How do become friends with an ex-boyfriend after a bad breakup?

its a hard situation - Ive been lucky in some of my relationships - Ive remained friends with some exes, I've cut off any contact with some exes, and just dont even bother with the rest of them.

I think it depends on the breakup itself...and how strong your friendship was throughout the relationship.
 
I dont have to worry about that anymore i guess since hes leaving the first week of march. Great.
 
i opt to avoid ex's. they are nothing but trouble most of the time in my opinion.
 
michelle1302 said:
I think im just gonna try and be friends with him. The way i see it is if i dont try then ill never know. I think that if i see him and i tell him everything that im feeling regarding how he treated me when we were together and how he hurt me then that will b a good step in gettin over him.

Ive decided not to get him a card or anything for v-day b/c we are just now starting to be friends, if V-day was in a month or so then maybe i would have, but not now.

Thanks!
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What did he do to hurt you? Why do women always say that men hurt them?
Why women don't say that they hurt men too???
 
zesty said:
WTG MEGS!! i couldn't have said it better cuz i have been in both of your shoes.. :grouphug:
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me 3 :grouphug:
michelle, never try to think back friend or relationship with same man, BE PRIDE URSELF AND MEET NEW GUY ;)
also been tough to let it go i have lost some weights but now I m feeling great

Zesty, sorry off topic, ur avator EWW to me :barf: :D
 
I've never had any friends.

Hi Michelle,
I know what its like to break off friendships.
I thought I "Had" a deaf girlfriend, but I really didn't after all.
In fact I never had any "Friends" period.
She broke off what I "Thought" was a "Firendship" on Aug.11th 2001.
Her 2nd husband, and her other friends told her to break up.
I'm used to it now.
Hang it there!
Margie
Dir. of Commuication Services
OCDAC
 
Sadly, any broken friendship/relationship
does hurt much...
 
befriend with an ex is always best thing to gain the closeness and trust even through the relationship may not works out very well. as if its turn too ugly just move on to a new relationship with new experience.. just watch out for a trustworthy person.
 
I will be SMAHT said:
befriend with an ex is always best thing to gain the closeness and trust even through the relationship may not works out very well. as if its turn too ugly just move on to a new relationship with new experience.. just watch out for a trustworthy person.
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after my ex and I've broke up, she decided that we be friends instead so that way it would help get us to know eachother better and stuff so to slow down the limits of our relationship and stuff but then we had alot of ups and downs and afew fights even when we are friends, and I still love her and support her in every way I can and really care a great deal about her too but she doesn't seem to care too much about me as it seems the only person she thinks about all the time is herself...always asking me for money, a pack of cigarettes, clothes, food, etc...so that was one of the first reasons I've broke up with her but then decided to give her another chance and then she said she just wanted us to be friends...and she knows I still have feelings for her and everything and she told me that we might get married someday if she isn't married at age 23 then it would be my chance to ask her to marry her lol but I dunno...anyway, she has alot of problems with the family she lives with and was already kicked out from her aunt's to another aunt's due to lying, lack of responsiblites, smoking, drinking and going out with other guys without her aunt's permission...and she never even told me that she has already seen someone in high school...even her family didn't know about...they thought she would still be with me but not anymore since she said she does not love me anymore and just wants us to be friends, friends, FRIENDS...so I thought we were some kind of exclusive friends, you know so I guess I was wrong and she has hurt me many times already so thats when I told her that I think it's best for us to take a nice long break from eachother, but still, I would always be her friend in her heart and if she really needs a friend, then I'm there. I haven't seen her in nearly 5 weeks now and I actually still miss her so I didn't think there was anything I could do to make her love me again or make her happy again...because if she doesn't appericate who I am and all, then it's not my fault that she isn't happy with me...I actually loved spending alot of time with her and everything, but still..our friendship didn't work too well when she has alot of problems and stuff so I decided to put her in God's hands and move on with my own life. I would still love her no matter what but at least I think it's for the better.

If you ask me, I don't think it would be a good idea if you are friends with your ex after he/she says she/he just wants to be friends with you and after awhile you two have a great time together and stuff like that and you even love him/her even more,etc...but your ex/friend isn't honest with you like she/he has already seen someone else and breaks your heart permently...it would obviously hurt you and makes you jealous and perhas makes you want to kill yourself, etc...so I dunno it depends on each couple's relationship but on me...if you still love the person you are with, but the person who is with you does not love you anymore, it would make things worse.
 
Miss*Pinocchio said:
What did he do to hurt you? Why do women always say that men hurt them?
Why women don't say that they hurt men too???
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my ex just won't admit that she has hurt me thinking that everything I've done to her is always my own fault. :roll:
 
I have no plm with most of my ex, BUT the last one before my current gf is the WORST. I tried to be friend with her, all I got was total silence from her. I hate losing friends, BUT because somebody from here at AD helped me let her go and now that I realize that she was never my friend in the first place. And that this woman isn't right for me anyway. My only regret is that I rush to find another gf which I STILL am with. I did that in attempt to win back friendship with my last ex, ofc it didn't work. We are now together for more than 5 years along with our 4 yrs old son. The lesson from my last ex is that I would NEVER deal with these that run away from her families when they were in teenager. They seems don't know how to face and deal with problems. We all have problems everyday, the best solution to problem is to face them rather than runaway from them.
 
I know how you feel. I was with my ex-girlfriend for 3 years 4 months. She was my first love and we went through a lot of hard times. Those hard times made me want to break up with her just to make her shut up and learn her lesson. I threatened to break up with her several times, but she never changed... even when she promised to change. Well, after we finally broke up... she did change. Now, she's with another guy and thought that I never wanted her again. I still do... but I've lost her. Now, I am trying to move on. :(
 
For some strange reason, when bad breaks up, usually the next one is much better than the last one. This goes to employment, and everything else. weird, eh?
 
VamPyroX said:
I know how you feel. I was with my ex-girlfriend for 3 years 4 months. She was my first love and we went through a lot of hard times. Those hard times made me want to break up with her just to make her shut up and learn her lesson. I threatened to break up with her several times, but she never changed... even when she promised to change. Well, after we finally broke up... she did change. Now, she's with another guy and thought that I never wanted her again. I still do... but I've lost her. Now, I am trying to move on. :(
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I've been there also.

It's still alittle hard for me but just trying my best to find other girls anyway.
 
okay. i need some serious advice here.. me and my ex broke up about a month ago and it's gotten pretty ugly since then. He's with some new bitch and i, think she's gross, mainly because shes not me and because she looks like a prom queen gone bad.. but anyway, im 16 and hes 22. yes, we were intimate, hensing why i am so attatched. I'm young and i know i fucked up. He treated me to what i thought was alright, telling me that if i was out of his life for good hed "kill himself" [obviously this was a lie, since he's fucking other girls] im in Boarding School so im only allowed home on the weekends. so i didnt know what he was up to when i was in school. So one day i go to the doctor and BOOM. "You have Chlamydia" WTF. so i knew he was cheating on me because i had another exam a month before. so i called him and he claims he was crying after we got off the phone and he says i sounded "so sincere" when i asked him if he was cheating on me and it made him cry. [apparently] he didnt care all that much if the day im off lockdown at my school and when i come back i call him and you know, i was flirting and shit, then hes like "i think we shud just be friends" and my heart shattered. But he cant know that lol. and then 2 days after he broke up with me he came out with this passionate relationship with this bitch named Cassie... i was so broken and i still am and this happend a month ago today. i dont know how to deal with it and i need help. because he wants to be friends, so he says, and i love him with everything i have. but everytime i see her car in his driveway [hes my neighbor] i want to lay down in my bed and cry like the little teenage peice of shit i am. Any one feel like helping me out ?
 
michelle1302 said:
this may be long and i apologize before hand...

My boyfriend and i went out for 6 months, it may not sound like it was that serious of a relationship, but he was my first love. We were friends before we got together and i think we had a great friendship. During our relationship we broke up and got back toghether a total of 3 times. It was kind of a bad relationship when i look back on it and he hurt me many times. Since we broke when people ask me about it him ive been telling them that i hate him so much b/c of how he treated me and what not. But, the truth is, and ive only told 1 person this, and it wasnt my best frined, i DONT hate him, i really dont. I know that i should, but i just cant. A few weeks ago i found a picture of us together and i also found his press badge with his picture on it and emotions got the best of me and i was a bit sad. The weekend of thanksgiving is when we broke it off for good and i havent seen him since. So thats about 2 months or so.

Well, about a month ago or so i went out with my friend. We were in the parkin lot @ in n out eathing and he being all nice and he started calling me ""baby" i got uncomfortable b/c ive now learned that when a call calls me baby it triggers all the good memories of me and ben (my ex). My mood shifted downward and he kept asking me what was wrong and i just blew it off and we went mini golfing. I thought that i was ready to go out and date again, but that night i learned that i wasnt. My friend from work wanted me to meet this guy that she thought would be great for me, and weve been talking on the phone, but i told her and him that i really wasnt ready and i didnt want to, but i ended up going down to his apt this past saturday and i was gonna spend the night, i told my mom that i was staying @ friends. We had fun and what not, and then he called me baby so again, i got uncomfy and i had to leave the situation, so i said that i had to go b/c my best friend needed me. I couldnt go home cuz i said i was gonna be @ my best friends house (she lives up north) so i had nowhere to go really, but one place. my ex's apt. So i went to his apt, knocked on the door, he opened the door and i asked if i could crash there for the night. To cut a very long story short we talked about why i was there and how i get uncomfy when i get called baby. We went to a superbowl party @ his friends and i had some drinks so i stayed the night on sunday. He had to get up early for work so i slept on the couch and left monday.

During our time together i was really emotional b/c i realized that i still like him, alot even though he hurt me and it was so hard to just not reach over and scratch his head and little things like that. I realized that i miss him as a friend so much and i cant tell u how many times i broke down in tears that weekend. On sunday he left his phone out on the table by the couch so i went thru his text msg in box and i saw a text that said "love you" and my heart sank, it so hard to see that. but then when i saw who it was from it wasnt from a girl. He has his friends old phone, its a pre pay phone so he can use it which is good cuz he didnt have to buy a new one and the text was from the girls husband, we went to their apt for the superbowl phone. Sunday night i left him a note saying that i would like to continue talking about everything so we can get on the path to be friends and how i appreciated him letting me stay there for those nights. And i asked if we were gonna try and be friends, and he said "yes. it was good to see you too. its was FUN."

So yesterday i sent him an email asking him if this weekend we could get together after he plays soccer and we could watch the game that was being shown in the morning and i could make dinner and then leave sunday. he said that this weekend is bad, but next weekend is okay and he thanked me for the offer to make dinner.
So im happy that were gonna get together and try and be friends cuz we were great friends and i miss that and there are many things that i need to say to HIM, but im not sure how i can do that since i still do like him, just a little.
ive never had to deal with this before so any help would be helpful.

What should i say to him when i see him...like i know most of what i want to say but are there any general things?
Man oh man, seeing him jsut made my life so much more complicated. Things would be so much easier if he woulda cheated on me or something...

Also, i guess its a good thing that im 20 and hes 27 and we live like 30 miles away from eachother so i havent been forced to see him unexpectdly.

Thanks guys
and SORRY this is long

ALSO-regardong valentines day...I was thinking of maybe gettin him a card and some boxes of sweethearts candy and leaving them on his windshield of his car @ work...would that be okay? And in the card put something like "Youve always been a good friend of mine and i hope that we can get back to how we were...happy v-day"
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That is so nice of you! I rarely seeing a girl give a valentine card and some boxes of sweethearts candy to a guy. I wish someday a girl like you would give me a valentine card and some boxes of sweethearts candy.
 
oh aw! that's so sweet of you. you really managed to stay on a good term with him even though you couldn't stop thinking of good old times with him. remember someone is out there waiting for you and be loved by you.
 
Well, Being friend with an ex boyfriends that something I don't do well. I just rather walk away and not look back. Being friend with an ex boyfriend would be way too hard for me to do. Because the pain of the memories was way too much to bare for me. So I choose to move on and walk away and not look back so being friend with ex boyfriends don t always work out that way.
 
being friends with exes...

I have been experiencing being friends with my old exes...it's hard to be friends/lovers at the sametime but I actually moved on with my own life. It really HURTS during breakups... true... but I have managed to keep myself cool around my exes who bring their dates while I'm dating someone else... I know it's making me nervous if any of my exes are trying to come between me and my date which I dislike what's up with it and I got to stand up and tell my exes to back off or leave any places right away and ingore them. It's sounds more confusing for everyone by feelings towards their exes while they are trying to move on with their lives. Only memories exists in your mind but you don't need to live in the past all the time. Whatever your heart tells you and nobody can stop you. That's who you are. It's ok with being friends with your exes unless they are mature enough to let it go and be friends and respecting each other. If it's not ok with being friends with your exes.. then forget them and find something else new bec they are wasting your time if you gave them 3 strikes already. Imagine if you are waiting for your exes' answers within 50 years later while having reunion at high school... would you like to wait that long??? Nah... I don't think so... You decide what you want. Good Luck. Smile.
 
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