I am angry with parents

Its amazing how many people seem to have an idea on how to bring up deaf or hearing impaired children.

After I was diagnosed deaf at the age of 2 and a half, my parents were told that deaf children only had the volcubulary ranging from a 6-8 year old and would not be able to match academic standards of children their age and that deaf children were best off being placed into a deaf unit and not socialising with hearing children at all.

Some people also believe in not using sign language whereas some others believe in sign language but not giving them oral skills (training them with speech therapy and lipreading skills) - its a dog eat dog world!

Some people also fail to put in consideration the child's socialisation skills. Some deaf children are not taught to understand the necessity of manners, conversation skills, the need for socialisation with other peers etc... It saddens me to see this happening even to this day.

But it does come down to what the parents are prepared to do with their children.

Are they prepared to go through the heartache and the "hard work" of teaching their child language, social and communication skills?

Or just simply pushing their child to one side or handing their child over to a "professional"?

When I say "hard work" - I was being scarastic as some people believe that a child with a disability is too much to handle - hence it being "hard work" Mind you, I am also a bit wary of "professionals" as I don't believe they are always right.

Thats just my opinion.

I am very glad that my parents decided to love me as a "normal child" but really we are normal too - our ears just don't work properly or not at all... I was bought up to use both sign and oral skills. I was taught via mainstream. I socialised with both deaf and hearing peers. (To be honest, I socialised more with hearing peers rather than deaf peers) I am now studying psychology at university. And not once, has my parents doubted my ability. They have fully encouraged me to attain my dreams and desires.
 
Yep, the funny thing is... it's an intersting subject I've analyzed myself ever since I came to RIT.
 
MsGiglz said:
Dont be angry with your parents... they are trying their best and they love you and over protected you.. I am sure it's not their fault raised you that what you dont like about.. they get feedback from Doctors, Schools, and Friends.. I am sure that its very difficult issues for them to talk about.. just like a handicapped child that newly or whatever parents are very akward or dont know what to do then work and follow through the child's life.. becomes habit to still overprotect.. even at my age, my mom still "scold" or telling me what to do.. its her habit.. :D Love your parents .. if you dont like about your past.. or not happy.. forgive them.. and tell them. you love them..
Honestly, I was angry child for long time, because one of my parents wanted me have my hearings back.. think its a cure.. surgery is an answer.. etc etc.. I dont want anything of those.. and my dad dont want me go to school for the deaf.. he wanted his children to stay at home, so he see them everyday like family should be.. but now I looked back.. Thanked my parents for hard learned and good opporuinty for me to face hard life that i can face things if fall on my hands being so hard.. and deal them nicely! :)
Click to expand...

I do respect your thought toward this but keep in mind, I heard there are many stories this parents are full of cruel and dont care for their disability for example, some full mental retarded person wud be much of burden..so parents wanted to give it away and dont want any connect with them just simple example...smile
 
Last edited:
Blame parents ??? From my point of view, the children grew up where they went to Deaf, mainstream or oral schools. They taught them how to manner or not...

For example, I went to my friends's wedding few years ago. We did not get any thank you cards from them what we had given a good gifts. How could they do to us? How could they learn how to manner to writing a formal Thank You cards ?

Give a person a riding home in hour hour. Did not say thank you.

I notice, some of them who grew up in mainstream or oral schools. Did not do inappropriated to saying, excuse me, thank you or let other people's home that they cancel their plan or come in late, etc... no manner...

Show up at family's dinner time without any call. They expect us to feeding them a dinner with us. We were not invited them. They have to wait in the living room until we ate finish our dinner.

How dare they do rude to other people ?? Do their parents or school responsbility to teaching them how to manner ?? :-o
 
Hmm... class is sought, not taught methinks! And I aint talkin' about the kind you take at school. ;) I'm talking about taking responsibilities for your own social education and well being, as an adult. Parents can't do that anymore, and some obviously aren't done with their social education either ;)

Interesting idea about having parents take classes on how to raise deaf children. Yeah, they'd have to be willing enough. lol

I am not mad at my parents for being very distant during my childhood. Not anymore. I do feel an incredible amount of compassion for them, and what they went through. They have a lot of fears to hide behind this wall I saw as being distant. We all do act stupid, when letting fears affect us. ;) Of course, that doesn't excuse the past behavior but that's not up to me now and it was never up to me at all. As they say, it's in G/god/dess's hands. So everything happens for a reason. All I can do is love my parents until they die. That's all what we have right now. They're not getting any younger. The world is getting smaller. :angel: Yonder absence makes the heart grow fonder-- that also helps to see the big picture, too.
 
VamPyroX said:
This is a big issue with deaf students at NTID/RIT. Many parents spoil their kids and keep them isolated from the outside world until they graduate. Since they're isolated, they don't experience relationships, parties, friends, socializing, etc. They don't even experience any manners such as greetings, farewells, tipping, etc. When they come to college, they're so used to their isolated lifestyle that they strive for freedom. When I say freedom, I don't mean... free to do what they want. I mean, free to do EVERYTHING! That's when they go out and party their asses off getting drunk and stoned. They get in relationships and get all upset about it. They get depressed and suicidal. They have no manners, proper greetings and farewells, they don't even tip well! I've spoken with a lot of deaf students at NTID/RIT. Many of them tell me about how they stayed home a lot and how their parents spoiled them. When I go to parties, it's those students that I see getting drunk off of their asses and smoking up until they pass out. I've seen these students getting in relationships and immediately become too attached that they're practically living together already! This leads to a lot of jealousy issues and then problems arise, they get depressed and suicidal. I'm always seeing and hearing about suicide attempts while I'm living in the dorms at RIT. As for tipping, I see about 95% of all hearies giving tips and 95% of all deafies not giving tips. When I ask them why they didn't tip, know what they tell me? "What for? I only wanted the food, I don't care about their service!" I have friends who work as waiters and waitresses at various restaurants. Know that they tell me? Their worse customers are the deaf ones because they almost never tip.

It all comes to how kids are raised by their parents. I have friends who are great tippers. They have no problems with relationships. They are very friendly with everyone else, especially hearing people. How is that so? They were raised with freedom at home. They could stay out with a negotiable curfew. They were permitted to get jobs. They were able to go out and have Halloween or Christmas parties with their friends. That's what I will give my kids if they were ever deaf. :thumb:
Click to expand...

So you're not a big tipper? :laugh2:
Yeah I am aware of how some people hate having deaf customers because of the nonexisting tips. LOL. That's funny, actually. No offense. In Norway, tipping is not normal. I guess they just pay their waiters and waitresses better than they do in USA. ;)

I disagree with the idea that it all comes to how kids are raised by their parents-- I feel that is a copout from taking responsibility for yourself.

I definitely didn't get my social skills from my (hearing) parents. It all comes down to the willingness of taking responsibility for yourself, IMO.

On the other hand, there are some bad habits you can learn from your parents. ;) This is only part of that delightful childhood programming.
 
I believe it is the parents' responsibility to teach manners to the children. Not just teach them "lessons" about manners but teach thru example. The parents must show their good manners in daily life. They must also make sure their kids are polite and not spoil them. Children must learn that the world doesn't revolve around their desires; that other people have feelings too.

Then it is the schools' responsibility to reenforce good manners. Teachers should not tolerate rude behavior.

Finally, it is an adult's individual responsibility to monitor his/her own manners. If in doubt about what is acceptable, look it up or ask.

Some businesses are having problems with even executives who don't have good manners, and they require them to attend formal training to learn their manners.

In the military, we used to have "knife and fork" school to teach new officers good manners. It was called that because one of the things they teach them is which knife or fork to use at a formal dinner. :D
 
Well, it goes without saying.....if you can pick up bad habits from your parents, you danged well can pick up good ones, too.....almost ALL behavior is learned; therefore, behaviors can also be unlearned.
 
Sabrina said:
Blame parents ??? From my point of view, the children grew up where they went to Deaf, mainstream or oral schools. They taught them how to manner or not...

For example, I went to my friends's wedding few years ago. We did not get any thank you cards from them what we had given a good gifts. How could they do to us? How could they learn how to manner to writing a formal Thank You cards ?

Give a person a riding home in hour hour. Did not say thank you.

I notice, some of them who grew up in mainstream or oral schools. Did not do inappropriated to saying, excuse me, thank you or let other people's home that they cancel their plan or come in late, etc... no manner...

Show up at family's dinner time without any call. They expect us to feeding them a dinner with us. We were not invited them. They have to wait in the living room until we ate finish our dinner.

How dare they do rude to other people ?? Do their parents or school responsbility to teaching them how to manner ?? :-o
Click to expand...

That's exactly !!!! The key to understand the matter of manners is just to respect and simply say TWO word thank you than going over their "yard" get it?
 
I have one friend of mine, I wish to protect his name...he was NEVER NEVER discipled or do anything by his parents...he all want do is smoking and smoke up weeds...stay in his bedroom blah abt his future and hope...never do anything...he keep repeat his blah blah....I looked at his parents...whoa his parents are self centered people and screw thing uo how shame it is!!!!
 
Last edited:
Hey guys, hearing parent here! You know, we're people just like everybody else. Some parents are good, some bad; some accept their kids for who they are, some try to make them be a certain way. It's not easy, there's very little education in the early years. It's all biased toward fixing the hearing loss, rather than accepting your child as deaf. I've worked very hard, done all the right things, but still I get criticized, from the professionals, deaf adults, other hearing parents. Some people see what I've done and give positive feedback, some see only negative. That's just the way it is. I've known deaf parents who weren't so great, I've known deaf parents who are fabulous.

I guess what I hate is when people generalize people into groups and say that's how they are. This happens so much, and it really stops us from being able to get to know the person for who they really are.

Another thing I hate is people asking "if you have a child, do you want them to be hearing or deaf"? I want my child to be healthy and feel good about himself. The rest is moot.

What do you guys think?????
 
I know very few hearing parents are very sweet and will do anything to make hearing impaired become succesful like me.

Few? It's not enough! I think there need to have something pshyology to teach something that future parents need know and how to make great deal with hearing impaired children.
Click to expand...
Well this is what I've been saying for ages! There ARE some parents who accept their kids as d/hh but SOME parents...*shakes head* I see SO many parents who want "healthy normal perfect" kids. I see so many parents who take "Welcome to Holland" seriously and instead of seeing a disabilty as a "difference" (meaning something just like hair or eye color) they see it as a huge negative tragedy and spend their lives grieving about it.
 
I have said my piece about this issue before about Deaf people with bad manners. So many Deafie friends were so rude and they don't know it themselves! Right now, I had to question their motives and their friendships with me. Usually, I had to decide to bite my "fingers". If I get rude back, they get all hot & bothered, very upset and raise holy Hell how I was an "awful person" for giving them a taste of their own "rude medicine". I guess it is true that most Deaf people are rude and have no manners. But, it is also true that some things are better off left unsaid.
 
Deaf258 said:
So many Deafie friends were so rude and they don't know it themselves! I guess it is true that most Deaf people are rude and have no manners. But, it is also true that some things are better off left unsaid.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I, too, have noticed that many deaf people are lacking in good manners like Sabrina said about not thanking you for this and that. It's a pity really as it'll enforce hearing people's perception about the deaf people in general. And mind you, not all are rude.

I'm quite lucky to have a mother and family members believe in me and never let on if I can't do this and that. My grandmother, when I was born and then later diagnosed deaf, she never met a deaf person before me and yet she believed in me and told mother that I'll go on to complete university and do great things. Quite inspiring and motivating. Guess what?! She's correct :D

As for the tipping, I never heard of that particular information re: deaf customers being the worst tippers. I guess that is because in Australia, there's no tipping system. :)

I agree something are best left unsaid as some deaf people never forgive and forget if they were criticized etc.
 
Awwww... Deaf258 and Miss Delectable, I hear what you're saying about some people not having manners. I think this not only applies to deaf peeps tho ;)

Miss D, that's so wonderful of your grandmother to firmly believe in you!
Oh, Norway doesnt have a tipping system either :)
 
Liza said:
Awwww... Deaf258 and Miss Delectable, I hear what you're saying about some people not having manners. I think this not only applies to deaf peeps tho ;)

Miss D, that's so wonderful of your grandmother to firmly believe in you!
Oh, Norway doesnt have a tipping system either :)
Click to expand...


Liza, I know there's also some hearie who has bad manners. But in this thread, it was about the deaf and their manners. :)

Thanks, yeah, I'm very lucky to have Nana dearest to believe in me.
How is learning NSL going?

Cheers
 
PrincessTabu said:
Hey guys, hearing parent here! You know, we're people just like everybody else. Some parents are good, some bad; some accept their kids for who they are, some try to make them be a certain way. It's not easy, there's very little education in the early years. It's all biased toward fixing the hearing loss, rather than accepting your child as deaf. I've worked very hard, done all the right things, but still I get criticized, from the professionals, deaf adults, other hearing parents. Some people see what I've done and give positive feedback, some see only negative. That's just the way it is. I've known deaf parents who weren't so great, I've known deaf parents who are fabulous.

I guess what I hate is when people generalize people into groups and say that's how they are. This happens so much, and it really stops us from being able to get to know the person for who they really are.

Another thing I hate is people asking "if you have a child, do you want them to be hearing or deaf"? I want my child to be healthy and feel good about himself. The rest is moot.

What do you guys think?????
Click to expand...


I understand your perspective...yes true...some deaf parents are bad and good...I have personally knew one deaf family who is famous to deaf community but within is very bad with dealing with each other due to lack of respect and much of imposing on each other...

Funny thing, when I was grewing up in hearing family and have been always left out by hearing family in many events such as birthday party, reunions, and etc...I used to tell to my deaf friends with deaf family...I quoted to them "I envy you due to communication made easier...and know what kinds topic this you can participate in discussion" But until one deaf friend of mine shoot me with his quote "dont envy my deaf family, it is full of ashamed and abuse" I was puzzled until I went into his web circle of family...it CHANGED my viewpoint big time...it led me to ponder for years to come...so it came to point...simply answer it is something they grew up and carries on the deep wounded left unhealing and causing to expose their unhealing wounds on their children causing to have big negative reaction.

So point is dont even always envy deaf family even it is heaven...deaf parents and hearing parents do carry one same thing, they can expose unhealing wounds...but of course...deaf family have one POSITIVE is communicate more easy...during hearing parents dont but but but some hearing parents are willing to learn sign language in order to communicate, it always depends on. But high percent most realized is hearing parents tend to left out their deaf child out during events such as parties or reunions etc...it is true...what u think....
 
deaf family have one POSITIVE is communicate more easy...during hearing parents dont but but but some hearing parents are willing to learn sign language in order to communicate, it always depends on. But high percent most realized is hearing parents tend to left out their deaf child out during events such as parties or reunions etc...it is true...what u think....[/QUOTE]


Well, I can only speak for my family, but my son feels very much a part of his family. His birthday party is this wkend and we've invited his deaf and hearing friends. His siblings treat him no different, they don't cut him slack because he's deaf nor do they exclude him. He's just one of the bunch. And he knows we go to class to learn ASL, which makes him feel good that we value his language. But it's because I've listened to Deaf people that I realized how impt it was to do this. Many Deaf people have been very supportive and helpful. But also I've felt excluded and have had anger put on me that isn't fair.
 
Well, I can only speak for my family, but my son feels very much a part of his family. His birthday party is this wkend and we've invited his deaf and hearing friends. His siblings treat him no different, they don't cut him slack because he's deaf nor do they exclude him. He's just one of the bunch. And he knows we go to class to learn ASL, which makes him feel good that we value his language. But it's because I've listened to Deaf people that I realized how impt it was to do this. Many Deaf people have been very supportive and helpful. But also I've felt excluded and have had anger put on me that isn't fair.
Click to expand...
YAY!!!!! Another involved parent!!!! PrincessTabu, please don't take our rantings personally. I think that most of these comments here are just general and mostly towards noninvolved parents or stupid yuppie parents who refuse to learn Sign b/c it's got the stigma of being "special needs" It does amaze me, that many parents seem to be a little more openminded towards sign. I mean....nowadays some parents who choose oral aren't anti-Sign per se...they just want their kids to have English as a first language, or they don't think that TC programs concentrate enough on oral skills. It also amazes(and pleases) me that more parents of hoh kids are learning Sign. Again...please don't take our anger personally. You sound like an awesome mother....and BTW, I understand what you're going through in terms of feeling excluded...I sometimes feel somewhat excluded from Deaf culture b/c I'm only hoh...but at the same time I also feel excluded from hearing culture b/c I can't hear (like a hearing person)
 
Another thing I hate is people asking "if you have a child, do you want them to be hearing or deaf"? I want my child to be healthy and feel good about himself
Click to expand...
Wow....that comment REALLY shows how well you've accepted your son being dhh! :ily: I have noticed that early on hearie parents of dhh kids tend to greive and obsess about "Oh no...my child isn't healthy!" (b/c they associate or equate deafness and hard of hearingness with health issues) "Oh boo hoo hoo...I wish wittle Smashlie was "healthy and normal" :roll: Parents need to realize that a child or anyone else with a disabilty can be as healthy as someone WITHOUT a disabilty.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top