How to be Friends after it is over?

G

Gemtun

Guest
I have been struggling with this dilemna for past 3 weeks. How do one remain close friends after a relationship is over? We had wonderful 9 months and all of sudden, it is over so I am at a loss of knowing how to be "just good friends" when there are still lingering emotions for him?

Do you have any wisdom or advice?
 
Yes, it's hard to be friends when there are still feelings somewhere for them. I've been in the same place. After I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, but she still dwelled on our relationship for a bit. It took a few months for her to finally let it go and accept what had happened to us. It's probably the same for you. 3 weeks does seem too short. Give it some more time.
 
Vam,

Yes youre right ..it will take time. But I am not sure how to make this transition. Do I still contact him and chat about things as a friend or leave him alone? What does " good friends" exactly mean? LOL I know I sound confused but this is new territory for me as no one has ever remained in touch in all of my previous relationships.
 
Meg said:
I have been struggling with this dilemna for past 3 weeks. How do one remain close friends after a relationship is over? We had wonderful 9 months and all of sudden, it is over so I am at a loss of knowing how to be "just good friends" when there are still lingering emotions for him?

Do you have any wisdom or advice?
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I know how exactly you feel this way. I went through like you before. He said, he preferred to be friend than serious relationship because he was not ready to be settle down with me and my two sons. We had been go through with stressful with other issues. He decided to be friend with me instead of "real love". A man did not want to tell a lady "broke up" it is sort of hurtful. A term "Friend" is more less painful. Obviously, he did not want to go any far relationship.

Just give him more time to think about. He may not ready himself due to his children, long distance, job, etc... He was not sure whereabout he will be settle down if he plans to stable relationship with you.

Long distance relationship is sux !!! Hang in there Meg !! You will be surprise, he will come back to you when he becomes lonesome and feel so empty in his life. Give him more time. ;)
 
Sabrina, it wasnt that he wasnt ready. It was just that we both had huge misunderstandings and it literally shook the trust foundation. I do not want to go back to him but just want to be friends but dont know how to be a friend after being in a serious relationship for months.
 
Meg said:
Sabrina, it wasnt that he wasnt ready. It was just that we both had huge misunderstandings and it literally shook the trust foundation. I do not want to go back to him but just want to be friends but dont know how to be a friend after being in a serious relationship for months.
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I was in a serious relationship for 3 years 4 months, believe me... it will be hard. That's why you both have to understand that it's over and time to move on.
 
Meg said:
Sabrina, it wasnt that he wasnt ready. It was just that we both had huge misunderstandings and it literally shook the trust foundation. I do not want to go back to him but just want to be friends but dont know how to be a friend after being in a serious relationship for months.
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Oh Dear Meg... *sigh* It must be so hard on you since you really love with someone. After, the relationship broke up then remains friendship would be not the same. It is depend on the individual and situation.

At once, you hurt inter your feelings. It is difficult to be friend with this person. :confused:

We need to move on with our life everyday as much as we can. Of course, it is hurting inside feelings. It will take more time.

At least, I was very reluctanted to go back with the guy as we have been together for more than six years. I realized, he is the only one guy in my heart.

Communication sometime break-down for anyone. The commucation is the key!!
 
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I don't know what kind of advice I would give you Meg, because I am one of those people...

I think it was more to do what happened during the marriage and how painful it was for me than for him , I don't think my ex husband and I will be friends not in a long time.....

I think sometimes when a person is deeply hurt , it takes a highest hill to climb up on top to let go of whatever is hurting them.....Meaning it would take a whole lot of time ...

Give it some time Meg, I'm sure one day you both will become friends :thumb:
 
im not friends with certain ex's -- ive cut off all contacts even tho i get word abt them on occasions -- one is still being a slut :roll: calls herself a lesbian and yet she likes to fuck men for the hell of it (or money if it was found to be true) and i label her a bisexual not a lesbian -- shes stupid in my book IMO -- several ppl are disgusted with this particular ex gf and i know shes still trying to get information abt whats going on with me and etc perhaps even wanting to get back with me which is a big :nono: cuz i will NOT allow it -- im just glad i dumped her and made it crystal clear of the dumping and that i want nothing to do with her ..period!

Meg -- ive also been down that road too at a one time -- was hard on me but after a while things gets easier and can be friends again but gotta be a bit more cautious of what u say cuz sometimes they can be percieved differently -- im friendly with ONE ex out of all the ex's ive dated cuz we have come to a better understanding of eachother and have some respect as well despite some battles we have endured
 
Give it some time Meg, I'm sure one day you both will become friends :thumb:[/QUOTE]


Thanks ..youre very sweet :)
 
Thanks FlyFree..like everyone else said, I am to take time. Patience is not my virtue *grrr* but I ll surivive and move on :)
 
I say take yer time because it can be totally a mindfucker being friends with your ex so soon after the breakup... think of it this way, you're still learning to reprogram yourself so you don't fall back into old habits. And you need the TIME to do that. ;) Once you have deprogrammed yourself of your old habits and intimate familiarity with him, you can assume it's safe to have a friendship without strings attached.
 
I passed on this article to the ex-gf of my bf's... even through they mutually broke up over a year ago, she had issues (and still does because she never read the article)... and I thought I would pass it on to anyone to is going through the same thing. There are some good points. You can't become "friends" overnight -- give it time, it may take months, or even years.

Can Exes be Friends?
 
Yup, Time and Distance will work their erosive wonders............
 
Very interestin' advices/discussions........
Umm, it would be a wise to give it a little bit more time. Time itself will take care of it for you, Meg. :) Just go with its flow and it will shift you to another direction all by itself without experiencin' difficult. You are doin' great, girl ! ;)
 
it's hard...yes...but over time, I believe it's possible to be friends with ex's. I have a few ex's that I'm still in touch with and talk with. :)
 
I say not to attempt to talk to him. Let life decide if you should be friends. Maybe you'll bump into him, but I think no contact can help you get over it faster.
 
I may be the wrong person to ask about these matters - but I do have an interesting question to throw out...

....but were you even friends before you became BF/GF?

I only ask because well...I honestly don't remember ever really being friends with someone until after we dated once or twice and then decided we wanted to "be an item." Weird. :)

Anyway, no, I don't keep in touch with anyone I used to date. The only one I would even consider doing so with would be my high school boyfriend, because he was the closest to a friend that there was. He was a good guy, very family driven, very. VERY religious. Clean cut, trustworthy, dependable. We just had nothing in common when it came to interests. He was into cars and music and bands, and I had no desire of being dragged along to concerts and auto shows...LOL. Ah, there was a lot involved but I cut him loose. I do hope he's doing well though, and that he's found someone he can love. :) There is also another guy that I am friends with, but surprise surprise - I never dated him...LOL!

Interesting thread. :)
 
Malfoyish said:
I may be the wrong person to ask about these matters - but I do have an interesting question to throw out...

....but were you even friends before you became BF/GF?

I only ask because well...I honestly don't remember ever really being friends with someone until after we dated once or twice and then decided we wanted to "be an item." Weird. :)

Anyway, no, I don't keep in touch with anyone I used to date. The only one I would even consider doing so with would be my high school boyfriend, because he was the closest to a friend that there was. He was a good guy, very family driven, very. VERY religious. Clean cut, trustworthy, dependable. We just had nothing in common when it came to interests. He was into cars and music and bands, and I had no desire of being dragged along to concerts and auto shows...LOL. Ah, there was a lot involved but I cut him loose. I do hope he's doing well though, and that he's found someone he can love. :) There is also another guy that I am friends with, but surprise surprise - I never dated him...LOL!

Interesting thread. :)
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You make a good point. Yes, I think that it's very likely that a couple can be friends if they were friends before getting in a relationship. Why? They both know how to act and how it was before they started dating. That might help.

If they were never friends before dating, then there's nothing to understand how it was before they dated... cuz all they were before they dated were no one to each other.
 
I hate to say this, but dont talk to the person for a while and yes throw yourself in work, volunteering, friends, even dating (NOT RELATIONSHIP) watch movies, eat dinner, socials, etc..........then when you see the EX dont go up to them just give a little polite wave and chat with your friends.
 
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