HOH girl with relationship problems

I am new here but saw your post and wanted to speak my piece as well. A boyfriend has to be able to be understanding. For him to say you are being selfish with everything I just read is very rude of him to say. I think you trying to make the relationship work is proof you are not selfish. I wish you all the best and good luck.
 
If you're not making any progress with your boyfriend despite constant feedback it's clear that it's time for you to move on. And like others are saying from your avatar you're pretty you won't have any problems finding a more suitable boyfriend! :D
 
@Ambrosia I have to say the ear plugs is the best way for him to get an idea. I tried it once recently to see what it was like, gave me a fuller and more total respect for those who are more HoH and Deaf.
 
Expression said:
@Ambrosia I have to say the ear plugs is the best way for him to get an idea. I tried it once recently to see what it was like, gave me a fuller and more total respect for those who are more HoH and Deaf.
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That's actually a really great idea. Play some loud music in the background and continue to talk in a normal tone, see if he gets it. If the boyfriend isn't understanding after this then I'd say you'd have to decide for yourself if you want someone who is going to give you more respect or if your going to allow him to treat you like a door mat because hun your worth much more than that, trust me.
 
ladysolitary85 said:
That's actually a really great idea. Play some loud music in the background and continue to talk in a normal tone, see if he gets it. If the boyfriend isn't understanding after this then I'd say you'd have to decide for yourself if you want someone who is going to give you more respect or if your going to allow him to treat you like a door mat because hun your worth much more than that, trust me.
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Hearing loss is more than the absence of sound. Without my hearing aids, I hear, but I can't understand what I'm hearing all the time. Here's a plan: Take him to Greece. Plan a day at the beaches, and while he's in the water, take the rental car back to the hotel. He'll realize (eventually) that you're gone - with the rental car. Fortunately, he still has a book on survival Greek that you both studied on the plane over in his back pocket. When he returns to the hotel and starts complaining, stop him, and say: "Look, you bought the Greek survival book - couldn't you try harder to understand them?"

Laura
 
Lau2046 said:
Hearing loss is more than the absence of sound. Without my hearing aids, I hear, but I can't understand what I'm hearing all the time. Here's a plan: Take him to Greece. Plan a day at the beaches, and while he's in the water, take the rental car back to the hotel. He'll realize (eventually) that you're gone - with the rental car. Fortunately, he still has a book on survival Greek that you both studied on the plane over in his back pocket. When he returns to the hotel and starts complaining, stop him, and say: "Look, you bought the Greek survival book - couldn't you try harder to understand them?"

Laura
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I like Laura's idea better lmao
 
:)

Lau2046 said:
Hearing loss is more than the absence of sound. Without my hearing aids, I hear, but I can't understand what I'm hearing all the time. Here's a plan: Take him to Greece. Plan a day at the beaches, and while he's in the water, take the rental car back to the hotel. He'll realize (eventually) that you're gone - with the rental car. Fortunately, he still has a book on survival Greek that you both studied on the plane over in his back pocket. When he returns to the hotel and starts complaining, stop him, and say: "Look, you bought the Greek survival book - couldn't you try harder to understand them?"

Laura
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Lol...well said :)
 
Brooklyn and Ambrosia, My marriage is failing as well because my wife doesnt understand the nature of being deaf/HOH, she took ASL I with ne and bought books, she even plugged her ears to see what it sounds like to me in the real world, but still she is ignorant to me, saying I dont listen to her, sooo it just isnt working as with other past relationships with the hearing. I came to the conclusion that I need to find a HOH or Deaf woman to bond with as they would be more understanding with someone who shared the same issues as much as I would with them.
 
I'm hearing, and I believe people are different, deafness is a different way of communicating. Some hearing people don't realize that they need to take on the responsibility to learn sign language, and on top of that educate those that are hearing that their girl/boy friend, etc. is deaf, hard of hearing, and bridge both worlds by signing and speaking so that hearing understands what is being signed and deaf understands what is being said. They take the easy road and try to impose on the deaf person to try harder to hear when they can't. I don't believe it's fair to the deaf person.

A deaf and hearing relationship to me is similar when you have two people from two different ethnic groups/cultures getting together. Both have different languages, cultures, communication styles. In order for the relationship to survive, both need to be assertive enough to educate those in their circle about each others cultures and communication styles so that they can bridge both worlds.

Otherwise, if one says the same, and expects the other to change their personality completely, it won't be a healthy relationship.
 
Hello Brooklynreese, Dont give up. Try your luck dating Deaf and HOH like yourself.
You will be glad you did. Good luck.
 
sonocativo said:
Brooklyn and Ambrosia, My marriage is failing as well because my wife doesnt understand the nature of being deaf/HOH, she took ASL I with ne and bought books, she even plugged her ears to see what it sounds like to me in the real world, but still she is ignorant to me, saying I dont listen to her, sooo it just isnt working as with other past relationships with the hearing. I came to the conclusion that I need to find a HOH or Deaf woman to bond with as they would be more understanding with someone who shared the same issues as much as I would with them.
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My hearing, well lack of it rather lol, isn't what went wrong in our marriage. It did cause arguments though. I left him because I'm pretty sure he's manic depressive and won't do anything about. He's a bully and a tyrant, he won't take responsibitly for anything and has major anger management problems. I still think I would do okay with a hearing man, it would be nice if he'd learn ASL with me to make communication easier. I don't know it either, I know some, but I'm late deafened it isn't something I grew up.
 
Hey Brooklyn,

I know how you feel as I've had communication issues with hearing girls in the past and it's probably why my relationships haven't been real long-term.

I can definitely sympathize and relate to the social problems that you've experienced. Like I can never have a conversation with a group of people walking down a busy city street with all that background noise. It's frustrating knowing that you can't contribute and you feel sometimes you wouldn't be missed if you weren't there. Also, if I'm in a crowded bar on a Saturday night that has a band. I usaully end up just getting pretty drunk and end up being quite belligerent. I also tend to dominate conversations in that state, but fortunately for me I can be quite entertaining and interesting, so I've been told. Obviously it's very difficult to be able to hear over all the noise as everything seems to be magnified and there is no clarity with hearing aids.

I've kind of given up on dating for now haha, but I don't reccomend it for you. Don't resort to dating sites lol because dudes on there are either creepy or they just want one thing. Good Luck!
 
So sorry to hear that you are going through this. It's hard to leave a relationship when you love someone, but you must remember to love yourself as well. Staying with someone who puts you down and makes you feel low is not honoring yourself and the beautiful life you were meant to lead. Part of love is treating someone with kindness, understanding and respect. If you feel his intentions are good, do what you can to help him understand what you are experiencing, but remember, our perception as a person in love is always skewed in favor of our own wants and desires. Good luck! <3
 
Brooklynreese said:
I am Hard of Hearing I have had a hearing loss my whole life but in the last few years it has gone down hill. I have a moderately severe-severe hearing loss binarually. I am 23 years old. I am dating someone who is hearing and has a five year old. Recently I have noticed that we have had problems that have to do with my hearing loss. There are situations that I dont want to put myself in because I wont be able to hear and he gets upset saying I am being selfish even thouhg I tell him he can go without me. He tells me I need to try harder to hear when out with friends but doesnt try to understand how hard it is for me. He also said he feel dumb when he has to wave his arms to get my attention also not thinking of how dumb I feel not being a part of the conversations. HELP!
How do I make him understand my hearing loss and what its like for me??
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Try harder to hear he says???? No offense but your bf sounds like a douche bag that only cares about his friends or himself than you. If he seriously wants the relationship to work then he needs to LISTEN to how you feel. Also, you do realize how many guys would kill to go out on a date with you? You're bf is going to kick himself in the ass in the long run if he doesn't change because you need to move on and worry about YOU rather than his "friends" or whatever.

good luck
 
Be honest with him. :) If he truly loves you, then he'll understand where you're coming from. But if he's ignorant and unwilling to acknowledge where you're coming from, then leave because you do not deserve that type of treatment. In fact, no woman deserves to be treated like that in any relationship.

Continue being strong buddy! :)
 
It's tough

What I didn't like was reading how rough your boyfriend was with you. If he loves you (I understand you love him), you can work together through this. Ultimately, that may be a question for him - does he love you and is he willing to work on your relationship together.

Our losses sound similar and due to my age (2x yours +), high frequencies do not exist in my world. I've been in a relationship for a couple of decades and (I'm not illiterate, so pardon my language) ... it ain't easy.

My only concern for you is if you give up, will this be an early pattern for you. It may be what you ultimately need to do.

I read the other responses - dump him - and all we're doing is offering our opinions.

Best of luck to you.
 
hun my first marriage was to total twat dickhead and that b4 my hearing loss...he had mgbgt with overdrive as he was quick to tell everyone...one day i got up courage and coasted his beloved car off hill into small revine washed my hands never looked back...last i remember him shouting down road i was f**k c**t shouting back dont ya know it.those last parting words of his was music to my ears
 
good boyfriend would not let you stray to far and would keep you at his elbow.to help you understand easier...
a good guy would not blame you.he would learn how to make it easier for the both of you to communicate.
if he blamed you for something you can not control its a fail.
leave him and get someone who loves are cares for you for you.
to make you feel guilty to make themselves feel better.is a relationship fail.
 
Brooklynreese said:
I know I am free to make my own decisions. I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt because I love him. I believe that if he understands what it is like to have hearing loss we will be better. So im looking for ideas
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he should love you for who you are,,not because of your hearing loss,,if this continues,,,dumb the guy and move on
 
First off I am not going to say what you should do. It all comes down to what kind of squabble you are really having. Are you compatible in lots of other ways? Do you get on well with his child? Is he really as moronically self-centered as you make him sound? Are is his friends a bunch of yahoos with no ability to adjust themselves to bring you into the conversation enough to have some enjoyment and social ease?

If he is with you because he genuinely cares about you, he will have a desire to blend you into his whole world. He will want to show you off to his friends and be proud of your pretty smiles. He will feel bad that you do not like his friends-- it may not get through his mind that it is not your friends you dislike it is the position you are in to be sociable in situations that are really tough for you.

Being a guy I can tell you for a fact that even trying to be understanding things can go right by me. Like really right by me. If there is one thing a woman brings to a mans life it is a lot of opportunities to not know what is going on with her.

Things like this are where people learn how to deal with each other.

Sometimes compromise is called for. Sometimes a whole lot of compromise is called for by both people. If you care about him and he cares about you then getting into the whole business of your struggle to hear out socially and his desire to share your presence with his friends can be worked out.
You may lose a little on that one and have to do some things you do not want to do, just make damn sure that you are respected and cherished in the process. Can you handle that?
If he is raising his own child and has a social life as well as you in his life he is also probably employed even part time, he is capable of seeing a larger picture. Sometimes our SO's help us grow whether we are all the way willing or not.
Good luck and take care!
 
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