If your family is hearing do they sign?

[morbid-mongoose]

and curious - how are you learning signs right now?

What I've learned so far is self taught. But my parents are all "blah blah blah, you don't need it." But my therapist said she's going to force them to let me take a class.

 

[jillio]

What I've learned so far is self taught. But my parents are all "blah blah blah, you don't need it." But my therapist said she's going to force them to let me take a class.

Good for your therapist. Sounds like you could use some exposure to other deaf, too.

 

[Bright-Eyed-TJ]

Keep trying to explain to parents how them not learning sign makes you feel. I think about all of the things I would have missed out on with my own son, and it just makes me want to cry for the children whose parents don't sign. I'm working with a student right now (he's a freshman in college) whose parents never learned to sign. He got a CI in high school, and he tells me not because he felt he needed it, but because it would make it easier for his mom to try and communicate with him. Between classes, he jsut follows me around and signs up a storm, and you can tell he is just starved for communication with a parent figure. It breaks my heart.

That IS sad, I've worked with 'kids' like this, too. It's really heart breaking when they'd rather be with you than their own family. At least he has you though and you are making high school a better experience for him.

 

[Bright-Eyed-TJ]

Don't give up

What I've learned so far is self taught. But my parents are all "blah blah blah, you don't need it." But my therapist said she's going to force them to let me take a class.

You know what - I had several friends in your situation. Know what they did? Two of my friend just pretend they can't hear their parent at all. When parent talk with them, they don't turn head. Or keep saying, 'what, what what?' which made their parent frustrated and made them learn sign! The other took more drastic measures, which I should not embarrass them, but there are sometimes way to get your parents to see.

Remember, some parents have children DEAF from birth and still don't think their child needs sign language. So if you have very determined parents like that, then you are better off to take classes and get involved in Deaf community and feel like we are your Deaf family.

I hope your therapist convince them to let you take classes! You have every right to prepare yourself!! Good luck and please keep us updated!!

P.S., do you have DSL? You can get VP for free, make some Deaf friends and talk on VP which will also help your sign skills (if you don't find other Deaf in your local area).

 

[rockdrummer]

As a hearing parent of a deaf child I can't imagine not learning to sign to be able to communicate with my child. I'ts hard for me to learn but I press on and will continue to do so until I am proficient. I have heard some very high statistics of parents that don't learn to sign but I also believe that has shifted over time. Think about how people looked at deafness 100 years ago as opposed to today. I'm sure there are still select people that live in the dark ages but I am hopeful with all that we know today, there are better decisions being made. If there are parents today that don't learn sign for the sake of communicating with thier child, I would suggest they are simply bad parents and would be bad parents regardless of if their child was deaf or not.

 

[jillio]

Good advise, DeafTJ. Love your screen name. My son is Deaf, and is name is PJ!

 

[jillio]

As a hearing parent of a deaf child I can't imagine not learning to sign to be able to communicate with my child. I'ts hard for me to learn but I press on and will continue to do so until I am proficient. I have heard some very high statistics of parents that don't learn to sign but I also believe that has shifted over time. Think about how people looked at deafness 100 years ago as opposed to today. I'm sure there are still select people that live in the dark ages but I am hopeful with all that we know today, there are better decisions being made. If there are parents today that don't learn sign for the sake of communicating with thier child, I would suggest they are simply bad parents and would be bad parents regardless of if their child was deaf or not.

Keep trying, rockdrummer. My son's sign vocabulary increased much faster than mine, because I was at an age where learning another language was more difficult. But I believe the important thing is that you are trying, not that you are perfect. I'm assuming that you are a musician from your screen name. Getting a rhythym going with the sign is really helpful. You concentrate on keeping the timing,a nd the signs seem to come to you easier than if you are trying to hard to pull them from memory. I know it helped me!

 

[Bright-Eyed-TJ]

As a hearing parent of a deaf child I can't imagine not learning to sign to be able to communicate with my child. I'ts hard for me to learn but I press on and will continue to do so until I am proficient. I have heard some very high statistics of parents that don't learn to sign but I also believe that has shifted over time. Think about how people looked at deafness 100 years ago as opposed to today. I'm sure there are still select people that live in the dark ages but I am hopeful with all that we know today, there are better decisions being made. If there are parents today that don't learn sign for the sake of communicating with thier child, I would suggest they are simply bad parents and would be bad parents regardless of if their child was deaf or not.

.

I appreciate your post so much. I'm SO happy for your child that he has parent(s) who love and accept them enough to learn how to communicate with them. Every child needs that. How about if hearing parents never talked with their hearing children, they would get in trouble with child services for neglect. But so FEW parents learn sign and talk with their Deaf child. Gosh it breaks my heart.

Think about how people looked at deafness 20 years ago! Still not great. There are so many hearing people I meet throughout time that have never even met a Deaf person and was surprised I can drive, etc. We've still got a LONG way to go. But luckily there are parents like you who don't exclude their children from the natural right they have to be able to understand their parent(s).

Please don't worry about becoming proficient - it should come, especially that you seem determined. The most IMPORTANT thing is that your child can understand you, and vice versa. Thank you!!!!


.

 

[Bright-Eyed-TJ]

Good advise, DeafTJ. Love your screen name. My son is Deaf, and is name is PJ!

Hi Jillio! thank you for your message. Both me and my cousin called TJ growing up. We are almost same age too, so was a little confusing.. ;-)

Had cousin named PJ and two friends named PJ! hehehe

.

 

[rockdrummer]

.

I appreciate your post so much. I'm SO happy for your child that he has parent(s) who love and accept them enough to learn how to communicate with them. Every child needs that. How about if hearing parents never talked with their hearing children, they would get in trouble with child services for neglect. But so FEW parents learn sign and talk with their Deaf child. Gosh it breaks my heart.

Think about how people looked at deafness 20 years ago! Still not great. There are so many hearing people I meet throughout time that have never even met a Deaf person and was surprised I can drive, etc. We've still got a LONG way to go. But luckily there are parents like you who don't exclude their children from the natural right they have to be able to understand their parent(s).

Please don't worry about becoming proficient - it should come, especially that you seem determined. The most IMPORTANT thing is that your child can understand you, and vice versa. Thank you!!!!


.

Thanks TJay. I appreciate your support. It really does mean a lot to me. And I totally agree with you that if a parent doesn't do what ever it takes to communicate with their child that is a form of abuse.

 

[jillio]

Hi Jillio! thank you for your message. Both me and my cousin called TJ growing up. We are almost same age too, so was a little confusing.. ;-)

Had cousin named PJ and two friends named PJ! hehehe

.

LOL

 

[JeepGirl]

Thanks TJay. I appreciate your support. It really does mean a lot to me. And I totally agree with you that if a parent doesn't do what ever it takes to communicate with their child that is a form of abuse.

Is that what you call it, a form of abuse??? just because a parent doesn't do whatever it takes to communicate with the child? I grew up with a parent that didn't do sign language and never has crossed my mind that would be a form of abuse. what you guys said is a first. So, that makes my parents abusive because they didn't do sign language. I don't consider them abusive because of it. They thought it was best for me to learn oral and not do sign language. Just like nowadays, parents think CI is best for them. its the same issue.

 

[Bright-Eyed-TJ]

Is that what you call it, a form of abuse??? just because a parent doesn't do whatever it takes to communicate with the child? I grew up with a parent that didn't do sign language and never has crossed my mind that would be a form of abuse. what you guys said is a first. So, that makes my parents abusive because they didn't do sign language. I don't consider them abusive because of it. They thought it was best for me to learn oral and not do sign language. Just like nowadays, parents think CI is best for them. its the same issue.

There are several forms of abuse as you know. There is emotional abuse, physical, etc. We never said your parents are abusive. They did the best they thought they were doing. If you were able to communicate and UNDERSTAND your parents, then I don't believe it is a form of neglect. If you understood them orally more than not, then you are a lucky child.

Notice we didn't stress the emphasis on learning exactly sign to communicate with your Deaf child, we said, "Do what ever it takes".

Again, if Hearing parents didn't talk to or try and communicate with their hearing children, never teaching them values, or having any kind of conversation to help them grow, then YES that is NEGLECT AND ABUSE.

Believe me, I don't want to start a flame war or anything like that, so please don't take to offense when others have different opinions. Even if it's a first time you heard a new concept like this.

But you can ask any childcare social service and they will tell you that if hearing parents did this to hearing children, they'd have their child(ren) taken away from them.

What we need is more Deaf educators and people like rockdrummer, who get it. Who don't oppress us just because we can't hear. Parents who aren't embarrassed to have their children learn sign just because it 'looks funny', or because they horrendously and mistakenly think that if their child learns sign or if they learn sign for their child that it will prevent them from getting on in the hearing world. THAT IS SAD.

 

[Bright-Eyed-TJ]

Thanks TJay. I appreciate your support. It really does mean a lot to me. And I totally agree with you that if a parent doesn't do what ever it takes to communicate with their child that is a form of abuse.

rockdrummer,

I was thinking, as I'm new to this forum, I don't know you well so please don't be offended if you already answered this before. But wonder, do you have any Deaf friends? Or little Deaf friends for your child? That gets more sign going around and helps your receptive and expressive skills as well.

Again, I'm SO happy for your child! Lucky one!


.

 

[jillio]

Is that what you call it, a form of abuse??? just because a parent doesn't do whatever it takes to communicate with the child? I grew up with a parent that didn't do sign language and never has crossed my mind that would be a form of abuse. what you guys said is a first. So, that makes my parents abusive because they didn't do sign language. I don't consider them abusive because of it. They thought it was best for me to learn oral and not do sign language. Just like nowadays, parents think CI is best for them. its the same issue.

Maybe abusive is too strong a word. But anytime a parent doesn't do what is necessary to tend to their child's communication needs, no matter what they thought was best, it is neglectful. They haven't provided all that child needed. Not to say it was done out of meanness or not caring, but damage is still done.

 

[Bright-Eyed-TJ]

Maybe abusive is too strong a word. But anytime a parent doesn't do what is necessary to tend to their child's communication needs, no matter what they thought was best, it is neglectful. They haven't provided all that child needed. Not to say it was done out of meanness or not caring, but damage is still done.

Succinctly put.


.

 

[jillio]

 

[JeepGirl]

Maybe abusive is too strong a word. But anytime a parent doesn't do what is necessary to tend to their child's communication needs, no matter what they thought was best, it is neglectful. They haven't provided all that child needed. Not to say it was done out of meanness or not caring, but damage is still done.

gotcha... i'm not offended... i was stating that my parents didn't know sign language as I was growing up.. to make sure I didn't consider that is a form of abuse. but yeah, I have seen hearing parents neglect their deaf child without providing anything for her/his needs. I would have thought the same as neglect. I know a couple that treated her deaf daughter like crap like she was a doll. the stepdad molested her and the mom doesn't believe a word that came out of her mouth. She struggled to get them to communicate with her but it just didn't succeed. I was at her house a couple of times and I can hear with my hearing aids and lip-read very well and they weren't aware of me being capable of picking up what they said. They said "my god, she is so stupid, I wish i didn't have to put up with a deaf child and so on" I was pissed and i told them I heard what they said, they looked at me shocked. I told them exactly what I said.. and told me not to tell the girl. I told the girl in front of her parents. She didn't deserve to be treated that way. I call that a form of abuse. now she's out there with 3 kids, on drugs and doesn't give a hoot what goes on in this world.. its sad really. Even the step dad admit to having sex with her when she was younger. i told the girl to report it she said he'll kill her. so I could say nothing more.

but you're right.. my parents raised me really well but just didn't feel that sign language would help me communicate better. However, they were wrong.. I love signing and its my world. Of course, as I got older, I told my mom that I wished she did learn sign language that we would actually have a much better communication. Even without signing, I still understood her.

 

[JeepGirl]

There are several forms of abuse as you know. There is emotional abuse, physical, etc. We never said your parents are abusive. They did the best they thought they were doing. If you were able to communicate and UNDERSTAND your parents, then I don't believe it is a form of neglect. If you understood them orally more than not, then you are a lucky child.

Notice we didn't stress the emphasis on learning exactly sign to communicate with your Deaf child, we said, "Do what ever it takes".

Again, if Hearing parents didn't talk to or try and communicate with their hearing children, never teaching them values, or having any kind of conversation to help them grow, then YES that is NEGLECT AND ABUSE.

Believe me, I don't want to start a flame war or anything like that, so please don't take to offense when others have different opinions. Even if it's a first time you heard a new concept like this.

But you can ask any childcare social service and they will tell you that if hearing parents did this to hearing children, they'd have their child(ren) taken away from them.

What we need is more Deaf educators and people like rockdrummer, who get it. Who don't oppress us just because we can't hear. Parents who aren't embarrassed to have their children learn sign just because it 'looks funny', or because they horrendously and mistakenly think that if their child learns sign or if they learn sign for their child that it will prevent them from getting on in the hearing world. THAT IS SAD.

I just wanted to see how ya'll view it. but I gotcha though.

 

[jillio]

gotcha... i'm not offended... i was stating that my parents didn't know sign language as I was growing up.. to make sure I didn't consider that is a form of abuse. but yeah, I have seen hearing parents neglect their deaf child without providing anything for her/his needs. I would have thought the same as neglect. I know a couple that treated her deaf daughter like crap like she was a doll. the stepdad molested her and the mom doesn't believe a word that came out of her mouth. She struggled to get them to communicate with her but it just didn't succeed. I was at her house a couple of times and I can hear with my hearing aids and lip-read very well and they weren't aware of me being capable of picking up what they said. They said "my god, she is so stupid, I wish i didn't have to put up with a deaf child and so on" I was pissed and i told them I heard what they said, they looked at me shocked. I told them exactly what I said.. and told me not to tell the girl. I told the girl in front of her parents. She didn't deserve to be treated that way. I call that a form of abuse. now she's out there with 3 kids, on drugs and doesn't give a hoot what goes on in this world.. its sad really. Even the step dad admit to having sex with her when she was younger. i told the girl to report it she said he'll kill her. so I could say nothing more.

but you're right.. my parents raised me really well but just didn't feel that sign language would help me communicate better. However, they were wrong.. I love signing and its my world. Of course, as I got older, I told my mom that I wished she did learn sign language that we would actually have a much better communication. Even without signing, I still understood her.

Wow, Rebelgirl! That is so sad and things like that make me sooooo angry:rl:
It is very good that you can talk to your mom about what you missed without sign, and she undy you and you have good relationship. All parents make mistakes--me, too--and sometimes its just because we don't know. That is just human. It's the parents that just want to do what is easy for them, or the one's that won't admit that they can make mistakes or can do damage even without meaning to that make me mad!