I don't talk about my feelings or what goes on in my life/head, but i think catharsis is much-needed right now, so here goes.
I am HoH, my family is Hearing. I want to attend Gallaudet University in the fall. I began the application and did most of it, but need my mother's help to finish it. She keeps telling me she will help when i make time for it; but, when i open the application and ask for her help, she always tells me that she is "busy" or has "things to do." It isn't just an issue with timing; i've asked her when she is not working, and am given excuses. I'm done waiting for her; i'm going to do this all by myself.
My goals are to become thoroughly fluent in ASL, major in Interpreting, counseling, or something that would benefit D/deaf and disabled people of all ages and backgrounds. I want to minor in Communication. In order to properly and fully immerse myself, I want to ditch the HA's and establish myself as a Deaf man. My mom doesn't understand, nor does she support this desire. When i told her of my intentions to establish myself as D/deaf; and started to explain why, she cut me off before i had even gotten to the middle of my sentence. She cited two fits of rage that i'd had, blaming it on the medication i am taking (adderall) but i have those WITHOUT meds. She brought them up to support her theory that my withdrawing from her is to blame on the meds. However, i only have them when i push myself past my breaking point, though. When i don't, (the majority of the time) i am fine.
She has been trying to poke holes in anything i want to do, that requires not wearing my HA's. She told me to talk to my psychologist about it, insisting that he would say the same things that she is. However, i have discussed this with him multiple times, and he is fully supportive and encouraging of me. She even said "So you want to walk down the street, passing people whom you can't even talk to because you can't hear them?" But in so many words, yes mom, that's exactly it. I WANT to be deaf. Why does nobody listen to me? I wear earplugs to keep the world out of my ears, because silence is my favorite sound.
I have been pushing her away because she refuses to accomodate me; despite my constant accomodation of her. I used to put my hearing aids in whenever she asked. Recently, i have been refraining from doing so, as i wanted to see just how supportive she'd be. She had always scoffed at me when i complained about her not listening, being unsupportive, and discouraging me. Yet, her actions show her true feelings... It stings badly, but it isn't new.
She will literally walk into my room to stand in front of me, talk down to me, and become defensive upon my request to sit down or, at the very least, crouch so i can understand her better. And if i stand up, she will back up and lower her voice, cocking her head to shoot me a weird look upon my stepping toward her... I have no clue why my mother is acting so weird!!
And, when i ask her why she won't learn sign language, her reply was "You don't know it" Yet i know a lot more than she does. I can spell anybody's name incredibly fast; spell the alphabet forwards and backwards (literally) and i know many words. Random, but at least i stand behind what i say i'm going to do! :/ How does one approach a parent who doesn't listen; and refuses to modify the way they communicate?