For me I always felt like I was never quite good enough. I was put in remedial courses, when in fact I was just fine - I just wasnt getting the information so I wasnt learning.
I remember once that I had put in to take the regular Algebra I course for the fall semester at my high school, well my dad is a teacher there. He picked up my fall schedule and noticed I had put in for Algebra I. He went running to the Algebra teacher and told him I was too dumb to be in the class and that he was removing me from the course WITHOUT my knowledge.
So he ran to the school guidance counselor, told her and he scratched out Algebra I and put me in Remedial Mathematics. Then he came home and told me what he had done - all of it without my permission or knowledge of what he had done. It was like he never expected much out of me so he put me in a remedial class. That was an indication that I wasnt 'good enough' to be normal.
Another experience is when my parents would not allow me to join athletics because 'you can't hear'. I had to beg and plead for years. Finally in the spring semester of 8th grade they allowed it. I didnt stay with basketball because the coach treated me as dumb so I left and went to track and field full time where I was treated as an equal and I blossomed. My parents were 'shocked' I made it to the state cross country meet two years in a row.
Then when it came time to apply for colleges- dad wanted me to go to junior college for two years then go to work because he didnt think I would be able to make it at a 4 year university and even if I did I probably wouldnt find a white collar job anyway.
I finally stood up and said - DAMMIT BOY (yeah I called him 'boy) Ive had my life orchestrated to what is convienient for you and Ive never done something for myself, and DAMMIT today is the fucking day Im going to do it!' I stormed out of the house and went and enrolled and moved on campus to a 4 year university. Sure I lost my car in the process but I didnt give a damn, I wasnt under daddys control anymore. Mom was glad and happy for me. For the first time I felt I had finally blossomed. I joined theatre, DJ'ed at the campus radio station, got a job at a fast food joint, I did everything, I was independent. I kept a 3.8 GPA and was on the Dean's List.
Mom underhandedly gave me my car back when she got the mid-term reports that I had done so well. I think she realized that being deaf had nothing to do with my ability to be normal or to live independently. It was a lightbulb moment for her.
Then of course I had a bit of an oopsie, finished out the spring semester with good grades then dropped out.
When I married my exh treated as if I truly were retarded. It was bad, I dont want to go into detail but I will tell you his parents came for a visit and he treated me so horrendously that I exscused myself to the bathroom to cry then said I didnt feel well then went to bed and cried myself to sleep. The next morning his dad told me I was a winner to lift me up and after that he treated me a little bit better but not much so I assume either one or both of his parents had a talk with him. But after his parents left it was right back to the same, but it compared to nothing to things he was doing behind my back. When I told him to leave he was a bit shocked, then finally enough was enough, I told him I did not want him back at all after he was caught filing a false police report. I didnt need that.
Then last week dad and I got into an argument, he finally came right out and told me I was the greatest dissappointment of his life. Needless to say that comment hurt but I shoved it to the back of my mind and kept going.
I think there are just some people out there that will never treat a deafie with any amount of respect regardless of how much you 'educate' them, others come around eventually, and others really do see you as an equal and not as a 5 year old pest.
Its sad to see how others who are in a similar situation to mine are treated and its sad that the world doesnt understand simply because they dont want to understand. They think they've got it all figured out.
