How do I help him?

[Tabbie]

Hi ,
my son has progressive deafness - no hearing of lower pitches in his left ear and no hearing of higher pitches in his right. His father was late diagnosis chlosteatoma and after mastoid surgery is left with marginal hearing on the right hand side and nothing on the left. Our son is progressively heading that way and I am so afraid of what the future holds for him.

After his preschool teachers calling us in for 'bad behavior' we were aghast to discover that rather than being told it was time to tidy up he was being accused of misbehaving when he had not herd the music they put on to signal that it is time. He was rep reminded for fidgeting during story time and it was only, when I found him crying under the table when I went to pick him up that he told me that he had been told off for being naughty but that he didn't meant to be naughty but he couldn't hear the story and was trying to tell them so.

He has gone from an out going boy of three to a boy who is shy of adults and does not know how to ask for help. He plays on his own now - he is too afraid of saying the wrong thing to other children and does not know how to play with them. He will not interact in groups of people now, instead covering his ears and his face in an attempt to hide himself away - I think he figures that if he does nothing at all than he cannot get in trouble and if he does not try to interact than he cannot be excluded from play.

It breaks my heart and I do not know what to do to help him. He does ballet and is learning the violin - he is so much happier during his lessons, and his tutors are among the few adults outside the immediate family that he will openly interact with. How can I encourage him that he can have the same feeling of safety that he has with these individuals with other people too?

He is utterly engrossed during his lessons and they are so patient, his violin teacher spends alot of time letting him feel the sound through her instrument so he can mimic it on his own and his ballet teacher discovered by using the R and B dancers big amp on the floor and turning the volume down low he has come on in leaps and bounds and does not recoil from the noise confusion , instead feeling the beats through the floor vibrations. I wish I could give him the confidence he has in those lessons in the rest of his time.

I am so very worried - does anyone have a similar experience? As a mother it it makes my heart break to see him so lost and confused. He does not have any friends as he does not know how to make them and I worry for his development as a whole.

 

[CSign]

What kind of placement is he in?

It sounds like it's not a DHH placement... You should start there...

 

[CSign]

Are you guys signing with him? Does the class use some form of visual communication (whether it be ASL or SEE)? It sounds like his teachers need to take a workshop regarding deafness and how it impacts a person/child who is still acquiring language.

 

[jillio]

Hi ,
my son has progressive deafness - no hearing of lower pitches in his left ear and no hearing of higher pitches in his right. His father was late diagnosis chlosteatoma and after mastoid surgery is left with marginal hearing on the right hand side and nothing on the left. Our son is progressively heading that way and I am so afraid of what the future holds for him.

After his preschool teachers calling us in for 'bad behavior' we were aghast to discover that rather than being told it was time to tidy up he was being accused of misbehaving when he had not herd the music they put on to signal that it is time. He was rep reminded for fidgeting during story time and it was only, when I found him crying under the table when I went to pick him up that he told me that he had been told off for being naughty but that he didn't meant to be naughty but he couldn't hear the story and was trying to tell them so.

He has gone from an out going boy of three to a boy who is shy of adults and does not know how to ask for help. He plays on his own now - he is too afraid of saying the wrong thing to other children and does not know how to play with them. He will not interact in groups of people now, instead covering his ears and his face in an attempt to hide himself away - I think he figures that if he does nothing at all than he cannot get in trouble and if he does not try to interact than he cannot be excluded from play.

It breaks my heart and I do not know what to do to help him. He does ballet and is learning the violin - he is so much happier during his lessons, and his tutors are among the few adults outside the immediate family that he will openly interact with. How can I encourage him that he can have the same feeling of safety that he has with these individuals with other people too?

He is utterly engrossed during his lessons and they are so patient, his violin teacher spends alot of time letting him feel the sound through her instrument so he can mimic it on his own and his ballet teacher discovered by using the R and B dancers big amp on the floor and turning the volume down low he has come on in leaps and bounds and does not recoil from the noise confusion , instead feeling the beats through the floor vibrations. I wish I could give him the confidence he has in those lessons in the rest of his time.

I am so very worried - does anyone have a similar experience? As a mother it it makes my heart break to see him so lost and confused. He does not have any friends as he does not know how to make them and I worry for his development as a whole.

Get your child into Early Intervention NOW. He needs a placement with other deaf children and people who understand his issues.

 

[Tabbie]

The class uses no visual communication so far as I can see, we are learning NZSL with him (we are in NZ). So far only very basic things as we have only had a couple of lessons and he is still very shy of the couple who are teaching us. His Ballet and Violin teacher have been very receptive to basic instructions such as 'listen' 'sit' 'stand' and they are readily learning along with us so that they can be best prepared to help him. At home he is very excited practicing with our animals and is constantly trying to sign with our cat (his constant shadow) but he is so shy at preschool and really , while we are out side of the home at all, he locks up into himself.

He is currently being very 'three' and if he is not interested he will not participate but he likes animals and trains so we have started their and now I dont even think he realises he is doing it but when he is talking at home he will make the sign for cat and chicken and dinner when he is feeding them. If he wants something we have been encouraging him to sign for it too but he gets very cross - I think this will improve as we learn more. I have been a bit of a bad parent I think in that I bribe him with marbles to get him to co-operate when we go and visit the couple who are teaching us but I don't know how else I can get him to.

The couple who we are having lessons with are both deaf themselves but are also mute which ,while I think is confusing him alittle , he is curious and they are going to bring their daughter with them next time I believe. As it turns out she is also a student at the school of dance, and so hopefully a mentor of some sort might help him open up. They're so very patient with him, and I think something must have clicked and hes starting to think that we are visiting friends when we see them now rather than a lesson - they suggested we meet once a month at a fun thing like the zoo or the museum for an 'outside' lesson so he can learn about things that he will see in life which I think was a great idea, and he was very excited about the prospect of visiting the zoo.

I must admit, I am struggling myself to communicate with them as they do not use oral speech and I feel very rude when I struggle to understand. They lip read which throws me a bit but it is very effective as a means of perception - I really am awe inspired but I am always worried of offending them in some way. Are there any hearing impaired people here who are also mute? (please if there is a appropriate term to use in this instance could someone tell me, I do not wish to cause offence and I am a fish out of water!) how do you prefer to communicate with hearing people - do you write things down? please do tell me if the questions I am asking are offensive, I do not mean to be at all. It is a rather odd sensation sitting at a coffee table being the only hearing person, as my partner is profoundly deaf and lip reads - he does have oral speech as he lost his hearing later in life. He seems to be picking it up much faster than I am but still, I am trying.

They also have a hearing dog which my son loves. He does not understand why our cat cannot have alittle jacket and come to the shops with us - but the dog is proving a good enticement to come to class. It is astounding how clever it is! I had no idea you could train a dog to do all the things this little terrier can do and I wonder if further down the line this is something we could look at for my boy and indeed my partner as I worry about both of them , not hearing fire alarms particularly.

Im also looking for hearing impaired playgroups to try and help him have some interaction with other children who also sign. I just don't know what to do with the pre school, they are not very receptive at all but our choices are limited as to where we can send him. It is christmas holidays in a few weeks and so in the new year I am hoping that we can find him either a teacher aid or a better equipt pre school.

are there any games that are good to play to help children learn sign language?? He likes our mashed up version of I spy when were out on the farm (I'll point at something , and he signs back 'I see a cow/horse/tractor/sheep etc) but as I am only learning myself I am really trying to stay one step ahead of him but it is proving very difficult.

I am worried of depression in him, as he is isolating himself so much and gets him so very down. His grandparents are fervently learning NZSL themselves and like us are trying to best prepare him as well as ourselves - but as we are all learners it is a bit like a ship without a captain. How do you deal with self confidence with your deaf children?