In lieu of present, $$ Cash $$ please

In lieu of birthday presents, $ cash $ please!!

  • Yes

    Votes: 6 17.1%

  • No

    Votes: 22 62.9%

  • Don't care

    Votes: 7 20.0%
  • Total voters
    35
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Liebling:-))) said:
It put me off totally... That's exactly how I feeling... I would not accept their invitation to attend their parties if they put exact amount in card. It's not right birthday party... It should be voluntarity to add amounts if we answer their question what we wish for our birthday. I would not make them to give me exact amount but their voluntarily. I don't mind to buy little extra if the money from guests are not enough to meet something what I wish... That's exactly what my hubby wish mountain bicycle... few overleft then we go to resturant... It's his wish... Artist doll is my big wish... I bought and then Russian bone china tea set...

Tamara,
If your friend's son want to have car for his birthday gift from guests which it means that he has to invite over 500 guests to collect money to buy car... :eek:
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:thumb: I totally agree Leibling with everything you said, and as others have said your case is so different, because people respectfully asked you what your husband would like for his birthday? This gave your guests a good idea of what to give to your husband for his birthday. But, to put an exact amount like the ones my husband and I received, I felt like I was going to a Social event where there is an admission price.
 
CODAchild said:
:thumb: I totally agree Leibling with everything you said, and as others have said your case is so different, because people respectfully asked you what your husband would like for his birthday? This gave your guests a good idea of what to give to your husband for his birthday. But, to put an exact amount like the ones my husband and I received, I felt like I was going to a Social event where there is an admission price.
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Yes, it's an exactly how I feel... I would not accept their invitation when I were in your shoe if they do that like this...
 
Originally Posted by CODAchild
My husband and I have been invited to a lot of birthday parties for deaf people, but, when we receive the invitation, they put an exact amount. For example, 20.00 for each person attending. But, it wouldn't be the birthday person or a family member who is doing the inviting, but a friend. My husband and I felt like we were going to a social or something. It's like we had to pay an admission price to celebrate a friend's birthday, because if we didn't pay the specified price on the invitation, then we were not allowed to go. I find this so unfair, that we cannot just bring a gift of our own choice, but, have to pay a fee upfront before we can even step foot into the party. That is sad
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I went to a party to help my deaf friend's 50th few years ago, saying it cost me $30 per head for resturant meal, and extra for drinks at bar prices.

I went there to help him to celebrated his birthday until another deaf friend came and asking me to make a small donate $5 for a surprise birthday money whip from us all - I think it is cheeky for this birthday man to have it all freebie night!!
 
It is ok to donate money to a charity of their favourite choice - cancer, SID or parkinson disease in lieu of the funeral flowers.

Wedding - it is tradition for the future bride to make a gift list book to help to establish their home improvement.

And sometimes I received an invitation for birthday party saying No present please - I accept it.

I feel my friend should wait UNTIL I asked her first!! - not another way round.
 
If your friend's son want to have car for his birthday gift from guests which it means that he has to invite over 500 guests to collect money to buy car...
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Its depend on how many people my friend will invite, and I think it will be enough for a second hand car for this 21st boy to drive around or saving it up more first?
 
Tamara said:
I went to a party to help my deaf friend's 50th few years ago, saying it cost me $30 per head for resturant meal, and extra for drinks at bar prices.

I went there to help him to celebrated his birthday until another deaf friend came and asking me to make a small donate $5 for a surprise birthday money whip from us all - I think it is cheeky for this birthday man to have it all freebie night!!
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:confused:

Do I understand you correct? Do you mean that you are invited to attend your friend's birthday party at resturant then you has to pay your own meal and drink and then plus donate $5 for surprise birthday money... ? :confused: If yes, to me, that it's not right birthday party.

The person who treat his/her birthdays in resturant, house, catering or whatever is pay for guests...

I ordered party service in my house to celebate my 40th birthday party. It's my birthday treat, not get guests to pay their meal and drinks. It's do the same with my hubby 50th birthday party... It's his birthday treat to give out meal and drinks for guests... We are invited to attend many birthday parties to houses or resturants... We don't care what they treat us for their birthday - their own prepare foods/drink, order party service, catering, resturant or whatever but it's important we enjoy ourselves and fulfill their birthday wishes. This is German ways (deaf and hearing).
 
Do I understand you correct? Do you mean that you are invited to attend your friend's birthday party at resturant then you has to pay your own meal and drink and then plus donate $5 for surprise birthday money... ? If yes, to me, that it's not right birthday party
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YES!! - it turn me off :(
 
Tamara said:
YES!! - it turn me off :(
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I don't blame you... I would do the same as you... It turn me off totally... :(
 
I would hand over a card saying "In lieu of $$, friendship please"
 
Oh yeah - it turn me off if I went to a birthday party, the birthday person making a speech "Thank you all for coming to share my special day, and thank you for the gift/money.

Few days later - No thank you card/letter in the mail.

To me it is a lazy way to say thank you.
 
According to Miss Manners it's still very rude. I see it a lot now days though. The gift is about the thought, if you demand money you are erasing the thought behind it. That being said, my 18 yo always wants money for x-mas from me and gets it.
 
Most older folks, celebrating their 40th, 50th, etc. aniversary do not care for "things" because they already have what they want. I have noticed in the past that on the invitation it sometimes mentions, "No gifts please, your presence is the greatest gift". In this case it is appropriate to include money in a congrats card. No one will see it except the ones who are celebrating the aniversary.

In the case of a younger couple if they straight out asked for money, I would not give them ANYTHING.
 
Tamara said:
Oh yeah - it turn me off if I went to a birthday party, the birthday person making a speech "Thank you all for coming to share my special day, and thank you for the gift/money.

Few days later - No thank you card/letter in the mail.

To me it is a lazy way to say thank you.
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speech "Thank you" Is very nice but otherwise.. send you a card "Thank you" that more formal manners excellence choice...
If no thank you card... more not formal manners.. next time don't go.
 
Reba said:
It is always rude to ask for money in lieu of presents. It is rude to even assume that people owe presents for an occassion period. An invitation should mean, "please, come share this happy event with me." It shouldn't mean, "gimme, gimme."

BTW, the hearing people do the same greedy, rude things. Ugh!
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I agree with Reba. I think it is so tacky!
 
Opal said:
It is ok to donate money to a charity of their favourite choice - cancer, SID or parkinson disease in lieu of the funeral flowers.
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Yes, it's common here in Germany do like this.


Wedding - it is tradition for the future bride to make a gift list book to help to establish their home improvement.
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Exactly but it's not just improve their home but honeymoon or whatever as well when they have everything in their household.

And sometimes I received an invitation for birthday party saying No present please - I accept it.
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Yes, I received often like this. I alway bring bunch of flower, bottle of wine, little crafts, or homemade cake to attend small party. I feel uncomfortable to go there with empty hands. They are pleased to receive like this.

But big celebration like "0"th, anniversaries, wedding, etc. is a different story.

I feel my friend should wait UNTIL I asked her first!! - not another way round.
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We (including our friends) agree to collect money for our birthday wishes - They know already when I put "My birthday wish is Mountain bike" on my hubby's 50th birthday. We really don't care how much money they enclosed birthday card for us... Donate money is a voluntarliy... Not judge the $$$... It's depend how they can afford... no matter what... Mainly important is they make it to attend my our birthday party. .. I didn't put "my birthday wish is...." on my 40th birthday party... just nothing... guess what, many people asked me what I wish for my birthday... My hubby repeat to answer them about my birthday wish... *phew* repeat repeat repeat.... *phew* My friend's invitation card got us attention and like his idea so I copied my friend's idea and put "my birthday wish is mountain bike"... Nobody ask us what my hubby wish... but let us know that they come to attend his birthday or not. It's wonderful with no complication or complaint....

It's not just our friends but it's common do like that here in Germany... They automatic ask them what they wish for birthday, etc.... or something to get their attention from invitation card but without mention "money" in invitation card.

 
GalaxyAngel said:
speech "Thank you" Is very nice but otherwise.. send you a card "Thank you" that more formal manners excellence choice...
If no thank you card... more not formal manners.. next time don't go.
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Yes I second that.
 
Riptide said:
Most older folks, celebrating their 40th, 50th, etc. aniversary do not care for "things" because they already have what they want. I have noticed in the past that on the invitation it sometimes mentions, "No gifts please, your presence is the greatest gift". In this case it is appropriate to include money in a congrats card. No one will see it except the ones who are celebrating the aniversary.
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True, I often see like this... It alway automaic to enclose money, gift card or coupon for weekends trip or resturant, or whatever with bunch flower or bottle wine at big occassions...

I don't like to give a just card enclosed money... I like to add something (flowers or bottle wine) with card enclosed money.
 
Gosh cant believe with this thread it another thread repeating but different topic over whether a person should give money or not when requested to do so. Bottom line for me is i really dont care either way.
 
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