How to make a deaf/hearing relationship work?

Onesidedx

Onesidedx

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Hearing Girl with Deaf Boy

Hi, so I'm the girl portion of the relationship.

Simplified question:
Are there dear/hearing relationships that work?
& how did they make it work?
& what have made previous deaf/hearing relationships fail?

Backstory:

I met a boy who suffers from "Ushers Syndrome", and he's been the first person I have met who cannot hear. He initially thought, that once he mentioned that he couldn't hear I would run away, but I stayed as I don't see anything wrong with being unable to hear.

When I was younger I wanted to learn ASL to talk to those, who have different views on the world as they see things that I don't yet I was rejected by "the hearing community", with all my teachers telling me it was a pointless thing to learn. After meeting this boy, I decided to revive those dreams and learn ASL as now I will have a connection to someone who I could use ASL with.

This boy understands me more than anyone else in my life, brings a smile to my face and I only can hope that I do the same to him. and I personally cannot bear that one day he'll be unable to see this world & myself (usher's syndrome) and it pains me to think he won't see the beauty.

We mainly talk through texts as my ASL is limited as of now & we live states apart. And I hope that one day we will met face to face.
 
Onesidedx said:
He initially thought, that once he mentioned that he couldn't hear I would run away, but I stayed as I don't see anything wrong with being unable to hear.
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You are a rare breed, because that is my experience when it comes to hearing women as well. At least in my younger years. I found as I got older, it really didn't matter much. But in my younger years, yes, women usually wanted nothing to do with a deaf guy. Because I couldn't hear that well. They didn't want to deal with it. I remember, one woman I talked to, told me she didn't want to catch my disease. Ah what?

But if you are willing to go the extra step and work with him. Anything is possible. It also goes both ways. He will have to make and effort with you as well. If he's willing. If he is, give it a shot and take it as far as it goes.

Most of my relationships were broken up with the fact that she wouldn't meet me halfway. Always wanting to talk on the phone instead of texting or using IM or Webcam. What's the point of the phone when I miss 75% of what is being said because I can't lipread her. It really didn't help our relationship, it actually hurt it. In the end we parted ways.

Onesidedx said:
I was rejected by "the hearing community", with all my teachers telling me it was a pointless thing to learn. After meeting this boy, I decided to revive those dreams and learn ASL as now I will have a connection to someone who I could use ASL with.
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Your teachers are idoits. Learning ASL is like learning French or German. Basically another language. If you want to learn ASL, go ahead and learn it. I know the basic just to get my point across if I need too. Might take a while, but I can at least communicate.

I remembered in HS, my 9th grade math teacher was asking for a response to an answer. Math was my strongest subject. So he randomly calls out a student for the answer. With him walking around in the classroom, I 'thought' he called me. So I gave out the answer. He made some comment that hurt me and the rest of the class laughed with him, so I ignored him for the rest of the class. Little did I know, there was this girl in the classroom, who was hearing. Who told my Earth Science Teacher what happened. He was my favorite teacher because in order to get me motivated, he played chess with me. Every time I did my homework, he would let me make a move and I really loved chess. He asked me about my math teacher and offered to say something him. I told him no, it's no big deal. I told him 'same shit, different day'. When I came to school the next day, I had a totally different math teacher. Apparently, Mr Maxwell (my science teacher) did say something. The mean math teacher was suspended for the remainder of the school year. (for the life of me I can't remember the math teacher's name, when we get hurt we block out the negatives of our lives and hold onto the positives.)

I am not all the familiar with Usher's Syndrome. Maybe someone with more knowledge than I, would be able to give you some more suggestions.

But the bottom line is this. If you both can meet each other halfway and make it work. Go for it.
 
Wirelessly posted

thats a very interesting story....congrats to you for finding a guy who understands you and makes you smile....

all the best for the two of you should meet up really soon..what stop the inevitable...
 
RisinDragon said:
I remember, one woman I talked to, told me she didn't want to catch my disease. Ah what?

So I gave out the answer. He made some comment that hurt me and the rest of the class laughed with him, so I ignored him for the rest of the class.
Click to expand...

I never realized how inconsiderate/arrogant a "hearing" person could be, towards those who are deaf/HoH. It's disheartening.


RisinDragon said:
I am not all the familiar with Usher's Syndrome. Maybe someone with more knowledge than I, would be able to give you some more suggestions.
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Ushers syndrome, in simple terms means that one day he'll become blind. It's a slow process where steadily, the eye begins to see less and less until one day there is nothing left to see.

Therefore It scares me to know that one day he'll be unable to see the beauty of the world around him.

RisinDragon said:
But the bottom line is this. If you both can meet each other halfway and make it work. Go for it.
Click to expand...

Thank you for giving me some advice.. that'll cherish :)
 
Deaf/hearing couples face the same challenges and temptations and mistakes as any couple do.. now will being deaf and hearing be easy? No.... But really depends on both personality and willingness to understand the other persons point of view. Yes there are many successful marriages. As well as failure ... The deaf/hearing couple have just as much possibility as any couples.
 
They fail due to lack of patience and lack of work by either party. One person cannot prop up a relationship, both people have to work at it.

It is not an easy relationship and has more issues than one were both parties can hear, but it can work.

I would also add too much expectation from either partner is also an issue.
 
Onesidedx said:
I never realized how inconsiderate/arrogant a "hearing" person could be, towards those who are deaf/HoH. It's disheartening.




Ushers syndrome, in simple terms means that one day he'll become blind. It's a slow process where steadily, the eye begins to see less and less until one day there is nothing left to see.

Therefore It scares me to know that one day he'll be unable to see the beauty of the world around him.



Thank you for giving me some advice.. that'll cherish :)
Click to expand...

3ruuz1.jpg
 
I have very simple answer to your question, ready for my answer?

It takes two to make it work.
 
It certainly takes 2 to make it work.

My hearing husband and I were together for 5 1/2 years before marrying. In that time, I taught him all his basic signs. He then went to our local college and took 2 years of ASL (ASL 1-4), Deaf Culture, Linguistics. He's gone with me to our local Deaf club to meet my Deaf friends. By no means is he proficient yet, but he's slowing getting there. His Deaf Culture class really opened his eyes to understand what I experienced as a deaf child and the hardships growing up (learning the language, being bullied, you name it.)

For me, as the Deaf person, I have to be patient and teach him signs he still doesn't know. I have to be patient when he's feeling nervous about the Deaf club. We have friends stopping by all the time (who are hearing) and sometimes it gets loud and rambunctious in our house, but I end up feeling left out. It's hard. I often retreat to our bedroom and play with our cats, with my iPhone or iPad, etc. He understands and comes find me and keeps me company from time to time throughout the night. He understands I can't do an entire night of lipreading everyone. He tries to sign what others are saying. Sometimes its a lost art when things can't be kept up with. But I appreciate the effort.

All said, it's not easy. It does take 2 to make it work.
 
AlleyCat, would you mind if I start a new thread with part of your post? I have a question but don't want to sidetrack this thread. :aw:

Onesidedx, ASL is a beautiful language and not pointless to learn. I can't believe someone told you that! :roll: You won't regret it, especially seeing that you feel drawn to learning it.



AlleyCat said:
It certainly takes 2 to make it work.

My hearing husband and I were together for 5 1/2 years before marrying. In that time, I taught him all his basic signs. He then went to our local college and took 2 years of ASL (ASL 1-4), Deaf Culture, Linguistics. He's gone with me to our local Deaf club to meet my Deaf friends. By no means is he proficient yet, but he's slowing getting there. His Deaf Culture class really opened his eyes to understand what I experienced as a deaf child and the hardships growing up (learning the language, being bullied, you name it.)

For me, as the Deaf person, I have to be patient and teach him signs he still doesn't know. I have to be patient when he's feeling nervous about the Deaf club. We have friends stopping by all the time (who are hearing) and sometimes it gets loud and rambunctious in our house, but I end up feeling left out. It's hard. I often retreat to our bedroom and play with our cats, with my iPhone or iPad, etc. He understands and comes find me and keeps me company from time to time throughout the night. He understands I can't do an entire night of lipreading everyone. He tries to sign what others are saying. Sometimes its a lost art when things can't be kept up with. But I appreciate the effort.

All said, it's not easy. It does take 2 to make it work.
Click to expand...
 
You have never seen the guy so how you'll feel the same once you actually do see him ?
 
Horizon said:
AlleyCat, would you mind if I start a new thread with part of your post? I have a question but don't want to sidetrack this thread. :aw:

Onesidedx, ASL is a beautiful language and not pointless to learn. I can't believe someone told you that! :roll: You won't regret it, especially seeing that you feel drawn to learning it.
Click to expand...

I think that would be fine. Please just don't turn it into something else other than I originally intended. Otherwise you are free to ask all the questions you want! :)
 
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