I don't know what to do anymore!

[Lil_country_gal]

Ahh I understand what you have been through now.. I am just glad I got my dad and my other familly members. If you want.. you can pm me and we can talk more about my expierence.. and I suggest you to read toxic parents.. and I am in therphy also.. it helps me alot. I would love to talk with you and help you through this.. My mom and her boyfriend.. ugh.. read it in one of my threads or pm me to talk.. I am here for you!

Thanks Girl I will certainly hit you up on that offer. It's nice when someone knows what ur going through. And usually they come up with the greatest suggestions.

 

[Lil_country_gal]

can't run away from problem...
moving out, is like running away from problem.

Umm wasn't running away and moving out is not running away it's creating space.

you should be glad to have a dad, if you didn't have a dad, then your mom will have anger issues and start yelling at you.

I never said i wasn't happy to have a father and my mom already yells at me when my dad's not around nothing new.

maybe you need to get your own big tv in your bedroom and close the door, and turn the tv down and watch cc on your tv... and let your dad
watch the other tv.

We have two TV's we were on sepreate TV's when this took place.

well maybe your parents like yelling, since they don't know how to have a normal conversation. you go ahead and keep yelling at them.. since they like that.

No comment

Well keep trying to be an adult, your parents love that. Why stop?

Confussed and don't understand what ur trying to say. what i was saying is my parents act like kids when i act like an adult

well, next time clean up with them knowing and don't surprise them,
ask them to inspect, and help you how to clean better.

Ok parents love when you suprise them by doing something nice i can imagine most parents of teenagers in here when your teen does somethng nice you don't start complainging right away.

your parents will be so glad that you're gone, they gonna have many good and quiet nights having sex. they just cranky right now, be patient.

OK that is way far into my parents personal life and that is just plain rude!

Well make friends with someone your sister sorta would like to hang out with.
And ask her how she makes good grades, and maybe she'll tell you how to
study and how to take notes during classes, and all.

She didn't study she didn't take notes she was in easier classes and got help i don't plus she's gifted ADD. And it's not the fact that she got better grades she did everything the way my parents wanted it i don't. in other words my parents pick favorites and i'm not number one

 

[Dannie]

I'am 38, and my parents only started acting exactly the same as your parents AFTER they met my counseller at the Cdn. Hearing Society in Toronto.

My counseller told them her diagnosis of me and since then my Dad's been going in violent rampages once a week, talks to me like I don't know the English language and they are both very ashamed of me. At that point I was absolutely aghast was the counseller told them, especially knowing she's a practitioner of the Emotional Freedom Technique and Qiqong with Dr. Sha (a complete 180 from what she does has a Doctor of Psychology!

I mean I was meaning to my Dad the other day wondering why the 10 week old puppy who was sold wasn't picked up yet, and he starts yelling at me because I'am so negative. (You really find so much about what they really think of you when they get like that......but we didn't realize that registered breeders keep all puppies till their 8 or 12 weeks old).

And the very next night (since I'am not taking courses at Scientology anymore, I'am home........got kicked out because I saw a Pshychologist for 2 years) but if you can go there for a few courses to check it out, by all means go ahead.

Anyway the next night we get into a very little disagreement (I have no clue about what) and then he threatens me by saying "We're not getting a dog anymore, because of you la la la la la......and I just said "Oh come on, you know that's not true! And seriously he really thinks he's threatening a kid or he like wants me to be scared or something but when I told him that some people have told me we've lived a past life together which sort of explains the tension, he says "What's a past life"?

This guy does not listen to a single thing I say, and ever since he's seen that counseller he's been looking at me like I'am nuts and they call me crackerjack and pretty much enjoy throwing that in my face, but honestly I'am the same person I've always been, and it's like okay NOW over the last two years Dad has been treating me like a bully from public school and my abusive alcoholic exboyfriend, and the Psychologist just made his worst fears about me that he's had since they had me more real and TRUE (in his mind)....and I already hate men from being raped once by a coworker and almost twice as a kid.

And my Father likes to get all his anger out on me like I'am a black hole or something, and I honestly have no clue about why he's been like this just over the last two years unless he's created all this imaginary stuff about me from his own fears based on what the Psychologist said at the Cdn Hearing Society in Toronto (her name is Dr. Carrie Bailey).

According to this women, and I had no clue she would of ever said such a thing (unless my parents were complaining about me over and over) the solution would be to have weekly therapy with her together. Like right, and the purpose of them meeting her in the first place was to only ease the tension in the family and it became unbearable after based on what she said, and I just stopped seeing her at that point, and revoked any connection with them, and she still will not apologize. (She's a practitioner of the Emotional Freedom Technique and if you ask anybody who knows about EMF, they would be shocked that she would have told them I had a mental illness!

Based on what? I still have no clue! I had noise sensitivity and she's also a Licensed Qigong Practitioner about how sounds affect the body and the Deaf and HOH in Toronto who want to move into housing are moved into two units where first you must be labelled with a mental illness! (The irony .....!!)
And then people get ill and sick living there, but usually don't realize why and the social agencies can't say anything, but a girl I know who's Mom works in HR there KNOWS these people get sicker, and it's all funded from Health Canada, and the Citizen's Environmental Watch knows this stuff goes on.!

I mean really my parents have probably always been ashamed of me but I never wanted to see it, but my friends sort of did but they never liked any of my friends because they don't like me! So if you can get out, and live with an Interpreter or get funding for a Deaf College do it! Because honestly if you don't your parents will destroy you and ruin any chance you will have because they will not stop putting you down, and nobody else should criticize you more than you criticize yourself, especially your family!

 

[Dannie]

By the way, I'll also add that with my brother, he's made it in life and anything he says they hear as true, whereas whatever I say means squat.

Of course they always deny the things they yell out or say during times of duress and stress.

But if your seriously thinking of moving out, some colleges may be able to help. I mean there's a Naturopathic School not far from me and they rent to Int'l Students during the summer and the rent's $380 (you can't find any place in this city for less than $500-800), but as long as your a student I don't see why they couldn't assist.

 

[FreedummyRing]

*Umm wasn't running away and moving out is not running away it's creating *space.

My friend grew up with 7 siblings and 2 parents, then when he moved away because he tired of his parents and siblings. And now he got a nagging wife and 5 kids yelling each other. If you move out and getting your own space, would you feel alone, while living alone? The world is dangerous to live alone though.


*I never said i wasn't happy to have a father and my mom already yells at *me when my dad's not around nothing new.

my mom yelled at me all the time, I got use to it, and ignore her.

*We have two TV's we were on sepreate TV's when this took place.

just ignore him. he probably had a bad day.

*my parents act like kids when i act like an adult

why is that a problem?

*Ok parents love when you suprise them by doing something nice i can *imagine most parents of teenagers in here when your teen does somethng *nice you don't start complainging right away.

if your parents clean up your bedroom, and surprise you, would you complain?
Would you like it if they clean up your bedroom? So you clean up their house, their house is like their bedroom... and yeah they would complain.
If you want to surprise them, give them a hug and tell them you love them...
that is all.

*OK that is way far into my parents personal life and that is just plain rude!
sorry, I was having a sense of humor.

*She didn't study she didn't take notes she was in easier classes and got *help i don't plus she's gifted ADD. And it's not the fact that she got better *grades she did everything the way my parents wanted it i don't. in other *words my parents pick favorites and i'm not number one.

oh I didn't know that.
Well my sister who has no disability, she was jealous of me,
because I was in easier classes and made good grades...
And my sister thinks my mom favor me.

My mom is trying to help me self esteem, because I couldn't do advanced stuff like other normal kids can do. And my sister she can do better, because she made many F's and D's... and smoked marijuana at high school and hang out with bad group of friends.

You shouldn't be jealous of your sister... because she probably wish she is you. I wish I could be like my sister... because she has no disability.

Don't matter who has more disability than who... who is getting more attention...
Your parents love you and your sister the same.

 

[Bear]

Geez, I just can't believe SOME of the responses I have seen in here! With that said.

LiL country,

Have you thought about reporting them to CPS? I know the fear of a foster home and living with complete strangers can be worse than the thought of just staying where you are, but you're in a very bad situation hon. I totally feel for you.

If you were one of my daughter's friends I would tell you come live with us anytime. LOL. Truly, though I do agree with many of the responses about living with a trusted relative. If that is unlikely you would be best reporting them!

I can see you are totally unhappy in that home and feeling very unloved and unwanted.

My son was in a foster home, not due to anything I have done, but what he has done. His foster mother was wonderful!! Don't believe ALL the horror stories you hear. While some of them are true, there are many more successess as well!

Two years and 29 days seems a long time to keep living like that. And no matter how bad it gets, stay with the counseling. It will be the only *sanctuary* you will have. It will also help you to deal with the pain and the heartache of your own childhood and help you to learn how to not be as an adult.

I wish I could offer you some miracle advice to suddenly make your parents nice. Unfortunately, that is just not possible here and we both know it. All I can say is stop trying to please them, you and I both know from your postings that will never happen. As long as you continue to look for their acceptance and have them show you love, you will continue to have the heartache. Sad to say but sometimes a child should give up on his or her parents.

As long as you try to please them you are only setting yourself up for more hurt hon. My advice is let them go! Forget them! Next time they yell at you, your best bet is to stand there and look them in the eye and say *you can't hurt me anymore*

Do let us know what happens. And I urge you to report them to CPS and get out of there now.

In Sympathy,

Bear

 

[Liebling:-)))]

LiL country, I'm very sorry how you are being treat like that by your parents. Yes, I'm disagree what your parents did to you. I can tell in your post that your parents are under the stress but they have no right to anger out on you. As you said that you help your parents as what you can and like to surprise them... You did tried your best but unfortunlately this situation are not solution. I think your parents need help. I would suggest you to check with counsellor and tell them how you had told us here. Counsellor need to listen your and your parents's side before they are able to solve to improve the relationship issues between you & your parents.

I'm agree that it's beautiful feeling when my children surprise me something like what you did for your parents. Sad, they can't see it...


How old are you?

 

[Lil_country_gal]

Geez, I just can't believe SOME of the responses I have seen in here! With that said.

LiL country,

Have you thought about reporting them to CPS? I know the fear of a foster home and living with complete strangers can be worse than the thought of just staying where you are, but you're in a very bad situation hon. I totally feel for you.

If you were one of my daughter's friends I would tell you come live with us anytime. LOL. Truly, though I do agree with many of the responses about living with a trusted relative. If that is unlikely you would be best reporting them!

I can see you are totally unhappy in that home and feeling very unloved and unwanted.

My son was in a foster home, not due to anything I have done, but what he has done. His foster mother was wonderful!! Don't believe ALL the horror stories you hear. While some of them are true, there are many more successess as well!

Two years and 29 days seems a long time to keep living like that. And no matter how bad it gets, stay with the counseling. It will be the only *sanctuary* you will have. It will also help you to deal with the pain and the heartache of your own childhood and help you to learn how to not be as an adult.

I wish I could offer you some miracle advice to suddenly make your parents nice. Unfortunately, that is just not possible here and we both know it. All I can say is stop trying to please them, you and I both know from your postings that will never happen. As long as you continue to look for their acceptance and have them show you love, you will continue to have the heartache. Sad to say but sometimes a child should give up on his or her parents.

As long as you try to please them you are only setting yourself up for more hurt hon. My advice is let them go! Forget them! Next time they yell at you, your best bet is to stand there and look them in the eye and say *you can't hurt me anymore*

Do let us know what happens. And I urge you to report them to CPS and get out of there now.

In Sympathy,

Bear

I know living in a foster home would be nice but my counslers have told me there is nothign that can be done because i still live in a "nice" home enviroment. Yea i live in a nice home with not the greatest parents. Also my counsler has told me without physical evdience or vocal complaints of my parents there's nothing that can be done. and my parents are very quiet with the way they act. they do it and in a month are very ashmaned and i know it's cause their stressed they own their own business it's alot of work. and I've tried to ingonore them and than they are the parents who get mad if you don't start crying or somthing and believe me i wish i could say this *you can't hurt me anymore* but my dad would turn around and start laughing and say ohh that's right lai just keep up the guilt trips. God this stinks

 

[Lil_country_gal]

LiL country, I'm very sorry how you are being treat like that by your parents. Yes, I'm disagree what your parents did to you. I can tell in your post that your parents are under the stress but they have no right to anger out on you. As you said that you help your parents as what you can and like to surprise them... You did tried your best but unfortunlately this situation are not solution. I think your parents need help. I would suggest you to check with counsellor and tell them how you had told us here. Counsellor need to listen your and your parents's side before they are able to solve to improve the relationship issues between you & your parents.

I'm agree that it's beautiful feeling when my children surprise me something like what you did for your parents. Sad, they can't see it...


How old are you?

Thanks Liebing. I really hope we can clear all of this up soon or get me to a friends or something like that. and I will be 16 in 1 month 3 days sorry everyone i counted to my party not my actual birthday

 

[TweetyBird]

oh man, i am sowwy to hear abt that... i been thru with stepfather for 26 yrs on n off.. i never like him since i was 3 yrs old.. so i live my own place n u will feel better lot when u live ur own place trust me.. :hug;


but ur counslor say "nice house" n cant do anything.. it wrong, i learned from my counselor, say if have plms with family, find onr of ur family to keep u til u r 18 yrs old, u will feel better MUCH!!! or u can tell ur counselor that u are not happy n depression n dont suffer urself other 2 yrs so wanna be happy urself again...if u need help or talk then PM me

 

[Kalista]

I'll check it out i'm not a asl user usually but i know it i'm more oral but i will certainly check it out

Why you feel that ASL prevent from your learning? You will enjoy to meet new Deaf people at YLC camping. Pick new language for you.

Learn ASL is very challenge and fun for you. Do not let it stops from your enthusiastic.

 

[Lil_country_gal]

Why you feel that ASL prevent from your learning? You will enjoy to meet new Deaf people at YLC camping. Pick new language for you.

Learn ASL is very challenge and fun for you. Do not let it stops from your enthusiastic.

I know asl i just never use it since i can hear enough and read lips well enough i just am very oral

 

[docmartin]

Hi Lil,

Your parents sound like they are emotionally and probably verbally abusive. Unfortunately, I have been through this as well. There is a website with some good information about abuse: www.drirene.com. The sight is mainly concerned with verbal abuse, but covers other forms as well. The dynamics of abuse are very similar regardless of the form it is used.

I hope this helps!

 

[MilitaryGirl83]

Oh gosh.. look at some of you guys giving her negative remarks!!! You guys have never been in our shoes!!!!

I have been in counseling on and off but my mom always pull me out of it because she thinks I don't need it and be fine on my own. My mom and her boyfriend is an alcholic and has abused me alot. I had a bad childhood. And my mom is always in denial! She threated me that if I tell the counslor of what's going on at home.. that I would be in a foster family with a black family and they will never see me again.. so I shut my mouth and couldnt say anything. I was living in fear.. could not stand up for myself etc. Also I was suicial since I was age 13.. now I am glad I am out of their home.. and got help. My therpist is so wonderful plus I am on medicine.

My mother never once came to visit me or set foot in my home at all! She always demand me come visit her and the holidays too.. and she said if I don't see her on the holidays.. she threated me to have a heart attack or something like that! She only came to the hospital to see my babies when I gave birth that's it and now she wants to be at the hospital in Indianapolis because I am getting a CI????

She always favors my brother and when he gets in trouble.. he gets a slap on the wrist that's it!!!!!!!!! But for me... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I would be grounded for no reason and my mom would say, "I said So!!" or that they would abuse me so bad. My mom also never fully accepted my deafness at all. My brother has it all.. he can drive.. he gets good grades.. do whatever he wants. But me.. she always kept me from doing activites at school or on the weekends. She would always come up with excuses and make me stay home. Also my dad would pay for the fielld trips.. and then the next morning she would make me stay home and I get pissed off and crying in my bedroom. It made my dad so pissed off and yelled at her. She would laugh and say, "I WON!!!!!!"

I want to confront my mother but I have to heal myself first before I can do that.

 

[junejewels]

Sorry you are in that situation..I have teenagers and I can't imagine not loving and supporting them. So..it's good you realise that abusive behaviour is NOT normal and not something you have to put up with. It's good you see a counsellor- keep with it and seek more professional help also, there ARE resources for you, keep searching to find that help and advice, as you need the support, maybe your counsellor can point you in the direction of services for young people in your area. Sounds like you are strong and i think you will come out of it ok

 

[SmiLe ImL]

How about going to http://www.mysummercamps.com/find-camps/deaf.html that will help to keep u busy to do hobbies, sports, camps, outdoor adventure activities, and all so forth. So, u don't have to think of anger or emotions from your family at home. u need to get out of yourself and meet new deaf & hoh friends at the camps wherever u want to go.

 

[Bear]

I know living in a foster home would be nice but my counslers have told me there is nothign that can be done because i still live in a "nice" home enviroment. Yea i live in a nice home with not the greatest parents. Also my counsler has told me without physical evdience or vocal complaints of my parents there's nothing that can be done. and my parents are very quiet with the way they act. they do it and in a month are very ashmaned and i know it's cause their stressed they own their own business it's alot of work. and I've tried to ingonore them and than they are the parents who get mad if you don't start crying or somthing and believe me i wish i could say this *you can't hurt me anymore* but my dad would turn around and start laughing and say ohh that's right lai just keep up the guilt trips. God this stinks

Man, I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I wish there was something I could say or do to suddenly make it all better and go away. Unfortunately, there is no such magic words or actions.

However, I find it very hard to believe that there is nothing they can do about it being as your still in a *nice* home! My god, I thought the system was supposed to be there to protect you from ALL forms of abuse? And this is definitely verbal and emotional abuse! I am not saying you're lying about that. I am just saying wow!! you poor kid,ya know?


I was thinking maybe you could secretly videotape or record this happening somehow, but I am sure with fancy lawyers they could get that type of evidence thrown out. WOW! I couldn't imagine treating an animal that way much less another human being.

Felix, I believe you posted about your abusive parents I am so sorry to hear of your situation as well and am happy to see you survived it and broke the *circle of violence* as well. You have alot to be proud of.

I believe you would be surprised at how many of us were abused as children in more ways than one. I too have my own battle scars from my childhood. After a lot of years of therapy and even after therapy, rage. I finally came to a point where I could forgive the past and move on. I hope you get there too eventually.

I understand what you mean about not being able to stand up and say that. One thing that worked for me, and may or may not work for you, but, you could try it. I wrote a letter to my mother telling her how I felt and sealed it in an envelope. Never gave it to her but just the writing of it released alot of the hurt and anger. I also wrote a letter to the man that did the actual abusing and that released me just in the writing. Maybe it could help you too.

I am so sorry any child has to suffer the abuses at the hands of a parent. Unfortunately, we are given what we are given.

Lil Country, just know that you do have people out there while not knowing you, they do care about what you are going through. I do hope you find a way to get out of there.

And unlike what some posters are saying, sometimes running is better than the current situation. And I dont mean running away in the actual sense. I mean running to some place better be that a relative or a friend.

Thanks,

Bear