Is Deaf Culture really ALL THAT?
- Thread starter Eve
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My husband did tell me one time that many deaf people think a deaf person should not marry a hearing person, and he gave me the impression that this is one reason why he doesn't want to go to go to our deaf church. I guess he feels the people do not accept him because he married me or maybe he feels I would not be accepted. He isn't clear about it. I did not feel that the people did not accept us, at all. I loved going there. We are all backwards...he's deaf and wants to go to our hearing church, and I'm hearing and want to go to the deaf church. Sheesh.
Oceanbreeze
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Heath said:
Right on, Heath! Personally, I don't understand why there is such exclusivity amongst certain deafies. I don't want to offend anybody here, but the way I see it, we're all people. We have too much division in our country as it is without people purposely trying to set themselves apart from others.
I honestly believe that hearies and deafies should come together, and try to understand one another. I know it's hard when you come up against someone who is hard-nosed, and they don't want to learn ASL or what have you. I know what it's like to be shunned, and it truly stinks. However, one must realize that NOT EVERYBODY is like this. There are some hearing people in the world who will give deafies a chance. However, it's a two way street. You also have to give us hearies a chance too!
sr171soars
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jshumko said:
I can personally relate to that. Jeezzz, I've been HOH all my life and now with a CI and I still don't have a real good reason or motivation to learn sign. My world has always been in the hearing arena. I pass the test where if it quacks, then it must be a duck (where others identify me as "hearing").
Now, it is interesting as I recently attended a deaf get together at our church (a couple of months ago) and I had a great time interacting with them (none of the paranoia that some have mentioned before which was good). It had been a very long time since I had done so. But I will submit, I needed an interpreter for a bunch of them which was really weird.
I felt exactly like any normal hearing person felt...out of my element since I didn't know sign but I'm comfortable seeing it. However, I do have an advantage over normal hearing people as I can do lipreading and I have that "feel" of being able to understand some of the general tone and tenor of the "conversation" and some sign at that. Would that motivate me to learn sigh...um I don't know. I guess I haven't really wanted to ask myself why I don't...
On the positive side (there always is one), I believe there is a reason why we are suppose to go to our hearing church, even though it frustrates me to no end. Because of a recent opportunity where my husband was the speaker in church and I signed a hymn (I wrote about it in my blog), the people are now much more aware of what it is like to be deaf. That doesn't mean they are going to learn ASL, especially since they now think I'm perfect at it. They have no idea how much I practiced that hymn.
My husband did suggest that maybe we could go to the deaf church once a month. It's taking a long time, but I guess we're making some progress.
My husband did suggest that maybe we could go to the deaf church once a month. It's taking a long time, but I guess we're making some progress.
Eve
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jshumko, I understand your feelings, I am sorta in the same position, although I do have a hearing impairment of my own....I guess my ears are broken! lol
When I first moved into this area, my husband and I attended the deaf club here, but I was quickly disillusioned. The club president wanted to charge me more for membership than my husband because she felt I was not "deaf enough" (even though my ASL is much better than my husband's). We then started looking for a church group to join and rather than going to my in-laws church (which has the deaf ministry) we ended up at a hearing church, where I taught sign language classes for quite a while. I have found that I can't push my husband into anything he doesn't want to do and we have to find a happy medium where we are both happy. After all, there are reasons why he doesn't want to be too involved in the deaf community here, and I have to respect his feelings on the matter.
When I first moved into this area, my husband and I attended the deaf club here, but I was quickly disillusioned. The club president wanted to charge me more for membership than my husband because she felt I was not "deaf enough" (even though my ASL is much better than my husband's). We then started looking for a church group to join and rather than going to my in-laws church (which has the deaf ministry) we ended up at a hearing church, where I taught sign language classes for quite a while. I have found that I can't push my husband into anything he doesn't want to do and we have to find a happy medium where we are both happy. After all, there are reasons why he doesn't want to be too involved in the deaf community here, and I have to respect his feelings on the matter.
I agree that I can't push him and I don't want to do that. He's been dealing with this all of his life and it's helpful for me to understand a little of his reasoning. So I appreciate this forum. He usually tells me, "You can't do anything about people's attitudes." That may be true for some, but I think there are plenty of people in this world who are willing to learn and change. I just have to figure out how to do it, starting with my own attitude. Good luck, eh?
Teresh said:
Having been to Norway, and being married to a Dane, I can assure you that in many ways that is not so. Deaf Americans have more in common with Deaf Norwegians than they do with Hearing Americans. At least that is my opinion.
Well.....playing devil's advocate here.... I think part of the reason why some Deaf are deafer then thou to oralists is b/c some of them in the past, kind of treated dhh Signers with derision. Some oralists were taught to look down on Signers (I remember a thread started by an oralist at Deafnotes where she was ALL high and mighty about how she was SO GLAD that her parents hadn't exposed her to SIGN!!!)
travisdoesmath's
Thank you so much for saying it aloud since people love to jump the conclusion about Deaf community or Deaf culture.. You know what people with audist attitude will say anything NEGATIVE about us. Thats their loss because they dont know anything about good things that we succeed for being deaf in many ways.
They do not read it carefully and love to bash deaf community. The only thing is that thats their issue for being so bittered about themselves. not Deaf commmunity itself make u miserable or unhappy. You hate yourself for being deaf, I feel sorry for you. You need to chill out and move on.
It s so true for people who do not have any respect for us Deaf people with our hands to speak with ASL. or Deaf children who are not functionallly hearing. Thanks! ** ROLLING MY EYES**
I can see deaf oralism or latened deaf have a real problem with their audist attitude.
ASL is a huge real freedom that capable for us to express our body language/ facial expression and good healthy for all of us to communicate without struggle between Hearing and Deaf. Thats a very positive reinforcement to have a great communication. So be it! Why bother spending $$$ on the stupid machine or oral method only that is still conflict problem going on?
Be proud of being deaf and happy for exactly who you are.. I want to show the whole whole that I am Deaf and speak with my hands so that way people will learn from us than hiding urself and who do u prove that u have a great speech? whooppppeeee doo..
One thing U with audist attitude have no right to put thumb down on Deaf people with ASL who have or had been success on the job with or without speech impairment.
Have a great day!
Sweetmind
Thank you so much for saying it aloud since people love to jump the conclusion about Deaf community or Deaf culture.. You know what people with audist attitude will say anything NEGATIVE about us. Thats their loss because they dont know anything about good things that we succeed for being deaf in many ways.
They do not read it carefully and love to bash deaf community. The only thing is that thats their issue for being so bittered about themselves. not Deaf commmunity itself make u miserable or unhappy. You hate yourself for being deaf, I feel sorry for you. You need to chill out and move on.
It s so true for people who do not have any respect for us Deaf people with our hands to speak with ASL. or Deaf children who are not functionallly hearing. Thanks! ** ROLLING MY EYES**
I can see deaf oralism or latened deaf have a real problem with their audist attitude.
ASL is a huge real freedom that capable for us to express our body language/ facial expression and good healthy for all of us to communicate without struggle between Hearing and Deaf. Thats a very positive reinforcement to have a great communication. So be it! Why bother spending $$$ on the stupid machine or oral method only that is still conflict problem going on?
Be proud of being deaf and happy for exactly who you are.. I want to show the whole whole that I am Deaf and speak with my hands so that way people will learn from us than hiding urself and who do u prove that u have a great speech? whooppppeeee doo..
One thing U with audist attitude have no right to put thumb down on Deaf people with ASL who have or had been success on the job with or without speech impairment.
Have a great day!
Sweetmind
Guess what Alldeaf.com is one part of Deaf community.. Guess what u are destroying a good thing about d/Deaf people. You are hurting Deaf chilldren more than u think. SCOFFS!!! Grow up and Get a life, Will ya?
What a big joke!
What a big joke!
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Sweetmind said:
Yes I find sad that anyone negative deafness since we try anything to prove hearing world what deaf can do anything except ears. It's sad that everyone negative their own deafness to hearing world... I don't want hearing people think negative about deafness...
*nodding agreement* I feel sorry for people who are being bitter themselves over their deafness... *shake the head*
Yes I can see that...
I like you for that... You accept deafness and show your positive over deafness... Iyou for that.
One thing U with audist attitude have no right to put thumb down on Deaf people with ASL who have or had been success on the job with or without speech impairment.
Have a great day!
Sweetmind
Yes, I agree with you... They show no respect and make a lot of negative over deafness... *sigh* It show themselves that they are bitter people who hate about themselves... Of course I'm deaf... So what... I'm happy what I am... Why should I being bitter? I thank my parents to feed me in positive way over deafness... I remember their word... "You should be glad that you have healthy body mind... look at severe handciapped who don't have healthy body and mind". I look at them and was like :Oops: and then realized that deaf is not worst...
I want to thank you all for giving me the courage to ask my husband once again why he hasn't wanted to go to our deaf church. I wrote about it in my blog because my family and friends hopefully read it, and you can read it there if you wish. I'm not sure what to feel right now. It's a mixture of relief, happiness, shame, and humility. I'll get over it.
Well Tousi, and Eve, it IS getting a lot better.... Sure there are some deafer then thou folks who would say that someone like me (audilgically hoh) doesn't belong in deaf culture, but I think that many seperatists are realizing that a seperatist attitude isn't going to save Sign....rather being more open to anyone who's dhh is going to save sign.
Well it goes based on how extreme you are. I mean,
I never looked at it that way. I think that as a deaf/hofh
person we do tend to have that common ground of understanding.
We seek that in all people. Sometimes hearing people can understand
so far but not far enough. Experience is another issue, we RELATE, we can
be sensitive to the point of knowingly "how it feels" when we can hear, or read lips if someone is talking to fast, or in a HUGE crowd (can't hear a word, or concentrate on a large group - switching faces every few seconds). Even then we loose what the conversation is really about. Deaf Culture for me, means that no matter what, I can come as I am. NO one can take that away from me. I know hearing people accepts me too, but it's a different KIND of acceptance. I know that I can sign, and have people sign to me (which MAKES it alot easier for me to communication). Sometimes, I just don't feel like having to strain to lip read, or listen. I just want to be signed to, so I can have a break and just have a casual non~stressful conversation.
Our girls are too young to notice the difference. But, I did when I was mainstreamed. The teachers had no clue, friends (hearing) didn't either. But when I was at the Deaf school, we knew we had to sign even if we weren't talking our deaf friend. It was just proper and polite so that he/she could entered into the conversation. I think that a balance is needed. You need some level of exposure to the hearing world. As much as we don't want to admit it we DO LIVE IN A HEARING WORLD. WE can't reject that. Having our own "world" benefits us to be able to retreat, feel less threatened at times, and just be able to find likeness of our own.
My mother is hofh, and she never learned ASL. I did when I went to my Deaf school. She says that it handicaps the girls that they are learning it. I told her well look at it this way. You stress, you strain trying to keep up with hearing conversation. In ASL you can "sit back and actually enjoy a conversation without worrying if you misheard what was being said, or get embarrassed because you need to have it repeated."
So, either way I think we need to have respect for both. Understand both sides and realize we are both going to be there no matter what. So, each to his own. We better "learn" to be tolerant, and get along. Make it happy for all of us.
Does that make sense?
I never looked at it that way. I think that as a deaf/hofh
person we do tend to have that common ground of understanding.
We seek that in all people. Sometimes hearing people can understand
so far but not far enough. Experience is another issue, we RELATE, we can
be sensitive to the point of knowingly "how it feels" when we can hear, or read lips if someone is talking to fast, or in a HUGE crowd (can't hear a word, or concentrate on a large group - switching faces every few seconds). Even then we loose what the conversation is really about. Deaf Culture for me, means that no matter what, I can come as I am. NO one can take that away from me. I know hearing people accepts me too, but it's a different KIND of acceptance. I know that I can sign, and have people sign to me (which MAKES it alot easier for me to communication). Sometimes, I just don't feel like having to strain to lip read, or listen. I just want to be signed to, so I can have a break and just have a casual non~stressful conversation.
Our girls are too young to notice the difference. But, I did when I was mainstreamed. The teachers had no clue, friends (hearing) didn't either. But when I was at the Deaf school, we knew we had to sign even if we weren't talking our deaf friend. It was just proper and polite so that he/she could entered into the conversation. I think that a balance is needed. You need some level of exposure to the hearing world. As much as we don't want to admit it we DO LIVE IN A HEARING WORLD. WE can't reject that. Having our own "world" benefits us to be able to retreat, feel less threatened at times, and just be able to find likeness of our own.
My mother is hofh, and she never learned ASL. I did when I went to my Deaf school. She says that it handicaps the girls that they are learning it. I told her well look at it this way. You stress, you strain trying to keep up with hearing conversation. In ASL you can "sit back and actually enjoy a conversation without worrying if you misheard what was being said, or get embarrassed because you need to have it repeated."
So, either way I think we need to have respect for both. Understand both sides and realize we are both going to be there no matter what. So, each to his own. We better "learn" to be tolerant, and get along. Make it happy for all of us.
Does that make sense?