Hi!

UnderstandingDC · Mar 2, 2015

Well here goes... I am a hearing person that is truly interested in shaking off negative perceptions of deaf people I seem to have picked up over the years. I know that sentence will make some people angry and make them either not want to talk to me or to yell at me, but I don't think I have a chance of changing if I don't admit I have a problem. I think the issue is that I've lumped all deaf people into one, mostly people I have only 'heard' online. I'm hoping by getting it out in the open, asking questions, and meeting some nice people, I can teach myself to think differently, to see deaf people as the individuals they are- some nice, some not so nice, just lIke hearing people. (See, the idea is there, I just need to work it out!) My son has autism and my daughter will be tested for it soon. We are involved with the special needs community in our area, and I would like to help other parents who have children that had an atypical development. So this is a part of becoming comfortable with people of all types of differences, as well as just trying to become a better person. It's late and my wrist is hurting from typing, so I'll come back to this later- I just wanted to post before I lost my nerve

I hope that this community will try to see me more for the person I hope to become than the person I currently am. There, I've put it all out there for everyone to critique- I know culturally it is far more acceptable to pretend that I have no preconceptions, stereotypes,etc but I'm just no good at that song and dance. Here’s hoping my honesty will win me a few points...

Bottesini · Mar 2, 2015

There's a fairly popular meme right now in the disability community.

"I am not your teachable moment!"

I think that is going to apply fairly equally for every type of difference.

o0talula0o · Mar 2, 2015

It may be a dangerous answer to post here, but should you ask yourself what gave you the perception that you have of the community?

I may be wrong, but I feel that would help you... seeing as the people here are not tools to help you overcome whatever it is that you are working through, and though your intentions seem pure I probably wouldn't have admitted such.

I know it may sound harsh, and it probably isn't my place to say it. But if anything, I hope that it helps.

UnderstandingDC · Mar 2, 2015

I think those are totally understandable replies, and thanks for taking the time to respond!
As to the first response, I would agree that seeking out an individual to be my positive exposure and help me get over my admitted prejudices would be placing too high a burden on that person, and that they are "not my teachable moment". But here's the thing... this is a forum with many people to get to know as individuals, not me trying to trying to view one person through the entirety of a 'deaf culture' lens. I am here to be exposed to many different deaf people, which is just not possible in my life. (As I mentioned, I have two children that need a high level of care to watch after on a day to day basis.) Not only that, but there are probably at least a few people out there that would look forward to having some discussions about naturally formed opinions of an entire community. See the difference? And unfortunately and frankly, anyone who is not typical is everyone's teachable moment to some extent, whether they like it or not. Because my son and most likely my daughter are different, to some degree, everyone will form their opinion of people with autism based on what they know about the only people that they know with it. That's just life. That happens to you as a member of a particular race, a gender, a religion, so on and so forth. It's just a matter of admitting it and rolling with it, or not. I hope that makes sense!
And as to the second response, I appreciate that you tried to give some direction and to be delicate in your words. Not something you can always find on the internet! People are crazy rude online, so that was a fresh breath

To answer your question, it wasn't any one event that lead to an overall negative opinion, just a culmination of things. The fact that I realized that I have an unfair prejudice is a pretty big deal to me, and I thought what I have to say might be helpful to those that are actively trying to fight against negative perceptions of the deaf. So, I'm trying to switch teams and help fight against cultural ideas that work against deaf people.
I'm not going to be able to take the time to list all my silly biases right now, but just to look at one... grammar. While I try to realize that people have busy lives and that I too make spelling and grammar mistakes, I have been conditioned to think that people that cannot spell or use proper grammar are just stupid or not educated. It took a LONG time to realize that for some deaf people, writing English properly is akin to my trying to write Russian properly. It has no reflection on intelligence or maybe even the depth of that person's education- it's just foreign. But to the average hearing person, that's a pretty acceptable prejudice, and one that I'm sure is working against the deaf community. I would imagine it holds a lot of deaf people back from getting good jobs. Hopefully that gives a quick look into what I'm wanting to change and why. Thanks!

deafdyke · Mar 4, 2015

UnderstandingDC said:
My son has autism and my daughter will be tested for it soon. We are involved with the special needs community in our area, and I would like to help other parents who have children that had an atypical development. So this is a part of becoming comfortable with people of all types of differences, as well as just trying to become a better person. It's late and my wrist is hurting from typing, so I'll come back to this later- I just wanted to post before I lost my nerve I hope that this community will try to see me more for the person I hope to become than the person I currently am. There, I've put it all out there for everyone to critique- I know culturally it is far more acceptable to pretend that I have no preconceptions, stereotypes,etc but I'm just no good at that song and dance. Here’s hoping my honesty will win me a few points...

Well I do hope you understand the difference between all the types of special needs. I hope that doesn't sound rude or anything.....but there IS a huge huge difference between disabilities that affect things like intelligence, learning, social issues (such as autism) vs. conditions like dhh, blind/low vision, wheelchair user (but no other associated issues) Does that make any sense? Really trying not to be rude or "oh you don't belong here" They are all differences, and there is some intersectionality (especially with higher functioning) but just saying that the experiance is very very different....
And I mean there's differences in the experiances of say high functioning autism vs lower functioning autism.... As a matter of fact, the HFA population can and does have a lot in common with the LD and ADD population.
And of course the minority experiance is the same.
Just wanted to put that on the table..It's awesome that you're interested in learning about us......