In depression

S

sarahkhan

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2009
Messages
66
Reaction score
0
I am severely deaf from birth. I was diagnosed being deaf when I was 3 years old. I wear 2 hearing aids.
My family behave to me as if I am kind of burden to them. Since I am mainstream, obviously I will find difficult to cope with everything, specially taking down note, listening to lectures,etc. But they seem to think that hearing aids will solve everything. They never bother about my difficulties. They treat me as a "hearing" girl. As if I am kind of to be ashamed of. They always pay attention to my others siblings. I am being shutted down. I feel isolated. But I am trying to deal with it. There was a time, I was always trying to gain their attention, I crave for feeling loved by them, I guess at the end it would not work.


I had no friends except one. She has been my best friend since my kingerstan. we have been friends for almost 12 years. I tried to be friend with others, but they get tired of talking. especially i have to repeat to them what I said and also they have to repeat their conservation to me. I guess that is too much burden for them. At the end, they ignored me. But my best friend was always patient with me. She will explain lecture to me, take down notes for me, stand up for me whenever I am being teased. But lately,(since last year) she has not been speaking to me at all. She ignored me in such a way that I dont exist in world. I tried asking her what was the problem, she brushed it off. Whenever I started a conservation with her, she either nod, or give a bored expression. Eventually, she move away from me. Guess what? she is in now one of most popular,outgoing group. Whenever that group make a funny remark about me, she laughed along with them. I am depressed about that, since she was the only friend that I could always count on. I guess she got tired of me.
I was in depression for above, but I am dealing with it. But lately,I have been feeling like self worthless. It like I have no soul. I am trying to get over it, I am recovering a little bit, but can you guys help me out? How to get that funks out of me? There is upcoming A level coming up, But I cannot seem able to focus on it. Can you give me advice?
 
I saw your introduction that you are 17.

Have you tried taking ASL class or have meet any deafies before?
 
No. Actually there is no deaf communities in this country( I mean foreign country) . Yes, I did met some deafies before but that was back to my native country when I was 5 years old,that is nursery. I am trying to learn ASL through internet, since there is no source of ASL classes here.
 
All I can suggest is to keep learning ASL...and stay with us here at AD...you'll find many online friends here.....willing to help you, and perhaps even meet some deafies where you are located.

The long time friend you had....it's possible she is hoping you will broaden ur horizons, make other friends. Could be she is feeling stiffled, i.e....being "clung to"...and she has already begun to make other friends in a different clinque......perhaps it's time to move on, be more social, no matter ur deafness. You seem to be a very intelligent 17 yr. old, and ur English is well written. Try to pull out of this depression, don't let it get the best of you...get involved in ur hobbies/family....be around people as much as possible. I'm sure there are those who will reach out in friendship to you. It just takes an effort.
 
well being 17 sucks,but u will get through it,this is a good place to let go,good luck to u
 
Well thank you!!:hug: Actually I am 19 years old now. My introduction was back at 2009. Wow, I guess at this point I am officially called......woman? or I am still teen? is 19 is teen or young adult? I dunno:hmm:
I tried to make many friends in past, but most of them either got tired of me(mostly because I dont have same interest as them, specially musics, etc) or ignored me. maybe because I lacked communication like them,i.e speech problem. I stutter a lot, but that is normal,right?
Well, yeah maybe I was too clingy to her, but that does not mean she have to ignore me altogether. If she thought I was too clingy, or dont want to be my friend anymore, she could have approach me in other way, since she knew me better, but she did not say anything, like I said above, as if I dont exist; Oh well, maybe the fact that she has been my friend at time when my family does not want to listen to me,and it has been many years we have been friend.....it hurts like a hell!! If it was for one to 2 years, I doubt it would have been like that.

Anyway, moving on......I am glad I share it here....it felt like my feeling burden has been soothed...I guess because finally I shared my sadness over here.

Note......I am in love with ASL. I feel more connected to world! Perhaps ASL will be my new best friend:cool2:!
 
You go, girl!.....it warms my heart and hope you'll keep ur spirits up....make many friends here at AD.
 
Keep your head up! Teen years are hard for all of us regardless of deaf or hearing. Focus on your future and make it a good one :) Glad to have you on here!
 
Hey, I can somewhat relate to how you feel as I grew up in an area where being deaf was virtually unknown. It became lonely at times for sure, as nobody understood how you felt and how difficult everyday tasks may seem sometime. I got through high school alive lol, so i wish you luck on learning ASL. Keep it up!
 
SarahKahn

I'm sorry you lost your close friend, I know that's very difficult, upsetting and maybe even a little scary :(


What country are you in ? You mentioned that you're learning ASL, so I'm assuming you're either in USA or Canada ?

For school, it's absolutely critical that you get the proper support services for classes. You might request a notetaker (someone that is NOT a classmate - they hire someone for you who is a professional note taker) or even CART which is AWESOME for classes, especially if you aren't a fluent signer. CART is where someone types word for word everything that is said in the class, by the teacher, other students etc. The person uses a special machine called a stenograph (just like used in courts for making verbatim court transcripts) which is connected to a computer and prints the words out for you to read (you can then save it and you'll have a perfect written record of everything that happened in the class!!

If you are in the USA, Canada and most other countries you are entitled to this services by law.

Because you are a legal adult you can request these services with or without your parents approval (you are now 100% in charge of what services you want, but you're also the one that will have to request them and sometimes fight for them - of course your parents CAN help you get the services too ... it's just that they can't prevent you from getting them, now that your 18+ !!!)

If you have never had support services at your school before, and aren't familiar with how the systems work, just go to your school's office and ask the secretary/receptionist who you need to talk to - if they aren't helpful ask to speak to the principal and they will help you.



I've found it's VERY important to request services from the school - ie requesting CART instead of relying on friends/classmates. The big reason is that having someone independent means that you are more independent and classmates see that and realise that you don't want to be friends with them just to "use them" or because you "need something" . It's easy for friends to start feeling as if they're more your notetaker/assistant than your friend and it can really wear at friendships.

Being your own advocate can be difficult - however the better and stronger you are at advocating for yourself and your needs and rights as a Hoh/Deaf person the more people SEE that you are a strong, independent person - and someone that they might want to get to know (instead of worrying that if they become your friend you'll "put them to work" or need them to "help you" all the time)

I'd also recommend looking around for Sign Language classes in your area, as well as any groups for youth with hearing loss. If you can, take some sign language classes (see if you can get them free, or if there is some sort of assistance since you are Hoh/Deaf and are learning it to communicate, not just "for fun"). In the Signing class you'll find a lot of people who are not only interested in signing but are actually looking to make friends who are Hoh/Deaf!

If you don't mind telling us approximately where you live (country, state/province and maybe city?) perhaps we can help you find some information on Signing classes in your area and some places that you might want to get n touch with about learning how to advocate for yourself, what your rights are as a Hoh/Def person, what social groups might be available, what funding/resources are available in terms of universities etc.


I know you might feel alone - but your experience is actually quite common, making you part of a huge "club" of sorts. Many of us know and have lived though things almost identical to what you describe and are more than happy to help offer our support, suggestions and friendship!
 
You don't say what grade your in, but things do get better as we get older. I had a chance as a young woman to go to a college for the deaf, but my pride got in the way. I can tell you if you surround your self with people who understand you and your world, it just might get easier. Just a thought
 
sarahkhan said:
Well thank you!!:hug: Actually I am 19 years old now. My introduction was back at 2009. Wow, I guess at this point I am officially called......woman? or I am still teen? is 19 is teen or young adult? I dunno:hmm:
I tried to make many friends in past, but most of them either got tired of me(mostly because I dont have same interest as them, specially musics, etc) or ignored me. maybe because I lacked communication like them,i.e speech problem. I stutter a lot, but that is normal,right?
Well, yeah maybe I was too clingy to her, but that does not mean she have to ignore me altogether. If she thought I was too clingy, or dont want to be my friend anymore, she could have approach me in other way, since she knew me better, but she did not say anything, like I said above, as if I dont exist; Oh well, maybe the fact that she has been my friend at time when my family does not want to listen to me,and it has been many years we have been friend.....it hurts like a hell!! If it was for one to 2 years, I doubt it would have been like that.

Anyway, moving on......I am glad I share it here....it felt like my feeling burden has been soothed...I guess because finally I shared my sadness over here.

Note......I am in love with ASL. I feel more connected to world! Perhaps ASL will be my new best friend:cool2:!
Click to expand...

I would consider 19 to still be a teen and the teen and young adult years are some of the toughest to go through. You have so many things facing you during this time, but don't have the life experience or the cognitive maturity to make decisions easily regarding your life. Outside influences are very important to you at this age, and you will spend a lot of time being concerned about what other people think of you and who you really are. It is a normal, if difficult, stage of development.

You have done a wonderful thing by reaching out to others on this site that have been just where you are and understand how you feel. One of the best ways to combat depression is to develop a support system of people who are similar to you and can give you benefit of their life experience and understanding. Stick around, please.

You are not a burden. Perhaps your family treats you in a way that makes you feel that you are a burden to them, but that is their problem, not yours. Don't let their inability to accept you as the very special and deserving person you are guide the way you feel about yourself. They are in need of some therapy. They are, I am sure, doing what they think is best for you by keeping you mainstreamed and treating you as hearing, but that is because they have never stopped to see things from your perspective. They are selfishly making decisions based on their own perspective. All too often, the deaf have to look outside their biological families to find the support and care that they should be able to get from family. That is just a sad fact. But the good news is the Deaf community can be your new family, and they are more than willing to give you that love and support.
 
I have been out for so long,and I must say,regarding to my mental state, I got handle of my emotional atleast. And to my deepest apologies for answering this post late. I was busy with A level. I got my results out. I got 2 B(physics and math) and one 1 D(biology...I am really bad at phrasing and remembering sciencific term,probably that is the reason i did that bad).


@Anij. I really appreciated your advice and you were so true in many cases. I realised my friend actually felt in that way. I was blind to that. And I used to live saudi arabia, and hence I am not legal adult,and I am still dependent on them so getting that sort of service would have been difficult. But now that I finished school I guess that is now little late. But now that I am in my native country, once I finish learning how to drive(I am taking the driving course,YAY!) and know all the location, I will try to look for the deaf community. And once I get admitted to a university, I will request getting CART.(This option seem to fit me). After learning driving,I will take up the sign language course. Inshallah.

@jillio, after completing A level, I spent my time pondering about my situation, thinking in perspective of a parent. I understand why my parents took this route. They might have actually thought best for me. Atleast my father did. Ofcourse my mom too,but I feel she resent me a little because my father spent more time with me and not with my other siblings Since childhood I would take care not to complain to them about my difficulties during my academics years, I would remain silent and say " oh everything is fine. I am coping properly!" That was my biggest mistake. Because they think I lead a tension free life. There is so many things,I did not tell them just for the sake of not being a burden to them( many bad things actually happened to me.... one case like almost abducted, but I managed to escape).I do feel grateful for them for buying me a pair of hearing aids, but again they did mention that hurt me( like" I spent a lot of money for, and you still dont want to listen to me" It is not like I ask them to buy it for me,). But you are right. I should not let any of my emotional stress to get in my way. Inshallah, I will get stronger(I am still in depression but I am trying). Thank you for your post.:)
 
I'm happy to hear that things are going well for you. You have shown that you are a strong person, and able to cope with negative situations. I am certain that things will continue to improve for you.
 
I have issues problem emotion reason tough not easy depression! help medication better improve successfully! I hope be feeling better well!
 
I think you should let your parent know how you feel and if they do not listen to you. try talking to some other adult you really trust. You should not have to go through feeling depress along. You should find someone to talk with about your depression. I hope you'll find someone soon . I can relate what you're going through with your family and I am sorry to hear you feel so sad .
 
we ares supportive courage hugs! we are help you solve problem question to cocern! I mind help you! I am support to you! I Hope be hear your help your reduce stress!
 
Oh Thank all of your best wishes to me.

@whatdidyousay I really tried to talk with my parents especially mom, every time I tried to tell something about my feelings she said" Nowyou are going to put blame on me,huh? Did not you see all sacrifice I made for you? You seem never to acknowledge my effort...." and still I kept trying to tell her, and she accused me of being too selfish. So I stopped doing that. Even I tried to tell my siblings, they were like(and even yelled at me) " Hey dont hurt dad and mom, and you should feel happy that you are not one those deaf people who does not even wear hearing aid"

When my result did not meet their expectation,my mom said to me " see I told you to go to tuition, but you never listen to me" I reply back that " you NEVER listen to me...why I will go when there will be no benifit? The saddest part is that they did not even bother to listen me when I tried to tell them that I was having difficulties in understanding in lectures....I tried my BEST to read and understand books...it is only source I could only depend on. But they complained that I did not work hard and hence got bad grades. That really hurt me.
it is useless to talk to anyone in our family circle and I had only one friend. But tha is gone too. But I am not alone,am I? So I should not get depressed over this. I admit I am not active in posting in AD but I love reading posts aroud AD. I usually spent most of my leisure time in reading posts.
 
sarahkhan said:
Oh Thank all of your best wishes to me.

@whatdidyousay I really tried to talk with my parents especially mom, every time I tried to tell something about my feelings she said" Nowyou are going to put blame on me,huh? Did not you see all sacrifice I made for you? You seem never to acknowledge my effort...." and still I kept trying to tell her, and she accused me of being too selfish. So I stopped doing that. Even I tried to tell my siblings, they were like(and even yelled at me) " Hey dont hurt dad and mom, and you should feel happy that you are not one those deaf people who does not even wear hearing aid"

When my result did not meet their expectation,my mom said to me " see I told you to go to tuition, but you never listen to me" I reply back that " you NEVER listen to me...why I will go when there will be no benifit? The saddest part is that they did not even bother to listen me when I tried to tell them that I was having difficulties in understanding in lectures....I tried my BEST to read and understand books...it is only source I could only depend on. But they complained that I did not work hard and hence got bad grades. That really hurt me.
it is useless to talk to anyone in our family circle and I had only one friend. But tha is gone too. But I am not alone,am I? So I should not get depressed over this. I admit I am not active in posting in AD but I love reading posts aroud AD. I usually spent most of my leisure time in reading posts.
Click to expand...
I Notice reading seems petty aware, I believe it your medication issues on tough risk emotion and depression low self seems problem!
 
sarahkhan said:
Oh Thank all of your best wishes to me.

@whatdidyousay I really tried to talk with my parents especially mom, every time I tried to tell something about my feelings she said" Nowyou are going to put blame on me,huh? Did not you see all sacrifice I made for you? You seem never to acknowledge my effort...." and still I kept trying to tell her, and she accused me of being too selfish. So I stopped doing that. Even I tried to tell my siblings, they were like(and even yelled at me) " Hey dont hurt dad and mom, and you should feel happy that you are not one those deaf people who does not even wear hearing aid"

When my result did not meet their expectation,my mom said to me " see I told you to go to tuition, but you never listen to me" I reply back that " you NEVER listen to me...why I will go when there will be no benifit? The saddest part is that they did not even bother to listen me when I tried to tell them that I was having difficulties in understanding in lectures....I tried my BEST to read and understand books...it is only source I could only depend on. But they complained that I did not work hard and hence got bad grades. That really hurt me.
it is useless to talk to anyone in our family circle and I had only one friend. But tha is gone too. But I am not alone,am I? So I should not get depressed over this. I admit I am not active in posting in AD but I love reading posts aroud AD. I usually spent most of my leisure time in reading posts.
Click to expand...

That is really horrible that your parents are not being there for you. Do you have anyone you feel comfortable talking to. I am glad you're finally reaching out to people for help on AllDeaf , I really hope you will try to find someone to talk to, and being depress will make it harder to study in school. Have your grades gotten worst , if so this should be something your teachers should pick up on. I was thinking if that was happening a teacher would talk to your parents and say you're having a hard time. You really need someone to get through your parents that is not about what they feel it about how you are feeling.
 
Back
Top