CBE,
I was born profoundly deaf and never learned ASL. Grew up oral and around hearing people most of the time. When I was younger, I never really noticed nor felt something was amiss until 4th grade when the social dynamics changed. I remember seeing my friends able to participate in class discussions while I was kept out, seeing my friends talk on the phone and call each other while none could call me, my friends understanding and discussing what was being said on TV while I played along like I could understand, my friends and I going to the movies and them asking me what I thought of the movie and my answer was always, "It was ok" because I had no idea how good or terrible the movies were, my friends singing along the songs and I just moved my mouth pretending I could sing along with them too, and so much more.
All of my life I was fighting my deafness trying to be a "hearing" person like my friends and each time I failed to accomplish that, a part of me died until I was left with a huge hollow hole which I tried to fill with by engaging in self-destructive behaviors as a young adult. Drinking escessively in social situations so I could be the life of a party not a wallpaper, starving myself so people can be attracted to my body, maxing my credit cards on expensive stuff so I can impress people by having fancy stuff, and then hiding my hearing aids so people wont ask me about them. All those years of these kinds of behaviors and way of thinking of trying to fit in the only world I knew, I became very very depressed and hated myself with a passion.
It was when I learned ASL and finally felt a connection with others in the Deaf community and being in an environment where information, communication, and language was 100% accessible to me, I started the journey of accepting myself as a deaf person.
It has been almost 10 years since I have realized that it was ok to be a deaf person, the quality of my life has been so much better. Like DBG said, it was like the weight of the world has been lifted off.
to your journey, CBE!!!