How To Ignore False Rumors and Lies.....

A

Angel

♥"Concrete Angel"♥
Premium Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2003
Messages
19,059
Reaction score
6
I thought I would create a thread about ' How to ignore false rumors and lies ' because , there has been some people who are feeling very hurt and betrayed...It would be great and helpful to get feedback from any of you with ways and ideas on how to ignore such rumors and lies that's going around.... :( This thread isn't about 3rd parties or more....This thread is More of how we all can get together, working and getting along with each other by sharing ideas of encouragements....Also by being able to show support for those who have or currently going through the emotions of being hurt....

I feel it does show signs of immaturity when I see someone spreading rumors and lies that really never took place....It feels like when people do this sort of thing, they are trying to draw attention in a big and small way, feeding off of the lies for their pleasure and feeling bigger than others....It saddens me everytime I see or know of someone who fall victim to the false rumors or lies that are being spread out....When I read or hear of something that don't seem right or suspicious, I refuse to allow myself to continue the rumors on down the line ( passing it on ) with others.... If the rumor involves someone I know, I would stand up for that person and try my best to put an end to the false rumor....Also it does help me a lot to ignore the false rumor and lies because they are not worth my time or the unneccessary stress that ususally goes with it....I have grown and learned a great deal through my own experiences and also for how I am, I could Never treat my friends and others by making things up, being deceitful or spreading lies just isn't in my character and personality to be this way....I could NEVER put myself in such a position to start a rumor or spread lies about anyone here or anywhere....

To be able to ignore the rumors and the lies would be hard at first, but if we don't (learn to) ignore it, we'll end up hurting our ownselves more as time goes by....Don't allow others to hurt you for only you know who you are and the truth....There are people that have a low self-esteem and spreading false rumors and lies is about all they may do for they may have nothing else better to do....whether it's a thrill or way of life for them to go around and wreck havoc on someone else's life, leaving those victims in ruin or in despair....For those of you who is continuing in such manner, GET A LIFE!... :nono:

Please feel free to share some hints, ideas of how we can ignore the false rumors and lies.... :)
 
Good Thread ^Angel^...... :thumb:


I agree with you totally ^Angel^.. If we look around us we will see so much of lies spoken around us....Most common causes to speak lie are anger,
greed, fear, and deception. Some other kinds of lie are spreading rumors, writing the false documents. By lying only we put ourselves but others in trouble. By lying, we loose our friends and nobody wants the person around. Therefore, we should not tell lies.....Making false accusations on somebody When people find out the truth, they are going to loose trust in such people and I know I have Lost trust in a few People. Many people just to look as if they know everything and they spread the rumors about others. This is a wrong habit which leads to unnecessary friction and quarrels.....If you have notice many people do nothing but criticize others. Instead of admiring others, they are always going to find faults in others. I'll Like to say that I have been shock, hurt, disappointment, Betrayed and disbelief. And what did I do? Well, I Let the People know exactly how I feel and the consequences spreading rumors, writing the false documents and Betrayed. I had to expressing My thoughts and feelings.. and Forgave and Go Forward but I can Never Forget.
 
Cheri said:
Good Thread ^Angel^...... :thumb:


I agree with you totally ^Angel^.. If we look around us we will see so much of lies spoken around us....Most common causes to speak lie are anger,
greed, fear, and deception. Some other kinds of lie are spreading rumors, writing the false documents. By lying only we put ourselves but others in trouble. By lying, we loose our friends and nobody wants the person around. Therefore, we should not tell lies.....Making false accusations on somebody When people find out the truth, they are going to loose trust in such people and I know I have Lost trust in a few People. Many people just to look as if they know everything and they spread the rumors about others. This is a wrong habit which leads to unnecessary friction and quarrels.....If you have notice many people do nothing but criticize others. Instead of admiring others, they are always going to find faults in others. I'll Like to say that I have been shock, hurt, disappointment, Betrayed and disbelief. And what did I do? Well, I Let the People know exactly how I feel and the consequences spreading rumors, writing the false documents and Betrayed. I had to expressing My thoughts and feelings.. and Forgave and Go Forward but I can Never Forget.
Click to expand...
also should include jealous...
 
DeafSCUBA98 said:
also should include jealous...
Click to expand...

Hi DeafScuba98,

Why don't you explain to me what you meant by ' Jealous ' as I would like to hear your view on this....
 
i agree with angel and cheri abt that.. if some people have plms with other people, they should use PM not in the post cuz of it insult and hurt other people's feeling... so some people need respect with that.. i dont like if people insult or something like that!!!! i am support cheri and angel no matter what!!!!
 
I wonder if any one of you know what "crab theory" is? Sadly that's what applies to deafies mostly.

You know the old saying; "if you don't like what others do to you, then don't do that to others" something along that line. Unfortunately, these people are ignorant or stupid to think outside "the box" about others and themselves.
 
Magatsu said:
I wonder if any one of you know what "crab theory" is? Sadly that's what applies to deafies mostly.

You know the old saying; "if you don't like what others do to you, then don't do that to others" something along that line. Unfortunately, these people are ignorant or stupid to think outside "the box" about others and themselves.
Click to expand...

:werd: You pretty much said it the way I was going to!
 
I was going to edit my post and add few more but Deaf258 replied so I saw this as opportunity for me to post and add. Deaf258, heh yeah great minds think alike I guess.

Angel, I wish I have some real advices for you how to deal with rumors or lies but unfortunately I don't because I am in same situation as you do. One thing about deafies, rumors and "crab theory" are so common that these are practically part of their life. Of course it does affect hearing people as well but I am talking about my experiences, I have much less problem with hearings than I do with deafies. Oh well, here's few advices: do what you can do for yourself or believe in yourself to do whatever you need for yourself. No one can define how your life should be, only you can.

I don't know if you ever watch the miniserie, "Taken" by Steven Spielberg, I like one of these scenes where little girl, Allie said "Do you know why people like to hurt others? because they are scared" That is true in many area because of "crab theory".

Key is: Never never ever lower yourself to their pathetic levels/standards. I hope my advice is somehow helpful for you or your situation.. Cheers!
 
Last edited:
Remember not to repeat what people tell me spiteful things about other people's as it is best to keep lip sealed.

Also remember how would you feel if I'm in your shoe - think twice before you speak!

Lots of people whispear everything they see and newspapers making up false stories about famous people eg English football star's affair last week! Sometimes newspaper tells us horrible things about famous people and it makes us anger, and express our feelings to them eg Saddam.

I like to remember the famous three monkey's
See no Evil, Hear no evil, speak no evil.
 
:wave:

This is a great topic to discuss and share ideas of how we can 'ignore' rumors, lies, etc...and some great thoughts and comments made by ^Angel^ and Cheri, TweetyBird and Magastu... :)

Curiousity can get the best of us sometimes when it comes to false juicy rumors or lies...and having the 'will' to resist any temptation to NOT be a part of the 'drama' of the spreading of lies and rumors....

Keeping certain elements that isn't true OUT of a public forum or anywhere else calls for those who DON'T have the desire to hurt others is hard to act upon in a world full of people who willing are deceitful and have lack of regards for anyone...yet, for these kinds of people who have the courage to ignore or simply refuse to pass along the lies and gossips/rumors are considered to be worthy friends whom each of us can trust....Like ^Angel^ stated above, "I could Never treat my friends and others by making things up, being deceitful or spreading lies just isn't in my character and personality to be this way....I could NEVER put myself in such a position to start a rumor or spread lies about anyone here or anywhere....", likewise, I couldn't even DREAM of doing anything like this...this would be beyond my personality and character...I prefer to be able to spread kindness and with respect for others as I would like in return... :) And I would also give an effort to be able to confront someone who is has been exposed in the act of spreading lies, etc...in a peaceful manner whereas it could come to an end and lessening the pains and sufferings caused by the drama...I was able to bring about many circumstances that was uncalled for such as rumors or lies peacefully put to an end while I was a monitor in a Deaf chat-room site...I have noticed when certain people are approached with the hopes of ending the lies, etc...by putting themselves IN that situation and asking them how it would feel if this so and so situation was turned around and was upon them instead, nine out of 10 times, they would agree that it wouldn't feel right and would immediately put a stop to it...it does take a lot of courage to step up and admit the 'act' of doing something and confessing it publicly, but once done, things can and will go smoother thereafter!

As Cheri mentioned: "By lying only we put ourselves but others in trouble." is remarkably true, ONLY we will find ourselves in a deeper rut or trouble, because what goes around will ALWAYS come back!! Whether it's a few days or even a few years! Is it all worth the trouble to spread some juicy rumor or lies JUST to get the attention? Heck NOOOOO!!!

Very good thread and it will be most interesting to see the comments and views expressed by others.... :mrgreen:
 
^Angel^ said:
If the rumor involves someone I know, I would stand up for that person and try my best to put an end to the false rumor....
Click to expand...

Speakin' about myself, I don't need someone to stand up for me. I can stand up for myself and move on without lettin' someone to use me for their own "purpose". Plain and simple. That shows enough mature. It's why I chose a very few friends, not many.
 
People will believe what they want to see in others' words. I think it's important to look at how we react to situations, too. It's really sad if one were out of integrity.

I'll be clear and hopefully this will prevent any more misunderstanding. I am aware this is being circulated among some friends in private. Only a few talked with me, and I appreciate that. I'm tired of the lies, and the "rumors" as well.

I have a Ranting Forum at my forum which is supposedly PRIVATE and only seen to members. I know a few people see that as a place to backstab others. I think these people really don't understand the purpose of my decision of having such an area at my forum. I'll address that for my members' sake and why we find that area useful. People will always have different opinions, which is good. Some will make them seem they are the right ones and others wrong unfortunately. Don't the homophobes do it? Jerry Falwell? How many of you have a public blog where you vent about the people or situations in your life? How many of you have confided in a friend, and that friend has helped you? How many of you have friends who betrayed you by telling others about what you confided in him or her?

If the forum agreements were read carefully, then you will see it is a safe place for others to vent out their PAIN. Fears. Sadness. Without blame. You will also notice that I have a rule about protecting others' privacy by not naming names, corporations or another forum whenever one rants. It's not always about YOU. It is about them - the ones who made the rants, and them getting this pain out of their system. It doesn't mean we have to take sides. If we post "Way to get it out," or "Good vent".. that is called unconditional support in a safe environment. We're each other's therapist in that place. We give each other helpful feedback if asked for in how to deal with that situation etc etc. Makes sense yet? Some people choose to vent in their blogs about others in public - so how is that different?

It's a real disappointment when a member breaks that confidentiality and betrays the trust of the members of that forum by copying someone else's rant and showing it to non members when it's explicitly against that forum's rules. I have seen it has caused others pain, and I am personally appalled at the lack of respect. Don't become a member if you don't plan on keeping your agreements. I respect those who don't want to become or remain members at my forum. Forum rules are to be respected. If you don't like it, then you can talk with me or Alex (and other administrators) or talk directly to the person you have a problem with. It can turn out it to be really more your issue than mine or others'. There's a reason for these rules and they were thought through carefully for the welfare of every member. There's always consequences when an agreement is broken.

Also, it's very disappointing that some people have double standards. 'Nuff said. I would not make my friends choose sides in something that is really between two people. Assumptions, doubts, rumors, etc.. It's when the Crab Theory truly begins, IMO!

Thank you for reading my post :)
 
It's always good to let go of something, instead of making something an obsession by telling friends about the same thing all the time. Though I have my disappointments, I don't dwell on them.. I just get them out of my system and move on. Sometimes friends can be sick of the same things being said again, and again.. even if you say that you forgave others. It's scary when some people don't realize how they come off to others, but they are pretty self absorbed in that aspect. Crab Theory, once again...
 
CyberRed said:
Speakin' about myself, I don't need someone to stand up for me. I can stand up for myself and move on without lettin' someone to use me for their own "purpose". Plain and simple. That shows enough mature. It's why I chose a very few friends, not many.
Click to expand...

What ^Angel^ was implying here isn't about being 'mature', or having anyone taking advantage of oneself...the bottom line of what she is indicating is showing and being 'supportive' by taking a 'stand' alongside whoever is involved and victimized by false rumors or lies....and trying to put an 'end' to the rumors or lies with every heartfelt effort feasibly....
 
Good thread, Angel! :thumb: I really do totally agree with what you've said. It's really a deceptive and cruel thing to do by spreading false rumours and lies about other people -- for a variety of reasons. One to have revenge on a certain person for something they did to others...etc. Getting a thrill out of it and hearing it going around like wildfire.

Whenever possible, I do try my best in defending a friend if a rumour about him/her is malicious and degrading. It's frustrating because it happens a lot in all kinds of communities -- not only the deaf community. Living close or within a close knit community can create scapegoats, rumour mills going high speed -- just because people wanted to have a thrill and have something to 'talk' about. Geez...I think to myself that those mongrels should get a life and do something better than that! :roll:
 
Liza said:
You will also notice that I have a rule about protecting others' privacy by not naming names, corporations or another forum whenever one rants.
Click to expand...

The rule alone wouldn't be considered protecting others' privacy when it is OBVIOUS as to what is being recanted, i.e.; about a person,a place, etc.,...I find this rule a tad bit absurd...although, there is a common sense or demeanor that's prevalent when it comes to withholding names....
 
Right now, someone is spreading false stories about me, and it's really bothering me. I sure don't appreciate it at all. That person made new friends and told them all these so-called truths, and have them pitted against me now. Oh well, I am not going to worry about this because if they can't hear both sides of the stories, then they will never know the truth.

I also agree with Liza about her ranting forum. It was created in an environment that it was not to be taken seriously, but as a place to express one's own feelings in the rawest form. It's like writing one's own frustrastions onto a paper, then throwing it away in the rubbish bin, to "forget" the whole thing. Cussing and venting illogical anger is a big part of this area, and most members of the Artkunst recognise this. In the past, they never took offence to this.

Then someone outside the forum, who was absolutely unaware of the forum rules, took a sentence out of the ranting forum and sent it to some other member in another forum. It was taken totally out of context, and the sentence was twisted into something seen as backstabbing, whereas it was not supposed to be. Not only did it make the ranter angry, but the entire forum. That ranting forum was actually quite less public than a personal public blog, and only the members could see it. Now, it has been made much more private.

I do not feel sorry for these people who are misled by the other into believing in wrong rumours and lies about me. If they cannot take the steps to learn about me, then they never will know for sure until possibly too late.
 
Roadrunner said:
The rule alone wouldn't be considered protecting others' privacy when it is OBVIOUS as to what is being recanted, i.e.; about a person,a place, etc.,...I find this rule a tad bit absurd...although, there is a common sense or demeanor that's prevalent when it comes to withholding names....
Click to expand...

I was thinking something along that line.. If you dont name names, or any specifics but you describe the problem and then the person who is involved, reads it. What happens then? You've pissed off someone who knows exactly what you're talking about, and then when someone else (a 3rd party) says "oh i know who you're talking about" you have just told the backstabber that you are telling other people, putting you in the same position as them.

I used to think that was a good way to express my feelings and try to see if i could get feedback, but now I see that if i make it public, im only making things worse. I dont have any real advice, but I must say that (from what I know) people rarely backstab me, I dont know why. I've heard stuff like "oh i heard you moved, are you visiting" and i'd be like "no i moved back." You know? I guess I've never stayed in one place long enough to have people let themselves into my life. Being a private person, that'll keep all the bad shit and backstabbing away from you. I keep my own life private, but my dad, who decided to publicize his life, i do what he does for his own life. If he doesnt like it, then he can stop blabbing to a lot of people about the things he does.

I went on and on a lil but yeah, keeping your life private, your circle of friend small, thats how I prevent backstabbing, etc. Cause its easier to confront the person who started it because you know who it is! :) I've lived my life in the "public eye" of the Deaf community, but i've still retained my privacy to an extent, I'm going to keep it that way. (note to self: dont tell Deaf grandma anything cause she plays card games with a Deaf woman who has the biggest mouth in the Deaf community =D)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I really hate nasty rumors about me from other people.... I just don't trust some people who spread nasty rumors on me. Since 2000 I haven't gone to deaf community events but recently I just went to few of them, I am trying to be careful what I say about myself because if I say too much, it would causes rumors like in supermarket tabolid crap. Sometimes deaf rumors are just supermarket tabolid crap.. (sorry if my remark is offensive but it is the fact). Deafies keeps on asking my sister "wheres Rachel? and why she doesn't come to any deaf community events anymore!?"... After I left deaf school in 1996, I try to keep myself low profile but returned to public eyes as a political candidate and involved with politics instead of Deaf Community. When I go to Faribault for any reasons, I tend to keep myself low profile and out of public's (deaf school and community) eyes.

Nasty rumors does happen in hearing community too, but I haven't had that problem because I have lots of hearing friends, and sometimes people spread nasty rumors about my political friends when they run for office, I have to stand up for my political friends, and defend them.
 
Good thread, Angel :thumb:

About how to ignore false rumor:

This is just an example, look at Michael Jackson (MJ).
I just thought of him now cuz
he's on the news again this morning.
How did he manage go through his life either
with False rumor or Non-False rumor
about himself ?

To tell you the truth, I do not even know
if things about him are true or NOT...
I do NOT care whether it's true or NOT....
Only the Lord knows, not me or you.

The real question is to look at how did MJ
manage to ignore about what people say
about him ? How ?

Michael Jackson might or might NOT
be a good example anyway.

My guess: Don't Worry. ????
 
Back
Top