I need help.....

NEWIDME said:
I would go and have no expectations. But if she abused you, then I don't know....it all depends on the nature of the abuse. I would go anyway just to meet the baby but then you may feel turmoil inside when you do meet the baby and see her being a lovey with it, kwim? You were only 11 when you last saw her. I don't know why it's been 9 years. I tend to hold a grudge when someone hurts me, esp physically. So, can you give me the details on the abuse?
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Actually you were 9 years old
 
I have to leave now to pick up my kids. I will check on this thread on tuesday when I come back to work. I haven't a pc to read your story. I am sorry. Take care
 
NEWIDME said:
I would go and have no expectations. But if she abused you, then I don't know....it all depends on the nature of the abuse. I would go anyway just to meet the baby but then you may feel turmoil inside when you do meet the baby and see her being a lovey with it, kwim? You were only 11 when you last saw her. I don't know why it's been 9 years. I tend to hold a grudge when someone hurts me, esp physically. So, can you give me the details on the abuse?
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My other thread was about my life. It in creative writing section. Title is i am writing a book. It based on my life from beginning to now.
 
NEWIDME said:
I would go and have no expectations. But if she abused you, then I don't know....it all depends on the nature of the abuse. I would go anyway just to meet the baby but then you may feel turmoil inside when you do meet the baby and see her being a lovey with it, kwim? You were only 11 when you last saw her. I don't know why it's been 9 years. I tend to hold a grudge when someone hurts me, esp physically. So, can you give me the details on the abuse?
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One day, a horrible event have occurred, my mother’s boyfriend, David, was carrying some of lumbers in his arms. Wham! He hit me on my cheek. It was so bloody. The wound touch my mouth and near my eye. I ran up to my mother. I was crying. She seem to not care or at least to help me clean up. She doesn’t care.
At this moment, I wonder why she allowed this to happen. I ran down hill to the bus stop. My older sister was waiting for me at bus stop. She saw me bleeding and she tried to help me clean up, but the bus was coming. On the bus, my sister protected me from students on bus.
Next thing I did when I arrived at the school, was bawling at my kindergarten teacher. Immediately, she knew what is going on. I am the first in my family have the courage to tell someone about my mother’s abusive boyfriend.
My kindergarten teacher took me to nurse office to clean up. I was in sleep for day. I do not know what the nurse did to my cheek like stitching. I woke up in the principle office. I told the principle what happen that morning. My sister were already there with me. The principle call the police after school was over. The police officers pick us up and other police officers went to the house to pick up Jessica and my baby brother, William. They took us to the front of the small white courthouse. We all waited. And then they split us up to different foster homes. We haven’t seen each other in couple years. We did see our mother couple times a month where we meet as family under a supervisor. Our mother got pregnant again by David. Her name is Michelle.
And then we stayed with our mother for a year. There were a lot things happens in within a year. Our mother had another child name Katherine but we called her Kathy. Katherine is the last child. There are six of us, in order by birth, Ambrelle, Megan, Jessica, William, Michelle, and Katherine. Our mother rented an apartment. The apartment is two stories building, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, one kitchen, and one living room and back patio.
Our mother is not very good mother. She does not know how take care of us. We got so much stuffs that we don’t know where things are. They were everywhere. We have so much stuffs that we couldn’t find our baby sister. We have to call police. They found her under my mother’s king size bed. They say that the house was the big mess that you cannot find anything that you might want to find.
When my siblings do something wrong, I took the blame for it without knowing what they did. My mother assume that it was I. I ended up in trouble. I think our mother need to pay attention little more to us than herself. I began to wonder if she was doing things that she wanted to do or just ignoring our basic needs or both. There were one best memory about that apartment. We had a big cardboard box and we made in to a sleigh. We got on it and slide it down stairs. We had good laugh about it.
One day when my siblings went school and I stayed behind since I was sick. I remember when I was walking down the stairs. When I arrive at bottom of the stairs, I threw up. It look like a muddy puddle on the carpet. My mother trying hard get off the carpet and it never did. Next day, I was feeling a little better, and I wanted go to school. Darlene said no. Later that day, back of my neck was at the rail of the stairs. She almost choking me to death. I was so glad I was alive at this moment. This was my third escape from death. It just was another horrible event. My neck all the way around was so red… What is going on her mind? What is wrong with her? Why she treated me that way? Those questions were never answered but I still thought about them. My family was spilt up again and back to foster care system until July 10, 1999.
On the July 10, 1999, our caretakers and my two sisters, Ambrelle and Jessica, and I took two flights to get to Pensacola, Florida. There were two caretakers and they are women. They didn’t like me one bit. Is there something about me that they don’t like? Is it my deafness? They do not know that I can speak or hear. She hold my hand tightly and wouldn’t let go. Are they afraid that I might wander off and get lost?
We arrived in Pensacola at Pensacola International Airport. We getting off airport while our unknown relatives waiting for us. We did not know that we have any relatives.
 
Have you considered bringing someone with you for moral and emotional support?
 
I did, but she cant come because of her exams. My relatives have to work and they already have plans to leave on 4 days after I leave to see my cousin graduate.
 
Meggie2 said:
I meeting my real mother in a week. I have never seen her or heard her from past nine years. I need advices.
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Ok, I read the creative writing post. I am sorry for not posting sooner and I am sure I might be too late?

I feel for you - - your life is not easy. Many challenges you have over come. People suck. You learned that way too early in your life and I am so sorry for that. I imagine my 4 anfd 2 yr old going through what you did, especially in kindergarden. It scares me. You did the right thing but I am so sure the whole foster care thing was just as hard as staying home would have been. Since you have been so brave in the past, if I were you I would ask your mom (darlene?) anything and everything. It sounds to me that mostly Darlene showed you the bad side of humanity so who cares how she feels when you put her on the spot with your questions like, 'what did I ever do to you to make you treat me with disrepect and mean-ness' It's always easier for someone from the outside looking in to give advice. But I really feel your personality and strength will get you through this. I would look at this visit as the last visit. I really would. I would even ask her, 'why do you keep having these babies? From past record, you suck as a mom.' Then step back in case she wants to slap you. Meg, most people don't change. I know that is discouraging but they don't.

Please let us know how it all goes and feel free to PM/email me anytime. :hug:
 
NEWIDME said:
Ok, I read the creative writing post. I am sorry for not posting sooner and I am sure I might be too late?

I feel for you - - your life is not easy. Many challenges you have over come. People suck. You learned that way too early in your life and I am so sorry for that. I imagine my 4 anfd 2 yr old going through what you did, especially in kindergarden. It scares me. You did the right thing but I am so sure the whole foster care thing was just as hard as staying home would have been. Since you have been so brave in the past, if I were you I would ask your mom (darlene?) anything and everything. It sounds to me that mostly Darlene showed you the bad side of humanity so who cares how she feels when you put her on the spot with your questions like, 'what did I ever do to you to make you treat me with disrepect and mean-ness' It's always easier for someone from the outside looking in to give advice. But I really feel your personality and strength will get you through this. I would look at this visit as the last visit. I really would. I would even ask her, 'why do you keep having these babies? From past record, you suck as a mom.' Then step back in case she wants to slap you. Meg, most people don't change. I know that is discouraging but they don't.

Please let us know how it all goes and feel free to PM/email me anytime. :hug:
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thks
 
Good luck meeting with your mom. Forgiving your mom is a positive thing to do. I hope both of you will develop a better relationship one day.
 
my dad left my family when i was 4 years old. he came back for one night when i was 6 and tried once to call me and my brother when i was about 13, but that aside he's been completely absent from my life. no communication, no child support, leaving my mom to raise us on her own.

if she contacted you first with an apology, chances are she wants to make a change. but don't think that a new baby sister is going to be a miracle cure to save your relationship.

i don't believe in the adage "forgive and forget". forgiveness can be good, but forgetting is just willful ignorance. you can pretend you've forgotten something all you like, but you won't actually forget unless you're an amnesiac or have Alzheimer's. if she has a lot of bullshit to answer for, then hold her accountable.
 
On this I agree with August. Plus I think if she already abused you, you really should not go alone.
 
if your mother abused you as she not care about you i don't think you would go alone never know if your mother will do that again to you.

if i were you i won't go there alone.
 
i doubt she has to worry about being abused again.

the whole point of child and/or spousal abuse is that the person being abused is too small or weak, physically or emotionally, to defend themselves. that's why abusive parents beat up their kids when they're small and stop once they're big enough to hit back.

i think 18 or 19 is a bit too big for even the stupidest parent to think about hitting their child.

i wouldn't worry about bringing pepper spray or whatever. just be ready for any psychological trauma.
 
Meggie

Just watch for signs of abuse, if she does it again, RUNS!

If she had changed, great, just talk about good things in life and be cool and if she does brings up what she did to you in the past and if she apologzies to you to tell you how sorry she is, accept her apologizes and forgive her for her mistake, move on to new things.

I reads in the Verbal Abuse book, they said abuser do not change, but I hope for the best she had really change, we're all hoping for and if you see something different about your mom, you know when to leave and where to runs. Wish you best luck Meggie Hugs!:hug:

Also my soon to be husband has not seen his father ex-cop for 16 years, his father physically abused him when he was 13, his father was a cop, retired cop now, his father has not changed yet, geez!

Meggie2 said:
I meeting my real mother in a week. I have never seen her or heard her from past nine years. I need advices.
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It's sad to read your posts. Your posts remind me of my unhappy childhood. We are on the same boat.

I forgave them and move on...

Important is follow your heart if you really want to forgive her or not... Remember that forgive and forget is not same thing.
 
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