jz
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- Joined
- Jul 18, 2011
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HI All....
(WARNING I WENT OVER BORD AND WROTE A NOVEL! OI VE!)
What To say? Well First of all, im new to all of this. This is the first time in a long time that I've attempted to "REALLY" dig into the Deaf community. Don't get me wrong I've been apart of it for years, but putting myself out there. I feel like im subjecting myself to possible prejudices. Heh. One for being A CI User and hearing so much about how a vast majority of the Deaf community is against it. I know I have to stop listening to such crap and get over my fears.
Let me tell you a bit about myself and maybe you'll understand why I feel the way i do, but keep in mind, I am a PROUD deaf person, and a PROUD CI User. I get offended by hearing people saying mean and crude things as i do a deaf person being upset with me for a choice I made when I was 9, and Given the option.
I was born a "normal" (about as normal as one can get LOL) hearing person. over the course of 5 years my parents learned I was loosing my hearing. I lost it in my rt ear at 5 and my left at 9. My mother being the REAL support system and only support system i had then (my dad was just *there*) did everything she could possibly to to help me. She was there for me when i was frustrated, when kids would tease, or when i wanted to learn something new *ie. sign*. When I lost all hearing My world came to a halt. But being as young as i was I guess it really didn't matter as much. Till both parents came to me with the idea of implanting. I really don't remember the conversation about it, but i remember all the visits to House Ear Institute. I do remember it was MY choice. It was either get hearing aids that "DONT WORK" and go to a Deaf school or Get the implant Hope it works and continue with Mainstream. I chose what I knew best, and I really wanted to go back Over seas. Selfish HU?
See... I don't regret it, Because I always had this mentality, The CI is a gift. It'll only last for so long and just like when i was a kid, theres always a chance that one day it'll no longer work for me, or i wont be able to afford a replacement. WELL to be frank I've been very blessed for many years. 27 now and Ive had my implant since i was 10. 17 years and My has time passed with it. I have broken a few, and couldn't afford to get new ones, but someone is looking out for me and Ive been given the gift again. I count myself as OVERLY lucky for that. The question right now is whether or not ill be given that chance again.
See recently a few days ago... I bent over to put my daughter down and my implant fell off my head splitting it where the microphone is. NOT A GOOD THING if you have one and you know that EXPOSURE is bad. It cuts in and out now, and I don't want to chance more damage to it. SO... Im back to square one... BEING DEAF.
Am I sad... Yes and no... Yes because there are things I still would like to hear... Like my daughter... She understands mommy sometimes cant hear but this whole 24/7 is new for her. And she still comes up to me and tries to whisper in my ear... and it makes me sad because she's only 3 1/2 and doesn't fully understand yet... I know when she's older im sure on a few occasions shell be GLAD mommy cant hear her call her a few things when she's mad but thats ok every parent is subjected to all that! LOL. I just miss a few things but ITs OK.
Its ok because if i cant afford a new one, or i cant get this replaced, then WELL... EXCUSE THE LANGUAGE... SHIT HAPPENS. And Guess what.. Im sure Its GOING TO BE OK. I have a positive outlook on it. I have A Decent Job, a boss who is happy to have me hearing or not... Though The job description does require answering phones Im sure accommodations can be made. I have a husband who's willing to learn and has sorta over the years been picking up signs and can go to classes to learn sign. Even though I rely on lip reading, know minimal ASL Im sure I can take a few classes and See my Deaf friend more often to learn and pick up from him. Overall I have a lot of friends and family members who are a great support system and will help me along the way.
on the other hand im horrible deaf person... A bad Deaf person. I want so much to be a better person in the community, but I have lived in the hearing community for so long, and was told when i was younger that i shouldn't learn asl for it will "disable" me and I will "rely" on it... Well Damn it all! I need it now! I can talk good for a deaf person SO MOST hearing people who do not know me are like YOURE NOT DEAF... YOU CAN TALK.... EXCUSE ME WTF DOES talking have to do with being deaf?? AMUSE ME PLEASE!?!?! Sorry... anyways. I need to be a better deaf person.. Im passionate about being deaf, Im passionate about being hearing... but... Ill always BE Deaf... Ill always hear the silence that brings out the nagging ringing in my ears... IDK I must be crazy to say that but its the truth! Ive always wondered if it was JUST ME....
Anyways Ive run on with all of this.. I needed to vent... Cos I cant really vent on fb too many people know me there and they don't UNDERSTAND... except one person... But i need a different group of friends and people who understand what it means to be deaf and not always hearing. People who are not prejudice who are open minded and don't give a crap. but are kind and will help me to be a better Deaf person.
off to check out this new site. Hopefully it'll bring something interesting to me
(WARNING I WENT OVER BORD AND WROTE A NOVEL! OI VE!)
What To say? Well First of all, im new to all of this. This is the first time in a long time that I've attempted to "REALLY" dig into the Deaf community. Don't get me wrong I've been apart of it for years, but putting myself out there. I feel like im subjecting myself to possible prejudices. Heh. One for being A CI User and hearing so much about how a vast majority of the Deaf community is against it. I know I have to stop listening to such crap and get over my fears.
Let me tell you a bit about myself and maybe you'll understand why I feel the way i do, but keep in mind, I am a PROUD deaf person, and a PROUD CI User. I get offended by hearing people saying mean and crude things as i do a deaf person being upset with me for a choice I made when I was 9, and Given the option.
I was born a "normal" (about as normal as one can get LOL) hearing person. over the course of 5 years my parents learned I was loosing my hearing. I lost it in my rt ear at 5 and my left at 9. My mother being the REAL support system and only support system i had then (my dad was just *there*) did everything she could possibly to to help me. She was there for me when i was frustrated, when kids would tease, or when i wanted to learn something new *ie. sign*. When I lost all hearing My world came to a halt. But being as young as i was I guess it really didn't matter as much. Till both parents came to me with the idea of implanting. I really don't remember the conversation about it, but i remember all the visits to House Ear Institute. I do remember it was MY choice. It was either get hearing aids that "DONT WORK" and go to a Deaf school or Get the implant Hope it works and continue with Mainstream. I chose what I knew best, and I really wanted to go back Over seas. Selfish HU?
See... I don't regret it, Because I always had this mentality, The CI is a gift. It'll only last for so long and just like when i was a kid, theres always a chance that one day it'll no longer work for me, or i wont be able to afford a replacement. WELL to be frank I've been very blessed for many years. 27 now and Ive had my implant since i was 10. 17 years and My has time passed with it. I have broken a few, and couldn't afford to get new ones, but someone is looking out for me and Ive been given the gift again. I count myself as OVERLY lucky for that. The question right now is whether or not ill be given that chance again.
See recently a few days ago... I bent over to put my daughter down and my implant fell off my head splitting it where the microphone is. NOT A GOOD THING if you have one and you know that EXPOSURE is bad. It cuts in and out now, and I don't want to chance more damage to it. SO... Im back to square one... BEING DEAF.
Am I sad... Yes and no... Yes because there are things I still would like to hear... Like my daughter... She understands mommy sometimes cant hear but this whole 24/7 is new for her. And she still comes up to me and tries to whisper in my ear... and it makes me sad because she's only 3 1/2 and doesn't fully understand yet... I know when she's older im sure on a few occasions shell be GLAD mommy cant hear her call her a few things when she's mad but thats ok every parent is subjected to all that! LOL. I just miss a few things but ITs OK. Its ok because if i cant afford a new one, or i cant get this replaced, then WELL... EXCUSE THE LANGUAGE... SHIT HAPPENS. And Guess what.. Im sure Its GOING TO BE OK. I have a positive outlook on it. I have A Decent Job, a boss who is happy to have me hearing or not... Though The job description does require answering phones Im sure accommodations can be made. I have a husband who's willing to learn and has sorta over the years been picking up signs and can go to classes to learn sign. Even though I rely on lip reading, know minimal ASL Im sure I can take a few classes and See my Deaf friend more often to learn and pick up from him. Overall I have a lot of friends and family members who are a great support system and will help me along the way.
on the other hand im horrible deaf person... A bad Deaf person. I want so much to be a better person in the community, but I have lived in the hearing community for so long, and was told when i was younger that i shouldn't learn asl for it will "disable" me and I will "rely" on it... Well Damn it all! I need it now! I can talk good for a deaf person SO MOST hearing people who do not know me are like YOURE NOT DEAF... YOU CAN TALK.... EXCUSE ME WTF DOES talking have to do with being deaf?? AMUSE ME PLEASE!?!?! Sorry... anyways. I need to be a better deaf person.. Im passionate about being deaf, Im passionate about being hearing... but... Ill always BE Deaf... Ill always hear the silence that brings out the nagging ringing in my ears... IDK I must be crazy to say that but its the truth! Ive always wondered if it was JUST ME....
Anyways Ive run on with all of this.. I needed to vent... Cos I cant really vent on fb too many people know me there and they don't UNDERSTAND... except one person...
But i need a different group of friends and people who understand what it means to be deaf and not always hearing. People who are not prejudice who are open minded and don't give a crap. but are kind and will help me to be a better Deaf person. off to check out this new site. Hopefully it'll bring something interesting to me
to AllDeaf forum. I am glad that you can vent in the introduction thread. Your story is very interesting and also very enlightening. I have a behind the hearing aid on my left ear and totally deaf on my right ear. I was born that way. 
I do have to say that I think an amazing idea for kids who grew up oral or with little/no exposure to ASL, would be something like a formal outreach (by deaf schools) around third or fourth grade, so they can learn ASL and chose to parcipate in the Deaf world.