How To Spot Abusive Relationships!

SxyPorkie said:
Yeah...Abusing the partners will be repeatedly in the families...it has been for many many years.... either from wife s families or Husband s families.....It need to be broken... give them educations..
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True, but it is also hard to break it as well. Some ppl thing their are not in a loving relationship, cause that was how their family life was like.
 
Handsome_Smiley said:
True, but it is also hard to break it as well. Some ppl thing their are not in a loving relationship, cause that was how their family life was like.
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There are many reasons why children do not deal with the abuse at the time of the incident: unconscious feelings of shame, disbelief, self blame. Abusers may also threaten or bribe children into not speaking up, convincing the child that it is indeed their fault, and that they will never be believed otherwise. These tactics are used to silence the child. Under no circumstances, is the child to blame for the abuse. Although, if the abuse is not dealt with in a therapeutic and healing setting, the effects of past abuse will remain and undermine the victim for years to come.

So, it's possible when a adult were abused as a child then become abuser themselves,
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
There are many reasons why children do not deal with the abuse at the time of the incident: unconscious feelings of shame, disbelief, self blame. Abusers may also threaten or bribe children into not speaking up, convincing the child that it is indeed their fault, and that they will never be believed otherwise. These tactics are used to silence the child. Under no circumstances, is the child to blame for the abuse. Although, if the abuse is not dealt with in a therapeutic and healing setting, the effects of past abuse will remain and undermine the victim for years to come.

So, it's possible when a adult were abused as a child then become abuser themselves,
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(sadly nodded) my employee who had been through abuser in the house when she was child. Her father beat her mother, sibling but not her. Father loved her so much so he won't beat her until she became pre-teenager. Remember, it was in 60's as there is no law about child abuse. She said when she was 11 years old, her father decided to mess her up and she grew up with it. Until she got married then got divorced, she had no children. She met her husband when they got into car accidentally. (prefect spot for them to meet. URGG) Anyway, they both fell in love and got married. When they have children. He noticed bruise on their son and asked son where did he get it. Son won't reply. So husband decided to take her son to private and ask him. He admitted that mother abused her son when he won't listen to her. So that broken the heart. So to make story short.. They all went to therapy and been attending angry management. So today, she is now in 50's and have grandchildren and she is very close to her son and daughters. I asked her about her son's cycle of abuser into his marriage. She said no because of attending to therapy when her son was younger which it broken the cycle.

I got her permission and she asked not to be name in this forum.

Today, we have a lot of laws that protect children against abuse but however, laws didn't protect children good enough. Anyone can abuse children without getting caught which is very unfortunately.
 
Yes,I`am having this kind of problem. I`am trying to do something about it.
 
My heart goes out for you. I know two people in this ADers can help you out. First I have thought is GarnetTigerMom because she knows she talked about. Also I know other lady in this ADers even we didn't meet formally. I know her by her words in this ADers is SxyPorkie. According to her words, she works with people. Give them PM and get help. My heart goes out for you and pray for you.:hug:
 
Really good post! I need to show this to my sister maybe she will wake up and see that her hubby ain't so great.
 
VanG said:
My heart goes out for you. I know two people in this ADers can help you out. First I have thought is GarnetTigerMom because she knows she talked about. Also I know other lady in this ADers even we didn't meet formally. I know her by her words in this ADers is SxyPorkie. According to her words, she works with people. Give them PM and get help. My heart goes out for you and pray for you.:hug:
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Thank you very much.... as for your information... I was abused by my drunk deaf father.... he stopped abusing me at age of 15 after i threw heavy old chair at him.... it missed him by ear.... i ran out to neighbor screaming... he was chasing at me... after neighbor protected me.... i went back to kitchen I saw the chair I threw at him.. wow.. it was broken into pieces... i did not realized my own strength.. i weighed 98 lbs...

since then my father stopped abusing me.. he knew i would hurt him back...hehehe...
 
SxyPorkie said:
Thank you very much.... as for your information... I was abused by my drunk deaf father.... he stopped abusing me at age of 15 after i threw heavy old chair at him.... it missed him by ear.... i ran out to neighbor screaming... he was chasing at me... after neighbor protected me.... i went back to kitchen I saw the chair I threw at him.. wow.. it was broken into pieces... i did not realized my own strength.. i weighed 98 lbs...

since then my father stopped abusing me.. he knew i would hurt him back...hehehe...
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wow,, that amazing, i guess we all didn't realized our own strength at how strong we can be from the inside.
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
wow,, that amazing, i guess we all didn't realized our own strength at how strong we can be from the inside.
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Yeah.. that morning it happened... i was sick with flu... father beated me up for not going to school..... i just lost it.... afterward,, i looked at old heavy chair.. i was shocked for what i had done... My mother clapped.... she was so proud of me... .. and thank god... my father stoppped abusing me.... yes we were always arguing.. but he stopped abusing me... WHEW...
Many years late... at my father s death bed.. he asked me for forgiveness... I told him i forgave him long time ago... he felt better...
 
Handsome_Smiley said:
She probly trying to connect the 2 by saying a vampire drains their victum like an abuser drains the life out the abused. That only thing I can think of.
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Yes! That's right Smiley! Abuse comes in several forms. The vampires
fit as the the emotional and verbal abusers by draining the life of others.
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
“It’s your fault.”
“I don’t want you talking to/seeing her.”
“You don’t need to know.”
“You know what your problem is?”
“Shut up!”
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I've been through these phrases many times.

I prefer a woman who is open and lets me do things with my friends regardless of their gender. I've had to deal with jealousy issues just because I talked with a girl, had a female partner for a class group project, sat next to a girl in a crowded dining area, helped pick up a bunch of things a girl dropped, etc.

While people think that it's the men who are abusive, they should think about the women because women do the same thing.

I've seen guys who are on an extremely short leash because their woman controls everything the guy does.

I once knew a guy who was invited to a small party. Another guy invited this guy at this guy's house in front of his woman. His woman told him that he had to get up in the morning for something else that was important. So, this guy apologized and said that he couldn't go. Then, his woman started yelling at him saying that he was embarrassing her in front of the other guy and that he should go then.

I also know a guy who had a girlfriend who demanded access to his email, his MySpace and Facebook accounts, his pager, his mail, etc... but she wouldn't let him have access to anything of hers. It became difficult because if another friend emailed him about something and she felt that she was going to be left out, she would delete the email before he got to read it. As a result, he ended up missing out on a lot of things.

I've heard some women say that what these women did was appropriate and that it's the men that should respect these women and do what these women wish.

Well, I think it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo that's abused by everyone. Everyone should be free to do what they want as long as there's communication, fairness, equality, respect, and trust.
 
VamPyroX said:
I've been through these phrases many times.

I prefer a woman who is open and lets me do things with my friends regardless of their gender. I've had to deal with jealousy issues just because I talked with a girl, had a female partner for a class group project, sat next to a girl in a crowded dining area, helped pick up a bunch of things a girl dropped, etc.

While people think that it's the men who are abusive, they should think about the women because women do the same thing.

I've seen guys who are on an extremely short leash because their woman controls everything the guy does.

I once knew a guy who was invited to a small party. Another guy invited this guy at this guy's house in front of his woman. His woman told him that he had to get up in the morning for something else that was important. So, this guy apologized and said that he couldn't go. Then, his woman started yelling at him saying that he was embarrassing her in front of the other guy and that he should go then.

I also know a guy who had a girlfriend who demanded access to his email, his MySpace and Facebook accounts, his pager, his mail, etc... but she wouldn't let him have access to anything of hers. It became difficult because if another friend emailed him about something and she felt that she was going to be left out, she would delete the email before he got to read it. As a result, he ended up missing out on a lot of things.

I've heard some women say that what these women did was appropriate and that it's the men that should respect these women and do what these women wish.

Well, I think it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo that's abused by everyone. Everyone should be free to do what they want as long as there's communication, fairness, equality, respect, and trust.
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I do agree with you that we needs communication, fairness, equality, respect, and trust. So, without communication, fairness, equality, respect, and trust then the relationship will not last at all. I dated some guys in the past and the worst thing is I don't like being control and jealously rage telling me I can't see this person because he or she my friend, or telling me I can't go to a party, or not let me hang out with friends, or chat with a male friends. Jealousy is really an ugly thing. It ruins everything.
 
SxyPorkie said:
Yeah.. that morning it happened... i was sick with flu... father beated me up for not going to school..... i just lost it.... afterward,, i looked at old heavy chair.. i was shocked for what i had done... My mother clapped.... she was so proud of me... .. and thank god... my father stoppped abusing me.... yes we were always arguing.. but he stopped abusing me... WHEW...
Many years late... at my father s death bed.. he asked me for forgiveness... I told him i forgave him long time ago... he felt better...
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Forgiveness is such a hard thing to do for people whom hurt you, but glad there is peace between you and your dad. :)
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
Forgiveness is such a hard thing to do for people whom hurt you, but glad there is peace between you and your dad. :)
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Yes..It was hard for me to forgive my father at first.. but he turned himself in the police station.. asking Police if they are looking for my father... and they asked for his name and checked .. and they told him yes... so my father told them it was him... they put him in jail... twice...

Clearly my farther knew he was wrong... thats why i forgave him... I was glad I did... he passed away...I was not quilty because i told him i forgave him.. He felt better and died with peace feeling..
 
SxyPorkie said:
Yes..It was hard for me to forgive my father at first.. but he turned himself in the police station.. asking Police if they are looking for my father... and they asked for his name and checked .. and they told him yes... so my father told them it was him... they put him in jail... twice...

Clearly my farther knew he was wrong... thats why i forgave him... I was glad I did... he passed away...I was not quilty because i told him i forgave him.. He felt better and died with peace feeling..
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wow, it very rare for most abusers to turn themselves in to the police for the crime that happened.

about several years ago a deaf guy I know was married second time and have step kids. So he was sexually abusing his step daughter for sex and his wife caught him. He realized what he did was wrong and turn himself in to the police for what he did. So now he is in prison for sexually abused his step daughters. I don't think he will get any forgiveness.
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
wow, it very rare for most abusers to turn themselves in to the police for the crime that happened.

about several years ago a deaf guy I know was married second time and have step kids. So he was sexually abusing his step daughter for sex and his wife caught him. He realized what he did was wrong and turn himself in to the police for what he did. So now he is in prison for sexually abused his step daughters. I don't think he will get any forgiveness.
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For any children who were sexually abused are very hard to forgive or forget... Thank God.. i was not sexually abused....Whew...
 
SxyPorkie said:
For any children who were sexually abused are very hard to forgive or forget... Thank God.. i was not sexually abused....Whew...
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Yep rape and sexual abuse is not easy to forget and forgive. It terrible thing that can happen and the person committed that act to hurt that person is unspeakable.
 
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