In that void between two worlds....

[Hollykins1]

This is just a bit of a whine. I think it helps once in a while to get things out of one's system.

I am a late-deafened/HOH adult. What I am feeling sad about is that void that exists: I don't quite fit into the hearing world, and I don't quite fit into the Deaf world.

What I'm really discussing is when I'm with people. In a group of hearing people, I'm usually feeling left out because I can't hear well enough to participate. One-on-one, or with maybe two people I can ask for people to repeat things, try to lip read, facial expressions whatever. But get a group where everyone is talking is like torture. I end up most of the time just sitting there, not part of things, only catching the gist of what is going on.

I'm learning sign language. I go to as many Deaf events as I can. Mostly the Deaf coffees. It's usually been smaller groups, but the last time I hit a situation where there were many full deaf people and quite a few advanced interpreters. I was the only new signer in the group.

Of course when someone communicated directly to me, they were very kind and slowed down or made sure I understood what was being signed. However, with a large group of experienced signers, most of the time I just sat there and tried to figure out what was going on. I only got the gist of a few things.

Of course it WILL get better once my ability to sign and my receptive skills increase.

But wow - it gets lonely sometimes.

Whine over....

 

[Beowulf]

This is just a bit of a whine. I think it helps once in a while to get things out of one's system.

I am a late-deafened/HOH adult. What I am feeling sad about is that void that exists: I don't quite fit into the hearing world, and I don't quite fit into the Deaf world.

What I'm really discussing is when I'm with people. In a group of hearing people, I'm usually feeling left out because I can't hear well enough to participate. One-on-one, or with maybe two people I can ask for people to repeat things, try to lip read, facial expressions whatever. But get a group where everyone is talking is like torture. I end up most of the time just sitting there, not part of things, only catching the gist of what is going on.

I'm learning sign language. I go to as many Deaf events as I can. Mostly the Deaf coffees. It's usually been smaller groups, but the last time I hit a situation where there were many full deaf people and quite a few advanced interpreters. I was the only new signer in the group.

Of course when someone communicated directly to me, they were very kind and slowed down or made sure I understood what was being signed. However, with a large group of experienced signers, most of the time I just sat there and tried to figure out what was going on. I only got the gist of a few things.

Of course it WILL get better once my ability to sign and my receptive skills increase.

But wow - it gets lonely sometimes.

Whine over....

I know how you feel. But I feel obliged to tell you that your feelings of loneliness even in a group of people like you will never go away unless you deal with the causes. That means counseling. I still have a counselor I see pretty often and am not ashamed to admit it. Hang in there, and good luck!

 

[rockin'robin]

You're not alone....I've never received therapy...but think it would be a good idea to do so....

 

[Hollykins1]

Counseling is usually never a bad idea. My point though - is it's difficult to interact with hearing people when you can't hear them to communicate, and it's difficult to interact with deaf people when you don't sign well enough.

It's the being left out either way. Go with a group and you sit there like a bump on a log. You know what I mean?

 

[Frisky Feline]

I understand. I have seen a few of them who are in the same boat as you do. I wish i could answer how but keep going to the deaf events until you find one who is very comfortable to be with or hang out with then it would help a lot.

 

[sallylou]

Wirelessly posted (droid)

I understand. It 's also hard because of medical issues. Sometimes I just don't feel my best.


I'm really grateful that Deaf people have encouraged me. I'm not good at small talk so it's taken me a long time to feel comfortable. It's taken me a long time to adjust.


Hang in there! There are a lot of us in the same boat. Keep on paddling!

ETA: I'll send you my info so we can practice if you'd like

 

[rockin'robin]

Counseling is usually never a bad idea. My point though - is it's difficult to interact with hearing people when you can't hear them to communicate, and it's difficult to interact with deaf people when you don't sign well enough.

It's the being left out either way. Go with a group and you sit there like a bump on a log. You know what I mean?

You know, Holly...so many times thru the years, I would sit alone and cry over this....being late-deafened is very hard on anyone and their families also....I always wondered who I really was, and which way I should go...I would not let it make me bitter. And time and time again, I reminded my family that I was Deaf and that I, too, had to have some understanding of my situation. And I threw a lot of "tantrums" because of it....even a few "demands"....in time, it got to become much, much better for me...

I have deaf friends also, and I'm not fluent with sign language, but one-on-one, I do just fine...even with hearing people....Knowing my limitations, and letting it be known worked for me. I no longer sit and cry over something I cannot do anything about. I feel that I am "somebody", no matter my deafness or what other people think of me. I refuse to put myself into situations where I'm being ignored, such as meeting with all hearing people, unless I bring someone along that will take the time to stick by me and help me along. Same as for my deaf friends....I refuse to be hard on myself, be hurt by it or let anyone else hurt me for something I have no control over.
Good Luck to you!....

 

[sallylou]

Wirelessly posted (droid)

If you seek therapy, go through your local DHOH community. I saw a therapist and it was a waste of time. She tried to be kind but she was really clueless.

 

[Grummer]

Counseling is usually never a bad idea. My point though - is it's difficult to interact with hearing people when you can't hear them to communicate, and it's difficult to interact with deaf people when you don't sign well enough.

It's the being left out either way. Go with a group and you sit there like a bump on a log. You know what I mean?

yup i know what you mean, and that is why deaf people are treated lke shit, interpreters shouldnt just be for doctors, lawyer it should be FOR DEAF< to enchance their lives, to be involvd in group sessions they SHOULD provide interpreters for ALL of it

i remember a kind interpreter came with me to meditation at the House of Philosophy, it was fantastic , shame i miss her , shes gone back to England...

 

[jillio]

Try to think of that void as existing as a natural point on your journey into Deafness. You have not quite embraced an identity of Deaf, but have not quite let go of the identity of hearing, either. As I have said before, identifying as Deaf is a journey, not a destination. You have just reached a resting place on that journey. The saddest part is, some never stop resting, and stay there the rest of their lives.

 

[Hollykins1]

Thanks!

I also know my life has changed drastically as I used to work full time, but when Meniere's hit me like a sledgehammer, I kept having to take leaves. Finally had surgery and I'm on disability now. I'm hoping someday to work again, even if part-time as it means getting out more.

Things WILL get better as my sign improves. I learn what I can from the online sites. I also put in a full length mirror so I can see my own signing better. I know a lot of vocabulary but my receptive skills need improvement. I am starting a class (again) in September. I've started classes several times but had to stop due to severe attacks. Since the surgery I'm doing better - so hopefully THIS time I can go to the whole class.

I also go to the deaf coffees near me and will continue to do so. Last time was the first time it hit me that hard as no one but ME was a new signer. I certainly wasn't going to ask everyone to slow down their conversations as many hadn't seen each other in a long time. And sooner or later it'll sink in - immersion is the best way.

Thank you everyone - I just needed to whine a bit. I feel much better. I'm a pretty resilient person, was just feeling down. I follow the "adjustment to late deafness" thread and it's been very helpful.

 

[jillio]

Thanks!

I also know my life has changed drastically as I used to work full time, but when Meniere's hit me like a sledgehammer, I kept having to take leaves. Finally had surgery and I'm on disability now. I'm hoping someday to work again, even if part-time as it means getting out more.

Things WILL get better as my sign improves. I learn what I can from the online sites. I also put in a full length mirror so I can see my own signing better. I know a lot of vocabulary but my receptive skills need improvement. I am starting a class (again) in September. I've started classes several times but had to stop due to severe attacks. Since the surgery I'm doing better - so hopefully THIS time I can go to the whole class.

I also go to the deaf coffees near me and will continue to do so. Last time was the first time it hit me that hard as no one but ME was a new signer. I certainly wasn't going to ask everyone to slow down their conversations as many hadn't seen each other in a long time. And sooner or later it'll sink in - immersion is the best way.

Thank you everyone - I just needed to whine a bit. I feel much better. I'm a pretty resilient person, was just feeling down. I follow the "adjustment to late deafness" thread and it's been very helpful.

I'm really happy to hear that you find that thread helpful. When I started it, it was intention that it function like a support group for adjustment to disability. I find that the people who are active in that group are awesome, willing to share, and have a much easier time with their adjustment issues than others.

And everyone needs to whine from time to time. It's natural and expected.

 

[FadedRose]

This is just a bit of a whine. I think it helps once in a while to get things out of one's system.

I am a late-deafened/HOH adult. What I am feeling sad about is that void that exists: I don't quite fit into the hearing world, and I don't quite fit into the Deaf world.

What I'm really discussing is when I'm with people. In a group of hearing people, I'm usually feeling left out because I can't hear well enough to participate. One-on-one, or with maybe two people I can ask for people to repeat things, try to lip read, facial expressions whatever. But get a group where everyone is talking is like torture. I end up most of the time just sitting there, not part of things, only catching the gist of what is going on.

I'm learning sign language. I go to as many Deaf events as I can. Mostly the Deaf coffees. It's usually been smaller groups, but the last time I hit a situation where there were many full deaf people and quite a few advanced interpreters. I was the only new signer in the group.

Of course when someone communicated directly to me, they were very kind and slowed down or made sure I understood what was being signed. However, with a large group of experienced signers, most of the time I just sat there and tried to figure out what was going on. I only got the gist of a few things.

Of course it WILL get better once my ability to sign and my receptive skills increase.

But wow - it gets lonely sometimes.

Whine over....

I'm in the same boat here. I was born severe to profound Deaf but was raised oral only, no ASL allowed. My parents were open minded but the school(s) were not. We'd be punished if we signed to each other and had to use our voice.

The good thing is that you're hanging out with others like yourself which is more than I can say for me. I do not know much ASL and I've heard the stories of poeple like me and you being shunned by the Deaf community and I get enough of that from the hearing group. It'd tear me up if that happened if I got brave enough to go to a Deaf meetup in my area so I just come here to alldeaf.com instead which I am grateful for.

Have you had any issues with the few "elites" at all or have they been generally accepting?

 

[FadedRose]

Try to think of that void as existing as a natural point on your journey into Deafness. You have not quite embraced an identity of Deaf, but have not quite let go of the identity of hearing, either. As I have said before, identifying as Deaf is a journey, not a destination. You have just reached a resting place on that journey. The saddest part is, some never stop resting, and stay there the rest of their lives.

very, very true.

 

[Hollykins1]

I have not had any issues at all. I've found those that I've met at the Deaf socials have been kind and helpful. And it's not that they were unkind at the last one - it was just that so many were there and it was a lively group.

This is just an incentive to me to really work at learning ASL faster.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I know how you feel. But I feel obliged to tell you that your feelings of loneliness even in a group of people like you will never go away unless you deal with the causes. That means counseling. I still have a counselor I see pretty often and am not ashamed to admit it. Hang in there, and good luck!

Counseling is not going to help hear better in a group of people and it not the same as feeling like you belong with either world. I have always felt this way.
I hate being in a large group of people as you hate to keep having people repeat
something they said and it something funny I find most people really do not really feel like telling it again. I do better with 2 or 3 people. I would think it would harder to become HOH later in life. My sister is losing some hearing and she has to adjust to the change.

 

[jillio]

Counseling is not going to help hear better in a group of people and it not the same as feeling like you belong with either world. I have always felt this way.
I hate being in a large group of people as you hate to keep having people repeat
something they said and it something funny I find most people really do not really feel like telling it again. I do better with 2 or 3 people. I would think it would harder to become HOH later in life. My sister is losing some hearing and she has to adjust to the change.

A counselor will help one adjust to loosing their hearing and to deal with the emotions that go along with it. A counselor helps a deaf teen adjust to having been raised oral and having no self esteem as a result. A counselor can help with many psychosocial issues that go along with deafness. Beowulf is absolutely right. These are things that need to be dealt with so they do not create limitations for one in their daily life.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

I am a late-deafened/HOH adult. What I am feeling sad about is that void that exists: I don't quite fit into the hearing world, and I don't quite fit into the Deaf world.

It's my world...
But all my life i was in hearing world, I never made any connection with the deaf world, and I feel is too late for that.
All my closest friends are hearing, my family is all hearing..
I just don't have nor know anybody deaf whom I could connect to in real life.

I however, would like to ask you - how did you became deaf?
Can't you use any hearing aids? how about CI?

Fuzzy

 

[VamPyroX]

Don't feel bad. There will always be a void somewhere out there depending where you are.

I'm HOH.

When I was a student at RIT, I thought things would be better for me. I was wrong.

That's when I realized that there are still deaf people out there that don't accept me for who I am. Yes, I'm deaf... but according to some deaf students, I'm "not deaf enough" to fit into their circle.

 

[shel90]

When. I first learned ASL, I felt stuck between both worlds but not anymore after not feeling like I belonged growing up. I undy how you feel so hang in there!