need our breaks and to be able to do things that we enjoy and to have conversations and interactions with other adults for a change. Then we feel rejuvenated and can get back to the gritty and hard, but awesome and fun, work of mommyhood. Our kids need us to be refreshed so we can do our jobs well. And as for my ex- he never understood that. It was okay for him to be be out doing things, but he didn't really support me in the sense that I needed time to myself as well.
 
deafbajagal said:
I get really annoyed when I go out with some friends and the first thing someone say is "Where are your kids?" as if they are saying l'm not supposed to be out without them or something. Then I start feeling even more guilty than I already am. I stayed at home with my first daughter and was NEVER separated from her for more than a year...ever. It was very unhealthy for me. We Mommies need our breaks and to be able to do things that we enjoy and to have conversations and interactions with other adults for a change. Then we feel rejuvenated and can get back to the gritty and hard, but awesome and fun, work of mommyhood. Our kids need us to be refreshed so we can do our jobs well. And as for my ex- he never understood that. It was okay for him to be be out doing things, but he didn't really support me in the sense that I needed time to myself as well.
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awww I need give you :hug:. I was with my son 24 hour daily when he was a baby. I didn't have babysitter much. I went to out very sometime. Now my son goes to school, I have plenty time and do whatever I want do at 8 am to 2:30 pm. I found few females with children that we can go together to have fun but now they moved out to Eastern. It is not easy to find someone who stay home with children.
 
deafbajagal said:
A good relationship is a reciprocal one.
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We take turns with the little ones. We just figure out when we want what, and decide who gets to do whatever we want to do. The little ones benefit from refreshed parents who lead healthy lives and show them how to do that.

I've offered up date night once a week for us, but I have a guy who does NOT mind sharing the kids with whatever we do, so we have family nights instead!

Also, most of the time, I buy stuff for the whole household. As long as I throw in what my guy wants in with what I want, and the things for the kids, everyone's happy. He does the same thing. It's time for HIM to get new work pants without worrying about us! We're covered enough with what we all need. The dogs finally got their rawhide.....!
 
i wouldn't know , never been in a relationship before, but yeah a reciprocal relationship sounds the best choice. About deafbajagal's being accused of neglecting her kids is not their business, somehow it feels as so they are picking on her because she's deaf, and thus thinks they ought to KNOW if she's doing what they expected. Again its NONE of their business they had no right to say that to her, i bet they dont say this much to their hearing peers - even if they do, i'd bet it's not as heavily ladden down. Bloody hearing people.
sorry if i can get to seem so negative but its true hearing people DONT know when to back off.

But speaking of relationships, Id like a really nice gf that will take a delight to say lets talk about "what shall we do for the weekend?' I dont mean anything expensive (id never be well paid) just a matter of doing simple things like going to art gallerys yet its profound thing to do...erm or whatever

I like Oceanblue bit about its not selfish to ask your SO to look after the kids once in a while, think of it as sharing the experiences of raising kids, also the kids would (if they have cousins or close to that) the kids would like it too, variety makes life so good, everyone learns and everyones gets to know one another. My parents did similar and I am not sure how they did it, I must ask them sometime - i mean like i got a niggling feelings that it was different and not so politically-burden as it is nowadays to share responsibilities to raise kids. it would be interesting.


Cheers
 
Thanks, Grummer. You're right - it is none of their damn business. Especially since it is so not true that I'm neglecting my kids. I suck at a lot of things but one thing I know I'm good at - is being a great mother to my girls. I just get really annoyed when people ask me when they see me without them (which is RARE because I usually always have them with me everywhere I go and I do almost everything with them because they are GREAT and FUN to be with!)...but even Mommy needs a break and do grown-up things. So that's why I get all mad when people ask me, "So, where are your kids?" HMPH!

And Grummer, you're right...kids enjoy spending time with other people, not just Mommy all the time. They need a break from ME. lol
 
Selfishness in fact is a healthy state of being. Thomas Leonard, founder of Coachville, says that “selfishness means you care enough about yourself to get your needs met; selfishness is a choice”. So I guess it okay to be selfish for a reasons just not all the time. We are all human. Hopefully you have a clearer picture about what it means to be selfish. With any luck you will be able to embrace selfishness without all the negativity and guilt; realizing that selfishness helps you be more giving to others.
 
Me and My husband are not really selfish. We always share with money. But I do selfish about my approval like yes and no for spend on money. I just want to save money.

My husband do selfish about computer and macbook which I need to check the macbook. If he is using. He will say NO. He is working on his project on his macbook. But I can use PC. I really like mac more than a pc. I think he was a selfish when he is using his own macbook a lot than I do.

He isn't allow me to download or install at his macbook without ask him. He is care about his macbook. He is a geek! :D
 
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