How do you get 5 yr. old to clean up mess?

FairJour...my ex hubby put the burden of having to choose whether to move to AZ with him or stay here with me on our 12 year old and now, my daughter is just absulotely stressed out and is having mild anxiety attacks. She was sent home from school the other day cuz she was hyperventilating.

That is why I am taking my ex hubby to court to take the burden off from her. I never knew about what he did until she told me and I totally disagree with it. Now, she is suffering because she doesnt know what is the right thing to do hence my decision to hire an expensive lawyer and go thru all this BS.
 
Babyblue said:
Giving a child what they want, is different from providing what a parent feels best.

Child expressed what she likes. Now it is up to the parent to make a choice.

How old is miss Kat? Surely she does not understand which is best at the moment in regards of her education.
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I think she is either 5 or 6 years old.
 
shel90 said:
FairJour...my ex hubby put the burden of having to choose whether to move to AZ with him or stay here with me on our 12 year old and now, my daughter is just absulotely stressed out and is having mild anxiety attacks. She was sent home from school the other day cuz she was hyperventilating.

That is why I am taking my ex hubby to court to take the burden off from her. I never knew about what he did until she told me and I totally disagree with it. Now, she is suffering because she doesnt know what is the right thing to do hence my decision to hire an expensive lawyer and go thru all this BS.
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It is the right thing to do Shel

:hug:

I am sure the courts will see that.
 
shel90 said:
FairJour...my ex hubby put the burden of having to choose whether to move to AZ with him or stay here with me on our 12 year old and now, my daughter is just absulotely stressed out and is having mild anxiety attacks. She was sent home from school the other day cuz she was hyperventilating.

That is why I am taking my ex hubby to court to take the burden off from her. I never knew about what he did until she told me and I totally disagree with it. Now, she is suffering because she doesnt know what is the right thing to do hence my decision to hire an expensive lawyer and go thru all this BS.
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Exactly. A child cannot take the responsibility of an adult, and if you put them in the position of having to do so, all you do is create problems for them.
 
I know someone whose father was sort of mean and neglectful type of guy. He and his wife got divorced, and his wife did not want him have the kids. But she couldn't prove to the court what kind father he would be if he did have the kids. The judge must thought she is no better because she was badmouthing the father.

Anyway, the kids loved their mother a lot, and they were not all that close to their father.. the Judge ask who they want to live with, they choose their father. I tell you why, both of the kids, now grown up, told me that their father bribe them for fun things like candies and themeparks. But when they lived with him, he broke his promise and that he really wanted was to get back at his ex-wife. So they had to live with him for a long time. I can't say their life was all that great.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
I know someone whose father was sort of mean and neglectful type of guy. He and his wife got divorced, and his wife did not want him have the kids. But she couldn't prove to the court what kind father he would be if he did have the kids. The judge must thought she is no better because she was badmouthing the father.

Anyway, the kids loved their mother a lot, and they were not all that close to their father.. the Judge ask who they want to live with, they choose their father. I tell you why, both of the kids, now grown up, told me that their father bribe them for fun things like candies and themeparks. But when they lived with him, he broke his promise and that he really wanted was to get back at his ex-wife. So they had to live with him for a long time. I can't say their life was all that great.
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There you go. Kids think no further than the moment. All they wanted were the treats. That is why kids should not be making decisions for themselves.
 
faire_jour said:
....And, just for the sake of argument, is it ok if my husband hits me just once in awhile, as long as it is for my own good, and not too hard?
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I don't want to ruffle any feathers here but I wanted to voice my opinion on the above. Violence is never the answer and the above statement, true or not, is the beginning of a violent relationship. Nobody deserves to be hit and that I mean no slapping in the face. When a child hits, they need to learn that they don't need to be physical to solve the problem.

As far as the bag thing, I do that too and my 5 year old will ask if I am throwing it out and I tell him no because throwing them out means I am throwing out stuff that I paid for.
 
NEWIDME said:
I don't want to ruffle any feathers here but I wanted to voice my opinion on the above. Violence is never the answer and the above statement, true or not, is the beginning of a violent relationship. Nobody deserves to be hit and that I mean no slapping in the face. When a child hits, they need to learn that they don't need to be physical to solve the problem.

As far as the bag thing, I do that too and my 5 year old will ask if I am throwing it out and I tell him no because throwing them out means I am throwing out stuff that I paid for.
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Well said, NEWDIME.
 
shel90 said:
FairJour...my ex hubby put the burden of having to choose whether to move to AZ with him or stay here with me on our 12 year old and now, my daughter is just absulotely stressed out and is having mild anxiety attacks. She was sent home from school the other day cuz she was hyperventilating.

That is why I am taking my ex hubby to court to take the burden off from her. I never knew about what he did until she told me and I totally disagree with it. Now, she is suffering because she doesnt know what is the right thing to do hence my decision to hire an expensive lawyer and go thru all this BS.
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wow, what your ex-hubby did is unfair because he knew very well how much your daughter loves you and him. He made her feel middle between you and him which is not right.

Your ex-hubby should let her know that he will move out to AZ which is good enough instead of burden her to have choice which she want to live with you or him... *shake my head*

I think it would aviod to hire the lawyer against him is solve with your ex-hubby because it´s about your and his daughter.
 
Bottesini said:
Seems like you are doing pretty good on your own. I can't think of any other ways to impress the lesson on her.

I think she probably is missing you since you now have long hours and are gone more after your job layoff. You may need lots of patience until your life is more stable again.
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Yes I second that. Deal with small children need plenty of patience.
 
Dixie said:
I told her to pick up her toys and she refused, so I gave the order again, and she still refused. I then said get these toys put back in the bins then she just had a tantrum in which she was kicking and screaming, so I swatted her on the rump and then told her to pick up the toys or she was going to be in deeper trouble. Then she started putting the toys back in the bins.

I have no idea whats going on in her head, but I don't like spanking, but if it's to the point that being nice is no longer working, then I use it as 'positive pressure' so to speak. Using pressure (the spanking), to get her to do as told and therefore get the results I desire, her picking up the toys on the floor.

After she had the toys picked up and had calmed down, I explained to her that she had done a bad thing by taking all that stuff out when she knew not to, then didn't clean up after herself, and then when I told her to clean up her mess she still refused and disrespected me by throwing a fit which is unacceptable behavior, which resulted in her getting the spanking. It's really one event that lead to another and another, and I felt I had to put my foot down and be like "hey! this is not going to work" She's 5, she's pushing her limits, and she needs to know that rules are to be obeyed, adults are in charge for her own good, and that she must listen.
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Spanking, yelling or punishment doesn´t solve anything but gain your bad stress... All you do is good stress is be patience with her and ignore her angry remark and continue to let her know that you are willing to help her to tidy up if she is willing to tidy up the mess with you. When it´s over, then :hug: her.

It´s normal that small children refuse to pick the toys but we parents let them know that they are glad to help them if they are willing to tidy up the mess. It works pretty good often.

I told my boys when they were little that I will help them if they are willing to tidy up the mess. They have no problem to say yes and tidy up the mess with my help... When it´s over, then give my :hug: to them.
 
faire_jour said:
I believe that if you explain to the child WHY they shouldn't run into the road (the danger) and then properly supervise them, there should not be a problem. Same with the "Choking game", explain why it is dangerous!

Why is it assumed that teens and children are idiots who don't care if they get hurt?
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Yes I´m with you on this.

I explain my children what right and wrong instead of punish them. The children don´t know what right or wrong if I punish them. I see what my child did something wrong, then it´s my responsible to explain him why it´s wrong and ask him to not do that again next time and let him know that I will punish him if he repeat same mistake for second time.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
No one takes your tv away because you are responsible for the tv. You brought it with your money, you pay for the electricity with your money. Your child does not. And we all know that if you got lazy and don't pay the bill, you'll lose your electricity (and if you didn't have a job, you won't even own the tv). That's your consequences. You know that if you don't do the dishes and some social worker come by, they may take your child away. There's another consequences.

so yes, something does get taken away from you when you don't take responsibilities. So you want to treat her like an little person? give her responsibilities like a real grown up.
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What does material do with parental discipline?

TV, pay electricity, etc has nothing do with parental discipline.

I don´t use those material things as consequence to punish my child.

as falling behind class, the teacher put that consequences there for your child for not doing her homework. If teachers can do that to your child, why can't parents set rules and consequences for breaking them in their house as well?
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What the teacher did is not use material things but set the rules for student. It´s positive consequences because the children should know how to obey the rules and consquences... It does the same in house as well.
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The reason for spanking is to not teach that violence solves the problem. I was spanked in my youth and I'm probably the least confrontational person you'll ever meet. When two people start yelling I get scared and run, lol.

To me spanking teaches limits, that the sting will remind you of the consequences of your actions, and the memory of that sting might help keep you from making the same mistake twice.

For example: I backmouthed my mother, she popped me in the mouth. Not only did I learn to NOT backmouth my mother, I also learned its better to keep my mouth shut and be polite than to open my mouth and make an ass of myself.

Another time I was spanked was when I flipped off my brother my mom caught me (I was 5 or 6), grabbed me up and swatted me on the rump until it was so sore I couldn't sit straight for a week. Lesson learned: don't dive to a lower level when arguing. Politeness and courtesy might have won my case that time as my brother had been antagonizing me, but because I had stepped outside the rules I was punished. I never did it again to my brother. Mom wasn't going to have me and my brother bickering all the time, so any fights were nipped out pretty quickly (unless neither of my parents were present and me and my brother would wrestle it out in the den).
 
Liebling:-))) said:
What does material do with parental discipline?

TV, pay electricity, etc has nothing do with parental discipline.

I don´t use those material things as consequence to punish my child.



What the teacher did is not use material things but set the rules for student. It´s positive consequences because the children should know how to obey the rules and consquences... It does the same in house as well.
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She is saying nothing get taken away if she hold off responsibilities. But they do. Just not the way she sees it.

Children lose recess time if they misbehave. Material things is fun things for some kids and so is recess. Or whatever the punishment is, you lose some of your fun time whatever it is.
 
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At first, I thought that someone broke in your house in the middle of the night. Oh boy, I cannot imagine that your kid did it. I have never heard of your story. It looks like a copycat to other kids from a tv show. I dunno.

Command your words are powerful than spanking your kid. I know a parent is hard to deal with a teenager, but a youngest kid is so different now. All kids should not be spoiled all the times. Sometime or once a while being a spoil is still okay.

We all do spoil sometimes which is normal. Yike - that something different this year maybe a climate affect the kids doing something so different... or a full moon float your kid's mind to get exited or weird to get a trouble-maker... Come on nothing is serious here okay.
 
LOL, no my house wasn't broken into, although judging from the mess my DD had created it looked as if so!

She's got her playroom cleaned up for the most part, but still not up to par. She's wondering where some of her toys are, and I have told her to consider them gone for the time being. They may or may not reappear depending on her behavior and cleaning habits. Twice this week she had made two smaller messes in my room and failed to clean them up. I nipped it in the bud by having her clean up the messes and have since told her no food and no drink outside the kitchen, and she is to NEVER go in my room when I am not home. I may come up with some boogeyman story to scare the crap out of her so that she won't go in there without me.
 
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